bridesmaid dress vs bridesmaid gift

mica178 · April 2010

I was playing with the idea of paying for my bridesmaids' dresses instead of giving them more traditional bridesmaids gifts. I know that traditionally, the bridesmaids' gifts are not supposed to be things they are "required" to wear for the wedding, but.... My reasoning if that as much as I think I like the dresses (dark blue silk), many won't re-wear them. The dresses would cost a lot more than the gifts I was thinking of buying them, so monetarily, they'd be ahead, and then they could use the money they set aside instead to buy accessories and shoes that they actually might wear again.

On the other hand, then I wouldn't have anything to hand them on the rehearsal dinner (although I haven't sen the wedding party gift giving ritual in any of the last rehearsal dinners that I've attended -- I think brides are moving towards giving the gifts to everyone privately).

So, do you think it's okay if I break bridesmaid etiquette protocol?

lalap69 · April 2010

I would still buy them something small as their actual present, even if it's just a $10 GC to Starbucks. It's a big favour for your girls, but it's not really a present for them because it's for your wedding.

Muffin'sMom · April 2010

I think it is a lovely and generous idea...especially in these economic times. At the rehearsal dinner you can give each of them a card with a letter in it telling them how wonderful they are and how much you appreciate that they spent the most important day of your life with you. It will be more than enough.

lilcassers · April 2010

I think that's awesome. I would have preferred that over the chincy gifts I have gotten in some bridal parties lol

llcooldre · April 2010

My sister paid for hair and makeup as my gift. My dress was cheap enough that I could afford it but hair and makeup was something important to her and was out of my budget. So that was great.

As for my sister/MOH and bridesmaid, we are paying for dress alterations (about $70 per person and there are only the two of them) and hair and makeup. I also got them small gifts because there are only the two of them and they mean the world to me. It seems like a lot but you figure they are putting out money for the dress, shoes, jewelry, my shower, and they both got us gifts anyway.... so I think it's justified.

You could even give your girls just a certain dollar amount toward the cost of the dress, or buy them the jewelry for the dress if they pay for the dress themselves.

But you should only get them gifts if you can afford it. A gift card is great.

rlynn007 · April 2010

I bought my girls their dresses, I also got a tote for each from the dollar store, some lotions from Bath and Body Works (they usually have smaller sizes for $1 each) a few little beauty things (nail files, clear polish, a travel mirror, etc), and a lot of malls have a little kiosk in them that sell murano glass necklaces for $5 each (they are cute and no two are alike so you can match each girl's personality). All said it was maybe $10/gift, but they turned out cute and I know it's all something they will use just in every day situations.

starryskies407 · April 2010

sounds like a great idea! As someone who has been in multiple weddings, I would have much preferred having my dress paid for than getting a gift! You may want to mention in person or an email that you are going to pay for there dresses in lieu of getting them gifts. If you still want something to give them at th rehearsal dinner, get them each a card and write something nice in there. you could maybe include $5 or $10 gift card.

SheDiva4 · April 2010

I'm paying for my BM dresses too. Well the fabric because I am sewing them, but I know they will NEVER be worn again.

I'm making my BM cards using pictures hideous BM dresses I found online and going with the whole priceless theme...

Ugly shiny BM Dress $200
Shoes to match the dress $65
Gaudy jewelry $50
Crunchy updo $75

Not having to purchase any of these..Priceless.

On the inside I will let them know I'm paying for the dresses and that they can select their own shoes, jewelry and hairstyle.

Also I got gift cards to local restaurants online for 85% off so I got them all $30 gift cards for less than $5. Will probably add a something else, but I would bargain hunt and you will still be able to give them a small gift at the RD.

quitequaint · April 2010

my friend (the bride) paid for my dress instead of a gift because she knows i'm on a tight budget. i love it. i'd much rather have the dress that i'm never going to wear again paid for than a small gift.

millercr621 · April 2010

I kind of think brides should pay for the bridesmaids dresses anyway. Wedding party members already have to purchase a shower gift, wedding gift, transportation to the wedding (and sometimes lodging), plus any costs for the bridal shower and bachelorette party. Asking them to purchase something they're only wearing for you in the first place is a little over the top.

Festiva · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-dress-vs-bridesmaid-gift?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:7cbaca49-9450-4416-a69e-5b7794c56a3ePost:739d57aa-150e-471a-a1bd-962a099f8c1b">Re: bridesmaid dress vs bridesmaid gift</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it is a lovely and generous idea...especially in these economic times. At the rehearsal dinner you can give each of them a card with a letter in it telling them how wonderful they are and how much you appreciate that they spent the most important day of your life with you. It will be more than enough.
Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

I think this is a fabulous idea!
But if you still feel like your falling short by not buying a "gift" then perhaps pay half the cost of the gown, and buy small sentimental gifts as well. This way they're not burdened with the full cost of the dress and you get to give them a little something too.

bridesmaid dress vs bridesmaid gift

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