Anyone not..

agk0125 · February 2010

..having a bridal shower?

My one female BM is all about it and I really couldn't care less. I honestly don't see the point. I can't decide if it's just because I've never been to one and am just ingornant to the giant fountain of fun that is the shower, or if it's just a little party where people feel like they have to bring gifts.

What do you think, will I regret not having one? Can we make a pro/con list?

tlv204 · February 2010

I think they're fun, and I mean I always like to get presents, but they're not the greatest thing on the planet either. They can be really lame depending on the hostess. I don't really know if you'd regret it or not honestly. I think I would, but I was kind of excited to have one so it probably just depends on the person.

bbyckes · February 2010

I don't think I'm having one. I would like to get together with a group of girlfriends, I don't really need gifts -- but all my close friends are OOT, so it's not really feasible.

Nebb · February 2010

Mine was nothing special but it was still fun. I will be perfectly honest, I love gifts and I went into it fully expecting gifts from this whole wedding nonsense. Showers just mean more gifts as far as im concerned. Theyre not full of meaningful memories. Its a party where you get lots of gifts.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2010

I am 95% sure I will not get one. My family ALL live OOT and my BMs are not the type that would think about it, or feel like putting the effort into planning it.

ac_in_dc · February 2010

My sister really wanted to throw me one, so I agreed to have it. It was nice to hang out with my mom and my sisters and some of my closest friends for a couple of hours on a Sunday afternoon.

I actually had a lingerie shower b/c I didn't need much in the way of gifts, and I love lingerie. Plus there are a lot of different price points you can hit for something like this. I got some great stuff, and it's been awesome to have a collection of sexy lingerie. DH loves it too.

Of course, some folks don't like lingerie showers, they get uncomfortable at the idea of opening up underwear in front of their friends. It worked well for my crowd, though.

Oh, and if someone really wants to throw you a shower go ahead and have one, but it's not a big deal if you don't.

samscsi · February 2010

I'm MOH for my best friend and she doesn't want a shower. I'm going to follow her wishes, since the whole thing is in honor of her, but the other Bridesmaids and I are really dissapointed. We were looking forward to a chance to spend quality time with her, do something nice for her, and have a classy antithesis to the bachelorette party.

Obviously, if you don't want one, tell your bridesmaid no, but keep in mind that it's about more than gifts. It's a chance for the women in your life with whom you're closest to get together and celebrate your wedding in a low-key, intimate way. Weddings are often so hectic that not everyone gets a chance to really talk to the bride and share the joy. The bridal shower gives them that chance.

SwedishChick2011 · February 2010

If you really want more presents, then you'll probably want a shower. If you don't care about that, then you probably won't regret not having one.

agk0125 · February 2010

See, I don't think I'll get that many gifts from one if we have it. We're only inviting 60 people to the wedding, so by default the shower would be very small.

It also doesn't help that 2 of my 3 bridesmaids are male, as are the majority of my close friends. The shower guest list would probably end up feeling a little random, and as a result extra gift-grabby.

My mom doesn't really care about it either.

Hmm.

Brie2010 · February 2010

Honestly, I'm looking forward to mine a whole lot. I'm OOT and don't get to see my family very often AND we need a ton of stuff off our registries.

If you have everything you need and don't need an excuse to go visit family and friends, don't have one.

agk0125 · February 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_anyone-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:3c8a3692-f521-4026-a5c7-e7db791ab37fPost:3cd9e19e-cb55-408d-8ef7-d2ad0a9edc0f">Re: Anyone not..</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm MOH for my best friend and she doesn't want a shower. I'm going to follow her wishes, since the whole thing is in honor of her, but the other Bridesmaids and I are really dissapointed. We were looking forward to a chance to spend quality time with her, do something nice for her, and have a classy antithesis to the bachelorette party. Obviously, if you don't want one, tell your bridesmaid no, but keep in mind that it's about more than gifts. It's a chance for the women in your life with whom you're closest to get together and celebrate your wedding in a low-key, intimate way. Weddings are often so hectic that not everyone gets a chance to really talk to the bride and share the joy. The bridal shower gives them that chance.
Posted by samscsi@gmail.com[/QUOTE]

These are all good points for me to think about. Thank you.

Celles · February 2010

I doubt I'll have a shower.

I don't have very many female friends or family members -- just my MOH, who lives in another state, and two BM's, one of whom is my little sister. I've never been comfortable being the center of attention, and I know I would feel really awkward accepting gifts. I might be missing the point, but I really do feel that everyone in my life has more important things to spend their money on than pre-wedding presents for me.

pumpkinpumpkin · February 2010

I'm not having one. Well...my mom's 5 sisters got together and threw me a "bridal shower" - it was just the 6 of them, and me. I don't really consider it a shower, even thought I received gifts, and I'm very very grateful for it.

Clare13 · February 2010

Have you thought about having a couples shower? Then all those close male friends can come and spend some time together with both of you before the wedding. One suggestion is to make it a theme shower where people are limited on their gifts. Suggestions are kitchen gadgets, tools, bathroom, etc. This way you can also limit the amount spent. I am personally really looking forward to my shower because it means that I can spend quality time with the people I love celebrating the upcoming event. The wedding on the other hand, its not a guarantee. To me its about spending time with the people, not the gifts.

AmoroAgain · February 2010

Gah. My shower was beyond lame. L.A.M.E. My mom "organized" it with a bunch of her friends, most of whom didn't show up. It ended up being my 2 sisters, 2 of my mom's friends, an aunt and my friend. Wow. It was awful. Would much rather have not had one at all.

JanoBean75 · February 2010

I don't want one because I'm doing a DW and keeping that list small. We're having a party at home later, but not calling it a reception. It's a "celebration" of our recent marriage. Since not everyone is making it to Vegas (keeping it to close family and just a couple of friends), it's not proper to have a shower, since not everyone is invited to the ceremony.

mandysmear · February 2010

I didn't want one. I feel that weddings are expensive enough as a guest. I know you can just decline if you don't want to spend the money, but how many people out there would actually miss a good friend or close family member's shower?

Pirata13 · February 2010

I am not big on them either, but agreed to have a small shower. A handful of people from my family, a handful from his, and a handful of friends. Told my mom I wanted it small and simple so I could enjoy some time with the people who mean a lot to me. Then the girls & I are going to dinner for a bachelorette evening out. So if you want to spend some time with some ladies close to you, do it, and tell your BMs you want something simple and fun.

salt78 · February 2010

I requested that no one throw me one. I can't stand going to bridal showers and I doubt I'd even like my own.

Morfudd · February 2010

I'm dreading mine. It's all his family, and it's going to be his mother, his father's girlfriend, and his father's sister (whom nobody likes) all in one room. I've been told there will be "no games" (relief) but I've also been told by his sister that there will be "no gifts, because it's so close to the wedding" (one month).

(He says he thinks it's just that his sister, who is planning, is 20 and doesn't know what she's talking about.)

Now, we really do need stuff off our registry, but beyond that... I'm not actually sure what I'm going to do in what will basically be a cocktail party of his female relatives, many of whom dislike one another, with no games and no presents to open to distract people... and I'm flying across the country to do it.

I am having an anti-shower here in Toronto for the grad students: the plan, according to my friend planning it, is to drink tea, collect recipes, and help me quilt the quilt I'm making for us. It will be amazing.

polichik · February 2010

My mom's best friend is throwing me one in Minneapolis, and FMIL's sister (so future aunt in law=FAIL? ha) is throwing me one in Chicago. I've only been to two, and I found both fun, but I love girly giggle fests of that nature. I'm really excited, but I could see somebody who's uncomfortable with gifts or attention not liking one.

Honestly, if it makes you feel uncomfortable, I think it's ok to decline. If you don't care either way, I'd let your BM throw you one if it'll make her happy.

agk0125 · February 2010

Hey sorry I disappeared forever..The Knot was acting like a b!tch.

Thanks for all the words of wisdom. It helped me to see how other people approached it and the pros and cons.

somefrenchgirl · February 2010

We're sort of having a dilemma re: the shower. We're 38 and 40 years old, have lived together for two years. I do like showers, the silliness of the games, etc, but I have never been a person to ask for anything. My MOH is leaving it up to me, so I probably won't have one!

kwrobertson · February 2010

i absolutely don't want one, but MOB is insisting on having one....showers are associated with:
- being greedy and gift grabby
- lame games
- awkwardness and many moments of silence
- a half-day extravaganza of strange sexual innuendos by that weird cousin...or is this just my family??

to compromise a bit, my mom is just throwing a small one back at my home town with just some of her friends and family. Cute restaurant, light lunch, hang out for a few hours and its done. some family can't make the wedding for travel reasons, so it's still nice for them to be in some sort of wedding celebration.

squirrly · February 2010

I'm not having one, because the idea of everybody watching me open presents is NOT FUN. Plus I hate the dumb games people want to play. I told my mom and my sis that if somebody wanted to do a lunch or a tea or whatever instead that involved food, girls, and talking that'd be fine - but to please skip gifts and games.

buttaflai · February 2010

Didn't have one - we had an anti-shower where my closest girlfriends and I all just went out one night.

kparks · February 2010

I told my sisters and friends (and mother who keeps bugging me to have one) that I don't want one. I see it as just a way to get gifts...which is great if you need things to start a "household". I'm 30 and have been living on my own since I graduated from college, so between me and my fiance, we really don't need anything. Not to mention I don't like being the center of attention, so a shower is not for me. (I know, I'm going to be the bride at a wedding, I'll have to be the center of attention...)

AMN0324 · February 2010

I didn't want one. I feel that weddings are expensive enough as a guest. I know you can just decline if you don't want to spend the money, but how many people out there would actually miss a good friend or close family member's shower?

Ditto - I had a bachelorette party though. I felt like if friends were spending money on doing something for me, for our wedding, at least they were getting something out of it and actually having fun.

alexislea · February 2010

I'm absolutely not having one and I've spread the word amongst my BMs/family members that they had better not plan any secret "surprise" one either, because I would not be pleased. We're not registering; we live 5 hours apart and have essentially two furnished houses worth of stuff, and thus, I don't need any "things."

Plus, showers are RARELY ever fun. You eat and watch an adult open presents - how is that fun? In my opinion, it's primarily attention whoring at its finest (baby showers are a different story), and I just feel very strongly about not putting anyone I love through that type of torture.

Calypso1977 · February 2010

I did not have a shower. I dont like the idea of asking for gifts. We didnt want our guests to spend any money on our wedding, unless they wanted to. We didnt even register. I dont regret it one bit. If i ever get pregnant, i also will decline baby showers too.

JMU_Bride09 · February 2010

Have you considered having a couples shower? You could have it BBQ style and invite male guests as well. That way it's more of just a party than something focused soley on you if that's not your cup of tea

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