HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid

tabmon · May 2011

Since my fiance has no sisters, we talked about having his best girl-friend to be one of my bridesmaids.
She (in a rude manner) said No, but later called him and asked to rather be on his side of the party; AND to be a part of his bachelor party rather than my bridal shower. So now, I'm regretting ever asking her. What's the best way to handle this? Can I take back my offer and just have her invited to the wedding?

vicki0508 · May 2011

Since she declined your offer, it doesn't sound like you need to bother rescinding it. Does your FI want her on his side? It's perfectly fine for her to be a groom's woman and stand up on his side and participate in his bachelor party. She can either wear the same dress as your BMs or she can wear a dress that matches the color of the GMs suits/tuxes.

graysquirrel · May 2011

I agree with pp. If your FI wants to add her to his side, that is his call. I don't condone being rude, but maybe she didn't feel close enough to you to accept your offer and would much rather hang with FI and his friends since she knows them.

lazydayz2003 · May 2011

Maybe it's just me but I think it's totally inappropriate for her to go to his Bachelor party and not coming to your bridal shower. I also think it was rude for her to tell you no to not stand with you and go behind your back and ask your FI. Did he tell her yes?

allyson+williams · May 2011

Although I think it would be fine if your fiance asked her to be on his side of the wedding party, I think it is sketchy that she asked not only to do that but also to go to the bachelor party, etc. Unless she is a regular member of the social group who will be attending your fiance's bachelor party and spends time with them frequently, I would question why she has invited herself to the bachelor party in particular. Does she have a crush on one of his friends? Does it build her self-esteem? Seems odd to me, personally.

trix1223 · May 2011

ditto stage. One's naughty parts don't determine which side of a WP one stands on. Neither do they determine what parties one does or doesn't attend.

pretzelgrrl · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:2d67733b-9273-4343-8a27-d9be26635ef2">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid : Why, because she has a vagina? She's the groom's friend, and presumably a pretty close friend if she was asked based on the fact that he didn't have any sisters. Why on earth should that obligate her to celebrate the BRIDE'S stuff instead of the groom's?
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

No I think it was inappropriate because she declined being a BM but then asked to be on his side..it's rude...wouldn't you think it was rude if one of your friends came up tonyou and said I want to be a bridesmaid or and invite me to your bachelorette party too

firsttimersluck · May 2011

I agree that it's TOTALLY rude to ASK to be on the grooms side after rudely, bluntly declining to be on the OP's side. RUDE RUDE RUDE. It sounds like she is trying to go around you to be around your groom, which to me is uncomfortable.

I realize that maybe that comes off sounding like I would be jealous, but that's not the case. My FI 's best friend is a girl as well, and we couldn't decide where to place her, so she is actually our officient (I realize not everyone gets this option, we got lucky) but I know that she is going to make the effort to go to my bridal shower to meet the other women in My FI and my life.

It's completely inappropriate for her to ask to be in the wedding party after turning down the wedding party. I think your FI needs to stand behind you, because obviously the two of you decided as a COUPLE where you wanted her in the wedding party, and she's not respecting that.

vicki0508 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:a27fb776-534e-4c07-aaac-5f930683d751">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid : No I think it was inappropriate because she declined being a BM but then asked to be on his side..it's rude...wouldn't you think it was rude if one of your friends came up tonyou and said I want to be a bridesmaid or and invite me to your bachelorette party too
Posted by pretzelgrrl[/QUOTE]
I don't think it's rude. She's not friends with the bride, she is GOOD friends with the groom. Because she's a girl, she's supposed to want to attend a bridal shower, with people she doesn't know? And she's supposed to be excluded from a bachelor party? If she normally runs around with that group of guys, why is she <em>now</em> no longer allowed to hang out with them?

vicki0508 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:1560a0a6-c71d-4189-aee4-6e3e29a3f112">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that it's TOTALLY rude to ASK to be on the grooms side after rudely, bluntly declining to be on the OP's side. RUDE RUDE RUDE. It sounds like she is trying to go around you to be around your groom, which to me is uncomfortable. I realize that maybe that comes off sounding like I would be jealous, but that's not the case. My FI 's best friend is a girl as well, and we couldn't decide where to place her, so she is actually our officient (I realize not everyone gets this option, we got lucky) but I know that she is going to make the effort to go to my bridal shower to meet the other women in My FI and my life. It's completely inappropriate for her to ask to be in the wedding party<strong> after turning down the wedding party</strong>. I think your FI needs to stand behind you, because obviously the two of you decided as a COUPLE where you wanted her in the wedding party, and she's not respecting that.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
She didn't turn down being in the wedding party, she turned down being a bridesmaid. I think it's perfectly reasonable for her to prefer to stand up on the groom's side, since he is her friend.

While I understand that the bride and groom collectively decided which side they preferred the girl to stand on, maybe they should consider which side <em>she</em> wants to stand on. She wants to stand up with her friend, and I don't understand why that's such a big deal.

Milsey32 · May 2011

What did FI say to her?

While I think it's fine she turned down the BM offer, I think it's rude that she asked your FI and should have waited for him to ask her (if he was planning on it).

And as for attending the bach party vs. bridal shower -- she could have easily declined a bridal shower invite, but expecting to be invited to a bach. party still seems rude to me. Yes, she may be super close with your FI but I've always imagined it as a "guys night" and some guys may see at that way and be curious as to why she's there... however, I know there are options that suit all sorts of people/unisex parties. And I've even heard of joint bachelor and bachelorette parties... So it's all up to your FI -- if he wants her on his side and/or if he wants her attending.

My brothers my "Man of Honor" but he will not be attending any bridal showers (even the family ones - I'm having multiple) and definitely not the bachelorette party.

mbcdefg · May 2011

I think you're making a much bigger deal of this than it needs to be. Relax and let your FI handle her.

pretzelgrrl · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:25fe6cce-503b-4a15-a191-bbb91b9ce148">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]There's a big difference between saying "no, I don't want to be in the WP" and then calling FI up and saying "I'd like to be a groomswoman, and oh yeah, I expect an invite to your bach party" and in saying no to standing on the BRIDE'S side, and then calling your friend (the FI) and saying "Tab asked me to be a BM, but I'm really not comfortable with that. I don't know her very well and I really see myself more likely to be hanging out at the bach party with you guys than the bridal shower with her. So, if you guys want me in the WP, would it be okay for me to stand on your side?"
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
But why couldn't she say that to the bride. "Thanks for asking me but I would be more comfortable in your wedding party on the grrom's side...So, if you guys want me in the WP, would it be okay for me to stand on groom's side?" I think the way she did it was rude and bypassing the bride. And she should wait til someone invites her to the bachelor party not demand and an invite...I guess I wonder why she can't go to the bridal shower just because she is the groom to be's friend...I think she's just trying to get out of giving a second gift...okay just kidding there....but it would be nice for her to make an effort to be nice to her best friends wife to be.

mbcdefg · May 2011

Whether or not it was rude/wrong of her to say what she said, it's in the past now. We can argue about that all night but it won't change what happened.

The choices are to either confront her about this and kick her out of the bridal party and ruin her friendship with your FI ... or just let it go, let her be your FI's attendant and let him handle all the details with her. I would suggest the latter.

sarahsaturday2701 · May 2011

OP I think it would help to have some clarification on this girl's personality and also her relationship with both you and your FI. I know you said she was his best girlfriend but have you two had issues before or have you gotten weird vibes from her before? The way I read your post it sounded like either she has issues with you for some reason or she is just an extremely blunt person but I could be off-base...

pinkrn19 · May 2011

It's weird that she would want to go to bach party! I have close guy friends but I don't feel like getting drunk at a strip club with them! Before anyone yells..naked women are always somehow involved at bach parties.

sweetcanadian1979 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:98912e0e-9c7a-4865-bf4b-b196ead4166c">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]It's weird that she would want to go to bach party! I have close guy friends but I don't feel like getting drunk at a strip club with them! Before anyone yells..<strong>naked women are always somehow involved at bach parties.</strong>
Posted by pinkrn19[/QUOTE]

<div><div>this is NOT true, my FI does not look at porn, magazines, go to strip clubs (none of it at all honestly) and has NO desire to go to a strip club, he knows i find it disrespectful, when he looks at it in a way of would he want some guy rubbin his d*** (the strippers are all over you when they know you are gettin married) in my face n what not he made the choice of not allowing that in his party, in fact our wp is planning a joint one and then we are having "outtings" seperately (paintball, spa date etc) </div></div><div>
</div><div>As for op the way it was done was rude if that was the way it was put, she should have said she was not comfortable and since friends with the groom would like to be on grooms side..... if she is such good friends with the groom why wouldn't/doesn't she know the bride? That seems weird to me. </div>

KellyBrian2013 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:98912e0e-9c7a-4865-bf4b-b196ead4166c">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]It's weird that she would want to go to bach party! I have close guy friends but I don't feel like getting drunk at a strip club with them! Before anyone yells..<strong>naked women are always somehow involved at bach parties.
</strong>Posted by pinkrn19[/QUOTE]

For the sake of my 16 year old brother, and our 18 year old and 14 year old ushers... and the fact that we'll likely have a joint Bachelor/Bachelorette party, I sure hope you're wrong!

... unless it's one of my crazy-friend BM's (crazy in a fun way) imbibing a little too much liquor. But even then, I'd hope we'd stop her before she goes totally nude.

firsttimersluck · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:3976c6b1-e185-4d9f-9683-bba694c8bb66">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid : She didn't turn down being in the wedding party, she turned down being a bridesmaid. I think it's perfectly reasonable for her to prefer to stand up on the groom's side, since he is her friend. While I understand that the bride and groom collectively decided which side they preferred the girl to stand on, maybe they should consider which side she wants to stand on. She wants to stand up with her friend, and I don't understand why that's such a big deal.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

I completely disagree. If she had politely declined saying " I really appreciate you asking me to be a bridesmaid but I feel a little strange standing up on your side when he is my best friend, as much as I would like to be in the WP"
THAT would be different. But that doesn't seem to be the case. she went AROUND her to talk to the FI. That's, in fact, rude.

It's not a big deal for her to want to stand up on her friends side however
1. it's the bride and grooms decision as it's THEIR wedding and will have pictures for the rest of their lives to remember it. They count first. and

2. She didn't need to go around the bride to the groom to ASK to be on his side, she could have [wo]manned up and told the bride her feelings on it, altho wanting to be in the WP.

We talked to my FI's best friend about which side she would feel more comfortable on and she agreed that she would feel better on his side which TOTALLY makes sense to me, I have no problem with that, however my FI and I decided as a couple that that unconventional WP (to our older family, not to us) may make people distracted during our wedding, cause attire to get tricky, etc. Which is why, AS A COUPLE, we decided to ask her to officiate. (again, I understand not all couples have this option.. we got a little lucky :) )

At this point, the fact is that the OP asked her to be a bridesmaid, she declined that position, but still wants to be in the party. I get that. It's the FI's responsibilty to say "hey we really wanted you in the wp but decided we wanted you on that side for logistics sake and I'm sorry that made you feel uncomfortable but we still look forward to having you attend the wedding" end of story.

To the bach party: get over it... If she wants to go, let her go. honestly, she will be playing "mom" with a buncha drunken boys so it would probably be a good thing for you. Naked ladies or not, he has partied with her before, he will inevitably do so again in the future if they are really that close, so what makes this time different?

marinabreeze · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:8ff1fe93-fdf1-4c74-8a81-274c8899b0d5">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid : I completely disagree. If she had politely declined saying " I really appreciate you asking me to be a bridesmaid but I feel a little strange standing up on your side when he is my best friend, as much as I would like to be in the WP" THAT would be different. But that doesn't seem to be the case. she went AROUND her to talk to the FI. That's, in fact, rude. It's not a big deal for her to want to stand up on her friends side however <strong>1. it's the bride and grooms decision as it's THEIR wedding and will have pictures for the rest of their lives to remember it. They count first. and 2. She didn't need to go around the bride to the groom to ASK to be on his side, she could have [wo]manned up and told the bride her feelings on it, altho wanting to be in the WP. </strong>We talked to my FI's best friend about which side she would feel more comfortable on and she agreed that she would feel better on his side which TOTALLY makes sense to me, I have no problem with that, however my FI and I decided as a couple that that unconventional WP (to our older family, not to us) may make people distracted during our wedding, cause attire to get tricky, etc. Which is why, AS A COUPLE, we decided to ask her to officiate. (again, I understand not all couples have this option.. we got a little lucky :) ) At this point, the fact is that the OP asked her to be a bridesmaid, she declined that position, but still wants to be in the party. I get that. It's the FI's responsibilty to say "hey we really wanted you in the wp but decided we wanted you on that side for logistics sake and I'm sorry that made you feel uncomfortable but we still look forward to having you attend the wedding" end of story. To the bach party: get over it... If she wants to go, let her go. honestly, she will be playing "mom" with a buncha drunken boys so it would probably be a good thing for you. Naked ladies or not, he has partied with her before, he will inevitably do so again in the future if they are really that close, so what makes this time different?
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
I don't get what the pictures have to do with anything. Having a woman on the groom's side isn't going to ruin the pictures. My FI's good friend (who is female) is a groomswoman on his side. I highly doubt she will ruin our wedding pictures, and I really doubt that 10, 25, 50 years from now, we'll look at the pics and lament that we had a woman on FI's side. Besides, aren't the pictures about remembering both the day -and- the friends and family who are there to share it with you? If it's about the look, then why not just hire models to fill each side?

Secondly, the bride and groom, for the most part, determine their half. Maybe groom's friend felt she got stuck on the bride's side because she is female (and apparently she was right), but didn't feel she belonged there because she's in the groom's circle, not the bride's. Maybe it was a little presumptuous on her part to expect the groom to place her on his side, but I can see why she did that.

She could have told the bride she'd rather be on the groom's side, but I don't think it's a matter of "(wo)manning up." Remember she is NOT friends with the bride, but with the groom, so it's only natural that she would talk to the groom about it rather than the bride. That is an awkward position for the friend to be placed in considering that she and the bride are not close. And seeing that the bride is making such a huge deal out of it, I can kind of see why the friend didn't tell her how she felt. I wonder what the dynamic was with the OP and her FI's friend prior to the WP selection, because I kind of think there's a little more to the story.

blush64 · May 2011

Actually I think I have one of the unpopular opinions here. I would say that she shouldn't be in the wedding party at all. There is no reason she should have been rude to you and if she was such a good friend I am sure she would have been happy to stand up with you. I find it odd that she wouldn't want to stand on yor side but wants to be on his side and even weirder that she wants to be part of the bachelor party. I think she needs to let go of your FI. Is she having a hard time accepting that he is getting married?

If your FI wanted her on his side he would have asked. It was wrong of her to ask to be in the party, just as it would be wrong for anyone else to ask to be in the wedding party. It is wrong to ask to be part of the bachelor party as well. (unless invited)

I don't like the way she is acting. I would not be ok with it. I don't care how "comfortable" she felt. If she is a true friend of my FI she will try to be friendly with me too.

EDITED

Yes, if you are friends with someone you might feel more comfortable being near them but honesltly, the two sides your standing on are pretty close together in a wedding party. If a girl my FI is close to is so uncomfortable around me that she can't speak then there's a problem. But maybe that's just the way we are. We don't have friends of the opposite sex that aren't mutual friends. (both of our choice)

If a girl acted the way that is presented I would not like it. I can't assume she felt one way or another because there is nothing to suggest it. Based on just what was said I don't like it.

A lot probably depends on what is right for the people in the relationship. If the OP is not comfortable with this girl being in the WP then she needs to talk about it with her FI. IF she is not comfortable with her being at the bachelor party that isn't right or wrong but it's her feeling and her choice, and she needs to talk to her FI about it.

I know a girl who was around the guys all the time, was really close to the groom and wanted to be around him at the wedding. The bride was uncomfortable with it but let it go because she and the groom had been friends so long. This girl ended up sitting on the groom's lap at the reception and trying to get a little too close. (not for long though as he shoved her off!) She is no longer a friend of the groom. (and this girl was close to his whole family including parents, grandparents) So, sometimes a girl can have other motives.

firsttimersluck · May 2011

Marinabreeze-
THe only reason I made the comment about the picture is because I have a friend that had a girl on the H side during the wedding and they both regret it because the first thing people comment on is that fact when they look at wedding photos, which drives them both crazy to get asked about it all the time hah.

If my FI's friend really wanted to be on his side, I would be okay with it because I understand wanting to stand up for her friend; but I just know that is a big annoyance to this particular couple.
I feel personally that it's a little ridiculous.. we're in an age where we're all equal and there shouldn't be a question about men and women being able to stand on either side as we all have friends of the opposite sex.
But the OP made it sound like the chick goes around her and I think that's poor etiquette. That's the part of this I have an issue with, not the actual idea of where she stands.

I mean.. who ASKS to be in the wedding party? I think that's inappropriate. If she had called her FI to say hey "I'm really sorry, I said no, this is why," that's one thing... but to bluntly ask, I'm would be annoyed too.

blush64 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:603df465-2853-4b6e-9647-8f601225214f">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Blush, it's possible FI didn't even think about having her on his side. DH is incredibly open and forward thinking, but it didn't even occur to him that he could ask his female friends to stand with him until I told him that I wanted 2 guys on my side. Then he was like "oh, hey! I can ask Kate and Jamie, and that would be awesome!"
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Even if that's the case she was wrong to do it the way she did. I can see why a guy would ask I just don't like the person asking the groom or bride. He might not have known and that would be sad since I assume they are good friends but to be put on the spot is just wrong. We don't know one way or the other. I was actually asked by someone I was close to to be in my wedding party and I felt horrible. I agreed because I was ina weak moment and I will stand by my word but it's a bad feeling. So I guess that's where I'm coming from. My brother is actually standing up for me.

marinabreeze · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:f59e4b3f-0d2a-48c1-8d10-6e431ba85e95">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Marinabreeze- THe only reason I made the comment about the picture is because I have a friend that had a girl on the H side during the wedding and they both regret it because the first thing people comment on is that fact when they look at wedding photos, which drives them both crazy to get asked about it all the time hah. If my FI's friend really wanted to be on his side, I would be okay with it because I understand wanting to stand up for her friend; but I just know that is a big annoyance to this particular couple. I feel personally that it's a little ridiculous.. we're in an age where we're all equal and there shouldn't be a question about men and women being able to stand on either side as we all have friends of the opposite sex. But the OP made it sound like the chick goes around her and I think that's poor etiquette. That's the part of this I have an issue with, not the actual idea of where she stands. I mean.. who ASKS to be in the wedding party? I think that's inappropriate. If she had called her FI to say hey "I'm really sorry, I said no, this is why," that's one thing... but to bluntly ask, I'm would be annoyed too.
Posted by firsttimersluck[/QUOTE]
I think people comment on it probably because in a number of circles mixed-gender wedding parties haven't exactly caught on. But isn't the important thing that they had their friends up there with them on their wedding day, not what people think about who stood where? I don't know, maybe that's just me.

I can kind of see why you and a few others would say that the friend should've handled it differently. However, she is not friends with the bride, she is friends with the groom. So I can see why she talked to the groom about it. We don't know exactly how that conversation went down, either.

She may have asked (which isn't the best thing etiquette-wise), but figured that it would be okay to do so because she had been asked to be on the WP anyway and didn't think it was a big deal if she requested to stand on her friend's side rather than on the side of some chick she doesn't know well.

While I haven't been a BM, I have seen a good guy friend get married several years ago to someone I was acquainted with but didn't know that well. Because I was a woman, I got invited to the bride's shower. I attended the shower, which turned into a lingerie shower and I didn't get the memo apparently. And besides not being aware of this (I was one of only a few people who shopped from the registry and the bride didn't seem so excited when she saw my present), I only knew a couple of other people at the shower and I felt like I didn't belong there. I can't imagine how I would've felt if I were a bridesmaid for this person.

Either way, I don't think it's worth it for the OP to be up in arms about. Her reaction is a little off to me, that's why I kind of think there's more to the story. Depending on how OP's FI feels about with the friend being on his side, he can tell her yea or nay himself. It's up to him to decide.

Davesgrl2011 · May 2011

Blush 64: your opinion is my opinion. My fiance also has a female friend who was very possessive of him and was rude and cold to me. I don't think she should be in the wedding party at all. If she is such a close friend than she should want to be friends with his FI.

Rude, and a red flag in my opinion. What was his response?

lazydayz2003 · May 2011

Stage - I think you need to go back and re-read the post because it clearly says that the girl IN A RUDE MANNER said No. She practically sneaked behind the bride's (who was graceful enough to agree to have her as a BM) back and pretty much demanded to be on his side and to go to his Bach party. I have never invited myself to a Bachelorette party let alone a Bachelor party. That was just plain RUDE of that girl. If she didn't feel comfortable standing with the bride she could have told the bride that and that she would instead like to stand with the groom. Who cares if she wouldnt know anyone else at the bridal shower? I've been to plenty where I didn't know anyone besides the bride. You are invited to be there for the BRIDE AND GROOM, not to hang out with friends that you know.

mandi921vh · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:1e436ea6-f551-4f96-8a25-aa81de1345e8">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Since she declined your offer, it doesn't sound like you need to bother rescinding it. Does your FI want her on his side? It's perfectly fine for her to be a groom's woman and stand up on his side and participate in his bachelor party. She can either wear the same dress as your BMs or she can wear a dress that matches the color of the GMs suits/tuxes.
Posted by vicki0508[/QUOTE]

<div>This.</div>

dsnoopychick · May 2011

It sounds like she declined your offer to be a BM, so why do you need to tell her nvm? If she has changed her mind and wants back in, tell her you're sorry you already asked someone else.
Personally, I think it would be very innapropriate for her to go to his bach party. That is a notorious 'guys only' night. I would explain to your fiance that this girl has hurt your feelings, and he should understand.
It sounds like she might be a little jealous that you two are getting married... just a thought though. Best of luck!

vicki0508 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_regret-asking-fiances-friend-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f326f205-aba6-4c40-a4b5-56dd7afcd86ePost:37655e34-d87e-408b-baae-0a4ab0c98a4c">Re: HELP! I regret asking my fiance's friend to be my bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]It sounds like she declined your offer to be a BM, so why do you need to tell her nvm? If she has changed her mind and wants back in, tell her you're sorry you already asked someone else. Personally, I think it would be very innapropriate for her to go to his bach party. That is a notorious 'guys only' night. I would explain to your fiance that this girl has hurt your feelings, and he should understand.<strong> It sounds like she might be a little jealous that you two are getting married</strong>... just a thought though. Best of luck!
Posted by dsnoopychick[/QUOTE]
Really? Where did you gather that from? Because it sounds more like the two ladies just don't get along. Not everyone wants to steal your man and marry him before you do.

teacherbride30 · May 2011

That whole situation would rub me the wrong way. I realize that people have different genders on different sides, but where I come from....it just isn't done. If someone is important to the couple and they need to be in the WP, then they stand on the appropriate side based on gender, not necessarily their relationship to the bride or groom. She should have been honored to have been asked and either accepted or declined. I wouldn't want her in the WP at all now.

teacherbride30 · May 2011

Like I said....other people do it, but it's just not done around here. I've NEVER been to a wedding with a girl on the other side. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it- but she declined....too bad, so sad.

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