asking another?

lindakee · March 2010

We are having a two year engagement. I did what everyone says not to do.. asked my bridesmaids to be in my wedding right away!! I'm having seven! I know, I know thats a lot=) anyways.. its nine months till the big day and about 3 months ago one of the BM's and I had a falling out. We both decided it would be best for us to part ways. Lots of personal issues, but we parted in a peaceful way. NO large blow out. Is it cruel to ask someone else to be in the wedding? I know how it seems, but I really feel I should of asked this friend to begin with anyways. and it is still nine months! its not like its 6 weeks until the wedding.. right? haha Help pleaseee! Thanksss!!!

stina93446 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-another-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:fc46f8bf-5634-4bbd-8d48-15733b49f210Post:acc57084-97ea-4ba9-8a6e-d17c8a00dd2b">asking another?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are having a two year engagement. I did what everyone says not to do.. asked my bridesmaids to be in my wedding right away!! I'm having seven! I know, I know thats a lot=) anyways.. its nine months till the big day and about 3 months ago one of the BM's and I had a falling out. We both decided it would be best for us to part ways. Lots of personal issues, but we parted in a peaceful way. NO large blow out. Is it cruel to ask someone else to be in the wedding? I know how it seems, but I really feel I should of asked this friend to begin with anyways. and it is still nine months! its not like its 6 weeks until the wedding.. right? haha Help pleaseee! Thanksss!!!
Posted by lindakee[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't ask anyone else. Just leave it at 6. Why would you think that you need to ask someone else? They weren't your first string or first choice, and even though one of your first choices left, I would just leave it as is.<div>
</div><div>I would still send the original bridesmaid the dress info and see if she wants to participate unless that bridge is completely burned and blown away. It sounds like you guys were civil so I am not sure why you guys are completely not in each other's lives anymore.</div>

mags0607 · March 2010

I typed up a huge, well thought out response and TK ate it.

Here we go again....

While I usually do not advocate adding additional bridesmaids once someone else has stepped down, I think this one really depends on WHY you want to ask this friend to be in the WP.

If you want to add her to make your sides even or for any outside or arbitrary reason, then I would advise against it.

If you are truly regretful that you didn't ask her in the first place, and you would feel this way if you still had 7 BMs, then I would consider it.

If you do ask her, then phrase it to her as, "I know this is bad timing, but I regret not asking you before, I should have asked you to be a Bm from the begining,will you still do me the honor." Do not in any form ask her as a "fill in."

suz62984 · March 2010

Does the other friend know that you picked your WP back when you were engaged? If so, then you are bascially saying to her "You weren't good enough to be in the WP during our first pick but you are my sloppy seconds

Will you be a backup BM?"

If she has become friends with you since you were engaged you may consider asking her and stating that "You have become closer since your engagement and you would like her to stand up with you." Please don't pick her just for the sake of even sides though.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. But if she knows you already asked the WP over a year ago, make sure you lay the foundation correctly so that she knows she's not just a filler to keep the sides even. "Friend, I really should have done this back in the beginning and I'm so sorry I didn't. I really would love it if you'd be a BM in my wedding. I should have asked a long time ago, but I got caught up in the bridal magazine culture and made some mistakes." [Even if that last part isn't true, saying it will go a long way, believe it or not.]

Keep in mind that because you're asking her only after someone else dropped out, she may think that she's a filler anyway. I would say what you need to say so that she doesn't think that.

lindakee · March 2010

Thanks girls.
I have known her most of my life, but we did not become as close until recently. She would understand the not asking her first and would not be offended, because she knows the situation. BUT the main question was is it cruel to the other ex BM. I guess I would need to go into further detail about the situation, between the two of us. Its just a longgggg story, we have been friends since HS and drifted. She has put more stress/drama in my life than I needed. I think you have all had a friend you have drifted from.
I think I have come to a conclusion of not asking anyone. I don't think I can handle the drama that comes with it. I'm affraid I will get nasty emails or phone calls from the ex BM. And when I look back to my wedding, that is not what I want to remember.

golden1215 · March 2010

I would only ask a new person if they are a newer friend. One of my closest friends is a girl I met through work not even a year and a half ago and I already spend way more time with her than many of my older friends. I would have asked her to be a BM if I was having a bigger wedding...

if its an old friend that you just ignored the first go round... Id be leery about asking the now.

MyNameIsNot · March 2010

Even though it is still 9 months to go, it's been a while (a year?) since you asked everyone. Asking someone now would make them feel like a replacement or second string. I'd leave it alone.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

If you already had the talk about "why you're not a BM", I change my answer and say no, it would be wrong to do so. You need to just cool your jets on the WP.

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