New name?! Not a Q!

Lenore2010 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:34dc1077-7316-4467-b217-0675e3ed0899">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to New name?! Not a Q! : My H actually suggested taking my last name, so just because your FI got all butt-hurt about it does not mean that it hurts "The male ego." If you don't like his last name don't take it. This is not a difficult problem.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

I think it would hurt a lot of male egos, actually. Plenty of men are funny about this issue. You are lucky to have one who is not. Also, it can be a difficult problem if taking his last name means a lot to him, to her, or to both of them.

However, the difficulty here then would probably be just taking the last name and making the adjustment to it. I feel for the OP, I traded up my last name for his much better one with glee.

JoyTate1 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:4a05883a-95df-4c5a-b88b-2b869cd0481f">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New name?! Not a Q! : Not to mention, it's not really much of a feminist statement. I mean, you still got your last name from your father,who got it from his father! It's a matter of personal belief and preference.
Posted by AllenBaker[/QUOTE]
I never thought it was either. Apparently I live in the 1950's and the fact that I do not cook/clean makes me a bad woman as well.

AllenBaker · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:9b8437c4-04af-42c1-9247-bda5a5a9b766">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: New name?! Not a Q! : I never thought it was either. Apparently I live in the 1950's and the fact that I do not cook/clean makes me a bad woman as well.
Posted by JoyTate1[/QUOTE]

Don't let people like that get you down, obviously they need a hobby or have some gender hang-up if they are that invested in your relationship!!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

What my future husband's last name was had no bearing on my decision to take it or not. I decided to keep my name long before I ever met him. Because the decision is for me and about my feelings and identity. Not about having a cool last name.

Trust me, FI's last name is very short and easy to spell (it's also a common first name). My last name is 9 letters long, always, always misspelled, even if I spell it out for people, and has a capital letter in the middle. I still love it and want it to be a part of me.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:72d7ceaa-b351-4b19-acd5-6cb76cbe26a1">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]I had someone tell me once "If you're not thrilled to become Mrs. hislastname, you probably shouldn't be marrying him." Really?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Wow. I wonder if that person would have told your fiance the same thing.

Anyway, I would never ask FI to change his last name or want him to. He identifies with it as strongly as I do with mine. I don't want either of us to give that up. I understand some people want the same last name as their kids or their spouse, but that's not important to me. Lots of people get divorced and remarried and have families with several last names. My mom has a different last name than me and my brother. I doubt anyone will be confused or think I'm lying about the kids being mine.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:dd326937-03e3-4775-a73d-2571ac298da5">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]Satly - you can see why I balked at Mike's last name though right? ;) Plus the endless questions about "am I Jewish" are just invasive and old after a while, especially professionally. Joytate - some one called you a femi-nazi? That is disgusting on so many levels.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

I have a friend who has a last name that sounds/is spelled kind of like Cohen, but it isn't. She's an actress. So when they say, "T. Cohen?" she just says, "Er... yes." :-)

JennaV26 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:c03db232-4fea-4997-b393-1c83c5723df1">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]\Also, it can be a difficult problem if taking his last name means a lot to him, to her, or to both of them. However, the difficulty here then would probably be just taking the last name and making the adjustment to it. I feel for the OP, I traded up my last name for his much better one with glee.
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

I definitely agree Lenore, the difficulty here is that it is important to me that we share the same name and that I'm just going to have to just embrace it. I'm sure 10 years down the road I won't even care but before walking down the aisle it's hard for me to think about!

Schroeder246 · May 2010

I have a friend from high school whose last name was Blackburn. When she got married, she decided to hyphenate.

Blackburn-Sasmitamanggala.

Krysti21 · May 2010

I'm struggling with this too! FI wants to carry on his name with our future children since it's unlikely (thank God) that his brother will ever have kids.

My last name is important to me because I already had it changed once when my stepdad adopted me. I wanted this last name for so long, and now it feels kinda wrong to change it. I think I'm going to hyphenate, but we'll see. I have time to think about it. Good luck!

sophie.n.merlin · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:82a0bba9-0b38-4cea-93d3-4079deddc973">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]If I dated someone with the last name of "Megasuck" I would have JOPed it the second I could get him drunk enough to agree. <strong>Jessica Megasuck has a nice ring to it. And then I could really capitalize on my internet porn career.</strong>
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

lol...Can't stop laughing about this :)

Regarding the new last name, I think it helps if you practice signing it a few times. I know it sounds very 13-year-old-girlish, but it's fun and it works :) It's also like saying a word a bunch of times that it starts to lose its meaning...like 'spoon'...so, say your new name over and over...voilá, happiness!

goheels05 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:f46a9ef8-55eb-49b1-a9c8-e5a50e072e09">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]Heels, fess up - you know you were really dating Abe Vigoda.
Posted by missy68[/QUOTE]

snort. caught me!

Shazzie116 · May 2010

I love my maiden name, but I also love my husband's last name. I really didn't feel strongly about keeping my maiden name, so I changed it. And apparently it's a very strong Danish name (or so everyone upon hearing it tells me).

My only hang up is mine and my husband's first names both begin with S, and so does our last name, so we both feel like giving our kids S names would be cheesy and torturous. Some of my favorite names are S names. Oh wells.

rrrjjjmmm · May 2010

My FI's last name rhymes with my first name, so if I decided to take it on I would've sounded completely ridiculous, thankfully he agreed. I like my current last name as well.

We've decided that I will legally have two last names (no hyphen), I will continue to be known by my family name but if he wants to introduce me by the other name or if people call me that or when we enroll our kids in school for the future, I'll be referred to by his name.

Even though it will be rhymey madness!

sjnsjnsjn · May 2010

Keep yours. It's a no brainer. It's what I'm doing, and what more than half of my married female friends have done. Easy peasy. Next!

jk, and as for asking the guy to take yours, mine actually offered to take mine, but since I hate my father and don't speak to him, i didn't want my guy to be called Mr. MyLastName, b/c it would sound like my sperm donor's (not really, but that's what i call him) name. So, long story short - all men are not created equal, nor are their egos. Cheers!!

Davette473 · May 2010

I'm getting hyphenated. We have a huge family ego, so I can't part with it.

I can't correctly pronounce his / my new last name (it's arabic) but, hey, it's all good. Lol. I'm adding his because I want it. He's flattered. Lol.

brit_bell90 · May 2010

Ah, I love my name change! I'll tell you my names since they're so awesome (and common).

My name now: Bell
Married name will be: Belling
Yep, I'll be adding a -ing. I thought it'd be fun to get it hyphenated Bell-ing haha.

berrda04 · May 2010

my sister didnt take her husbands last name... me on the other hand im taking his name and running with it! i have 4 consonants (sp?) at the beg. of my name.. im happy to get rid of it!

cellarius · May 2010

if i didn't like it i couldn't do it either. i like names & i'm really picky about them to begin with so i think that's perfectly valid to not want to change it because you don't like how it sounds. i would like to have the same last name as my fiance as well but if it was either keep mine which i like too, or change it to something i hated i would keep my own or find some way to compromise.

i don't know what your names are but i do know a few couples who couldn't agree either or they just didn't like their own.. so they just picked a last name they both liked or they came up with a new last name that was derived from a combo of both of their last names or a family name to honor someone.

ie. lol one picked a shakespearian name, one was Dailey & Londen & their new one is Delaino. another couple couldn't compromise.. so they changed it to a combo of their brother's & grandfather's who passed, Henri & Jon = Jonri ..which i think is kinda cool lol

alexninaday09 · May 2010

I'm going to have so much fun naming my kids.. My new last name will be DAY.
Summer Day, Autumn Day, May Day, Rainy Day, Sunny Day, April Day .. the list could go on and on! hahah!

dlgolden08 · May 2010

it hurts their feelings if you DON'T take their names. I guess once you're used to it, you will be okay.

lindseroo · May 2010

Our last names are pretty equally boring. I have absolutely no attachment to my name; the only thing that has recently weirded me out is the fact that my college diploma will have his last name and not mine. I will be in school for another year after we get married, and although I couldn't care less about the last name thing, it is weird to me that I will graduate "Lindsey Hislastname." Whatever.

JennaV26 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:7facee47-ffcf-4ff3-a012-d2af812304fa">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a friend from high school whose last name was Blackburn. When she got married, she decided to hyphenate. Blackburn-Sasmitamanggala.
Posted by Schroeder246[/QUOTE]

WOW this just made me feel so much better about my life!! haha

1hbomb · May 2010

I'm also struggling with this! FI definitely wants me to take his name. It's a little boring, and with my first name it makes me sound like some kind of cartoon superhero (same first letter...just trust me).
Does/ has anyone just taken the married name socially and kept maiden name legally? Does this work? I really don't want to change names (I'm in school, and I really want my diploma to state my maiden name, etc..), but I also don't a different last name as my future children. Grrr!

m3po · May 2010

I do consider it an important statement, actually. By staying Ms. Mylastname I'm making the statement that I'm an individual in an equal partnership, not chattel. My mother never married, so I have my grandmother's last name, and as an only child, I'm keeping it. Our children will be hyphenated with my name first.

That said, I don't really care if women change their names or not, but it makes me sad when I see things like "I don't want to, but my FH is making me."

tdso008 · May 2010

My FI is leaving this up to me entirely. What I have to figure out is how to keep my name professionally (24 years in same company, loads of history) but I want to be Mrs. W in my personal life...

Has anyone done this successfully? Anything to avoid?

J&K10910 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:d652c497-9421-4f74-8d44-bb7863e0787e">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI is leaving this up to me entirely. What I have to figure out is how to keep my name professionally (24 years in same company, loads of history) but I want to be Mrs. W in my personal life... Has anyone done this successfully? Anything to avoid?
Posted by tdso008[/QUOTE]

You can either take make your last name a second middle and take his name (kind of like hyphenating but without the hyphen), so you'd be First Middle Maiden Last, and just keep going by your maiden name professionally. Or you could keep your name, and just go by his last name socially. That's likely what I'll do.

hd7694 · May 2010

Keeping my last name and adding his last name. I have 2 kids (previous relationship) that have my last name. I want to keep the same last name as my kids.

aummer1987 · May 2010

Ha i remember telling my mom that my first requirement for a husband was a shorter last name than mine (which is 11) in my defence I was 5 - priorities change but i still get a shorter last name!!!!!!!!!!! yay i am so tired of spelling out my name! I am only losing 3 letters but there are a lot less variations.

what really bugs me is when people call me his wife! dammit i get one year and 2 months to be a finacee and i want to enjoy it not have people call me a title i dont have yet. I am a detail fanatic though so it mostly bothers my sense of correctness... i am not married yet don't call me his wife! sorrry little rant there

polichik · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_new-name-not-q?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:3c508c7a-71f9-4321-a41e-25f6ff8d4049Post:72d7ceaa-b351-4b19-acd5-6cb76cbe26a1">Re: New name?! Not a Q!</a>:
[QUOTE]I had someone tell me once "If you're not thrilled to become Mrs. hislastname, you probably shouldn't be marrying him." Really?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

Wow. What a loser.

lindsayclark2012 · May 2010

I just want to say that this is the most entertaining thread that i've read on one of these boards.

My guy's last name is so common, but i'm so excited to take it because i HATE my last name. ... and when I write it; it looks like "dep" rather than what it really is because i leave out a letter. with his, i can put all of the letters. Hahaha. It makes me laugh.

as for being a neo-feminist or whatever. That's ridiculous. I can't believe that. Freaking idiots.

I say do what your heart tells you to do. I know that sounds pretty gay, but if you aren't that keen on his last name, then don't take it. ALSO if it comes down to kids getting made fun of when they become older, there's no law (at least not here) that states that you have to name your kid "(name)(lastname)". Give them your maiden name. Is his name hard to pronounce or is it the fact that it starts with a Q is what throws you off? ... dont let his last name keep him from being the man of your dreams sweetie!

The guy i was with before this one had a really out there last name. I would put our names together time and time again and I couldn't handle it. The one i'm taking on now is much more me

haha.

New name?! Not a Q!

Re: New name?! Not a Q!

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