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This is a long one.... I need help!!!!!
So.. I have no idea what to do. Looking for some advice.
I am in the beginning stages of wedding planning. I was really hoping to keep the bridal party really small (2-3 bridesmaids). My fiance decided he wants his dad to be his best man, his brother-in-law, and his sister's boyfriend to be groomsmen. He also decided for me that his younger sister WILL be a bridesmaid. Therefore, i insisted my younger brother WILL be a groomsmen.. so that's all fine and good. Moving on..
His older sister just had the first baby of the family.. and people are acting like a baby has never been born before. Originally, I wanted no kids at the wedding for a variety of reasons. As we were discussing this as an OPTION, my fiance took it upon himself to tell his older sister that I don't want kids at the wedding so her son can't come. Exactly how he phrased it... way to throw me under the bus.
Of course she flipped out, the younger sister also lost it (bridesmaid) and informed me that no kids is not an option, saying "you upset her so much, there WILL be kids at your wedding."
In an effort to make things a little better, my fiance and I were trying to think of small ways to include sister and baby in the wedding. He suggests to me that his sister CARRY the baby down the isle to act as ring bearer. I did not like this idea. No ring bearers, No flower girls, Obviously kids are coming to the wedding now, but I don't want kids in the party. This is not a celebration for other people's kids.
What does my fiance do, AGAIN? Hauls off and tells his sister she can carry her kid down the isle as ring bearer, again before the both of us have agreed on a decision. I think this is the tackiest, most ridiculous after-thought idea ever. The kid is too young to walk! What does she wear? How do we do pictures? Just... all things wrong in my opinion.
The only thing I can think of is making her another bridesmaid, which I don't want to do. The party is already bigger than I wanted, I'm buying the dresses for the girls. And now I'll have a bridesmaid standing up holding a kid? Um no. I'm furious. The damage has already been done, and I don't know how to fix it.
If it's not obvious, clearly I'm delighted that my father ad I are spending a ridiculous amount of money, so that my husband's family can have a celebration for a baby.
If anybody managed to read all of this, some feedback would be extraordinarily helpful. What do we do with the sister? What do we do with this damn baby?
PLEASE HELP! Thank you!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: This is a long one.... I need help!!!!!
I think you and your FI need to be more on the same page about this wedding. I also think you sound very jealous of the attention this new baby is getting.
Is there any particular reason your FI wants the baby in the wedding? If so, you should respect his wishes and work to find a solution that makes you both happy. If he's just doing it to make his sister happy, then he needs to grow some balls and talk to her about the fact that being a guest at the wedding is and honor and let her know that the baby won't be in the wedding.
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
It's not just your wedding. You have to compromise on things. Talk to your FI rationally. You both sound kind of immature to demand your siblings be in the wedding, like it's a tit-for-tat kind of thing. I have no advice on the wedding stuff other than to sit down and have a chat with your FI, and actually listen to one another.
So calm down, grow up, and have an adult discussion with your fiance first.
Everything the light touches is my kingdom.
Fix that and then fix the other problems. If that means that the two of you agree that she will not carry the baby down the aisle then the two of you sit down with her and tell her that in re-thinking your wedding you would prefer to have her attend - with her baby.
You can still specify no kids by addressing the inner envelope to who exactly in a family in invited. You would list Mr & Mrs Joe Smith or Joe & Lisa Smith but not list their children if you don't want kids. If they RSVP for the 2 of them and add their 4 kids, you call them and tell them that you are looking forward to seeing them at the wedding but the invitation is for the two of them.
Small babies, especially those who are nursing have to come with their mothers. You have to hope their mothers have the sense to sit near an aisle and leave if the baby cries. You can also instruct the groomsmen/ushers that they should seat anyone with a small child near an aisle, rather than the center of a row so that they can leave quickly if they need to.
[QUOTE]So.. I have no idea what to do. Looking for some advice. I am in the beginning stages of wedding planning. I was really hoping to keep the bridal party really small (2-3 bridesmaids). My fiance decided he wants his dad to be his best man, his brother-in-law, and his sister's boyfriend to be groomsmen. He also decided for me that his younger sister WILL be a bridesmaid. Therefore, i insisted my younger brother WILL be a groomsmen.. so that's all fine and good. Moving on.. His older sister just had the first baby of the family.. and people are acting like a baby has never been born before. Originally, I wanted no kids at the wedding for a variety of reasons. As we were discussing this as an OPTION, my fiance took it upon himself to tell his older sister that I don't want kids at the wedding so her son can't come. Exactly how he phrased it... way to throw me under the bus. Of course she flipped out, the younger sister also lost it (bridesmaid) and informed me that no kids is not an option, saying "you upset her so much, there WILL be kids at your wedding." In an effort to make things a little better, my fiance and I were trying to think of small ways to include sister and baby in the wedding. He suggests to me that his sister CARRY the baby down the isle to act as ring bearer. I did not like this idea. No ring bearers, No flower girls, Obviously kids are coming to the wedding now, but I don't want kids in the party. This is not a celebration for other people's kids. What does my fiance do, AGAIN? Hauls off and tells his sister she can carry her kid down the isle as ring bearer, again before the both of us have agreed on a decision. I think this is the tackiest, most ridiculous after-thought idea ever. The kid is too young to walk! What does she wear? How do we do pictures? Just... all things wrong in my opinion. The only thing I can think of is making her another bridesmaid, which I don't want to do. The party is already bigger than I wanted, I'm buying the dresses for the girls. And now I'll have a bridesmaid standing up holding a kid? Um no. I'm furious. The damage has already been done, and I don't know how to fix it. If it's not obvious, clearly I'm delighted that my father ad I are spending a ridiculous amount of money, so that my husband's family can have a celebration for a baby. If anybody managed to read all of this, some feedback would be extraordinarily helpful. What do we do with the sister? What do we do with this damn baby? PLEASE HELP! Thank you!!!
Posted by aacobs[/QUOTE]
I agree with what the PP said...you need to have several conversations in your future.
Again, I just don't know how it works, and wanted to know. Sorry if I'm insulting anyone here.
As far as the "you would think a baby never been born before". If it is the first child of the family then yes, a baby has never been born FOR THEM before. Babies are amazing and wonderful things, especially if someone had to try a while to get them and wanted them. Just because you don't want one doesn't mean the rest of the family can't be excited.
It may be in the op, but when is your wedding? Was the sister in your WP to begin with or no? If not I would suggest keeping her as a guest. It will be far easier on her and her child to just be sitting in the audience then having to walk in front of people and stand with her child.
House / Baby blog
[QUOTE]So.. I have no idea what to do. Looking for some advice. I am in the beginning stages of wedding planning. I was really hoping to keep the bridal party really small (2-3 bridesmaids). My fiance decided he wants his dad to be his best man, his brother-in-law, and his sister's boyfriend to be groomsmen. He also decided for me that his younger sister WILL be a bridesmaid. Therefore, i insisted my younger brother WILL be a groomsmen.. so that's all fine and good. Moving on.. His older sister just had the first baby of the family.. and people are acting like a baby has never been born before. Originally, I wanted no kids at the wedding for a variety of reasons. As we were discussing this as an OPTION, my fiance took it upon himself to tell his older sister that I don't want kids at the wedding so her son can't come. Exactly how he phrased it... way to throw me under the bus. Of course she flipped out, the younger sister also lost it (bridesmaid) and informed me that no kids is not an option, saying "you upset her so much, there WILL be kids at your wedding." In an effort to make things a little better, my fiance and I were trying to think of small ways to include sister and baby in the wedding. He suggests to me that his sister CARRY the baby down the isle to act as ring bearer. I did not like this idea. No ring bearers, No flower girls, Obviously kids are coming to the wedding now, but I don't want kids in the party. This is not a celebration for other people's kids. What does my fiance do, AGAIN? Hauls off and tells his sister she can carry her kid down the isle as ring bearer, again before the both of us have agreed on a decision. I think this is the tackiest, most ridiculous after-thought idea ever. The kid is too young to walk! What does she wear? How do we do pictures? Just... all things wrong in my opinion. The only thing I can think of is making her another bridesmaid, which I don't want to do. The party is already bigger than I wanted, I'm buying the dresses for the girls. And now I'll have a bridesmaid standing up holding a kid? Um no. I'm furious. The damage has already been done, and I don't know how to fix it. If it's not obvious, clearly I'm delighted that my father ad I are spending a ridiculous amount of money, so that my husband's family can have a celebration for a baby. If anybody managed to read all of this, some feedback would be extraordinarily helpful. What do we do with the sister? What do we do with this damn baby? PLEASE HELP! Thank you!!!
Posted by aacobs[/QUOTE]
Buahahahahahahahah!! This.is.awesome.
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
[QUOTE]Just a question, why are nursing babies and exception? I may not understand about babies, as I've only really spent time with my sisters twins but even when they were breast feeding she pumped some into a bottle so she could sometimes go out for a date with her husband, is that not normal? Yeah she would only be gone like 4 hours at most, but you can go to a wedding in that time. Again, I just don't know how it works, and wanted to know. Sorry if I'm insulting anyone here.
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]
Because not everyone pumps. It's a personal choice, and the majority of this board agrees that the choice should be given to the mother whether or not to be separated from her breastfeeding infant.
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
[QUOTE]Just a question, why are nursing babies and exception? I may not understand about babies, as I've only really spent time with my sisters twins but even when they were breast feeding she pumped some into a bottle so she could sometimes go out for a date with her husband, is that not normal? Yeah she would only be gone like 4 hours at most, but you can go to a wedding in that time. Again, I just don't know how it works, and wanted to know. Sorry if I'm insulting anyone here.
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]
I think it's because most weddings do not take a 4 hour period of time, and it's also hard for new parents to find trustworthy childcare for newborns. The mom definitely wouldn't want to stop and have to pump in the middle of the reception lol.
House / Baby blog
[QUOTE]As a side comment, she doesn't have to always hold her baby, the father could, their parents could. If she is a bm she doesn't have to hold the baby while doing that. Calm down and think about what your saying, you might not mean it.
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]
Agreed. There's no reason she couldn't pass the baby to the father or a grandparent. The people who introduced me and DH got married and we went to their wedding. Their 5mo old son was "ring bearer." His aunt (groom's sister) carried him down the aisle and handed him to his grandparents then made her way to the front with the bridal party. Clearly, I didn't even think it was weird, because I just realized I've seen such a thing before just now.
Infertile, living childfree, advocating like a BOSS
You're getting married, you're supposed to be a team, not "Ok, well, I'm going to agree with you to shut you up, and then I'm going to go contradict you behind your back to shut my family up". That's completely disrespectful and spineless, and the fact that he's done this more than once is a way bigger problem than how "tacky" you think somebody carrying a baby down the aisle looks.
If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
"Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
OP-Your FI is undermining what you're trying to communicate to his family. This is a problem. You need to get on the same page and learn how to communicate and compromise.
KatyRose-in addition to Moms choosing whether or not to pump, alot of new moms find pumping very difficult. Frequently there is very little milk after a lot of pumping, which then leaves the breasts engorged and leaky. The younger the infant, the harder it is. Feeding a baby usually takes less then 20 minutes (often way less), and is easier than pumping.
[QUOTE]I couldn't marry a guy that "threw me under the bus" with his family on a regular basis. Because I'm smart enough to know that it would only get a million times worse after we were married and had kids. If you two don't get your obvious communication issues worked out now, your marriage doesn't stand a chance. That's not a shot at you, that's just how it is for everybody: married couples need proper communication skils in order to have a happy and healthy relationship. You're getting married, you're supposed to be a team, not "Ok, well, I'm going to agree with you to shut you up, and then I'm going to go contradict you behind your back to shut my family up". That's completely disrespectful and spineless, and the fact that he's done this more than once is a way bigger problem than how "tacky" you think somebody carrying a baby down the aisle looks.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
Ditto all of this 100%
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[QUOTE]<strong>I think you and your FI need to be more on the same page about this wedding. I also think you sound very jealous of the attention this new baby is getting.</strong>
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]
<p> </p><p>This.</p>
[QUOTE]I couldn't marry a guy that "threw me under the bus" with his family on a regular basis.<strong> Because I'm smart enough to know that it would only get a million times worse after we were married and had kids. If you two don't get your obvious communication issues worked out now, your marriage doesn't stand a chance</strong>. That's not a shot at you, that's just how it is for everybody: married couples need proper communication skils in order to have a happy and healthy relationship. You're getting married, you're supposed to be a team, not "Ok, well, I'm going to agree with you to shut you up, and then I'm going to go contradict you behind your back to shut my family up". That's completely disrespectful and spineless, and the fact that he's done this more than once is a way bigger problem than how "tacky" you think somebody carrying a baby down the aisle looks.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]
Wedding planning was easy peasy compared to buying a house when it came to family drama. I finally understood how crazy people can get and how opinionated they are, especially if you don't chose their idea. I can't tell you how many times I've used the "We'll take that into consideration" line since buying the house when it comes to decorating ideas.
Kids are an even more fun ball game. Breastfeeding vs formula, cosleeping, working vs staying at home, everything suddenly because a huge deal and everyone thinks they know the right way.
Learn to communicate and be a team now, because it doesn't get any easier.
House / Baby blog
I also think there's some jealousy bubbling up here. I mean, you want this family to be happy when you have kids, right?
Communication is the key.