Friend may insist on bringing +1

lmrurak · February 2012

My fiance and I have a good friend who we plan to invite to our wedding. While we love this individual he is a bit childish at times.

He has been dating a girl we have never met. Because of a strict capacity at our venue, we have decided to not give friends a +1 unless they are married or we have a relationship with their significant other.

I am pretty certain our friend is going to make a BIG BIG stink about not being able to bring his girlfriend. At another friend's wedding he brought a +1 despite having been told there was no room for his GF.

I would like to set the expectation up front in order to hopefully avoid this drama. I thought about including a small note on the save the date to say "We would love to meet <girlfriend's name> in the near future but please understand..."

Any advice on when/how to communicate this or some polite phrasing for when we tell him would be most helpful!

PhoneCardLady · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-may-insist-on-bringing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1771540-7e60-4c7a-a5fd-25bad5e55647Post:7a14aceb-5d8e-4c69-8c94-1b4b38e28885">Friend may insist on bringing +1</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have a good friend who we plan to invite to our wedding. While we love this individual he is a bit childish at times. He has been dating a girl we have never met. Because of a strict capacity at our venue, we have decided to not give friends a +1 unless they are married or we have a relationship with their significant other. I am pretty certain our friend is going to make a BIG BIG stink about not being able to bring his girlfriend. At another friend's wedding he brought a +1 despite having been told there was no room for his GF. I would like to set the expectation up front in order to hopefully avoid this drama. I thought about including a small note on the save the date to say "We would love to meet <girlfriend's name /> in the near future but please understand..." Any advice on when/how to communicate this or some polite phrasing for when we tell him would be most helpful!
Posted by lmrurak[/QUOTE]

My only suggestion is having a wedding cooridinator to be at the reception and refuse entry to those not invited.

adamar15 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-may-insist-on-bringing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1771540-7e60-4c7a-a5fd-25bad5e55647Post:7a14aceb-5d8e-4c69-8c94-1b4b38e28885">Friend may insist on bringing +1</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have a good friend who we plan to invite to our wedding. While we love this individual he is a bit childish at times. He has been dating a girl we have never met. Because of a strict capacity at our venue, we have decided to not give friends a +1 unless they are married or we have a relationship with their significant other. I am pretty certain our friend is going to make a BIG BIG stink about not being able to bring his girlfriend. At another friend's wedding he brought a +1 despite having been told there was no room for his GF. I would like to set the expectation up front in order to hopefully avoid this drama. I thought about including a small note on the save the date to say "We would love to meet <girlfriend's name /> in the near future but please understand..." Any advice on when/how to communicate this or some <strong>polite phrasing</strong> for when we tell him would be most helpful!
Posted by lmrurak[/QUOTE]

There isn't any. He needs to be invited with his girlfriend. It's incredibly rude to split up couples, regardless of whether you know their SO or not.

aragx6 · February 2012

Couples in a relationship, regardless of your relationship with the SO, are a social unit and as such must be invited together. It doesn't matter if you've never met her or if you've met her and hate her.

Your friend is right that she should be invited, and it will probably greatly damage your friendship if you don't do so. I would immediately rethink this plan -- not just for him, but for all of your guests.

dumdumfroggie · February 2012

Anyone that considers themself in a relationship gets to bring their SO. To follow correct etiquette, you'll need to make room for his GF.

gurrlballa10 · February 2012

You need to invite SO. Period. I just had a situation like this happen, and I immediately called the friend and apologized for not recognizing that she, indeed, had gotten into a relationship right before our invitations went out. I told her to add his name to her RSVP and that I was sorry. Invite the GF.

ceh789 · February 2012

These threads always remind me how lucky I am to be just about the last of my friends to marry.

mkrupar · February 2012

Of course he's going to insist on a +1. It's his GF, not some random girl off the street. You're cutoff for who gets to bring SOs is arbitrary and wrong. Anyone in a realtionship when invitations go out need to be invited together. What you're doing is rude and against etiquette. Find a bigger venue or cut your guest list.

Maggie0829 · February 2012

You need to invite significant others. It is rude to break apart a social unit. Heck my H and I were together for 9 years before we got married...so being together for 9 years isn't as serious as a couple who have only been together 1 year but are married? You shouldn't judge the seriousness of other people's relationship based solely off of what you think is serious or not.

Now if your friend was single and just dating around then it would be fine to invite him and him alone, but since he has a girlfriend she needs to be invited

chelseamb11 · February 2012

Yeah it's rude of you to not invite SO's. They are a social unit, therefore should both be invited.

Kate61487 · February 2012

keep in mind that YOU are not married. So by your standard it's okay for FI's friends and family to invite him to a wedding and not you. really?

Your friend should be invited with his gf. as should all of your other guests in relationships; marriage license or not.

kmmssg · February 2012

Agree with everyone else. You don't get to quantify your friends relationships. If they are a couple she needs to be invited. What kind of arbitrary standards did you use to come with your +1 formiula? If they are dating they are a couple. Period.

Mark&Steph · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-may-insist-on-bringing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1771540-7e60-4c7a-a5fd-25bad5e55647Post:7a14aceb-5d8e-4c69-8c94-1b4b38e28885">Friend may insist on bringing +1</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have a good friend who we plan to invite to our wedding. <strong>While we love this individual he is a bit childish at times. He has been dating a girl we have never met. Because of a strict capacity at our venue, we have decided to not give friends a +1 unless they are married or we have a relationship with their significant other. </strong>I am pretty certain our friend is going to make a BIG BIG stink about not being able to bring his girlfriend. At another friend's wedding he brought a +1 despite having been told there was no room for his GF. I would like to set the expectation up front in order to hopefully avoid this drama. I thought about including a small note on the save the date to say "We would love to meet <girlfriend's name> in the near future but please understand..." Any advice on when/how to communicate this or some polite phrasing for when we tell him would be most helpful!
Posted by lmrurak[/QUOTE]You are being childish, not your friend. Please follow etiquette and invite him with his girlfriend, just as you would want to be treated as a guest.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · February 2012

I find it interesting that this happened to him at another time. If it was the same girlfriend then it seems that he's been with her for quite a while. It also seems your group of friends is quite rude/lacking in etiquette. This is an etiquette board, so we won't tell you how to do something rude. And you're having trouble coming up with a nice way to say it because there isn't one.

TiffannieF · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-may-insist-on-bringing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1771540-7e60-4c7a-a5fd-25bad5e55647Post:7a14aceb-5d8e-4c69-8c94-1b4b38e28885">Friend may insist on bringing +1</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I have a good friend who we plan to invite to our wedding. While we love this individual he is a bit childish at times. <strong>He has been dating a girl</strong> we have never met. Because of a strict capacity at our venue, we have decided to not give friends a +1 <strong>unless they are married or <u><em>we</em><em> have a relationship with their significant other</em></u></strong>. I am pretty certain our friend is going to make a BIG BIG stink about not being able to bring his girlfriend. At another friend's wedding he brought a +1 despite having been told there was no room for his GF. I would like to set the expectation up front in order to hopefully avoid this drama. I thought about including a small note on the save the date to say "We would love to meet <girlfriend's name> in the near future but please understand..." Any advice on when/how to communicate this or some polite phrasing for when we tell him would be most helpful!
Posted by lmrurak[/QUOTE]

This is so inappropriate, unfair, and just plain out rude.

So there is no way to phrase it politely, unfortunately.

So you will either have to deal with the BIG BIG stink or not invite him OR invite the 2 of them and MAKE room for one person.

Cortney1982 · February 2012

Put yourself in the other couples shoes. How would you feel if your FI got invited to a wedding and left you at home all evening?

Dont AskMeAgain · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-may-insist-on-bringing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1771540-7e60-4c7a-a5fd-25bad5e55647Post:7a14aceb-5d8e-4c69-8c94-1b4b38e28885">Friend may insist on bringing +1</a>:
[QUOTE] Because of a strict capacity at our venue, we have decided to not give friends a +1 unless they are married or we have a relationship with their significant other.
Posted by lmrurak[/QUOTE]
I would probably set the cutoff limit to married couples only to avoid a conflict. Or if your wedding is not for some time, you can get to know her.

toothpastechica · February 2012

ummm....judging by your cut off of "if you have a relationship" does that mean its ok for my to invite my brother and his 2 small children and not his gf, the mother of my nephews, because my brother can a brat and I have never actually met his gf? Sorry but thats stupid, of course, if you know he has a serious girlfriend and hes getting the invite...his girlfriend needs to be invited. The only exception to this that I am ok with is children of people invited....my cousin who is living at home and under 18 has a girlfriend who I am not inviting due to space..but he is not getting his own invite as he is the child of a guest. If I had been inviting him seperately from his parents I would have had to invite his gf.

Mark&Steph · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-may-insist-on-bringing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1771540-7e60-4c7a-a5fd-25bad5e55647Post:541cbf34-e950-4df6-bd5b-d50aa5b6f9ff">Re: Friend may insist on bringing +1</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Friend may insist on bringing +1 : I would probably set the cutoff limit to married couples only to avoid a conflict. Or if your wedding is not for some time, you can get to know her.
Posted by Dont AskMeAgain[/QUOTE]
Sorry, but no. This is not any more considerate. Invite SOs.

kaitlynmichelle · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-may-insist-on-bringing-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a1771540-7e60-4c7a-a5fd-25bad5e55647Post:541cbf34-e950-4df6-bd5b-d50aa5b6f9ff">Re: Friend may insist on bringing +1</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Friend may insist on bringing +1 : I would probably set the cutoff limit to married couples only to avoid a conflict. Or if your wedding is not for some time, you can get to know her.
Posted by Dont AskMeAgain[/QUOTE]

<div>I would still have a problem with 'married couples only.' BF and I have been together for over 7 years. Our relationship is not any less valid just because we aren't married. </div><div>
</div><div>If I was sent an invitation to a wedding and BF wasn't invited either because the bride/groom didn't know him, or because we weren't married, I would not be attending and would be offended.</div><div>
</div><div>OP, you need to invite her. </div>

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