Are women just more okay with fat husbands?

btrflykate1230 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:f238d886-4f40-42e5-8914-21c63d78a113">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]I cant say, my husband has always been thinner than me, he is a bean pole.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Ditto this. My FI is 5'9" and 120 lbs.

louisvillebride21 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:c2a44090-5390-4f83-ae8a-d5e11d505a02">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]Kk and LVB, that makes sense. I just read the original post by kk in a way that didn't sit right; thanks for clarifying!
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]
I can see how you took it that way. I know for us, it's about health and him getting where he wants to be weight wise. Since he doesn't have the self control he needs, I'm that control for him.

Moneypenny424 · May 2010

I never knew there was a correlation between "size" and weight. Most guys I've dated have been slim/fit and I've had no complains. But maybe that explains the "micropenis" I saw on a bigger guy in college

.

bel138 · May 2010

Both sexes gain weight on the pubic mound. In men, it effectively makes it look shorter. It's something crazy like 1/2" for every 15lbs.

sarah0725 · May 2010

I'm one of those gals dating a much skinnier guy. FI is about eight inches taller than I am, and I outweigh him by 20 pounds. It definitely makes me feel like crap, especially considering that I've put on a fair amount of weight in the past two years or so. I think FI is okay with it, but he does nag me about what I eat occasionally. I think it's mostly because I complain about my body image to him so often - he just doesn't like to see me hurting and wants me to do something to feel better about myself. I don't fault him for this. And he seems to be just as attracted to me as ever... at least he wants me plenty.

It will be interesting to see what happens to him as we get older. His dad used to be as skinny as FI, but is now significantly overweight. He's also had several knee surgeries that gradually decresed the number of activities he can do. I think FI is heading down this road, because he is really active but always hurting himself.

lisarose7 · May 2010

Until last year I was always bigger than FI, and he's 9" taller than me. I'm 5'3" and got up to 186 lbs at one point and he didn't even care. In fact, when I started losing weight, he got all worried that I'd lose "too much" and lose my ass. I assured him it would still be there; it would just be more compact (I was right, and he was happy with the condensed version).

On the other hand, one of my BMs is married to one of his GMs. They met when she was 16 and anorexic (she weighed about 95 lbs at 5'3"). Now she weights about 120 lbs and he calls her Big...as in, "Big, go get me a beer." He just about had a heart attack thinking about the weight she would gain when she was pregnant. Fortunately, she just rolls her eyes and tells him to grow some more hair.

So, I think it just depends on the couple...although I agree that women are expected to be smaller. When I was bigger, I used to get some very snotty looks from waitresses when I'd order an entree and FI only ordered a baked potato. Kind of like, "maybe you should be ordering more like he does." Now that I'm smaller than him, I don't get the same looks.

Moneypenny424 · May 2010

I never think about this looking at other couples, but I've never been able to date a guy who weighed less than me. I don't think my body image issues could have handled that.

kkchisholm · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:c2a44090-5390-4f83-ae8a-d5e11d505a02">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]Kk and LVB, that makes sense. I just read the original post by kk in a way that didn't sit right; thanks for clarifying!
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

I can totally see what it looked that way... that's why I added my second side note! After reading my first post I thought.. "hmm that doesn't sound right!"

Nebb · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:670d06bf-d10c-45d6-bee3-78fb8167588d">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]I never think about this looking at other couples, but I've never been able to date a guy who weighed less than me. I don't think my body image issues could have handled that.
Posted by Moneypenny424[/QUOTE]
I dated a guy once who was only slightly taller than me (im 5'1) and skinnier. It was WEIRD.

sarah0725 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:670d06bf-d10c-45d6-bee3-78fb8167588d">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]I never think about this looking at other couples, but I've never been able to date a guy who weighed less than me. I don't think my body image issues could have handled that.
Posted by Moneypenny424[/QUOTE]

I feel kinda bad about myself sometimes, but he makes it so worth it.

andyandhillary · May 2010

FI has always been heavier than me but that's in part due to his 1 1/2" taller than me. He was a bean pole when we met and he has put on about 50 lbs. Keep in mind this was between the ages of 16 and 22 though, so a lot of guys "fill out" during that age. I was actually pretty "fluffy" when we started dating and lost about 30 lbs after my freshman year of college. We are both pretty good right now. FI's BMI is higher than average but I chalk a lot of that up to college eating and what not. I eat much healthier so I'm fairly certain he'll lose some of the excess weight after we get married.

Now that you have my personal story I can answer your question lol. I have certainly noticed that same trend but I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because of the "protector" issue. I also think women are a lot harder on themselves than men are so we are constantly looking at how we look rather than how others look. Men, in my experience, aren't as self-critical so they don't notice when they gain weight.

I know with FI, he just kept chalking it up to "filling out". One day out of the blue, though, he noticed he had a little tummy and was down about it. He hadn't noticed it at all until then. Women, including myself, look at their flaw all the time!

Moneypenny424 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:a399881c-feb8-46bf-8c6f-7528d16c011b">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands? : I dated a guy once who was only slightly taller than me (im 5'1) and skinnier. It was WEIRD.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Hee hee--I definitely couldn't have handled shorter and skinnier! That MUST have been weird!

Kasi80 · May 2010

Both DH and I were pretty fit and thin when we met. We've both put on quite a bit of weight (35lbs for me, 20 or so for him). I find myself much less attractive than I was before. People say I'm not "fat" but I fel I am. Why? Because society says I am. I am not a size 5 or below. I'm in the double digits.

There's more pressure on women to fit a certain image. Media and area where we live in play a huge part in that "image". It's not so much pushed on or expected of men as it is of women to look "thin" and be "perfect".

I'm not OK with either of us being overweight. I sometimes blame my downfall a d weight gain on him. He eats like crap and it tempts me.

kimheartsscott · May 2010

Scott is 6'2 and weighs about 145 soaking wet. Which makes me about 30 pounds less than him currently, since I've put on weight. He says it doesn't bother him, and I actually believe him. He is the sweetest guy ever, but I'm sure he would find some way to be honest with me without hurting my feelings if it truly bothered him.

That said, if he put on weight, it would bother me. It already bothers me that he slouches, making his stomach stick out.

baystateapple · May 2010

I'm three inches shorter and about 30 lbs heavier than FI. He's a bean pole. I love him the way he is, but I know he'd like to gain a little weight (life is so tough, huh? I wish I could be so lucky).

At the same time, I would never, ever criticize him unless he got morbidly unhealthy, and even then, I don't even know what I would say. He watches me struggle with my weight (I do WW and I try to work out every day) and he has never, not once, said one unkind word about my weight or appearance. I hope that, if roles were reversed, I would be the same way.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

we're both fat and i hate it.

mwhitson14 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:7fab710c-6f6e-4888-ba88-50a2aa8b6b2d">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]we're both fat and i hate it.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

Jill, have you guys tried working out together? Or putting together a routine for exercise and healthy eating as a team?

AdeleDazeem · May 2010

My fiance actually just had his tux taken in for a wedding at the end of the month. He bought it three years ago for another wedding.

Everyone keeps commenting on how much weight he has lost. I haven't even noticed (and I feel terrible for saying it!). But, honestly, I don't notice his weight. He's overall short and stocky (which is my type), but the specifics of it escape me. I'm not sure if that is good or bad.

And Kim? Good lord - you've put on weight and you weight 30 lbs less than 145 lbs? I shall go sit in a corner now.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:85d8bf77-c95b-4da0-b159-1360b7d6ab5c">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands? : Jill, have you guys tried working out together? Or putting together a routine for exercise and healthy eating as a team?
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]
on occasion. we suck.

kimheartsscott · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:f9af6f0b-bf6a-4207-b86f-e28df8dbdcf4">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]And Kim? Good lord - you've put on weight and you weight 30 lbs less than 145 lbs? I shall go sit in a corner now. :)
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Haha, well if it helps, I am only 5'2", so putting on that weight made me go from a size 1-3 to a 9 in pants. As for right now, I'm adjusting. I know I'm not over-weight, but having this ass now and having to buy new clothes took a bit of a toll on my self esteem, admittedly.

AdeleDazeem · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:55d0aeb0-3931-463a-b9ed-256aaeadad14">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands? : Haha, well if it helps, I am only 5'2", so putting on that weight made me go from a size 1-3 to a 9 in pants. As for right now, I'm adjusting. I know I'm not over-weight, but having this ass now and having to buy new clothes took a bit of a toll on my self esteem, admittedly.
Posted by kimheartsscott[/QUOTE]

Okay... I'll give you that. I'm in a similar situation (which I won't quote, but it's REALLY similar.) It's been an adjustment since I've always been so little. I'm not even remotely big (I logically know that), but I feel different, especially in the belly.

I can't believe you are a size 9 in pants, though! Go to a different store. I won't go into Banana Republic because they tried to tell me I was a size larger than I knew I was. And when I say "they," I mean the pants that I tried on in the dressing room. Hehe.

mwhitson14 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:d7f6ab83-e988-4f73-9011-8ee5e999daa6">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands? : on occasion. we suck.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

I understand, it's hard. I hate working out so right now I'm concentrating on better eating habits.

luckyme502 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:646f70a8-c724-497c-ac3e-96fb3dbaa1bf">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]Another point ill make... ive found in my past that skinny guys are... bigger. You know. Dunno why.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Not in my experience. The "biggest" guy I was with was 6 foot 5 and weighed about 240!

maggyruth · May 2010

I have never dated a man who was larger (weight-wise) than I am...and it's depressing. FI weighs between 20 and 30 lbs less than I do, and he's 4 inches taller (6'5" to my 6'1"). Granted, I've been overweight or obese since I was a kid, and I weigh about 85 lbs less than I did when FI and I first met, but it's still an unnerving thing.

However, I found that I am (generally) not attracted to bigger guys. I don't know if it makes me think of my brother or what. My FI, on the other hand, is EXTREMELY attracted to me, and even was at my highest weight (over 300 lbs.) Don't get me wrong, I think he's way more attracted to me know, but still...I think he worries that I'll lose too much weight.

luckyme502 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:114ee8b9-840f-4c75-b507-1488b6c2743a">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]Sometimes I think women just focus on different traits in men. Naturally we look for those who are appealing to us physically, but I think women still weigh things like personality, dependability, potential fatherhood, etc at least as heavily (if not more heavily) than they do the physical aspect. It's the only thing I can think of that explains this phenomenon! :)
Posted by september's bride[/QUOTE]

This times a million! I have been with super attractive fit men, and they have not been "stable". I say, "They are fun for a weekend, but I wouldn't marry them." I just looked for different things in a life partner than I do in someone I just want to have fun with. I think that is a difference between men and women.

*BeachBride0410* · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_women-just-okay-fat-husbands?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:92960879-bbde-42b6-82d2-87ba2d13d7aePost:1167bf27-b8d2-451a-8e45-251c63c1c02f">Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands? : Those are Target, which is the only place I have pants from pre- and post-weight so I can compare. Really, my size is all over the place. But all the weight definitely went to my hips and ass!
Posted by kimheartsscott[/QUOTE]

I feel ya....I am a size 4 in womens however I need a size 9 in juniors. I have a butt and not so skinny legs. Most of my weight is in my bottom half.

I think it is more common to see a bigger guy with a smaller women. Hubby is 6'7 & I am barely 5'4

strawberrycrz · May 2010

When FI and I met, I was heavier then he was. We have both gained a ton of weight (him more then me) however now we weight the same. We are the same height as well. This is the heaviest we have ever been, and it sucks. I still love him the same and he loves me the same. Unless he got to the point where his weight was really stopping him from doing things he wanted to do, I dont care about his weight.

lyndausvi · May 2010

I married a fat guy. My past bfs were very fit and athletic. One was a tri-athlete and personal fitness instructor.

I do wish I could get him to lose some weight though. but unlike the other ladies I have ZERO control over his eating. There is no way to control his protions or only keeping healthy items in the house.

Shawnee11507 · May 2010

I agree that women look for different traits in men. My FI is a little chubby. I see other guys that are thinner and more muscular and "hot" but then my second thought is they're probably not as nice, awesome, and wouldn't treat me as well as FI.

I read somewhere a while ago that the relationships where the woman is better looking than the man (maybe thinner too) have a much higher success rate over time. It makes us feel more secure that they won't stray. Just what I read...

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

FI has put on about 40 pounds since we met. I honestly put on about 20-30 pound after we met, and I've lost most of it (though I still have a lot I want to lose). Really, neither of us care that much. He thinks it's great that I've dedicated myself to going to the gym a lot and getting healthier, and that my lung capacity is better now, since he likes to hike a lot and wants me to come too. But really... the fact that he could stand to lose a few pounds is really far down on the list of concerns. Not to say I have major concerns or complaints about him. ;-) Let's just say it's not something I focus on. And vice versa, since I've never been skinny, so I was pretty curvy when he met me.

Are women just more okay with fat husbands?

Re: Are women just more okay with fat husbands?

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