SIL upset "surprise" wedding
I got married about 1 month ago. My Fiance and I had been together for over a decade. For at least 10 years, when people have asked about us getting married, we have ALWAYS said that we were going to go away and elope at some point. In fact, we finally did get married and opted to have a small ceremony with just our parents.
We had announcements made and sent to our families. Once I was sure that all of the announcements had had time to get where they were going, I changed my name/status on Facebook and posted a few pictures of just my husband and I.
Everyone seemed happy and unsurprised based on the responses, except my sister in law. She posted "I didn't even know you had set a date yet" and "well, if you had told us, we would have sent a card". I can't tell if I am reading too much into her responses, but I feel like she is passive aggressively expressing that we should have told her in advance for some reason.
She and I are semi in contact via facebook but we don't particularly talk on the phone-maybe once a year, and we see each other about once a year. I'm trying to decide if I should just let it go and not say anything, or if I should call her and smooth things over. I need poeple outside the situation to give some perspective.
Thanks
Re: SIL upset "surprise" wedding
Rambley Blog
By choosing not to call close family to let them know either right before or after the ceremony, this reaction should have been anticipated. It's all water under the bridge now. If she brings it up again, via FB or another channel, pick up the phone -- call and apologize.
[QUOTE]Gotta say, I'd be pretty pissed to find out big family news like SIL got married via Facebook, which is what it sounds like happened. But then again, I'd also be pissed to find it out via the mailbox and an impersonal announcement too. Do you and your brother not speak or something? I would imagine news like "we're married" would <strong>warrant a phone call to my siblings</strong>, personally. So, I get her being hurt, if she is. I'd call her and apologize that you didnt tell them before announcing it to 450 of your closest acquaintances on the Internet. Let he know that you thought she knew because of the announcement you sent and that you are sorry she had to find out that way.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
This. I can't really speak for OP, as her situation may be not great with her brother. But that's weird, and if my FI's sibling got married and didn't say anything beyond an impersonal mailed announcement, I'd be hurt too.
[QUOTE]Gotta say, I'd be pretty pissed to find out big family news like SIL got married via Facebook, which is what it sounds like happened. But then again, I'd also be pissed to find it out via the mailbox and an impersonal announcement too. Do you and your brother not speak or something? I would imagine news like "we're married" would warrant a phone call to my siblings, personally. So, I get her being hurt, if she is. I'd call her and apologize that you didnt tell them before announcing it to 450 of your closest acquaintances on the Internet. Let he know that you thought she knew because of the announcement you sent and that you are sorry she had to find out that way.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>^This
</div>
I would just ignore it.
[QUOTE]Thanks for all of the great responses. I did wait quite a while to make sure announcements arrived before updating facebook. I didn't want people finding out that way as it seemed impersonal. I did not realize that some people find an announcement impersonal as well. My guess is that she did not receive the announcement before the face book posting. I did mention that she should have gotten one in response to one of her comments. I guess I will see if it continues and then call her if it seems necessary. It will be hard to know if she is angry at me since we don't call/see each other normally anyway.
Posted by zelenu[/QUOTE]
<div>Announcements are fine for letting your extended family and acquaintances know you got married. They are not, in any way, a substitute for CALLING YOUR BROTHER. I'm pro-announcement in many cases, but I cannot fathom why you didn't think your brother deserved a phone call.</div>
[QUOTE]G<strong>otta say, I'd be pretty pissed to find out big family news like SIL got married via Facebook, which is what it sounds like happened. But then again, I'd also be pissed to find it out via the mailbox and an impersonal announcement too.</strong> Do you and your brother not speak or something?<strong> I would imagine news like "we're married" would warrant a phone call to my siblings, personally.</strong> So, I get her being hurt, if she is. I'd call her and apologize that you didnt tell them before announcing it to 450 of your closest acquaintances on the Internet. Let he know that you thought she knew because of the announcement you sent and that you are sorry she had to find out that way.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
I completely agree.
A few years ago, my SIL (brothers wife) calls me and says "your sister just posted her wedding pics on fb." My response..."What effin wedding?!"
The thing was, she didn't tell anyone they went to the courthouse and got hitched. She just did it, and then posted pics. It hurt my feelings because we are very close and to find out through SIL/fb was a total bummer.