Having a slight MOH/Bridesmaid Issue

mrshall1027 · March 2012

I've been married before, a long time ago. Fortunately, I am still friends with the girl that was my Maid of Honor in my first wedding and she will be a bridesmaid in this wedding. I am still close to her, but we live far from eachother, both have super busy lives, and we just don't ever get a chance to hang out and we only talk on the phone like once a month or so.

I have three bridesmaids total. The other two, I am very close to and they have helped a lot with the wedding so far and have committed to helping more in the future (without me askigng). And, it's not just the wedding; they are always there for me when I need them. Ideally, I would like to have one as my Maid of Honor and the other as my Matron of Honor because I just can't decide between the two.

So, my question is, do you think it's weird that my "old" MOH will only be a bridesmaid? I think talking to her about it would only be awkward and maybe hurtful for her.

Cathryn4 · March 2012

I agree talking to her about it could def be very hurtful. One of my best friends got married and told me she was deciding between her other best friend and I to be MOH, and it was def awkward. I mean she is my best friend but I also did not like the thought of being second best. My advice is to do what your heart says is there anyway you can just pick one MOH and not a Matron of Honor this way your friend that was ur previous MOH wont feel like her only title is BM?? If she is as good a friend as you are describing she should understand that time and distance has changed a few things. Hope this helps!

udream05 · March 2012

I have three best friends in town and well besides not really being able to choose a maid of honor I also didn't want to create drama between anyone so choose not to go with any at all. I also have my good friend from college, who lives on the other side of the country, that everyone expected me to have as at least a bridesmaid but like you and your friend with our busy schedules we only talk once a month. I did talk to her about it because I didn't want her feels to be hurt, thankfully she didn't care either way. So i think you just need to figure out which will create the least friction and not make life anymore crazy for you but still do what makes you happy.

PetalPockets2012 · March 2012

If you only have 3 BMs, you probably don't want to make 2 out of 3 have a special title and leave the other one as a regular BM. You don't have to have a MOH at all. Or you could just give them all the title if you really want to use it. I would either pick 1 or none.

Also, while talking to her about it may be a good idea, I don't know if she would be 100% honest. If someone asked me if I would be hurt or upset, I would say of course not even if it did hurt a little. Most people are not going to tell you it would bother them.

pockysquirrel · March 2012

I agree with PP, general consensus is that it's rude to have two MOH if you have only one other bridesmaid. I'd name one of them MOH, or if it's too hard to decide, just don't have one and make them all BMs. Or, you could also come up with a cute, nontraditional title for each of them that denotes the special role each one plays in your life without singling anyone out or excluding anyone.

mrshall1027 · March 2012

Yeah, that was one of my worries. I didn't want to single her out at all or make her feel "second best". I do want to have a MOH because we are having readings, speeches and things that I want my MOH and his BM to do. FI is having a hard time picking his BM and he says he's just going to put all of their names in a hat and pick one. I might just have to do that and stick with one MOH. Sometimes this whole wedding planning thing is hard!

Thanks for the input and advice ladies! You're all great as always!

achiduck · March 2012

I would just choose one MOH. I don't think it should be a big deal that your former MOH is not going to be your current MOH - that role is supposed to go to someone in your life who is close to you and supports you fully. Friendships change over the years and if you're not that close to her anymore it wouldn't make sense to have her be MOH this time - just don't make a big deal about it and I'm sure it'll all work out ok.

lenergyrlah · March 2012

I was the "bridesmaid" at my sister's wedding, and my other two sisters were MOHs. I got upset about it because obviously she didn't like me very much. Maybe in your situation it would be different though.

shoebie · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_having-a-slight-mohbridesmaid-issue?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:9e342b97-3c44-4166-9522-8a66249d5048Post:7cc3e528-640f-4f36-b044-35ab0df366fe">Re: Having a slight MOH/Bridesmaid Issue</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>If you only have 3 BMs, you probably don't want to make 2 out of 3 have a special title and leave the other one as a regular BM.</strong> You don't have to have a MOH at all. Or you could just give them all the title if you really want to use it. I would either pick 1 or none. Also, while talking to her about it may be a good idea, I don't know if she would be 100% honest. If someone asked me if I would be hurt or upset, I would say of course not even if it did hurt a little. Most people are not going to tell you it would bother them.
Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This exctly !

</div>

nani1012 · March 2012

I have 4 BMs total, but my BF (since childhood) is my MOH and has been helpful with predicaments thoughout the planning since she's engaged as well. I also picked my lil sis be a Jr. MOH (only 15 yrs old) since she has been very involved with helping me plan the wedding also.

Having a slight MOH/Bridesmaid Issue

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