Addressing Invites - Help me solve these dilemas

theanglfac · April 2011

I thought I would put all of these in one post sorry if it is long. Any help on the appropriate way to address the following couples would be appreciated. We have inner and outer envelopes. Thanks!

1. Husband and Wife are both Ph.D.'s (non medical fields) do we use Dr.?

2.One couple the husband was in the military but left at the end of his required service last year. Do we still address him with his military title? He was an officer when he left.

3. My grandmother has a boyfriend, they have been together over 10 years, but they do not live together. He is being invited as her guest, do I need to send him a separate invitation to his residence?

4. We are inviting our old neighbor (single mom). She and my mom are still good friends. She has a daughter. The daughter and I were good friends as kids, but just facebook friends now. My mom mentioned that the mom would bring the daughter as her guest. The mom and daughter do not live together. Do I address the invitation to the mom and include the daughter on the inner envelope? I know via facebook that the daughter has a BF so I do not want to send the daughter a separate invite because then I would need to invite the BF as well.

5. I am inviting my boss and her husband. She had to move to LA to take this position, but her husband still maintains their main residence in another state. She goes back often, but not every weekend. Which house should I send the invitation to?

ootmother2 · April 2011

1) No Doctor titles are used outside academia

2) ask what he prefers

3) yes, they are an established couple. Send the invite to his residence

4) Seperate invites to anyone over 18, so yes

5) send the invite to their main residence, addressed to both of them

DramaGeek · April 2011

1 - I read somewhere that it's not required for non-medical doctors, but I have always called PhDs "Dr" and used it when addressing our invites. If they have the same last name I believe they can be "The Doctors Smith" or "Doctors Sarah and Thomas Smith With separate last names I believe it would be "Doctor Sarah Jones and Doctor Thomas Smith"

2 - Yes

3 - Would you invite him if they weren't together? That's how we decided if people got separate invitations or not. In thinking back, if my grandma and step-grandpa hadn't been married, we probably would have just sent one. I don't know if that's proper though.

4 - So you are definitely inviting the mom but not inviting the daughter, she would just be coming as the mom's date, correct? In that case I'd do "and guest" and let the mom decide who to bring. She might want to bring someone else. "and guest" lets her decide, "Sarah and Sally" means she must bring Sally or come alone.

5 - Ask her which is best.

ETA - the PhD and PsyD doctors in my life would have been offended to get an invite addressed to Mr or Mrs rather than Doctor.

mica178 · April 2011

1. The correct address for PhDs outside of academia is Mr./Mrs./Ms. If your friends prefer to be called Dr. socially, you can call them Drs. Jane and John Doe. Do not spell out Doctor for non-MDs.

2. Ask what he prefers.

3. I would send a separate invitation to your grandmother's boyfriend to his residence. No "and guest" is necessary.

4. Would you invite your old friend separately? If no, don't send her an invitation, just send one to her mother with an "and guest," and allow the mother to decide who she wants to bring as guest.

5. Send the invitation to their main residence.

ootmother2 · April 2011

I want to change my reply to #4

If the daughter has a signifant other, you did mention boyfriend, he should be invited. Don't split an established couple

Why do you not want to invite the daughter's BF?

SteveandKris · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-invites-solve-dilemas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:345ede7b-b6ca-491e-a671-8267ab386446Post:773727bd-dfb0-49fe-bc27-c9ddb12b64c8">Re: Addressing Invites - Help me solve these dilemas</a>:
[QUOTE]I want to change my reply to #4 If the daughter has a signifant other, you did mention boyfriend, he should be invited. Don't split an established couple <strong>Why do you not want to invite the daughter's BF?
</strong>Posted by ootmother2[/QUOTE]

I think she was only thinking of inviting the daughter as a guest of the mother.

DramaGeek · April 2011

OOT, the way I read it she wasn't intending to invite the daughter, but it got back to her that the daughter would be the mom's +1, which is why I said just invite the mom with the +1 rather than naming the daughter on the invite.

theanglfac · April 2011

To answer the above. I was not planning on inviting the daughter since we are no longer close. My mom mentioned that the woman was going to bring her daughter.

jessicabessica · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_addressing-invites-solve-dilemas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:345ede7b-b6ca-491e-a671-8267ab386446Post:7fc95529-3a3f-47be-b30d-f7552752c623">Re: Addressing Invites - Help me solve these dilemas</a>:
[QUOTE]To answer the above. I was not planning on inviting the daughter since we are no longer close. My mom mentioned that the woman was going to bring her daughter.
Posted by theanglfac[/QUOTE]

<div>In that situation, I would invite the neighbor "and guest." She may bring her daughter, or she may change her mind and bring someone else, but I think it's hard not to invite the daughter's BF if you name her on the mom's invite or send her a separate invitation. </div>

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