Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)

Moon9981 · August 2010

Hi everyone,

I'm new here so I apologize if this question has already been answered somewhere. My fiance and I have already been living together for 2 years, so we have most of what we need for the house. That said, we don't have a ton of money for a fantastic honeymoon splurge, so we thought about registering on one of those honeymoon sites. But, I wonder if this will work for the Bridal Shower, too, since people usually want to bring actual gifts and see them unwrapped -- a part of showers I personally hate!

There are a few upgraded things we would like for the house, but I am afraid if I register for normal homegoods for the shower that I'll miss out on getting some serious help with the honeymoon.

Will people coming to the bridal shower also be sending a separate gift for the wedding? If so, then I guess I could register for homegoods for the bridal shower, but only list the honeymoon registry on the wedding website?

Would love opinions!

andy71781 · August 2010

If you are going to have a shower you have to open presents. That's the deal.

Honeymoon registeries are not well received - for many important reasons. They are basically a request for money from your family and friends for the pleasure of spending your wedding with you. It comes across as grabby and tacky.

You should plan the honeymoon that you can afford - without the need for "serious help" from your guests.

Moon9981 · August 2010

Wow. Thanks for confirming every worry I had about rude, opinionated and unhelpful brides on this site responding to my post. And last I checked, there are no RULES about what HAS to be done at a bridal shower.

banana468 · August 2010

At the min, honeymoon registries get mixed reviews. You may find that people in your crowd like them but you may also find lots of people who really dislike them. Keep in mind that those who dislike think that they're just a not so clever way of registering for cash (a big etiquette no no) and people often dislike that all money spent isn't given to the couple in many cases.

If you want to do a honeymoon registry then go ahead and do one but please do have a registry at a brick and mortar store for someone who wants to buy you "stuff". Not only will that be a huge asset to your home (you must have some items that you can upgrade. I've been married for 3 years and would already love some fresh new things), but it also helps guide those who want to use the registry so you can avoid getting lots of picture frames, photo albums or extra coffee pots.

When it comes to the honeymoon, please do register for one that you can afford. By that I mean, make sure you can afford the plane tickets and hotel and the basics. If guests are contributing to a trip that you never take, they may and most likely will be upset that their money went to waste. So add on special things like dinners, excursions and trips to the spa but not things like airfare and the hotel. Afterall, how special can a trip be that never materializes?

As far as a shower goes, please be aware that while it can be a long process to watch the bride open her gifts, that really is the point of the shower. So do your best to enjoy the process of it because that's why the women attending are there. And it's really up to the hostess of the shower how things will go with the gift opening.

I'd personally list both registries on my website if people want to find it. DH and I just aren't fans of honeymoon registries so we wouldn't contribute to one, but we'd happily buy someone the new knives or stemware that they have on their registry.

andy71781 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:0be825fd-7160-4d46-87a4-f50792b58556">Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. Thanks for confirming every worry I had about rude, opinionated and unhelpful brides on this site responding to my post. And last I checked, there are no RULES about what HAS to be done at a bridal shower.
Posted by Moon9981[/QUOTE]

As you requested, I provided my opinion. I'm sure your guests will feel/think the same way. You're welcome!

jagore08 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:987f060b-4ec0-48e9-b8bb-a373788f752c">Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi everyone, I'm new here so I apologize if this question has already been answered somewhere. My fiance and I have already been living together for 2 years, so we have most of what we need for the house. That said, we don't have a ton of money for a fantastic honeymoon splurge, so we thought about registering on one of those honeymoon sites. But, I wonder if this will work for the Bridal Shower, too, since people usually want to bring actual gifts and see them unwrapped -- a part of showers I personally hate! There are a few upgraded things we would like for the house, but I am afraid if I register for normal homegoods for the shower that I'll miss out on getting some serious help with the honeymoon. Will people coming to the bridal shower also be sending a separate gift for the wedding? If so, then I guess I could register for homegoods for the bridal shower, but only list the honeymoon registry on the wedding website? Would love opinions!
Posted by Moon9981[/QUOTE]

jagore08 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:0be825fd-7160-4d46-87a4-f50792b58556">Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. Thanks for confirming every worry I had about rude, opinionated and unhelpful brides on this site responding to my post. And last I checked, there are no RULES about what HAS to be done at a bridal shower.
Posted by Moon9981[/QUOTE]

<div>You should lurk around the boards to get the feel of how they are. A lot of people are not fond of honeymoon registries because you're asking for money, which is a big etiquette no no. </div><div>
</div><div>I didn't find anything that the first poster said as rude. She's trying to tell you that a shower is to "shower" the brides with gifts. That usually means physical gifts that you see the bride-to-be open at her shower. If you really hate the idea of having everyone watch you open gifts, or are not planning on having a traditional registry then you should decline the shower.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div>

quotequeen · August 2010

You asked for opinions on if honeymoon registries work for bridal showers. The answer is no, and that many people think they're not appropriate for anything. But I guess you only wanted opinions if they're the same as yours?

mlhubbard · August 2010

My FI and I are in the EXACT same boat! We have lived together for 2 1/2 years and are registering at Sandals...a honeymoon we CAN afford and have already paid the airfare for, but would be nice to have a great chunk taken care of for us since we are paying for a bulk of the wedding ourselves. Our kitchen is full of appliances and top of the line knives from Williams Sonoma and I refuse to decorate our apartment for fear I will want new stuff when we get a house. We have decided to register for not only our honeymoon, but for a few things at Target and possibly some fine china. This will hopefully appease those that feel the need to physically give us something, but we are hoping most people would rather not bother and simply go to our website for a trip contribution! We did a PR move and spoke directly to most of our family and friends and explained how much we would appreciate the gift of memories from a fabulous honeymoon and that those will last a lifetime. Most people seemed to understand! Good Luck!

jennylove810 · August 2010

Hi.

FI & I can't afford a HM at the moment. We don't have the money, and we don't have the available time off from work. Therefore, we're not taking one. It's a slight bummer, but it means we have something else on the horizon to look forward to and work toward.

A vacation I earned and paid for feels so much better than one that's only a reality because my friends and family helped pay.

Moon9981 · August 2010

Thank you banana468 and MLhubbard for your kind and helpful replies. I am certainly looking for opinions other than my own. That's why I posted here, after all. I just think there is a nice way to say things and a not so nice way.

Also, MLhubbard, I like that PR move. I may use it as well!

MNVegas · August 2010

The point of the shower is to shower the bride with gifts. So HM registry doesn't work for a shower. There will always be guests that want to buy boxed gifts so you could do registry items for shower and your guests will get the hint and give cash gift for wedding. No need to ask them for money thru a HM registry which takes fee out of your cash gifts.

You can also spread via word of mouth that you are registered at X store but saving for great HM that you would not be able to afford on your own. A lot of people find HM registries deceitful and don't like them, so be sure you plan a HM you can afford otherwise you might end up being disappointed when you end up not getting enough $$ to cover your expenses.

Goldlie11 · August 2010

I don't have a problem with HM registries. However, I don't think that they are appropriate for a shower. Very rarely is money (which is what a HM registry is) given at showers. Even at a display shower, people still give tangible gifts.

As for getting a wedding and shower gift, it depends. If I gave a really expensive shower gift, then I would not give a wedding gift. If I gave a moderate or fairly inexpensive shower gift, I would give cash at the wedding.

Some people only give shower gifts. Also keep in mind that there will be people who attend your wedding without giving any kind of gift.

MVJP10 · August 2010

You should just decline the shower.

noodle_oo · August 2010

I hate HM registries. I can't really explain why, they just rub me the wrong way. But whatever, if you choose to have one, at least have it along with a traditional registry so people who feel like me have an option.

However, using the honeymoon registry for the shower is beyond tacky to me. If you don't want traditional gifts, don't have a shower. You can't force people to spend money on you a particular way.

staceytaylor0704 · August 2010

I think you should still register for some material gifts if you are going to accept the shower. People generally like to bring wrapped gifts to a shower, and that wouldn't work with the honeymoon registry.

Aubrav · August 2010

Just so you know, I've noticed that as a whole the women on the knot boards, as helfpul as they are, are completely against honeymoon registries (at least the majority). A better place to get more varied opinions and to see things from both sides are the boards at weddingbee.com

That being said, I am in the same boat as you but I am having a honeymoon registry and a target registry. There is nothing I really need right now, I would love to fix up the house, but can't really register for a certain paint color, a $200 rug, an electrician, countertops, etc. I refuse to register for anything that is more than $100, and frankly, if someone is going to purt more than $100 toward a gift then I would rather have that to put toward the honeymoon or the house.

But a Shower is for opening gifts, otherwise there is no point in it. On weddingbee.com you will find many brides who had great success with their honeymoon registries. Good Luck!

Moon9981 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:c95da1f1-934e-4d7d-aa07-bb28f7b538b3">Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]Just so you know, I've noticed that as a whole the women on the knot boards, as helfpul as they are, are completely against honeymoon registries (at least the majority). A better place to get more varied opinions and to see things from both sides are the boards at weddingbee.com That being said, I am in the same boat as you but I am having a honeymoon registry and a target registry. There is nothing I really need right now, I would love to fix up the house, but can't really register for a certain paint color, a $200 rug, an electrician, countertops, etc. I refuse to register for anything that is more than $100, and frankly, if someone is going to purt more than $100 toward a gift then I would rather have that to put toward the honeymoon or the house. But a Shower is for opening gifts, otherwise there is no point in it. On weddingbee.com you will find many brides who had great success with their honeymoon registries. Good Luck!
Posted by Aubrav[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for the suggestion. I have also found more varying opinions on the Brides.com boaards. Many women there said they have had great success with Honemoon Registries, too. One thread even mentioned doing a themed bridal shower, for example, Caribbean, to prepare for her beachy honeymoon. Guests gifted her with bathing suits, sarongs, beachy things, etc. I thought it was a great and creative idea!</div>

kmetzger0389 · August 2010

I'm in the same boat as you. When I initially posted about a HM registry, I got really negative responses. From the beginning, I never wanted a shower because I have no need for one. But as far as the wedding goes, I am going to register for a HM at honeyfund.com, they do not take out a fee (unless your guests pay through paypal there is a 3% fee for the paypal service itself.) I also made a small registry at Bed Bath and Beyond for things that I WANT not neccessarily need. You know your guests better than anyone on this site, so if you don't think they would be offended I wouldn't sweat it. I do agree with PP's though in that you should plan something you can afford as far as airfare and rooms. And if you end up getting enough $ to cover that and then some, then that's awesome!!

If you are really wanting a shower, then I suggest you start a registry of some sort. You would be surprised at how many things you could use once you start looking around. Good luck! I hope you got some advice you can use!!

aplatanada · August 2010

If you decide to do a HM registry, make sure your invitees know exactly what they are getting into.

A while back a friend had a HM registry. Never having seen one before, I decided to give them something off of it. I was really naive- granted, I didn't do my full homework- but I thought that the "fruity cocktail at the wet bar" I was giving them was actually a fruity cocktail at the wet bar (like a voucher at a resort or something). I was even wiling to pay the $5 processing fee because I thought, "Well, I know they'll really relax and enjoy the fruity cocktails."

I saw my friend after they came back and asked, "So how were the fruity cocktails at the wet bar?" She looked at me like I was crazy. I felt like a sucker when I realized I had paid $5 to essentially give them cash.

jillross · August 2010

Towels! Register for towels - everyone needs towels

All kidding aside I have to agree with the above the honeymoon thing is tacky - if I were invited to a wedding and saw this I would participate because I realize the importance of a honeymoon and every bride and groom need a holiday after all the wedding planning but I would do it with a scowl on my face.

Like I said I know that this is something that you want and firmly believe that you will both need a break after all the crazy wedding planning. How about scaling back your invite list or doing a cocktail reception instead of a full plated dinner at your wedding and using the money to put towards your wedding? Get creative and you'll get your honeymoon - good luck!

holmar2010 · August 2010

Ive never seen the HM registriy but i have heard of it, if either of my friends who married back in April & May had one, I would have been excited to help. I would have been even more excited to go to a theme party, to help them get ready. Not everyone likes to sit at a shower and watch someone recieve a gift that they do not need. Not going by tradition isnt the end of the world. Anyways, I say go with the theme party, b/c your taking the trip regardless and now you get things you actually need.

krissymcmahon · August 2010

I haven't decided on what I'm doing yet because I'm two years away but..I fail to see the difference between asking for $100 cash and a $100 dollar gift. I'm really curious as to who decided all the wedding etiquette.

krissymcmahon · August 2010

I'm not angry I just really don't see the difference between asking for cash or asking for gifts. II hate asking for anything period lol. It makes me feel like I'm being selfish when I ask for things? I don't know it's weird. I doubt me and my FI will do a HM registry anyway because of what we want to do. Most of my family has no issue with giving cash so I'm not afraid of letting them know that's what we would prefer.

My major issue with a regular registry right now is the fact that I can't find anywhere that I would WANT to register and would be willing to spend money at. I despise all the stores in my city. I think if the person likes the idea of a HM registry it should be up to them to use one. I think I'm more or less sick of seeing the word "tacky" on this site. It seems like everything is tacky.

banana468 · August 2010

What about places local to your guests or on the internet? DH and I had to buy three wedding gifts this year. We didn't set foot in Williams-Sonoma, BB&B or Amazon and all three were locations of registries for the couple.

krissymcmahon · August 2010

If anything, I think I might go with something like Amazon. Our families are from all over the country so going local wouldn't really be easy to do.

flutgrl1 · August 2010

We had a traditional registry and a HM registry. We got gift cards, money, and gifts from both registries at the shower. Cards still have to be opened. Some people printed out their purchase from the HM registry. I would assume your friends/family will want to give you a gift that you would enjoy. You can still have a shower and you don't need to regsiter for household items you don't want/need.

jemmini6 · August 2010

Like others have said, plan the HM you can afford! Other than that, I love the idea of a HM registry.

Also, I don't think the HM registry works for a bridal shower because like you said, the point is for everyone to see you open gifts. I would register for some smaller upgrade items for that, as well as your HM registry for the wedding.

princess0711 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_honeymoon-registry-bridal-shower-longer?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:1f63c2e0-a7f1-4d93-a379-e57b7f58a5a0Post:0be825fd-7160-4d46-87a4-f50792b58556">Re: Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow. Thanks for confirming every worry I had about rude, opinionated and unhelpful brides on this site responding to my post. And last I checked, there are no RULES about what HAS to be done at a bridal shower.
Posted by Moon9981[/QUOTE]

Thank you for finally saying it, I keep thing the same thing as a I read some of the posts on here!

emilylovesisaac · August 2010

I personally don't see anything wrong with a honeymoon registry- you're right, you've been living together and if you don't feel the need to "upgrade" your things you shouldn't have to. People shouldn't be giving gifts because its "etiquette" they should just because they care for you and want to help you celebrate. If people are really offended about it who cares!

If all else fails just register for whatever crap there is at target, send out the thank you cards, then return it and go on a sweet honeymoon!

becca474 · August 2010

FI and I are doing a Honeymoon registry and a lot of our guests LOVE the idea. We've paid for everything (except meals) already, so it's not like we can't afford it on our own, we just love the idea of being able to say "we're snorkeling and Mr. & Mrs. Smith covered the cost for us" For us, it's a fun way to incorporate our loved ones into our HM. We did register at BBB & Target for those who wanted a more traditional route. I think it honestly depends on the people you are inviting. I talked about it a few times to see what people though before we registered and everyone I mentioned it to thought it was a great idea. We're also planning on taking photos of us doing whatever people bought us and sending them with the Thank You cards.
If you end up looking into them, I recommend Honeyfund.com because basically the guest just prints out a certificate that says what they bought you and writes you a check. The money doesn't actually go to Honeyfund.

Honeymoon registry for Bridal Shower? (longer)

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