Fretting for no reason?

Re: Fretting for no reason?

• GreenPepperBurger

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  Don't panic. It will come when it comes. Enjoy your boyfriend and your relationship as it is now. These are things I should be telling myself. :-)
  
  Good luck!
  

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• heyimbren member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  Wedding planning doesn't have to be crazy. Some people would prefer to have smaller weddings, without the big affair. Remember that the wedding is only one day. It's an important day of course, but what's more important is the life you have AFTER the wedding. Your relationship is so much more important than any wedding or wedding planning! Keep that in mind
  
  Plenty of people have long engagements-it all depends on the couple. But don't get engaged if you don't feel ready to get married yet. There's nothing wrong with waiting until you feel better about it.
  
  Have the two of you had any serious talks about this? I don't mean about getting married, I mean about your apprehensions.
  
  I'm not sure how you're going to feel about this but there is something else: if it's the idea of spending all this money that worries both of you, getting married doesn't have to be costly. People do get engaged without rings (or even without expensive rings) and they do get married without lavish parties. There isn't anything wrong with any of that, just most people like the idea of having a bigger wedding.

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• katanne9 member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  You ARE panicking for no reason. A. Start saving your money if you're concerned about it. B. My FI talked about proposing for almost 2 years before he proposed, as did many girls on this board. I would relax and wait.

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• azdancer8 member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  It sounds to me like he is kind of testing the waters to get a feel for how you are emotionally with the idea of engagement. Also, sometimes guys will talk about an idea for a bit before they are actually ready to act on it. (My FI was this way - we talked about engagement and marriage pretty early on in the relationship, and I had mini panic attacks too. But by the time he proposed, I was finally ready. I just had to get to a certain point emotionally, and he somehow knew when I was there.)
  
  It's also possible that he IS close to proposing, but if you've talked about timelines with him, then he may be okay with a long engagement, and just want to take that next step to "show" that you belong together. But do note that if you and he decide to wait until a house is built and the career is secure, you may be waiting a while longer than you want. You never know what life will throw at you.
  
  And no, planning isn't all that bad, especially if you give yourself enough time so you won't stress about it (which a long engagement would do).
  
  By the way...you could just have a case of wedding jitters. They happen before the wedding and engagement as well. Just remind yourself that you love him, and want to spend your life with him, and that everything will work out the way that it is meant to. Best wishes!

  
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• motoLyn member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  Thanks a bunch everyone!  I mentioned long engagement to him, he's mentioned kids to me.  So I know we're in it for the long haul cause I can't imagine anyone else as perfect for me as he is.  I'm sure its just me getting all wound up over nothing.  In regards to waiting till we get a house and his career is set, yeah I agree it can be a LONG time before that happens, so it really shouldn't be a marker for when getting engaged should happen.  We're both well into our late 20s and I'm just finishing up my graduate degree.  To everyone else, our close friends and family, its just a matter of time till it happens.  

  
  

  I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and I don't need a ring to finalize that.  Though I am very curious as to what the ring he designs looks like.  

  Motolyn's House Remodel Blog Starting anew Nov. 2012.

   

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• Narwhal

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  I'm right there with you, friend.  I know the engagement is getting closer and I while I'm really excited, part of me is really nervous.  I can't figure out what it is because I know it's not because I'm not ready, and it's nto becaue I don't want to be married to him, but I still have those butterflies.
  
  I think it's normal, but unnecessary.  I compared it to getting a tattoo.  Before I got mine, I had the same exact feeling.  I wasn't nervous about the artist screwing up and I wasn't afraid of the pain, but for some reason I had this nervousness.  I think it's because after it happens, there's no going back, and thats kind of scary and exciting at the same time.
  
  Just try to not think about it.  BF and I went to look at rings recently, and it totally got my jitters out.  Now I don't want to think about it, I got it out of my system and I'm ready for him to do his thing whenever he sees fit.
  
  It will pass, I promise.
  

  

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• tafft1 member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  Definitely enjoy every day for what it is and don't stress about the wedding and planning just yet. Nothing wrong with wanting to save money aside for when the time comes , that is just being responsible in planning  but don't rush it , trust me , it is not all it's cracked up to be , lol. Do what is best for you both - ring or not to be engaged , small intimate wedding or big , the marriage is what counts in the end and it sounds like you know that but are genuinly worried about the financial aspect. It's a realsitc fear..and planning for your life together is never a bad thing , just din't worry about all the small stuff until you have to. Sounds like you have something solid there and the time will come

  

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• jessyjane member

  

  August 2010 edited December 2011

  I know my bf is going to propose soon too. Being a little nervous about the cost and planning, I found a great tool with a website I already use.
  
  Mint.com
  
  Using their goals feature, you can create a custom goal..."wedding" and put a amount you want to save. It will reccomend a monthly contribution. The best part is you can link it with your bank account (it is a secure website-I opened a new account specifically for savin) and see your progress. This tool really helped me save!
  
  

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