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Wedding Etiquette Forum
Would you judge...
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Re: Would you judge...
"Halloween may have loose women scantily clad...
But Christmas has a pregnant virgin.
Way cooler." - anna.oskar
Is this a hypothetical question?
[QUOTE]I think it would depend on the relationship, and whether it seemed like they were rushing into it or not. The divorce being final wouldn't really matter much to me, because <strong>a relationship can be over way before the divorce is actually finalized on paper</strong>.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]
This. Not sure the circumstances but behind closed doors, there are a lot of untold stories in every situation.
DD'ing identifying info. MWAH
Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
So, based on my PERSONAL experience, I'd side-eye it. Think it's wrong; that's not my judgment to make. John and I moved in together after an 8 month LDR, were engaged after a year, but married 4 months later.
Do not mess in the affairs of dinosaurs because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
[QUOTE]It's not really hypothetical, it's in regards to a CW. I don't know that I really judge, actually. Her situation is that she got married a couple of years ago to a guy she'd been with for 10 years- since she was like 19/20. They split up last spring/summer, divorce finalized in October'ish. She started dating new guy within a month or two, and they just got engaged this week. I'm happy for her. <strong>I think my concern is more that she has really never been single or anything, and I was kind of excited for her to experience being single, living by herself, etc. I'm worried she's filling the emptiness from the divorce with new guy.
</strong>Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]
I think it's super important to really know who you are before getting married (or remarried) and being ok with yourself when you're single is a big part of that.
I am thinking with the scenario you presented, the couple possibly got married because they thought it was the next step since they had been together so long, which happens often.
Now, if it were the case where one or the other was having an affair and divorced in order to be with the other man/woman, that would be a different story.
One of my best friends is always in a similar position. She dates one guy long term, then they break up, and then three weeks later she's with another guy. She's never been single for longer than a month since she started dated. And the guys she's with always seem to treat her like garbage. Sometimes I wonder if she's just filling the emptiness with the new guy. But it's her life, YKWIM?
Books read in 2012: 21/50
I think 6 months can be a short amount of time to be in a relationship before getting engaged, but it works for some people, especially when they're a little older, responsible and now know what they want in a partner.
[QUOTE] I think my concern is more that she has really never been single or anything, and I was kind of excited for her to experience being single, living by herself, etc. I'm worried she's filling the emptiness from the divorce with new guy.
Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]
This. I would seriously think she needs time alone. There's grief involved in any divorce, even if you're the one who instigated it/walked away. And in that alone time, you need to remember who you are, and what you want and what you believe. That gets lost in a relationship that has disintegrated.
Do not mess in the affairs of dinosaurs because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
Also, it's hard to go from being in a relationship and having a partner to not having a partner. Some people love being single and asserting their independence, but it isn't for everyone, ya know? Some people like to be in relationships. Is that healthy? Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on the kind of relationship. Is this guy a douchebag, or a pretty decent man?
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
.
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
My H had been separated from his ex for 2 years and they never got a divorce. After we got together, he decided that he wanted to marry me and got the divorce. We were officially engaged 1 week after the divorce was final.
So I think the separation period should go into account as well.
ARENT YOU MARRIED YET?!
Vacation with Alix, Andy, Mandy, and FLORENCE. AND HER MACHINE.
The Margarita Evolution
If you were talking 7 weeks, yeah, I would judge but 7 months might be alright for your CW. Not everyone needs the same amount of time to heal from a divorce. Some might have begun the healing process during the separation so if that was a year, they might have already had almost 2 years to recover.
"So I sing a song of love, Julia"
06.10.10
BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
[QUOTE]OMG, how much would it suck to have Brother Husbands?
Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]
LOL, especially when you were TTC?
But for chores and getting things fixed, it might not be bad.
Books read in 2012: 21/50
[QUOTE]HOLY CRAP ITS KATE NUMBERS. ARENT YOU MARRIED YET?!
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]
Heh, ALMOST! And I say what I said above because that's totally us. We got engaged just 2 months after getting back together (had been with each other on and off for 10 years) but will have been engaged 2.5 years. Part of that was due to moving, and finishing school, and other things, but I also think that it quelled any suspicions that we were making any uninformed decisions. :)
[QUOTE]I sure couldn't have done it. It took me 4 years to even date after my divorce. I used that time to find get my life back and be single. I married young and went from my parents' house to being married so it was really nice to have that time to be "free". If you were talking 7 weeks, yeah, I would judge but 7 months might be alright for your CW. Not everyone needs the same amount of time to heal from a divorce. Some might have begun the healing process during the separation so if that was a year, they might have already had almost 2 years to recover.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
B, you don't have to go into details, but I'm curious since we share this, too. Did you initiate yours, or not? I initiated mine, and I was so calm and what not right after I told him (I was an emotional wreck and ate nothing for 3 or 4 days leading up to it). It was freeing. I spent the summer with my parents, away from it all. When I went back, I crashed, and crashed HARD. I was scared of him, depressed big time, having anxiety attacks, and just generally a mess. I felt like "the divorced/separated pariah." Dating was a nightmare, because I didn't know how to do it (and that's another whole topic not fit for public consumption). I really had lost myself and my belief system while I was married to my ex.
Do not mess in the affairs of dinosaurs because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
I love you Missy. Even though you are not smart enough to take online quizzes to find out really important information. ~cew
[QUOTE]someone getting engaged 7 months after their divorce was final?
Posted by RobotLegs[/QUOTE]
<div>Not necessarily because it took 3 years for my divorce to be final. That's 3 years from the day me and my XH were maintaining separate residences, making no attempts at reconciliation, and had completely severed our relationship. It's been almost a year since it was finalized and I am ready to say yes if and when my current SO asks.</div>
The other person I know is my mom. She got married 4 months after her divorce was final.
And by judge I mean side-eye. Whatever they want to do is their business. In the first case, the girl in question is 25 or 26, so it was more of a "really? why the rush?" response.
ETA: neither of these were no-fault divorces (which take a year or more) and each were finalized in less than a year from initial separation.
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