Need help...

bogartamy · April 2010

I'm planning to have my reception at the Wayside Inn in Sudbury, but i've run into a complication. The time between my ceremony at the church i wanted to have it at and my reception is two hours. I found out from Wayside Inn that the Chapel on site will do catholic weddings, but only if i can find a priest to perform the ceremony.

Can anyone recommend a catholic priest that is willing to travel to the Wayside Inn to perform the ceremony?

Also, if i can't find a priest...should it matter the time frame between my ceremony and my reception? Should i be concerned?

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

Yes you should try your very hardest to plan your day so there is no gap time between the ceremony and reception. It is rude to ask your guests to wait around for you, especially when the reception is really a thank you for coming to the ceremony. At the very least, host something in the meantime for people to do.

No idea about the priest though.

Beantown Mama · April 2010

A Catholic priest will probably not perform your marriage unless it is in a "sacred" place such as a church or chapel. Does the Wayside Inn have a chapel? I don't know anything about that venue. I did the research and that is what I found out about the priest though when I wanted one to marry us at our reception venue.

Good Luck!

Karen's MOH · April 2010

I would be surprised if you can find a Catholic priest who would travel for that. You'll need a little more info about the chapel probably before you can ask your priest.

I personally don't think that a 2 hour gap is the end of the world. A lot of people on these boards (and in real life, of course) are adamantly against them. However, I've been to a lot of weddings with a gap and it isn't that much of a problem for me. If you can move the reception up a little, that would shorten the gap, but I know I am having about a 2 hour gap for mine and I'm ok with it.

FutureMrsJRoberts · April 2010

I've also been to weddings with quite a big gap, I'm planning my timeline at the moment and I really want a big gap so that we can get lots of great photographs but I'm concious of the guests.

I think 2 hours would be OK - I went to one wedding last year and we had a 4 hour gap - some people just skipped the ceremony - but it was in Boston so personally I kind of liked being all dressed up and having a nice cocktail!

I know people have pretty strong feelings on this. Maybe offer some suggestions for what they can do in between? Or have an extra 30 minutes of cocktail hour - then a 90 minute gap is OK

Galaxy8227 · April 2010

Often times if you can find a Deacon or a priest who has retired they will often perform Catholic weddings outside of the church. Perhaps your church could give you a few names to try.

LexiMS · April 2010

A lot of Catholic brides have this issue, I wouldn't worry too much about it, as long as you give guests some idea of what to do and they are aware that there is a gap. Obviously its not ideal, but its fairly common.

MeaghanandMichael · April 2010

I mena, we go into this issue every few weeks so no need for me to get too deep into it, BUT I stand by that with good planning (finding a venue that can accomodate your Catholic faith with flexible times) is all it takes to avoid something that is a PIA for a lot of people.

BluValkyrie · April 2010

If I remember right, my cousin's wedding at the Mary Martha Chapel (the chapel in question) was a Catholic ceremony, but it's been so long that I can't remember correctly, my family has so many different religions peppering our ranks it's hard to keep track of how is what. Why not start with some of the Catholic churches in Sudbury and work your way out to see if any of them are willing to preform a ceremony there; since it's a known spot, it might not be an issue (might being the operative word). Besides, the worst they can say is "no" (I try am keep a positive mind set)

jaguarjen · April 2010

We are also getting married at the Wayside Inn, and knew that the general rule was that you could not have a Catholic ceremony there. We did ask a retired priest who is friendly with FH's family if he could do it (since we are not members of a church ourselves) and when he looked into it, he was told that because the Martha-Mary Chapel falls within the parish boundaries of...I forget the name of the local parish... they have jurisdiction over it, and because they'd been so overwhelmed with the number of requests for it in addition to managing everything for their own church's weddings, they'd asked the Cardinal to essentially place it off-limits.

I got this information third-hand (church official to the retired priest to my fiance) so can't vouch for its perfect accuracy, but basically the scoop seemed to be that he could not officiate a wedding in his capacity as a priest without breaking church rules. I think there are exceptions for interfaith ceremonies (which require special dispensation to begin with, I think?), but my guess is you would not be able to arrange this.

How far away is your church from the Wayside Inn in travel time? One thought to help reduce the gap might be to have "cocktail hour" (although probably not actual cocktails since it's a church) at the church after the ceremony - maybe cookies & lemonade and iced tea on the lawn? That combined with travel to the Wayside would narrow the gap, maybe ask people to get to the Grist Mill for a group photo? Or see if you can arrange an optional group tour of the Wayside buildings before the reception? (Just thinking out loud....)

bogartamy · April 2010

I was told by the functions person at Wayside that a catholic ceremony could be done, so long as you could find a priest to come to the site. As for the travel time, I live in Waltham, and was originally planning on having my ceremony at Sacred Heart in Waltham. Unfortunately they have evening masses so there could be no real cocktail hour outside of the church.

motbx3 · April 2010

As PP said, a Catholic priest will only perform the marriage ceremony on a concecrated alter. I believe the Martha Mary Chapel is a non denominational chapel.
Marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic faith which is why the ceremony has to be on sacred ground. Good luck!

jaguarjen · April 2010

Sorry, I wasn't clear -- the "no Catholic weddings at Martha-Mary" seems to be the local Catholic church's rule, based on what the retired priest told us, I didn't mean to imply it was the Wayside Inn's rule. I don't think the Wayside cares at all who performs the ceremony, or what kind of ceremony it is, so long as you're not lighting the place on fire and you're not going over your time slot. My understanding is that to have a Catholic ceremony, you'd have to find someone to perform it outside the bounds of the church rules. How to do that might depend somewhat on your reasoning for wanting a Catholic ceremony - if it's important to you that it be recognized as a sacramental marriage, your options are a little more limited than if it's because that is the religious tradition you grew up with and therefore that is the ceremony format that has meaning to you, but church formalities are not a concern. In the latter case, you might want to look at something like www.rentapriest.com (.org? I forget) - it's priests who left their official posts because they felt called to marriage, but who still serve as priests, just not within the official strictures of the church.

If the former, I would probably stick with your plan of Sacred Heart and come up with a plan so that guests aren't totally at sea during the gap. Maybe there's a church hall that is available for use even while masses are scheduled?

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