wtf Wednesday

AllyG303 · January 2012

vent here

butterflyjumper1 · January 2012

as you ladies know, i didn't get engaged till nov. 21 so i am a bit behind most of you as far as details go....my save the dates came to my apartment via fed ex yesterday. and I. HATE. THEM. i opened them and immediately wanted to throw up because i hate how they look so much.

it is possible that i am turning into a bridezilla....but they just felt cheap, and were too small, and our engagement photos that are in the save the date just look matted and blah (even though in reality our engagement photos are incredible pieces of art).

i am insisting on returning them (luckily the company who printed them is giving us a full refund) but now we are that much farther behind on sending out save the dates. my spreadsheet says we will mail them out on January 28 (exactly six months before our wedding date) but now that i have to find a new design, re-design them, re-order them, have them re-shipped to us....we are going to be well behind schedule. sigh. WTF am i thinking!!! why do i have to be so gosh darn picky!

colleenm18 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:cd87db4c-8c87-453f-8782-14bb806b1427">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]as you ladies know, i didn't get engaged till nov. 21 so i am a bit behind most of you as far as details go....my save the dates came to my apartment via fed ex yesterday. and I. HATE. THEM. i opened them and immediately wanted to throw up because i hate how they look so much. it is possible that i am turning into a bridezilla....but they just felt cheap, and were too small, and our engagement photos that are in the save the date just look matted and blah (even though in reality our engagement photos are incredible pieces of art). i am insisting on returning them (luckily the company who printed them is giving us a full refund) but now we are that much farther behind on sending out save the dates. my spreadsheet says we will mail them out on January 28 (exactly six months before our wedding date) but now that i have to find a new design, re-design them, re-order them, have them re-shipped to us....we are going to be well behind schedule. sigh. WTF am i thinking!!! why do i have to be so gosh darn picky!
Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]

If you are feel like you need to get the word out sooner and have a website just send out an email letting people know about the site. It could be like a pre-save the date :)

BrightFirefly · January 2012

My usual theme continues - I want to kick abuela to the curb.

FI comes home yesterday and says to me "You look really tired" and I reply with "Your grandma was up in her room last night - for over an hour - talking so loud that I thought she was trying to yell the conversation all the way to Omaha rather than use her cell phone". So he says he'll say something to her.

Today - I sent him a text "Hey, what did your grandma say?" and he says "She said she's sorry" and two minutes later I get a text "Please don't build resentment toward my grandmother. That's only going to cause problems between you and I"

I'm just so sick of her. At this point, I don't even stay in the same room as her. When FI gets home, we all eat together, then I go to our room and work on homework - which I use to work on in the livingroom. Staying away from her prevents me from getting angry - but it also means the only time I get with FI is when he comes to bed. -_-

BrightFirefly · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:cd87db4c-8c87-453f-8782-14bb806b1427">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]as you ladies know, i didn't get engaged till nov. 21 so i am a bit behind most of you as far as details go....my save the dates came to my apartment via fed ex yesterday. and I. HATE. THEM. i opened them and immediately wanted to throw up because i hate how they look so much. it is possible that i am turning into a bridezilla....but they just felt cheap, and were too small, and our engagement photos that are in the save the date just look matted and blah (even though in reality our engagement photos are incredible pieces of art). i am insisting on returning them (luckily the company who printed them is giving us a full refund) but now we are that much farther behind on sending out save the dates. my spreadsheet says we will mail them out on January 28 (exactly six months before our wedding date) but now that i have to find a new design, re-design them, re-order them, have them re-shipped to us....we are going to be well behind schedule. sigh. WTF am i thinking!!! why do i have to be so gosh darn picky!
Posted by butterflyjumper1[/QUOTE]

We just mailed ours out on Monday - so we're a little behind the game too. Our Save-the-Dates are small and cheap (we did business cards -rather than pay for actual STDs) - and we have Mario and Princess Peach on ours - but if I were you - I think I would have returned them too if the picture looked crummy because that is important.

Do you have a lot of OOT guests?

Elinetrouwt · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:78a81954-cd55-4954-b0ab-faedf105f063">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]At this point, I don't even stay in the same room as her. When FI gets home, we all eat together, then I go to our room and work on homework - which I use to work on in the livingroom. Staying away from her prevents me from getting angry - but it also means the only time I get with FI is when he comes to bed. -_-
Posted by BrightFirefly[/QUOTE]

<div>OK, that's just too much. If you've gotten to the point where you're feeling chased out of your home, or at least your living room, something's gotta give. What did you reply to his text? Could you tell him that, while you don't want it to be this way, you do feel resentment towards her, and tell him honestly about the way you feel? It seems this whole situation has passed the point of what's bearable long ago.</div>

AllyG303 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:78a81954-cd55-4954-b0ab-faedf105f063">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]My usual theme continues - I want to kick abuela to the curb. FI comes home yesterday and says to me "You look really tired" and I reply with "Your grandma was up in her room last night - for over an hour - talking so loud that I thought she was trying to yell the conversation all the way to Omaha rather than use her cell phone". So he says he'll say something to her. Today - I sent him a text "Hey, what did your grandma say?" and he says "She said she's sorry" and two minutes later I get a text "Please don't build resentment toward my grandmother. That's only going to cause problems between you and I" I'm just so sick of her. At this point, I don't even stay in the same room as her. When FI gets home, we all eat together, then I go to our room and work on homework - which I use to work on in the livingroom. Staying away from her prevents me from getting angry - but it also means the only time I get with FI is when he comes to bed. -_-
Posted by BrightFirefly[/QUOTE]

Does he not see how crazy she makes you and that it's becoming unhealthy for your relationship with him since he always takes her side? He needs to understand that you two are a package deal, not that he and abuela are a package deal for you to take on. The two of you are getting married...not a small step. He either needs to be on your side 100%, or he needs to rethink whether or not he can be a good husband to you, because a statement like what he said makes me think that he thinks more highly of abuela than he does of you, which isn't fair to you. You weren't trying to build resentment, you were clearly just wanting to be able to get a good night's sleep in your own home without your pesky roommate being so noisy.

butterflyjumper1 · January 2012

thanks ladies for not thinking i am crazy

our website is already up and running and close family has that link already....and we have a FAIR amount of OOT family - but most of them have already reserved their hotel rooms (our reception is at a swanky hotel and provides us with a great room block). we just have some out of town friends who we were hoping to get STDs to as soon as possible.

bright - i used to have a roommate who i avoided like you avoid abuela. it gets so exhausting to have to put on a happy face for the few minutes that you are in the shared quarters before you can go hide in your room. i can't imagine how hard it would be to have to suffer through this when your fiance is stuck in the middle.

colleenm18 · January 2012

My Vent for today could go on forever so I will try and give you the short version.

I have had a ton of issues with my sister (lets call her Gina) I had originally asked Gina to be co-MOH with my other sister (call her sarah). Her initial response was a hesitant yes, but still a yes. Within a month she then decided she did not want to be MOH and would prefer to just be a BM. OK fine. Within 2 months of that she decided she would rather not be in the wedding at all. Ok again whatever you need to do. Gina also did not attend my engagement party because it was at sarah's house and she hated Sarah. Ok.

So Gina and I have been working on rebuilding our relationship over the past few months. I thought things have been going great. Apparently i was TOTALLY wrong because yesterday I was blind-sided by emails from her basically telling me I make no effort with her and that I am awful because I am so close to Sarah and that she is done with me and now will not be attending my wedding at all and she just booked her vacation over the same week.

what? My sister obviously has some issues of her own that have nothing to do with me, unfortunately i just am the one who gets the brunt of it all. She has a very hard time being happy for anyone, and this is how Gina has been her whole life. During her conversation with my yesterday she even went as far as to say to me that Even though FI and I are going through some things right now(the death of FI brother is really hitting hard again) that it would be nice for me to make an effort with her.

So that is the short version of what happened.
Ok vent over. Sorry if it is long and confusing but just typing this made me feel better

YuMMMy721 · January 2012

Work is very annonying today. VP Joe Biden is coming to our office tomorrow, so the secret service is here today getting everything set up. We are getting kicked out of our offices for hours so that he has a place to be. And we have to be through the secrure area at 9am tomorrow morning and he doesn't show until 11am! Going to be a VERY long few days!!

YuMMMy721 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:78a81954-cd55-4954-b0ab-faedf105f063">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]My usual theme continues - I want to kick abuela to the curb. FI comes home yesterday and says to me "You look really tired" and I reply with "Your grandma was up in her room last night - for over an hour - talking so loud that I thought she was trying to yell the conversation all the way to Omaha rather than use her cell phone". So he says he'll say something to her. Today - I sent him a text "Hey, what did your grandma say?" and he says "She said she's sorry" and two minutes later I get a text "Please don't build resentment toward my grandmother. That's only going to cause problems between you and I" I'm just so sick of her. At this point, I don't even stay in the same room as her. When FI gets home, we all eat together, then I go to our room and work on homework - which I use to work on in the livingroom. Staying away from her prevents me from getting angry - but it also means the only time I get with FI is when he comes to bed. -_-
Posted by BrightFirefly[/QUOTE]

<div>I totally feel for you!! FI's 21 year old sister and her son lived with us for 106 days and I did the exact same thing, hiding in my own house, hardly ever seeing FI. I know there were many times that I said things and did things that I probably shuldn't have. But fot he sake of him and I, biting my tounge really was the best idea! I hope it gets better for you! Or she moves! *hugs*</div>

BrightFirefly · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:e91bdb51-018a-4928-ae65-78e8b539bbb0">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : OK, that's just too much. If you've gotten to the point where you're feeling chased out of your home, or at least your living room, something's gotta give. What did you reply to his text? Could you tell him that, while you don't want it to be this way, you do feel resentment towards her, and tell him honestly about the way you feel? It seems this whole situation has passed the point of what's bearable long ago.
Posted by Elinetrouwt[/QUOTE]

I replied with "ok". I hate discussing this kind of thing over text messages because tone of voice can't be accurately assessed and it ends up sounding snotty or pathetic or we both get mad. So I'll wait til we're in person.

<3

thanks girls.

BrightFirefly · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:095b64c5-b2f0-4190-81c2-c21696ca3cbf">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]Work is very annonying today. VP Joe Biden is coming to our office tomorrow, so the secret service is here today getting everything set up. We are getting kicked out of our offices for hours so that he has a place to be. And we have to be through the secrure area at 9am tomorrow morning and he doesn't show until 11am! Going to be a VERY long few days!!
Posted by macfam929[/QUOTE]

What's the reason for this visit? Campaign stuff? :: nosey ::

BrightFirefly · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:6976e124-ff2a-41ed-a08b-21ec4a8fa376">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]My Vent for today could go on forever so I will try and give you the short version. I have had a ton of issues with my sister (lets call her Gina) I had originally asked Gina to be co-MOH with my other sister (call her sarah). Her initial response was a hesitant yes, but still a yes. Within a month she then decided she did not want to be MOH and would prefer to just be a BM. OK fine. Within 2 months of that she decided she would rather not be in the wedding at all. Ok again whatever you need to do. Gina also did not attend my engagement party because it was at sarah's house and she hated Sarah. Ok. So Gina and I have been working on rebuilding our relationship over the past few months. I thought things have been going great. Apparently i was TOTALLY wrong because yesterday I was blind-sided by emails from her basically telling me I make no effort with her and that I am awful because I am so close to Sarah and that she is done with me and now will not be attending my wedding at all and she just booked her vacation over the same week. what? My sister obviously has some issues of her own that have nothing to do with me, unfortunately i just am the one who gets the brunt of it all. She has a very hard time being happy for anyone, and this is how Gina has been her whole life. During her conversation with my yesterday she even went as far as to say to me that Even though FI and I are going through some things right now(the death of FI brother is really hitting hard again) that it would be nice for me to make an effort with her. So that is the short version of what happened. Ok vent over. Sorry if it is long and confusing but just typing this made me feel better :)
Posted by colleenm18[/QUOTE]

This is why I'm glad I don't have siblings. :p

It does sound like she has some other things going on though. Is she married or in a relationship? Or has she been in some bad ones? It seems like she has some "acceptance" issues - like she always feels like she's second.

Elinetrouwt · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:5d5936a8-22c9-4313-8010-8c0f61c7a46b">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : I replied with "ok". I hate discussing this kind of thing over text messages because tone of voice can't be accurately assessed and it ends up sounding snotty or pathetic or we both get mad. So I'll wait til we're in person. <3 thanks girls.
Posted by BrightFirefly[/QUOTE]

<div>That's a wise thing to do, texting = bad. But I hope the two of you can really have a heart-to-heart soon. </div>

Elinetrouwt · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:6976e124-ff2a-41ed-a08b-21ec4a8fa376">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]My Vent for today could go on forever so I will try and give you the short version. I have had a ton of issues with my sister (lets call her Gina) I had originally asked Gina to be co-MOH with my other sister (call her sarah). Her initial response was a hesitant yes, but still a yes. Within a month she then decided she did not want to be MOH and would prefer to just be a BM. OK fine. Within 2 months of that she decided she would rather not be in the wedding at all. Ok again whatever you need to do. Gina also did not attend my engagement party because it was at sarah's house and she hated Sarah. Ok. So Gina and I have been working on rebuilding our relationship over the past few months. I thought things have been going great. Apparently i was TOTALLY wrong because yesterday I was blind-sided by emails from her basically telling me I make no effort with her and that I am awful because I am so close to Sarah and that she is done with me and now will not be attending my wedding at all and she just booked her vacation over the same week. what?
Posted by colleenm18[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm so sorry! Are your parents around, what do they say?</div><div>
</div>

BmoreBride311 · January 2012

@Colleen - I'm so sorry, that sounds really frustrating. She sounds like she is being selfish and trying to be overly dramatic. I mean, booking her vacation over your wedding? Even if she had valid reasons to be mad at you (which it doesn't seem like she does), the fact that she did that and made it a point to tell you just makes it clear that she is trying to be manipulative and get a rise out of you.

LADY324 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:7d8b08c9-d94e-4929-9c1e-8d418d3746f4">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : Does he not see how crazy she makes you and that it's becoming unhealthy for your relationship with him since he always takes her side? He needs to understand that you two are a package deal, not that he and abuela are a package deal for you to take on. The two of you are getting married...not a small step. He either needs to be on your side 100%, or he needs to rethink whether or not he can be a good husband to you, because a statement like what he said makes me think that he thinks more highly of abuela than he does of you, which isn't fair to you. You weren't trying to build resentment, you were clearly just wanting to be able to get a good night's sleep in your own home without your pesky roommate being so noisy.
Posted by AllyG303[/QUOTE]

I agree with Ally 100%. You really need to do something about this. Your FI seems very attached to his grandmother and it sounds like he always puts her and her feelings first before you. That is so not ok. Things are not going to change or get better after you are married. They might get worse. I would kick this whole situation in the butt before you say I do. She really needs to go it is not a healthy living situation for you and your FI. It sounds like you don't really like confronting your FI about this b/c you know that he is going to stick up for Abuela. Are you afraid of him choosing her over you?

I don't want to sound mean but your situation won't change unless you do something about it and really put your foot down. If your FI chooses to stay living with her that would be a deal breaker for me. And should signal red flags if he is not willing to cut the ties with her.

YuMMMy721 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:e7a3b757-6f59-458c-bfe7-fa143338c6da">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : What's the reason for this visit? Campaign stuff? :: nosey ::
Posted by BrightFirefly[/QUOTE]

<div>The invitation we got says, "To talk about the importance of manufacturing in the continuing recovery of our Nation's economy." So not exactly sure why. I live in NH, so our primary is over, and most of the politicians have moved on to other states (thank god!!). So I have no idea why he is coming, or why he picked our plant! </div>

Elinetrouwt · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:91d7c046-14dd-498c-81ee-c152f42acc2d">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : The invitation we got says, "To talk about the importance of manufacturing in the continuing recovery of our Nation's economy." So not exactly sure why. I live in NH, so our primary is over, and most of the politicians have moved on to other states (thank god!!). So I have no idea why he is coming, or why he picked our plant!
Posted by macfam929[/QUOTE]

<div>Clearly because he is a lurker on this board, secretly obsessed with weddings, and he wants to meet you.</div>

Nati05 · January 2012

Bright, I continue to believe that these issues need to be resolved with Abuela as much as with your FI. I hate that she's putting herself between you two, and honestly I think she knows exactly what she's doing. I mean look at what point you and FI are now! Abuela's got everything figured out. Having a talk with FI will only solve half the problem. If FI comes to senses and starts to back you up, things might be fine with you but he'll only be causing problems between him and his gma... and that's not what you want either. She will only have MORE reasons to want to annoy the crap out of you. I really do feel all 3 of you need to talk in order for this to actually be fixed, and afterwards try your best to improve the relationship between you and Abuela. :-\

Nati05 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:9ef878d2-01ab-4fcf-9a8c-ccc7015607af">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : Clearly because he is a lurker on this board, secretly obsessed with weddings, and he wants to meet you.
Posted by Elinetrouwt[/QUOTE]

Hahahahaha! Obviously.

Colleen is Gina your half or step sister by any chance? Sounds like underlying jealousy issues that she's always had when it comes to her sisters. FSIL is kinda like that, she loves FI to death but underneath she's constantly jealous of him.. and everyone really. But because of this jealousy she'll randomly lash out with stuff about unfairness and priorities and favorites.. crazy stuff really. That's what your sister's reaction reminded me of. It's out of the blue to you, but probably she's always thinking about this. Have you talked to her about it?

YuMMMy721 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:9ef878d2-01ab-4fcf-9a8c-ccc7015607af">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : Clearly because he is a lurker on this board, secretly obsessed with weddings, and he wants to meet you.
Posted by Elinetrouwt[/QUOTE]

<div>HAHA!! That totally just made my day :) </div>

bells24412 · January 2012

Bright I agree with everyone, you and your FI and abuela really need to talk things about and you guys need to decide what to do. This isn't healthy for you and you and your relationship. I hope everything works out.

My WTF is I got like no sleep last night so I am dragging along today, drank a red bull but I know that isn't going to last very long. I have been eating all unhealthy stuff which something i shouldn't be doing...ugh. I dont really like my job, but i am glad i have one. Ugh. WTF.

BrightFirefly · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:cfbea267-4860-4008-96bb-a92449498f0f">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : I agree with Ally 100%. You really need to do something about this. Your FI seems very attached to his grandmother and it sounds like he always puts her and her feelings first before you. That is so not ok. Things are not going to change or get better after you are married. They might get worse. I would kick this whole situation in the butt before you say I do. She really needs to go it is not a healthy living situation for you and your FI. It sounds like you don't really like confronting your FI about this b/c you know that he is going to stick up for Abuela. Are you afraid of him choosing her over you? I don't want to sound mean but your situation won't change unless you do something about it and really put your foot down. If your FI chooses to stay living with her that would be a deal breaker for me. And should signal red flags if he is not willing to cut the ties with her.
Posted by LADY324[/QUOTE]

I know, I know. You're right. I don't like to talk about him about it because

1) It always turns into him not talking to me for 2 days.
2) Me feeling like the tag-along in this family - when she should be the one that's the "tag-along" and not me.

And I've said it before - if given an ultimatum - he would choose her over me - no doubt about it. He's told me before. I'm constantly being reminded about how I need to respect his grandma. Everytime I have something bothering me about her or this situation (the lack of privacy, for example - not even somethign she's directly doing) - it's an attack against her. He fails to see the things that she does to bug the hell outta me.
<strong>
Bright, I continue to believe that these issues need to be resolved with Abuela as much as with your FI. I hate that she's putting herself between you two, and honestly I think she knows exactly what she's doing. I mean look at what point you and FI are now! Abuela's got everything figured out. Having a talk with FI will only solve half the problem. If FI comes to senses and starts to back you up, things might be fine with you but he'll only be causing problems between him and his gma... and that's not what you want either. She will only have MORE reasons to want to annoy the crap out of you. I really do feel all 3 of you need to talk in order for this to actually be fixed, and afterwards try your best to improve the relationship between you and Abuela. :-\\</strong>

Nati, I 100% believe that she's doing all of this on purpose. Since I initiated "the race" a few weeks ago - she now waits RIGHT by the door for him and hijacks him for about five minutes before he even says hi to me. Even if he's late -she stands there until he gets home. And her nicknames for him have gotten even sappier - she use to just call him "Ricardito" - now it's "mi amor" "mi corazon" "mi nino preciouso" over and over all day - I probably murdered the actually spelling - but you get the idea.

You've been saying to have a talk between the three of us since the beginning - it's just the language barrier is so rough and I can't expect him to be able to translate my feelings to his grandma. I'm honestly tempted to hire an interpretor for an hour to come here and translate for us. -_-

BrightFirefly · January 2012

Grrr...

So I just texted him saying nevermind about picking up the sour cream after work - I'm just going to run to the grocery and pick it up because I can't concentrate on my schoolwork right now anyway.

And he responds with "What, is my grandma making too much noise for you?"

CMON! If I ever even laughed too loud in our bedroom at night - he shushed me. But now I'm going to be scrutinized for saying she was up late talkign VERY loudly..when he's the one who prompted it by syaing I looked tired.

I think I'm going to buy her a tiara and a velvet cape

and if she EVER has to cross a puddle..I'm going to throw myself over the puddle..so that way her shoes don't get wet and she can just step on me.

AllyG303 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:add2024c-2014-4f51-a8dc-b1b4461de49a">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE] Since I initiated "the race" a few weeks ago - she now waits RIGHT by the door for him and hijacks him for about five minutes before he even says hi to me. Even if he's late -she stands there until he gets home. And her nicknames for him have gotten even sappier - she use to just call him "Ricardito" - now it's "<strong>mi amor" "mi corazon"</strong> "mi nino preciouso" over and over all day - I probably murdered the actually spelling - but you get the idea. You've been saying to have a talk between the three of us since the beginning - it's just the language barrier is so rough and I can't expect him to be able to translate my feelings to his grandma. I'm honestly tempted to hire an interpretor for an hour to come here and translate for us. -_-
Posted by BrightFirefly[/QUOTE]

Ew...

MeaganR12 · January 2012

Bright- You're a much stronger woman than I am. Seriously, every time I read another story in the Abuela saga it makes me realize how trivial all my annoyances with my FI are. I agree with PPs that you three need to resolve this, I think it's important that it happens before you get married.

I wonder if there's some way she can be near you but not in the same living space. Like, we have a small in-law unit in our backyard which is actually really common here. Do you think there's anything like that available? I know moving is a pain in the ass, but it would be worth it to me to gain some independence.

My WTF moment is this:

In September, my whore of a mother told me she needed to use my car for a couple weeks while her car was in the shop. FI asked what was wrong with it and when she said what it was he said there was no way that should take two weeks, but we told her she could use it either way.

So she shows up with her boyfriend to pick it up and HE says, "thanks so much for letting me borrow your car, it shouldn't be for too long.". My mom couldn't even look me in the eye and I had to confront her about it later. When I did confront her she told me that she didn't think it was a big deal since both of us worked primarily from home.

Now it's nearly 5 months later and I still don't have my car. This guy is such a fucking loser, he's getting divorced and has two young kids. So every time he picks them up for visitation he's driving his fucking GF's DAUGHTER's CAR! Wow mom, you picked a real winner.

elizabethmae315 · January 2012

Bright- as much as we love hearing these abuela stories- you really need to do something about it. Ask FI if he really thinks this is the best situation for everyone, and try and figure out something that can make everyone a little happier.

Meagan- I would be so nervous that something would happen to my car if someone had it for that long. I'd start working very hard to get it back asap if i were you. Tell your mother she had it for the agreed amount of time, and you need it back.

BrightFirefly · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:e884f0fc-c853-4d5d-ba19-280a303cb425">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : Ew...
Posted by AllyG303[/QUOTE]

Tell me about it.

I agree guys. As much as I boo-hoo about it - I should try to just fix it. I need the tough love girls - keep giving it. Lol.

I think I might take Nati up on that offer to translate a letter to Abuela for me. :p YOU HEAR THAT NATI? I REMEMBER THAT YOU OFFERED..dun dun dun..Anyhow. I could explain that I understand how much she loves her grandson - and that they are very close - but explain perhaps how I feel too?

And about the in-law suite - when we buy a house - that would be the plan. She would have her own living space - we'd hope.

We can't really afford anything more than our apartment right now - though even something like a townhome is a bit bigger than this.

Nati05 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_wtf-wednesday-26?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:150b83a0-fa0a-4cb5-8e1e-60a336645e82Post:add2024c-2014-4f51-a8dc-b1b4461de49a">Re: wtf Wednesday</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: wtf Wednesday : Nati, I 100% believe that she's doing all of this on purpose. Since I initiated "the race" a few weeks ago - she now waits RIGHT by the door for him and hijacks him for about five minutes before he even says hi to me. Even if he's late -she stands there until he gets home. And her nicknames for him have gotten even sappier - she use to just call him "Ricardito" - now it's "mi amor" "mi corazon" "mi nino preciouso" over and over all day - I probably murdered the actually spelling - but you get the idea. You've been saying to have a talk between the three of us since the beginning - it's just the language barrier is so rough and I can't expect him to be able to translate my feelings to his grandma. I'm honestly tempted to hire an interpretor for an hour to come here and translate for us. -_-
Posted by BrightFirefly[/QUOTE]

Ok she's just overdoing it with the pet names. Ughh. I don't get it. Does she have the mentality of a 5 yr old? What kind of mature person plays these silly little games??

I know having a talk with abuela is difficult because of the spanish and man, I would SO be your personal interpreter if I could!!! But unless you really can hire an interpreter asap.. I would seriously consider asking FI for his help translating. It's not that you're expecting him to, but really you're at a point that something needs to be done immediately and you're only asking him for a favor. He practically owes it to you. And you know what? I bet all he wants is for you and Abuela to get along. I highly doubt he'd oppose to translating if that meant potentially improving things between all of you. Or if not, I'll still help translate a letter for you if you'd like. :)

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