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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Not sure what category this falls into....

This past year, I was MOH at my sister's wedding.  My fiance and I got engaged months before they did and waited so we can save money for our wedding.  I agreed to be my sister's MOH because well, I am her sister and I believe in being there for family.  Thinking she would understand the unique circumstance of both of us getting married soon - I would have thought she would go easy on the expenses.

Initially, she picked out a dress which I bought... a few months later she changed her mind of the color... and so I spent 10X's more (too late to return the first dress and it's not selling on Ebay).  They asked my fiance to be part of the party.  My fiance has a limited budget as he finishes school, so I paid for the tux.  Her Jack and Jill came.... I pulled some strings with the venue owners so she got it cheap,  I also brought my friends thinking it would help her party even better.  My friends even bought tickets for her raffles and paid to get into the party ($20 each) which I thought was really nice of them.  I bought them a nice basket for their honeymoon, because I love giving gifts (it probably was unnecessary but she's family!).

During all of this, my sister said she was going to help me out with my DJ or whatever I needed.  Thinking she totally understood that I went into my wedding fund for her wedding.

I knew something was up once after her wedding, she did not get her bridal party a thank you gift , grooms party didn't even get a thank you.... and stayed distant about my wedding plans.

Few months ago she approached me about helping out with the DJ.. but then soon enough I get a call explaining that she 'over extended herself' and now she can't... come to find out, she over extended herself with shopping sprees to the mall and coach bags etc....

I never asked her for anything... I just figured that with all of the support I gave her... it would have been nice to have a sister at this time.. like I was there for her.
I guess I was ultimatly the idiot for agreeing to be the MOH right?... but, my family expected it, despite knowing my situation.  I just didn't want a family feud either!

Lately I just feel that we should have just kept the ceremony in HI and send out cards to announce our marriage, instead of having a reception back here.
  
Has anyone had such crazy drama?  Frown

Re: Not sure what category this falls into....

  • Nope.
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  • Is your sister hot?
  • NebbNebb member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    While your use of paragraphs is nice, thats still way too much to read.
  • I'm not sure how the way your sister treated you relates to your own wedding plans by reading this, other than maybe you were counting on her to help you out financially and now she can't.  The best thing to do is plan the wedding you can afford.  Yes it's a shame that you spent so much money on her wedding and she's not going to reciprocate, you should have being doing it because you're her sister, not because you were expecting something in return.
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  • It's crummy that she is going back on her offer to help with the DJ, however, just because you were so helpful for her wedding doesn't mean she needs to be as equally helpful with yours.  Her etiquette leaves a lot to be desired, but she doesn't owe you anything for what you did for her during her wedding.  (unfortunate, but the truth)
  • Actually, no - within my post, I indicated that she was being drawn back, there are other kinds of support than FINANCIALLY that someone can give...

    I guess it comes down to accepting the fact that she isn't there and my friends are. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-sure-category-this-falls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:43b34b2d-5b08-4201-8d4b-c1f72a2a3205Post:edcf97d8-1bee-4dc1-8ca5-ad93e6651d84">Not sure what category this falls into....</a>:
    [QUOTE]  <strong>Her Jack and Jill came.... I pulled some strings with the venue owners so she got it cheap,  I also brought my friends thinking it would help her party even better.  My friends even bought tickets for her raffles and paid to get into the party ($20 each) which I thought was really nice of them.  </strong>
    Posted by JadeCat[/QUOTE]

    I stopped reading right there.  Your sister held a raffle- for money- for her wedding??
  • Honestly, I would have put my foot down after the dress debacle.  That's nuts.  She's your sister, you should have felt comfortable talking with her.

    That does suck, though.
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  • Stackeye,

    Your right! she doesn't owe me crap, but as family you would think it would be NICE and to own up to her word, ESPECIALLY when it's family.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-sure-category-this-falls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:43b34b2d-5b08-4201-8d4b-c1f72a2a3205Post:957679b1-cdcf-4483-aac7-90ce040516fe">Re: Not sure what category this falls into....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually, no - within my post, I indicated that she was being drawn back, there are other kinds of support than FINANCIALLY that someone can give...<strong> I guess it comes down to accepting the fact that she isn't there and my friends are. </strong>
    Posted by JadeCat[/QUOTE]

    Some people are just self absorbed.  Is it safe to say that this probably isn't the first time she was happy to take, take, take and not give support or gratitude in return? 
  • Shellydiane - your right too... I should have.  I guess I was trying to avoid the drama.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-sure-category-this-falls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:43b34b2d-5b08-4201-8d4b-c1f72a2a3205Post:d61aca4c-4418-4393-9789-eaa3514d10c9">Re: Not sure what category this falls into....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Stackeye, Your right! she doesn't owe me crap , but as family you would think it would be NICE and to own up to her word, ESPECIALLY when it's family.
    Posted by JadeCat[/QUOTE]

    I'm not necessarily disagreeing with why you're upset......I totally see where you are coming from with having hurt feelings.  It just doesn't sound like she's the type of person that would even understand why you are hurt, even if you did talk to her about it. 

    Of course I'm only going off your post and don't know details - just assuming.  She sounds a lot like my sister. 
  • I would have only paid for one dress.  It is a shame she is backing off from her promised support but there is not much you can do.  Never count on any financial support unless the check is actually in your hand.
  • Stackeye... she has screwed over people in her past.. I just never thought it would be in this way. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_not-sure-category-this-falls?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:43b34b2d-5b08-4201-8d4b-c1f72a2a3205Post:25697bac-7800-4ccf-9294-01b53090be2f">Re: Not sure what category this falls into....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Stackeye... she has screwed over people in her past.. I just never thought it would be in this way. 
    Posted by JadeCat[/QUOTE]

    :(  I'm sorry.  It really is a messed up place to be in.  I know with my sister I finally had to hold myself back when doing things for her because it was always just "expected" and never appreciated. 

    Just rely on your friends for support and try not to let it put a damper on your wedding planning.  This is supposed to be a happy time.
  • Britne... good advice.. just wish they had a check for emotional support as well =)


    Anyway, thanks for everyone listening to my vent.... I'm just going to carry on and be a happy bride to be... and put this out of my mind, whether she is there or not...  if she is not.. then that is her loss.
  • That whole situation sucks.
  • If it makes you feel better - my sister ALSO promised to pay for the DJ and a week before the DJ called me to tell me he hadn't received payment yet.  Yea, that was awesome.  But it all worked out in the end. 
  • Shiit, my sisters didn't give me any wedding gifts, and neither did my mom.  Not even a card! AND they still spell my H's name wrong. lol
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