Which is the more polite option?

Goldlie11 · December 2009

Okay, so FI and I have narrowed it down to 2 options. Even though our wedding is far, one of the venues is quite popular, so I will need to contact them in early 2010 to make sure I get the date that I want. Fi has no preference over the two plans.

Plan A (which was our original)- A private ceremony at City Hall NYC with parents, grandparents, and sibling (10 people). A reception dinner later that evening close to our home with about 50 guests.

Plan B- Cut down the list and invite all guests (28) to City Hall. Have a lunch reception at a restaurant nearby.

Things to consider:

1. FI insists on City Hall, so that is nonnegotiable.

2. I believe the cost of the two plans will be about the same, so price is not a factor in making the choice easier.

3. Both plans will have to take place on a weekday (probably a Friday) because City Hall is not open on the weekend.

4. Edit: City Hall can only accommodate 28 guests in addition to the bride and groom.

I really appreciate any input as I want to do the most polite thing.

beatlesgirl25 · December 2009

I picked other. While I would normally encourage you to have everyone as a witness to your marriage, I think a lunch reception on a weekday might not be easy for many of your guests to finagle.

pinkpinot · December 2009

I vote plan A, is there a limit of guests allowed at city hall? Could you invite all 50 and then go to the reception dinner?

mocha beans · December 2009

Is there a reason you can't have all 50 guests at the City Hall ceremony and then go to dinner afterwards? I agree that doing a lunch reception on a weekday is going to be hard on some people, even a dinner on a weekday might be difficult.

september's bride · December 2009

I chose Plan A, simply because inviting people out for lunch on a weekday may be a bit tricky, just because it's during their work day. I know it would be hard for me to take off from work for a couple of hours during the day to go to a wedding lunch reception. It would be much easier for me, as a guest, to make it to dinner later in the evening. But in the end, what is best for you and FI (logistically, financially, etc) is what you need to do. It looks like you're willing to compromise on things to accommodate your guests as best as you can, so I'm sure that as you get closer and crunch the numbers a bit more, this will all work itself out.

kristy2 · December 2009

Not more polite or not, but is it all that easy to have a big group of almost 30 people at city hall, or would that be a hassle? I don't know the facilities. Maybe another reason to go with A.

Goldlie11 · December 2009

Yeah, I definitely should have been clear that City Hall limits you to 28 guests (as 30 people can fit in the chapel)

jamiefour · December 2009

Pink- Our dogs are twins LOL How old is yours?

jamiefour · December 2009

Also- I chose A because I think it will be easier for people to come in the evening.

Nebb · December 2009

A. I had a private ceremony as well (not at a city hall, but only with a small handful of people there), and a bigger reception afterwards. It was fine. I think that will be better by way of having everyone you care about there rather than cutting hte list.

pinkpinot · December 2009

Jamie! We do have doggie twins! What mix is yours? My guy is going to be 5 this year. I'm not sure what he is - the vet thinks Chihuahua/Terrier mix but I see Boxer in his face.

julezlee · December 2009

I chose A becuase I think you'll have more fun that way.

Kristy - To answer your question about City Hall in Manhattan, it was just renovated last year to accomodate ceremonies like this. It's a really nice facility.

jamiefour · December 2009

Pink- Mine is a Puggle(Pug and Beagle Mix) He is Four! I can't imagine that he isn't a puggle he looks just like mine...

pinkpinot · December 2009

I just googled puggles and they are so cute! Here is a puppy picture of my dog, maybe I should start a poll for people to help me figure out his breed! hahaha

We think he came from a puppy mill and was originally passed off as a tea cup Chihuahua. His original owner didn't want him anymore once he got really big and she realized he wasn't a teacup.

Goldlie11 · December 2009

Thanks, all. I appreciate the opinions. I can definitely see how a weekday lunch would be inconvenient. On my side it might not be too much of a big deal (retirees, students, and my mom has a million personal days saved up). I will see how FIs family will feel about it. Personally B appeals to me a bit more because I would love to kind of get it done without dragging everything out (if that makes sense). It would prevent having as big of a gap. What exactly is my photographer supposed to do during that huge gap? One can only take pictures for so long. Especially if there are only a few people there.

Also, if I chose A, what would I do with those who attended the ceremony? Tell them to go home and meet us at the reception later? Grrr. I'm kind of starting to hate all of this wedding stuff. I REALLY wish FI had let me do the small semi-destination wedding I wanted at a B &B.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2009

Why do you need to have a big gap? And there's no way you can invite a JOP to officiate at the restaurant or a park instead, and invite everyone?

tenofcups4me · December 2009

I'd do B for just the reasons you listed. If you do A, I would imagine you'd still have to either take everyone out to lunch or find something else for them to do, wouldn't you? Or would they just go home in between?

I've only been to one NYC City Hall and it was years ago. I guess there were about a dozen of us and then we went to a bar/restaurant at the World Trade Center afterwards for drinks and light fare. It was a weekday, but all of us, including the bride and groom, had flexible schedules so no one had to actually take off of work to be there.

For the numbers of people you're looking at, are you sure there are no other alternatives besides City Hall? Like maybe a judge performing the ceremony at a restaurant instead?

squirrly · December 2009

I'm really curious as to why you have to have it at city hall. Why aren't other civil ceremonies, just officiated elsewhere, an option?

Personally, as a guest, I really hate being invited to only the reception. I don't care how small your ceremony is, or if it's only family. To me, if that's all you had at the ceremony, that's all that should come to the reception (although I know others are ok with it, and it's a compromise that makes sense for some - I just dislike it personally). And, yes, I get offended if I'm invited to an AHR without being invited to the DW.

Anyhow - I voted for B because of having matching guest lists.

Goldlie11 · December 2009

FI insists on City Hall. Since it is the only think he really wants and is flexible about everything else, I figured I would let him have his way.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2009

My question was just answered. I was going to ask about why FI insists on City Hall. I was also going to ask if you were okay on that and I saw that you're not since you want to have a DW but it sounds like you're compromising and giving him the one thing he wants.

Goldlie11 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-option?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1f2d82a-aded-4322-986f-b7ef5bbd3d23Post:30d49119-e9fe-4f72-a116-f81510e882d6">Re: Which is the more polite option?</a>:
[QUOTE]My question was just answered. I was going to ask about why FI insists on City Hall. I was also going to ask if you were okay on that and I saw that you're not since you want to have a DW but it sounds like you're compromising and giving him the one thing he wants.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]
Yeah, we were originally going to do a DW, but FI felt that most of his family would not be able to attend. So, we had to scrap the idea. As far a City Hall goes, I'm trying to be as accommodating as possible. He likes it for a few reasons. He thinks it looks really nice, especially after I showed him some photos of real weddings there I(including Julezlee 's bio).<div>
</div><div> I'm not really opposed to it. It does make things a little more complicated, but I too think it's a cool space. </div>

AmoroAgain · December 2009

You really like polls.

Goldlie11 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_polite-option?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f1f2d82a-aded-4322-986f-b7ef5bbd3d23Post:1a0c7453-ec56-488d-bda5-a7e7643589c3">Re: Which is the more polite option?</a>:
[QUOTE]You really like polls.
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]
I do. They're the best thing about the new knot<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />

Which is the more polite option?

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