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Long-Distance Disaster!!

I am the MOH in my cousins wedding, and the only tricky part of planning everything, is that she is currently fighting the war over in Iraq.  She's hardly involved in ANY of the wedding planning, as her mother has taken complete control so not to "bother her" while she's overseas. 

I have willingly taken up the task of planning a shower, but have NO idea what the bride wants, simple because I have been ordered "not to distract her" from her duties.  I want to plan something that she wants, and that she will LOVE, but am absolutely CLUELESS as to where to go from here...

How will I be able to take creative control if I can't even consult with her, and her mother is constantly stepping on my toes?  Help!! 

Re: Long-Distance Disaster!!

  • edited December 2011
    First of all THANK YOU to your cousin for her service.  I can't imagine what she's going through overseas and then have to plan a wedding at home.

    How soon will she be home in relation to the wedding?  I assume not that much time or you probably wouldn't ask, but will she be home in time for you to meet with her?

    My mom was a NIGHTMARE during my wedding.  She "took control" of the shower until the end of June (for a Sept wedding) telling my MOH that she was planning the shower then changed her mind when she saw how much work went into it.  Thankfully my MOH was smart enough to know my mom would do that and had a plan B.

    My MOH didn't have a lot of money given the number of people she would have to invite from both sides (DH's family wouldn't throw a shower or help with ours) so she threw a bbq/potluck at her church on a Saturday.  Her mom made our cake and her grandfather cooked. 

    My shower wasn't a surprise but the theme, the cookout and location were all a surprise.  Personally I hate potluck showers I think it's rude but the day was so much more amazing and more than I could ever ask for.

    With all of that being said I have 2 ideas:
    1. Throw a shower of what you can do/afford and assume she will be so happy and touched to have anything going on she won't care if it's not exactly the way she wanted it.  I always thought the bride wasn't supposed to have any say in her shower anyway so if she was home saying "throw me a shower at night at the ritz with 300 people" she's kind of being rude? 

    2. Try to speak with her behind the mother's back if you can speak to her via pphone or maybe email/facebook.  You don't have to straight out say I'm throwing you a shower and what do you want but drop hints?  I'm going to a shower and it's a resturant what do you think of that?  What kind of shower would you want?  I would hope she'd be excited to know something good is going on at home, but I completely agree not to distract her.

    Sorry for the long winded no answer it's a tough situation but honestly she will most likely love whatever you do.  My DH was in the Army for 12 years and when he returned from Iraq the potluck lunch his family threw him at the park was more than enough, again just so happy anyone did anything for him.  GL!
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