After a long two years of passive-aggressive statements, and controlling complaints/demands; a million and one "Well I'm not coming!!!'s and "Why don't you call me anymore?"s (I don't know why she's surprised!), I've decided that nothing I do can ever please my mother. I'm leaving her out of the planning process, and if she comes or doesn't come to the Wedding, whatever. I'm just going to have a great day and enjoy starting my life with my new husband.
This comes after she completely controlled, guilted, dominated and ruined my Engagement party last February by:
1. Criticizing my every decision to make the planning process as nerve-wracking as possible, and refusing to come every time I made a decision that wasn't hers,
2. Coming to the party, and sitting there with a frown on her face; refusing to speak or move from her seat no matter how comfortable I tried to make her,
3. Making me pull myself away from my guests all damn night trying to assure her that we wanted her there (because all night she was just whining that no one did).
4. Berating my fiancé a week later about how she had a miserable time because none of my or my fiancés ungrateful guests thanked her (she contributed nothing to the party but stress, and had a "stay-away-from-me" look on her face the entire night, mind you!).
As soon as Wedding Planning started, she insisted (without provocation) that she wanted nothing to do with the Wedding and that she wasn't coming. Knowing my mother of course, this means that I have to BEG her to help and to come to my Wedding every week (every begging session ends with "I'll think about it."), so I've been stressing myself out trying to "convince" her to come to my Wedding.
The whole thing seems so disrespectful to me: for a mother to refuse to come to her daugter's Wedding is like saying "I don't support you or your decision to get married." And me having to reassure her every time she calls just to stroke her ego is exhausting, time-consuming, and stressful. I've done a number of things for my daughter over the last year, and if I didn't go through the WHOLE begging ritual EVERY SINGLE TIME, "I must not have REALLY wanted her there," so she just didn't show up.
And so I've made my decision to just let it go. I love my mother, and I hope she does come to my Wedding, but I'm not going to stress about it. I'm not letting her control me with her guilt anymore. If she wants to be this miserable about the whole process and risk alienating her only daughter about something so simple as a Wedding, that's her problem (and she's not going to suceed!). I have LOTS of other family and friends who are all too happy to help me plan, can't wait until the Wedding, and are ready and willing to support my fiancé and our new life together. I'm going to do what everyone keeps telling me to do and enjoy my day!
Whoo-sah!