I'm not sure if I have a question, or if I'm just venting. I realize this is going to smack of MUD, but I promise -- it's true. (I wish it wasn't, because I have a permanent knot in my stomach that no amount of chocolate has been able to excise.)
Issue #1: I jumped the gun and asked my 23 year-old half-sister to be a bridesmaid. I love my sister and I want her in my wedding -- but since she's my biological mother's daughter, and my adopted parents don't know I have a relationship with my birth mom (and have made it clear that they don't want to know), I'm having serious second thoughts.
I initially planned to introduce her to my parents as a "friend," but after seeing some recent pictures of us together, I realized that we look a lot more alike than I thought we did. Now I'm terrified my parents will see us together and figure it out. My birth mom tells me my sister is worried about the same thing and would prefer not to be in the wedding, but is reluctant to say so for fear of hurting my feelings.
So... we need to have a conversation. I have no idea how, but I'm thinking I might ask my birth mom for help starting it since she hears the panic from both sides.
Issue #2: My fiance's parents (who are contributing financially to the wedding) have been hinting rather strongly that they would like me to ask their adult daughter, who I have never met, to be a bridesmaid. She still lives with them at 28 and is so ridiculously shy that her only close friend is her brother. I've been told that she resents me for taking him away. (They're Canadian; I'm American. He's moving here after the wedding.)
I think asking her to be a bridesmaid would be super awkward, but I'm probably going to do it anyway to make my FIL's happy. Still, having FI's sister in the wedding but (potentially, depending upon how our conversation goes...) not mine seems unfair and perhaps even cruel to my sister. I've asked FI to make his sister a groomswoman instead, but he thinks that's too progressive for his tradition-minded parents.
CN: I'm kicking my long-lost sister out of my wedding and replacing her with my future sister-in-law, who I have never met and suspect secretly hates me. I'm a horrible person seeking validation -- or, alternately, some miraculous solution I haven't seen that will keep everyone I love happy. At this point, I would also settle for moar chocolate.
