What you do in bed

KatyRoseM · January 2012

So the bump has this thread http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/1/61999081/ShowThread.aspx
about a women who has a schedule of when she has to give her H bjs. This lead to most women saying they would never do something in bed they didn't feel like doing, so now I'm wondering what you all think?

For me I do things H loves or is in the mood for if I'm not sometimes, he does the same. There are lines and I don't always, but sure, sometimes I compromise, so am I as crazy as these women would think? Or are they being crazy stubborn?

(Obviously the schedule and demands and refusal to take a break when she has a baby are crazy, I'm more asking in general)

tuarceatha · January 2012

I feel like one should do whatever one is in the mood to do. And yea compromise is kind, but if you don't enjoy something specific... I dunno that seems messed up to be asked to do it anyways?

bethsmiles · January 2012

I think it's weird they have a schedule for doing something she doesn't even like. I can understand compromising to do something the other person likes that you may not exactly be in the mood for but that's different than the craziness going on in that girl's life.

BF and I don't have sex though so I have no experience with this so take this with a grain of salt.

jaycee7389 · January 2012

IDK, my personal opinion is that doing something for a SO who is in the mood when you're not is weird. I'd rather do stuff when we're both in the mood.

eta: it also creeps me out when people refer to it as "wifely duties" as if it is a chore or requirement.

bethsmiles · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:bb13a245-80bc-4723-8826-c0c9fa2170df">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]IDK, my personal opinion is that doing something for a SO who is in the mood when you're not is weird. I'd rather do stuff when we're both in the mood. eta: it also creeps me out when people refer to it as "wifely duties" as if it is a chore or requirement.
Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE]

I don't like the word "wifely". It sounds creepy.

thejucheidea · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:bb13a245-80bc-4723-8826-c0c9fa2170df">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]eta: it also creeps me out when people refer to it as "wifely duties" as if it is a chore or requirement.
Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE]
Ugh, yes :|.

tuarceatha · January 2012

Super creepy.

dwest2201 · January 2012

I would never do this, nor would I do anything sexual on schedule. Actually, even if I thought that this type of thing was okay I couldn't do this, I have previously torn ligaments in my neck/upper back and often have pain there. Whenever it is flared up BJ's are out of the question.

That being said, I don't think that you should never do something that you don't really feel like doing. I'm not saying that you should always do things he wants, or that you shouldn't be able to decline if you aren't in the mood sometimes.

Are there times that I will go the extra mile and throw in a BJ when it isn't what I REALLY want to, sure. I would prefer sex over giving oral any day, but BF enjoys it so I do it for him from time to time. Also he entusiastically gives AMAZING oral and I would feel super guilty if I didn't return the favor at least some of the time.

KatyRoseM · January 2012

Yes, its super creepy.

I suppose I'm the only one then, I'll do things I'm not in the mood for, but apparently I'm in the minority.

KatyRoseM · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:358f3001-2686-4e85-8de4-7af58d1350a3">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]I would never do this, nor would I do anything sexual on schedule. Actually, even if I thought that this type of thing was okay I couldn't do this, I have previously torn ligaments in my neck/upper back and often have pain there. Whenever it is flared up BJ's are out of the question. That being said, I don't think that you should never do something that you don't really feel like doing. I'm not saying that you should always do things he wants, or that you shouldn't be able to decline if you aren't in the mood sometimes. Are there times that I will go the extra mile and throw in a BJ when it isn't what I REALLY want to, sure. I would prefer sex over giving oral any day, but BF enjoys it so I do it for him from time to time. Also he entusiastically gives AMAZING oral and I would feel super guilty if I didn't return the favor at least some of the time.
Posted by dwest2201[/QUOTE]

This exactly

dwest2201 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:2dfa1f31-b3e5-4f36-9015-5b06013a1091">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]I do BJ as part of foreplay. I have a few lines I don't cross (I don't take in the butt or from behind because of past abuse) but pretty much everything else I'm cool with. I'll often offer alternatives to sex if I'm unwell or if I have a female medical issue going on, but it's because I want to be intimate and that's how we can do it. If he doesn't feel like doing a particular thing, he has options for being intimate. H has a much lower drive than I do and he can go for longer without sex, plus if he's in the mood and I'm not at the second, he'll initiate and usually I'm ready soon. But if one of us were not in the mood, it would be super weird to do things one of us didn't feel like. Eta: I can understand scheduling a date night if you had a bunch of kids and needed some time to yourselves, but I'm not a bus. No regular routes here. I think that's different than scheduling a date and knowing you'll want a sexy time at the end. I will not have a weekly quota to meet.
Posted by hellotarra[/QUOTE]

I'm not a bus either, but if I were the destination that was on the screen would be Orgasm Street. BF is awesome at making sure I get there, every time. Maybe he is a bus?! A very dependable bus. Hehe.

As for the quota. BF and I have discussed this. According to experts, having sex regularly is really good for your self esteem, stress levels, and keeping your sex drive. Anyways, BF and I agree that sex is important, and that we want to have sex regularly for the rest of our lives. We have talked about the number of times (a week/month) that we feel are reasonable and agree that things will vary at times, pregnancy, kids, when we get older, etc. We talk about sex a lot and very openly though so maybe that is just us?

AudgiePodge · January 2012

I do my wifely duties.

SKP82 · January 2012

Sometimes I'm not in the mood, but will go along with it if FI is. I always end up getting turned on and enjoy myself. If I were just laying there, letting FI do his thing and completely wasn't into it, he wouldn't be into it either.

I don't do things in bed that I'm not comfortable with. FI wouldn't want me to do something I wasn't comfortable with.

I enjoy giving FI BJs on my terms. If he were to push my head in that area, that would turn me off and I wouldn't want to do it. He gets them sometimes, though I'm sure not as much as he'd like (every day!). We don't have a schedule for anything sexual. It just doesn't suit us.

It's seems odd to me that the OP in that thread has a schedule to give her H BJs (every week and on holidays!). Sheesh, sometimes we don't even have sex that much!

bsidebella · January 2012

I hate. Hate. Giving bj's. FI wants one almost everytime we have sex, and sometimes he takes so long that after he finishes I don't even feel like doing it. I tell him he puts the "job" in blowjob. It only makes me NOT want sex because I know he's going to want one and I don't always get in return. I've started refusing sex until he promises I don't have to give him one. I have to be in the mood, you know? Otherwise the romance goes out the door.

SKP82 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:8002d5bc-04d6-4e84-9ec5-300e3c7277a3">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate. Hate. Giving bj's. FI wants one almost everytime we have sex, and sometimes he takes so long that after he finishes I don't even feel like doing it. I tell him he puts the "job" in blowjob. It only makes me NOT want sex because I know he's going to want one and I don't always get in return. I've started refusing sex until he promises I don't have to give him one. I have to be in the mood, you know? Otherwise the romance goes out the door.
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

Does this mean that you blow him to completion and THEN have sex?

I think I have given FI a BJ to completion a handful of times in our 8 year relationship. It's usually a foreplay thing with us. I only do it to completion if 1. I'm giving roadhead or 2. I don't feel like/can't have sex for some reason.

jorja86 · January 2012

I think there's a difference between being truly uncomfortable, or fundamentally opposed to doing something, and just not really enjoying it, or not being in the mood.

I don't really love giving BJs, but I still do from time to time because BF loves it. It would be different if I had a traumatic experience involving them. In that case, I do think it would be wrong of him to ask it of me.

I also have sex a lot when I'm not really in the mood, and BF is. He does the same for me. We're rarely in the mood at the same time-he's horny in the morning, and I usually am at night. If we didn't both compromise, we'd never have sex.

bsidebella · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:ce6b810e-ed2c-44b1-a8d5-ba4799d39e3a">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What you do in bed : Does this mean that you blow him to completion and THEN have sex?
Posted by SKP82[/QUOTE]

*sigh* yup. He says it's because it makes him last longer when we're actually doing it. It's really annoying. That's why I won't always do it. I don't care how long it lasts (sometimes) as long as I get it!

SopChick · January 2012

BF and I have very different sex drives. I would be totally ok with going a long time between having sex, and sometimes I think he would be happy to do little else besides sexual stuff. On that, we compromise. Usually once we start I get into it and enjoy myself, so that's ok. I do give BF BJs, but as others have said, I'm sure he would prefer more often. Just like dwest, he is quite happy to do it for me, so I would feel badly if I didn't reciprocate.

As for the schedule thing, that would never work for me. Ever. I would be soooo turned off by that.

kaitlynmichelle · January 2012

I couldn't do a schedule. It would drive me crazy. We also have very different sex drives so I have to compromise a lot. I have to remind him a lot that if he wants it, to ask for it before I've stayed up way too late and we work in only a few hours. I want to sleep!! :P

desertsun · January 2012

Did y'all see the post that said:

[quote user="BabyCoco29"]This is crazy, I dont believe people think of it as a wifely duty, I like sex more then my husband probably and could do that and whatever else all the time. That being said im not worried about after the baby becasue my husband and I know that after giving birth that will be the last thing on our minds for a while though its never been talked about becasue I dont know why it would. FYI to all of you that wont do things like that, hate to tell you but they will find someone who does if they havent already. What that saying Be a cook in the kitchen and maid in the house and a whore in the bedroom..... something like that......... totally true and fun so try it[/quote]

W.T.F.

My H's fidelity does not depend on my cooking, cleaning, or bedroom behavior.

I tend to agree with the poster who said you may be in an abusive relationship if you are being coerced into performing sex acts that you don't like, particularly if you are expected to do so on a schedule.

I mean, that's pretty messed up.

caitlin.cave · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:ab1d059e-0d4d-4c26-b224-d57ee101f9ef">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]Did y'all see the post that said: [quote user="BabyCoco29"]This is crazy, I dont believe people think of it as a wifely duty, I like sex more then my husband probably and could do that and whatever else all the time. That being said im not worried about after the baby becasue my husband and I know that after giving birth that will be the last thing on our minds for a while though its never been talked about becasue I dont know why it would. FYI to all of you that wont do things like that, hate to tell you but they will find someone who does if they havent already. What that saying Be a cook in the kitchen and maid in the house and a whore in the bedroom..... something like that......... totally true and fun so try it [/quote]

W.T.F. My H's fidelity does not depend on my cooking, cleaning, or bedroom behavior. I tend to agree with the poster who said you may be in an abusive relationship if you are being coerced into performing sex acts that you don't like, particularly if you are expected to do so on a schedule. I mean, that's pretty messed up.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Yeesh. My FI doesn't love me because I'm a stereotype, and if he was inclined to leave me because I wasn't his maid, it's his loss.

tdwpg1984 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:73e9106e-66ca-462f-bff5-dcf79e9e8c00">What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]So the bump has this thread <a href="http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/1/61999081/ShowThread.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/1/61999081/ShowThread.aspx</a> about a women who has a schedule of when she has to give her H bjs. This lead to most women saying they would never do something in bed they didn't feel like doing, so now I'm wondering what you all think? For me I do things H loves or is in the mood for if I'm not sometimes, he does the same. There are lines and I don't always, but sure, sometimes I compromise, so am I as crazy as these women would think? Or are they being crazy stubborn? (Obviously the schedule and demands and refusal to take a break when she has a baby are crazy, I'm more asking in general)
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]
I only give my BF a bj when he's fresh out of the shower, and only when I feel like it. Which isn't often. I'm not a huge fan of oral (giving or receiving) and he loves both so I'll do it. And not because I feel it's my 'duty' but because I know he enjoys it, and I'm not totally against it. There's some things in the bedroom that I will not do and he's fine with that. If he ever said though that I had to stick to some sort of schedule for bj's or sexytime, then there would be a major problem, cuz that ain't happening. If I'm not in the mood, he's not getting any.

[Deleted User] · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:ab1d059e-0d4d-4c26-b224-d57ee101f9ef">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]Did y'all see the post that said: [quote user="BabyCoco29"]This is crazy, I dont believe people think of it as a wifely duty, I like sex more then my husband probably and could do that and whatever else all the time. That being said im not worried about after the baby becasue my husband and I know that after giving birth that will be the last thing on our minds for a while though its never been talked about becasue I dont know why it would. FYI to all of you that wont do things like that, hate to tell you but they will find someone who does if they havent already. What that saying Be a cook in the kitchen and maid in the house and a whore in the bedroom..... something like that......... totally true and fun so try it [/quote] W.T.F. My H's fidelity does not depend on my cooking, cleaning, or bedroom behavior. I tend to agree with the poster who said you may be in an abusive relationship if you are being coerced into performing sex acts that you don't like, particularly if you are expected to do so on a schedule. I mean, that's pretty messed up.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

she gives "Coco" a bad name. :(

SKP82 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:2fbb8273-ecdc-4826-88fb-02cef0604102">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What you do in bed : *sigh* yup. He says it's because it makes him last longer when we're actually doing it. It's really annoying. That's why I won't always do it. I don't care how long it lasts (sometimes) as long as I get it!
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

Wow. I would also find that annoying.

csousa1 · January 2012

Ugh. We don't have sex enough for my liking, right now. Reading this thread is bumming me out a bit.

We used to have sex all the time, and both did oral frequently. Now we have sex once a week - on Sunday mornings. Because BF works Monday-Saturday through the summer and fall, and since he is usually more in the mood in the morning than at night (and I am pretty much in the mood whenever), it just always seems to happen on Sunday morning. And if we miss a week - like have something to do in the morning so we can't wake up lazily, or this week when I started my period - we go two, three weeks with nothing. I have a pretty high sex drive so that is not enough for me.

BF's sex drive is usually fairly high as well, but since he has such a physically demanding job and weird eating schedule (he won't eat all day and then stuffs himself at dinner), he isn't in the mood during the week or at night a lot of the time. He also has said that he is no longer comfortable having sex as much with me not being on the pill (he's more afraid of me getting pregnant than he used to be), so I guess that affects it too. I'm not convinced that much would change if I went back on the pill right now though, so I'm not yet willing to put my issues with BC aside on a whim.

It's not an unacceptable situation for the moment, but I do need it to change eventually. He knows that - we've talked about it, but the issue seems so intrinsically linked with the marriage and timeline conversation that it isn't something I want to bring up on the regular.

To answer the actual question, yes I would do it if BF really wanted it, even if I wasn't fully in the mood. For us, oral is usually foreplay, so it would be leading to sex. Like I said above, I'm almost always in the mood or a step away from it, so it's not like I wouldn't get in the mood once I started. I do agree though that anyone doing something they are downright uncomfortable with is not okay. But I think this is different than that.

dwest2201 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:8824daca-116a-4ec6-95c4-eeeebb9a5dd0">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What you do in bed : we talk about sex, and openly. We do have sex regularly, but I'm not going to promise once a day, twice on weekends and holidays because I just don't think having a set schedule is always healthy. Does that make sense? Eta we talk about what our preferred number of times, but I don't promise I'm going to be in the mood at 7pm every day. Sometimes it's in the morning. Sometimes we're so exhausted we go straight to bed. That's what I mean.
Posted by hellotarra[/QUOTE]

Oh definitely we do not have any set schedule or agreed to amount, we just agree on what we think would be ideal/realistic to keep us both satisfied and not left taking matters into our own hands.

I would NEVER agree to a schedule for sex, let alone oral. I don't think that BF would ever even suggest such a thing, but if he did that would be a huge red flag and a big problem. As would just generally expecting oral regularly, or every time.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:ab1d059e-0d4d-4c26-b224-d57ee101f9ef">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]Did y'all see the post that said: [quote user="BabyCoco29"]This is crazy, I dont believe people think of it as a wifely duty, I like sex more then my husband probably and could do that and whatever else all the time. That being said im not worried about after the baby becasue my husband and I know that after giving birth that will be the last thing on our minds for a while though its never been talked about becasue I dont know why it would. FYI to all of you that wont do things like that, hate to tell you but they will find someone who does if they havent already. What that saying Be a cook in the kitchen and maid in the house and a whore in the bedroom..... something like that......... totally true and fun so try it [/quote] W.T.F. My H's fidelity does not depend on my cooking, cleaning, or bedroom behavior. I tend to agree with the poster who said you may be in an abusive relationship if you are being coerced into performing sex acts that you don't like, particularly if you are expected to do so on a schedule. I mean, that's pretty messed up.
Posted by desertsun[/QUOTE]

Yeah I went there and read the entire thread later last night. BabyCOCO is a moron. I think that sex is a very important part of a marriage, but I do not think that you need to be a whore/freak/whatever to keep your man. A man who wants to be with only you will be, even if it is less often than he would ideally like. Coercion into sexual acts is wrong on so many levels.

dwest2201 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:2fbb8273-ecdc-4826-88fb-02cef0604102">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What you do in bed : *sigh* yup. He says it's because it makes him last longer when we're actually doing it. It's really annoying. That's why I won't always do it. I don't care how long it lasts (sometimes) as long as I get it!
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

Bside, you HATE BJ's and he wants/expects one every time you guys are intimate? Does he know that you despise them? I think this is an issue that you all should work out sooner than later.

I do not hate them, don't love them, but hate is far too strong the word to use for me. Still there is no way in hell that I would be in a relationship with a man who expected them regularly, schedule or not. If I were you I would have told him a loooong time ago that his hand can handle round 1 and he'll last just as long for round 2 (sex) with you...or to get lost.

DetArt00 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:73e9106e-66ca-462f-bff5-dcf79e9e8c00">What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]So the bump has this thread <a href="http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/1/61999081/ShowThread.aspx" rel="nofollow">http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/1/61999081/ShowThread.aspx</a> about a women who has a schedule of when she has to give her H bjs. This lead to most women saying they would never do something in bed they didn't feel like doing, so now I'm wondering what you all think? For me I do things H loves or is in the mood for if I'm not sometimes, he does the same. There are lines and I don't always, but sure, sometimes I compromise, so am I as crazy as these women would think? Or are they being crazy stubborn? (Obviously the schedule and demands and refusal to take a break when she has a baby are crazy, I'm more asking in general)
Posted by KatyRoseM[/QUOTE]

That thread makes my head hurt.

We do whatever we feel like. That's all. Schedules?! Yikes. "Wifely duties"?! EW.

jemmini6 · January 2012

Aside from the creepy factor, scheduling sex just sounds so boring. I mean, most people tend to settle into a schedule that works with the rest of their daily life and all, but actually setting a schedule that you don't vary from? The sponteneity of it is often part of the fun, I'd find it awfully hard to get in the mood if I knew it was coming at a specific time.

As for activities, I don't think anyone should have to do anything they don't particularly like or arent' comfortable with. I mean, if you want to compromise every once and a while or for a special occassion and give a BJ even though you aren't crazy about it, that's one thing, but being forced to, or being expected to do so on a schedule is pretty ridiculous.

bsidebella · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:284f707e-3e00-4709-a588-d96335d5ae36">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What you do in bed : Bside, you HATE BJ's and he wants/expects one every time you guys are intimate? Does he know that you despise them? I think this is an issue that you all should work out sooner than later. I do not hate them, don't love them, but hate is far too strong the word to use for me. Still there is no way in hell that I would be in a relationship with a man who expected them regularly, schedule or not. If I were you I would have told him a loooong time ago that his hand can handle round 1 and he'll last just as long for round 2 (sex) with you...or to get lost.
Posted by dwest2201[/QUOTE]

He knows, and we've talked about it.

To be honest, this has only been a "regular" thing as of recently. When we first started dating, I wouldn't give one for all the money in the world. But then I offered to try it, first with a flavored condom and then eventually it just kind of snowballed from there. When he figured out that he lasted longer in round 2 after he "completed" round 1, it became a regular thing and got out of hand at one point.

It's not so much the actual act of giving them that I hate, it's the fact that he can take forever and because of my shoulder injury it's hard for me to stay in a comfortable position for a long period of time and then my jaw starts to hurt and consequently, my sex drive decreases. It feels like "work"....the "job" in blowjob, like I said earlier.

He's been getting better at not asking for them and waiting until I offer, but I would prefer to give them less

TheMutleys · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_bed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:81119b80-1e71-4fff-af8d-f53639eacce9Post:8002d5bc-04d6-4e84-9ec5-300e3c7277a3">Re: What you do in bed</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate. Hate. Giving bj's. FI wants one almost everytime we have sex, and sometimes he takes so long that after he finishes I don't even feel like doing it. I tell him he puts the "job" in blowjob. It only makes me NOT want sex because I know he's going to want one and I don't always get in return. I've started refusing sex until he promises I don't have to give him one. I have to be in the mood, you know? Otherwise the romance goes out the door.
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

This is NOT healthy. I just... WOW.

As to the OP on TB, eff to the no. There is no way. Scheduling, hell no. Doing anything that I dislike, hell no. And as far as a man who expect ANYTHING sexually the month after a woman gives birth, he needs to have his head examined. If he is even a sub-par father, he will be too exhausted to be in the mood. Seriously.

I wouldn't want him to do something to me that he doesn't want to do and vice versa. We do things that turn BOTH of us on.

We have sex when we have sex. Sometimes I initiate. Sometimes he initiates. Either one of us can openly say that we are not in the mood, too tired, etc. We have a clear line of communication. I generally have a higher sex drive. However, pregnancy (mainly on-going 'morning' sickness) gets in the way. We are down to about once a week or less. Prior to having kids, we were a 3-4 times a week couple.

I think this goes back to the discussion last week in terms of what is appropriate for the couple. Each person is going to have a different idea about what flies, or doesn't. in the bedroom or any other room. <a href="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/14/1233ec91-a4e3-4ea5-bea0-f3c6edf26567.large.gif" title="Click to view a larger photo" class="PhotoLink"> <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/images/store/2/14/1233ec91-a4e3-4ea5-bea0-f3c6edf26567.medium.gif" alt="" /></a> It is more so about if BOTH people are okay with the relationship's sexual situation and if both people continue to communication their wants and needs. I really think it comes down to reciprocal respect.

What you do in bed

Re: What you do in bed

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