"Come meet up with us for dinner - we're not paying"

Trishes · September 2010

Edit: Catered RD Will be on Friday night. Because of logistics, we can't have it the night before.
I want to let guests know that the night before the wedding, on Saturday, they're welcome to meet up with us for a laid back dinner at a restaurant in the town the wedding will be. We are indeed catering and paying for a rehearsal dinner.

Our wedding is on a Sunday - because of logistics, we're doing the rehearsal dinner the previous Friday.

It's not so much destination wedding, but it is two hours away, and a lot of guests have chosen the option of staying at the hotel. FI & I and our families will be having dinner at a restaurant in town, and I'd like to let everyone else know they're welcome to join us (but without seeming like we're paying for it). The only reason I'd need to know is so that I know how many seats to reserve.

How do I let them know they're welcome to join us without having them assume that we're paying?

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2010

Meet you for the RD? Or after the RD? Or the night before the wedding? I'm confused.

A friend who recently got married kept the RD to just people in the ceremony and then hosted a desert reception after that in the hotel for OOT guests. Maybe something like that would work?

squirrly · September 2010

Wait, you're expecting them to go 2 hours away for a RD that you're not paying for, and stay an extra night in the hotel for that?

You should really host the RD.

Manwaithiel · September 2010

You're not going to pay for the RD?

Please tell me I'm misunderstanding this.

Trishes · September 2010

No no no.

RD: Friday night
Wedding: Sunday Night

We're hosting a catered RD at our house on Friday night. The venue's schedule is complicated, thus we have to meet up on Saturday morning (because that's the only option the venue gave us, and they require us to do it there) to do the rehearsal AT the venue.
So we ARE hosting a RD. On Friday night.

Everyone will be heading over to the area where the venue is on Saturday, so we'll all be in the area that day. I'm planning activities for anyone who wants to participate, and then anyone who wants to meet us out for a leisurely dinner can do so. I just want to know how to let them know they're welcome to join us for dinner without it seeming like ti's a second RD.

Trishes · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_come-meet-up-dinner-were-not-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d7b1917-a144-44d4-8a97-488f66a0c6b9Post:b0284eb5-d1f9-44a3-a7a8-915820266387">Re: "Come meet up with us for dinner - we're not paying"</a>:
[QUOTE]Wait, you're expecting them to go 2 hours away for a RD that you're not paying for, and stay an extra night in the hotel for that? You should really host the RD.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

No. Guests will already be in town for the wedding. We're having the rehearsal dinner on Friday, because logistically it was a nigthmare to have it in Frederick the night before the wedding. I'm simply letting everyone know that they're welcome to meet up for dinner with us the night before the wedding, IF they're in town.

Trishes · September 2010

Thanks guys - the only reason I was wondering was because it it's a large group, the restaurant undoubtedly requires reservations.

A lot of people are unfamiliar with the area, and I didn't want to just leave people floundering as to what to do! Word of mouth will have to do, then. Since we're spending a lot of money on the RD, hosting another small event the night before the wedding, though I'd love to do that, isn't really an option.

Birdie1483 · September 2010

If you're worried about people not having anything to do or not knowing where to go, you could make a list of nearby restaurants or other attractions with their addresses for when they get in town. Depending on what time of day they get in town, I've seen anything from zoos to parks to malls mentioned as "nearby attractions" on wedding websites.

slubkin · September 2010

Thanks for posting this, Trishes.

I was considering a similar issue for our wedding with the post-wedding brunch. We'll be hosting an RD at a restaurant for the WP two days before the wedding and hosting a family welcome BBQ & Pool Party the day before the wedding, and when I took a look at the cost of hosting even 20 people for brunch at the restaurant I want to go to, it just seemed a bit much.

I'll take the advice you were given myself and not issue anything formal, but maybe mention it to people as I talk to them at the reception. I'd like to give our out of town friends a chance to spend time with us again before we take off for our honeymoon.

A question for the advice-givers in this thread: in that case, do you think it's ok for me to post the restaurant info and time and location on the wedding website, or should I keep it even more casual? And should I include a map/directions to the place in the goodie bags for our out of town family so they know where to find the restaurant?

Sirinial · September 2010

Can I ask what the logistics are that make it so you can't have the rehearsal dinner after the rehearsal?

mags0607 · September 2010

I would definitely leave it to word of mouth that you guys will be a xx place at xx time, and if anyone wants to meet up with you guys there, then just let you know, and you will handle the reservations.

I think if you put it on a website, or send out something, then people will be under the impression that you are hosting it. Since you already are hosting the RD the previous night, I think guests will get the idea that its just a casual thing and not an official hosted wedding event.

As for the restaurant, maybe try calling one up and making a reservation for a ballpark # and verifying with them if you can adjust it up or down when you know how many others will be joining.

Trishes · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_come-meet-up-dinner-were-not-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d7b1917-a144-44d4-8a97-488f66a0c6b9Post:05f96e71-c051-4235-b2ab-e6e835f0752c">Re: "Come meet up with us for dinner - we're not paying"</a>:
[QUOTE]Can I ask what the logistics are that make it so you can't have the rehearsal dinner after the rehearsal?
Posted by Sirinial[/QUOTE]

Well, we live in Baltimore, and our wedding is two hours away, in the Catoctin Mountains (Thurmont, 1/2 hour outside of Frederick). The only time we could schedule the rehearsal was 11am Saturday morning. This was dictated by the venue - we HAVE to have it there, it's required by them. About half of the wedding party can't make it (FI works at a cycling shop, and a lot of them work weekends). This is why we're doing the rehearsal dinner Friday night, when everyone can actually come. Also, not all of the wedding party wil be staying at the hotel, so not everyone will be available to come to a rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. Because I want to make sure that everyone can go to the dinner, and won't have to drive two hours to do so, it's better to have it in Baltimore.

Trishes · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_come-meet-up-dinner-were-not-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d7b1917-a144-44d4-8a97-488f66a0c6b9Post:6a1dcc0f-30c5-438c-8027-56f017ad814a">Re: "Come meet up with us for dinner - we're not paying"</a>:
[QUOTE]I would definitely leave it to word of mouth that you guys will be a xx place at xx time, and if anyone wants to meet up with you guys there, then just let you know, and you will handle the reservations. I think if you put it on a website, or send out something, then people will be under the impression that you are hosting it. Since you already are hosting the RD the previous night, I think guests will get the idea that its just a casual thing and not an official hosted wedding event. As for the restaurant, maybe try calling one up and making a reservation for a ballpark # and verifying with them if you can adjust it up or down when you know how many others will be joining.
Posted by mags0607[/QUOTE]

Thanks for this! I'll do exactly that :)

Trishes · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_come-meet-up-dinner-were-not-paying?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1d7b1917-a144-44d4-8a97-488f66a0c6b9Post:5c2eb0e8-2f41-49c8-b5f8-59b4d1cec89e">Re: "Come meet up with us for dinner - we're not paying"</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for posting this, Trishes. I was considering a similar issue for our wedding with the post-wedding brunch. We'll be hosting an RD at a restaurant for the WP two days before the wedding and hosting a family welcome BBQ & Pool Party the day before the wedding, and when I took a look at the cost of hosting even 20 people for brunch at the restaurant I want to go to, it just seemed a bit much. I'll take the advice you were given myself and not issue anything formal, but maybe mention it to people as I talk to them at the reception. I'd like to give our out of town friends a chance to spend time with us again before we take off for our honeymoon. A question for the advice-givers in this thread: in that case, do you think it's ok for me to post the restaurant info and time and location on the wedding website, or should I keep it even more casual? And should I include a map/directions to the place in the goodie bags for our out of town family so they know where to find the restaurant?
Posted by slubkin[/QUOTE]

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