Small Wedding Etiquette help!

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

My FI and I got engaged about a month ago and we are planning a very small ceremony, where we are inviting 3 guest each. Our wedding is in about 2 months. We haven't announced our engagement, as we are fairly private, hence our small ceremony. So, we plan on informing our guest about a month in advance of the wedding. With that being said, I have some questions! 1. With the way we are announcing our marriage and with the small number of guest, is it a good idea to generate invitations? 2. Is it a good idea to have a wedding cake with such a small group? 3. As we will be hosting our wedding in a surrounding state, about 4 hours away and again we have such a small guest list, what do you think is appropriate for the 'reception'? It's not a HUGE event, so to be honest, I do not wish to spend too much time with our guest after the ceremony. I want to spend time with my husband, but of course I know that its rude to not have anything following the ceremony, so suggestions are welcomed. Thank you!

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

Sorry about the unorganized look of my post! I separated my questions, but I assume it messed up once I submitted.

July2012bride · May 2012

At the very least, I would take the guests out for a meal (depending on what time of day you are getting married would obviously indicate what type of meal you should provide).

mica178 · May 2012

1. I think invitations are a good idea so that guests have concrete information about the event. Also, you (and other guests) might want an invitation as a keepsake.

2. Do you like cake? If not, don't serve it. Just make sure that you serve something at your reception that your guests can consume.

3. For very small weddings, I have seen couples just host a meal at a restaurant rather than a whole reception with dance floor, etc. Again, the point of the reception is to thank your guests for witnessing the ceremony, so make sure that you pick something that you think your guests will enjoy since they are traveling to attend.

Habs2Hart · May 2012

You can do invitations as formal or informal as you like. It depends on your style.

The wedding cake is all your personal preference.

I think a nice dinner at a restaurant afterwards would be a good way to thank your guests that come while keeping it shorter.

Maggie0829 · May 2012

I still think you should send invites. Since it isn't a lavish affair they can be very simple. I also think that you need to have some sort of reception to thank them for attending your ceremony. You can easily have a nice dinner at a nearby restaurant or a small gathering at a local bar for drinks and cake.

Even though your wedding is small you should still spend time with your guests (a few hours) because they still made time out of their day to witness your marriage. Remember, you will have the rest of your life to spend time with your new husband.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

One more thing! My fiance and I have limited funds for our wedding. We are scrambling right now, to be honest, to get my dress, rings, etc., not to mention pay for our honeymoon expenses. We hardly have enough for the basics, I have no idea how we would be able to afford to pay for our 6 guests dinner, as well as ours. I don't know what to do. It's just our parents/immediate family coming. Would it be rude to ask them to pay for own meal at the restaurant we select?

We will be giving the guest some gas money for there travel expenses as well, if that means anything.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]At the very least, I would take the guests out for a meal depending on what time of day you are getting married would obviously indicate what type of meal you should provide. Posted by July2012bride[/QUOTE]

Hmm, we haven't yet decided what time of day yet! But more than likely it'll be late morning/early afternoon.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

Just to add, my fiance and I are both under the age of 23 with children, so we are fairly young and our families are aware of our financial situation generally speaking. This is just to add why I proposed the idea of having our families pay for their own meals.

aurianna · May 2012

Yes, very rude to ask them to pay. You'll have to pay. It doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant at all. You guys could get pizza or something of the like. You could pack a picnic lunch and just eat at a park.

Assuming the wedding doesn't end right at meal time, you could just do cake and punch (this is ideal if the wedding ends around 2 or 3pm).

Also, I assume that the guest list consists of significant others? So it's not just Mom, Dad and brother... it's Mom, Dad, brother and brother's wife, etc?

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

Thank you to everyone for your feedback! I will speak with my fiance about invitations. I think its a great idea! I really like tinyprints. For anyone who has used this website, about how much do you think it'll cost for about 8 invitations 2 for us?

July2012bride · May 2012

Also, if you do morning/afternoon you could see if you could do a breakfast/lunch.

A lot of grocery stores even provide things like sandwiches, etc. and I've fed 100 people for under $200 before doing this. I'm sure you could do something similar and have it at a park or something.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]Yes, very rude to ask them to pay. You'll have to pay. It doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant at all. You guys could get pizza or something of the like. You could pack a picnic lunch and just eat at a park.Assuming the wedding doesn't end right at meal time, you could just do cake and punch this is ideal if the wedding ends around 2 or 3pm.Also, I assume that the guest list consists of significant others? So it's not just Mom, Dad and brother... it's Mom, Dad, brother and brother's wife, etc? Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

An early afternoon ceremony around 12 noon or 1pm is ideal. If we do that, I am sure that we should be done by 2 or 3pm. I really, really like the idea of cake and punch!! My only concern is will cake and punh suffice time wise since our guest will be coming out of state?

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]Yes, very rude to ask them to pay. You'll have to pay. It doesn't have to be a fancy restaurant at all. You guys could get pizza or something of the like. You could pack a picnic lunch and just eat at a park.Assuming the wedding doesn't end right at meal time, you could just do cake and punch this is ideal if the wedding ends around 2 or 3pm.Also, I assume that the guest list consists of significant others? So it's not just Mom, Dad and brother... it's Mom, Dad, brother and brother's wife, etc? Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

Forgot to answer your question, sorry!

It truly is very intimate, no significant others. For me it'll be my mom, dad, and sister. For my fiance, it'll be his mom, dad, and very close uncle.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

I like this idea as well! I could get things like juice, crossiants, bagels, etc.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:One more thing! My fiance and I have limited funds for our wedding. We are scrambling right now, to be honest, to get my dress, rings, etc., not to mention pay for our honeymoon expenses. We hardly have enough for the basics, I have no idea how we would be able to afford to pay for our 6 guests dinner, as well as ours. I don't know what to do. It's just our parents/immediate family coming. Would it be rude to ask them to pay for own meal at the restaurant we select? :/ We will be giving the guest some gas money for there travel expenses as well, if that means anything.Posted by Bride2BeSoon1If you're hosting, then you're paying. It would be very rude to ask them to pay for themselves.Have you already committed to the gas money? If not, you could use that to pay for dinner. You could also cut back on your HM a bit. What about a cheaper dinner? It doesn't have to be an elaborate meal, just something to say thank you. Posted by Schatzi13[/QUOTE]

We haven't committed to the gas money yet. Our guest don't know about the wedding yet.

But I really do like the cake punch idea, as well as the brunch idea.

adamar15 · May 2012

I would not do the gas money and try to do some kind of brunch thing. Is there a reason you need to have the wedding four hours away? Having it a little closer would cut down on travel costs.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

Another concern I have is in regards to being close with our guest. Although we are inviting our very immediate family to the ceremony, I am honestly feeling sad/awkward to spend time with them afterwards. My fiance and I have Ben together for years, but my family doesn't like him. They haven't had any sort of real conversation with him or tried to get to know him within the course of our 5 year relationship. This has also put a HUGE damper on my relationship with my parents. So, I believe it would be very awkward to do something with them after the ceremony because their feelings would not be genuine. My dad always 'fakes' when he's around us. Being that they are driving out of state, I do not want to be rude by not doing anything following the reception, but at the same time, if they even decide to come to the wedding, spending time with them will be an awkward experience and I feel it'll ruin my mood. This is so complicated!

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

Hmm, I can definitely look into that. That would be more filling.

StephBeanWed61502 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:bb85899b-e826-42d8-8c3f-cfb6b006a690">Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!: Forgot to answer your question, sorry! It truly is very intimate, <strong>no significant others</strong>. For me it'll be my mom, dad, and sister. For my fiance, it'll be his mom, dad, and very close uncle.
Posted by Bride2BeSoon1[/QUOTE]

That's really, really rude. You're asking people to travel a long way to witness your marriage, and you can't even be bothered to welcome their SOs? Not cool.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]I would not do the gas money and try to do some kind of brunch thing.nbsp; Is there a reason you need to have the wedding four hours away?nbsp; Having it a little closer would cut down on travel costs. Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

I really am in love with the brunch idea. I have two questions in regards to that. 1. With serving a brunch, which will have some sweet things like bagels juice, would it still be appropriate to have cake?
2. On the invitations, would it be appropriate to add something on the bottom like 'Brunch will be served following ceremony'?

We decided to host in another state because its where my fiance's father is from and it has meaning to him. Also, we will be honeymooning in this state as well, so that's why we are doing it this way.

Meegles4 · May 2012

If your family truly doesn't like your FI and it would be awkward to have everyone together, have you considered eloping, just the two of you?

If that's not an option and you do want to include guests, then you do need to host something. Might be a nice way to start things out on a different foot. As PPs said, it doesn't have to be elaborate. A brunch would provide an hour or two to mingle, with an easy end time. Especially if you just did it at a restaurant or something like that. It wouldn't give off the impression that you just want to mingle all day.

As far as travelling, if you're sending invitations, then you're telling them when the ceremony is and what the post-celebration will be. Your guests can then decide if they want to travel that far, knowing it's a set amount of time and not an all weekend affair.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!: Forgot to answer your question, sorry! It truly is very intimate, no significant others. For me it'll be my mom, dad, and sister. For my fiance, it'll be his mom, dad, and very close uncle.Posted by Bride2BeSoon1That's really, really rude.nbsp; You're asking people to travel a long way to witness your marriage, and you can't even be bothered to welcome their SOs?nbsp; Not cool. Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]

There aren't any significant others to invite. That's why.

Maggie0829 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:761a5166-ebd7-4fed-9b0b-2ce84b036014">Re: Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]Your best bet would be to elope in this situation. If your parents aren't going to be supportive, you're scared about money, and you're shy, I would just save the money and have more fun on the honeymoon with your new H.
Posted by Beaniebeach[/QUOTE]

I agree with this. With your situation I would just elope.

adamar15 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_small-wedding-etiquette-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:bc6b95c3-0920-4989-a1c3-283fde54a191Post:45bea89c-16f8-4f92-a5f5-51962136ad98">Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!: I really am in love with the brunch idea. I have two questions in regards to that. 1. With serving a brunch, which will have some sweet things like bagels juice, would it still be appropriate to have cake? 2. On the invitations, would it be appropriate to add something on the bottom like 'Brunch will be served following ceremony'? We decided to host in another state because its where my fiance's father is from and it has meaning to him. Also, we will be honeymooning in this state as well, so that's why we are doing it this way.
Posted by Bride2BeSoon1[/QUOTE]

Yes and yes. Also, I know I can't tell you how to spend your money, but if you're able to afford a honeymoon you should be able to host your guests properly. Unless you're getting a free honeymoon or something.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]Your best bet would be to elope in this situation. nbsp;If your parents aren't going to be supportive, you're scared about money, and you're shy, I would just save the money and have more fun on the honeymoon with your new H. Posted by Beaniebeach[/QUOTE]o

Well, I'm not shy. Its just that because its only 6 guests, its very intimate and I know it may be tense. If I had 100 guests, I wouldn't feel the same way. One of the ladies here recommended brunch, which is something I know we can afford. The only issue at this point is my parents aren't supportive. I am inviting them because we feel its the right thing to do, after all, they are my parents.

Would you still suggest eloping?

AbbeyS2011 · May 2012

If you are that stressed about money, and paying for the meal, not to mention the awkwardness of your family not liking your FI, why not just talk to a friend each, go to the courthouse, get married, and then the 4 of you go out to lunch afterwards.

You can do this locally, then send out announcements to family after the fact. You will still be married.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]If your family truly doesn't like your FI and it would be awkward to have everyone together, have you considered eloping, just the two of you?If that's not an option and you do want to include guests, then you do need to host something. Might be a nice way to start things out on a different foot. As PPs said, it doesn't have to be elaborate. A brunch would provide an hour or two to mingle, with an easy end time. Especially if you just did it at a restaurant or something like that. It wouldn't give off the impression that you just want to mingle all day. As far as travelling, if you're sending invitations, then you'renbsp;telling them when the ceremony is and what the postcelebration will be. Your guests can then decide if they want to travel that far, knowing it's a set amount of time and not an all weekend affair. Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

We haven't seriously talked about eloping. But I've expressed my concerns to my fiance and he assures me that he doesn't care who's there. He says it can just be me and him and he would be fine with that. But at the same time, we both are actually planning for the ceremony. I really want his family there, I consider them to be my family more than my parents, to be honest. So I definitely want then there. But it'll be so rude to invite then and not invite my parents.

I will be sure to include the festivities following the ceremony on the invites. Like you said, its a good way for them to decide if they would want to make the drive or not.
My fiance also suggested everyone going bowling after the ceremony. What do you guys think about that;

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

As far as our honeymoon, we will be doing something very small. Just staying in a small town over the weekend in a hotel exploring the city. It won't be much at all.

Bride2BeSoon1 · May 2012

In Response to Re:Small Wedding Etiquette help!:[QUOTE]If you are that stressed about money, and paying for the meal, not to mention the awkwardness of your family not likingnbsp;your FI, nbsp;why not just talk to a friend each, go to the courthouse, get married, and then the 4 of you go out to lunch afterwards.nbsp; You can do this locally, then send out announcements to family after the fact.nbsp; You will still be married. Posted by AbbeyS2011[/QUOTE]

We are Christians and don't wish to marry in a courthouse. That's the only reason why this idea wouldn't be best for us.

aurianna · May 2012

If your sister and his uncle are over 18 and have a SO you should probably invite them since traveling alone isn't fun.

I have to agree with others though... eloping sure sounds like a great idea!

If you do want to go ahead and have guests though...

I'm still confused about why you're getting married where you are. Do you live there? Will you have access to a kitchen and a dining room? If you live there, you could host at home.

But I mean... if you have access to a kitchen, you could make a lot of the food yourself the night before. Can you bake? You could make your own cake or cupcakes or cookies.
Cold salads are good (noodle, potato, chicken, etc).
You could also make up regular salads the night before too, as well as sandwiches with cold cuts.

Bagels, croissants and juice are always good brunch fair, though since the reception will be falling right on a meal time (lunch) it would probably be good to get a little protein in there.
You can go to Sams/Costco/wherever and pick up cheeses for a cheese plate fairly cheap.
Again, sandwiches would be good. But if you want to keep it more in the brunch theme there are lots of places you can get breakfast sandwiches. Honestly Steak & Shake makes pretty good bagel sandwiches. Also lots of pre-packaged ones at Sams and stores like that, assuming you have means to heat them up.

I'd propose a make-your-own belgian waffle station, though having the guests make something that involved, I don't know if that encroaches on etiquette or not.

Small Wedding Etiquette help!

Re: Small Wedding Etiquette help!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards