FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:

bananapudding91 · August 2010

I'm a long-time lurker and current poster, and I have yet to introduce myself.

My name is Ashlie, and I am from East-ish Texas. Yes, I am young; I am 18 almost 19 years of age, but that doesn't mean I have an 18-year-old mindset. I am not yet "officially" engaged, but yes, I am planning my wedding. If you disagree with that, I'm sorry. I'm not as much PLANNING as I am finding resources and ideas of what I like and don't like, and what prices to expect.

I am in a long-term relationship with a man (well, boy, he is 20) who I know I am going to marry. I know he is in the process of buying a ring (he's terrible at secrets, but my mom is obviously worse because she let the cat out of the bag, but he does not know), and we've talked about marriage for quite some time. We were hoping for an April 17, 2011 wedding, but due to finances will probably be expecting a April 17, 2012 wedding.

I love to use smiley faces and will probably overuse them. If you think I'm overbearing with them, let me know and I'll calm down. I'm just generally a very happy person, and my nickname at work happens to be Smiley.

I hope I send and receive good vibes from everyone on here, and will do my best to help others as much as possible!

misskrysbaby · August 2010

Hola Ashlie! Where in TX are you? I'm in San Antonio, sweating my arse off.

bethsmiles · August 2010

So you are still in high school? Are you going to college? Is your BF in college? Do you both have jobs? Financially stable? and Why not wait? ok thats all the usual questions I have for young girls on the boards (btw I'm young as well, I'm only 20).

Also I'm just going to say, as all girls who plan thier weddings before getting engaged get told, there is no need to plan your wedding before you are engaged. Especially since your wedding is about 2 years away. Also, if your BF is planning on proposing soon (which you think he is) then you really don't need to be worrying about it because you will be having a long engagement and will have more than enough time to do everything then.

bananapudding91 · August 2010

Haha!

I know how you feel. I'm near Terrell. I don't know if you know where that is, but I'm just a town away. I've been hibernating inside to escape the heat!

bananapudding91 · August 2010

Like I said, I'm not really planning. I'm just looking at my options and trying to save up and get ideas!

I'm no longer in high school, my boyfriend has been out of high school for a year and a half. No, we don't have very stable jobs at the moment. I have a decent job, and he's about to get a good job with an uncle of mine. Which is one reason our engagement will be so long, so we have time to gather up the finances to both get married and move out.

I will begin college in January, and graduate either right before or after our wedding, if it is in April 2012. He wants to work and possibly go to college (it's his choice, not mine).

We don't want to wait because we want it to be official and stop just "shacking up". Since I live in a small town and have a rather traditional family, we get a lot less respect because we live together without a marriage certificate, and it does matter to me. Not to mention the fact that he means everything to me and is my best friend.

Hope that answers all of your questions, beth.

catemeg · August 2010

Hmm... okay. I guess I'll just say "hi" and "don't rush things" and leave it at that, since it sounds like it will be an effort in futility to try to discuss the benefits of waiting until you're a little older to get married.

bethsmiles · August 2010

What degree are you planning on getting?

**Mutley** · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finally-formal-hello-introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:832b3345-a6a6-4148-99e9-ee48451f568dPost:f32bd6a3-0018-47e8-b7e1-fc5ef9fbb0c7">FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm a long-time lurker and current poster, and I have yet to introduce myself.

My name is Ashlie, and I am from East-ish Texas. Yes, I am young; I am 18 almost 19 years of age, but that doesn't mean I have an 18-year-old mindset. I am not yet "officially" engaged, but yes, I am planning my wedding. If you disagree with that, I'm sorry. I'm not as much PLANNING as I am finding resources and ideas of what I like and don't like, and what prices to expect.

I am in a long-term relationship with a man (well, boy, he is 20) who I know I am going to marry. I know he is in the process of buying a ring (he's terrible at secrets, but my mom is obviously worse because she let the cat out of the bag, but he does not know), and we've talked about marriage for quite some time. We were hoping for an April 17, 2011 wedding, but due to finances will probably be expecting a April 17, 2012 wedding.

I love to use smiley faces :) and will probably overuse them. If you think I'm overbearing with them, let me know and I'll calm down. I'm just generally a very happy person, and my nickname at work happens to be Smiley.

I hope I send and receive good vibes from everyone on here, and will do my best to help others as much as possible! :)
Posted by bananapudding91[/QUOTE]

You say that you are a long-time lurker? Interesting. If this is truly the case, then you know the reponses you are going to receive. And you already know that most people will think that you are BSC. I am one of those people. There are so many red flags, stop signs, speed bumps, etc. in your situation but the pool is calling me.

The fact that you needed to clarify that your boyfriend isn't a man really made me laugh though. And I was not laughing with you. That is just pathetic. I am sure that you are both growner than we think you are, and your situation is drastically different.

**Mutley** · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finally-formal-hello-introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:832b3345-a6a6-4148-99e9-ee48451f568dPost:1aa66b36-3a48-48ed-9369-4f725b60a701">Re: FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:</a>:
[QUOTE]Like I said, I'm not really planning . I'm just looking at my options and trying to save up and get ideas! :)

I'm no longer in high school, my boyfriend has been out of high school for a year and a half. No, we don't have very stable jobs at the moment. I have a decent job, and he's about to get a good job with an uncle of mine. Which is one reason our engagement will be so long, so we have time to gather up the finances to both get married and move out. :)

I will begin college in January, and graduate either right before or after our wedding, if it is in April 2012. He wants to work and possibly go to college (it's his choice, not mine).

We don't want to wait because we want it to be official and stop just "shacking up". Since I live in a small town and have a rather traditional family, we get a lot less respect because we live together without a marriage certificate, and it does matter to me. Not to mention the fact that he means everything to me and is my best friend. :)

Hope that answers all of your questions, beth. :)
Posted by bananapudding91[/QUOTE]

Don't have the freaking time, but had to quote for others.

bananapudding91 · August 2010

I'm going to get a degree in Education, and plan on teaching 3rd grade.

And yes, Mutley, I anticipated the responses and it will not phase me, as regardless of the opinions of others on here, I am getting married to the man I love. Yes, I stated he is a boy. But, only because I also anticipated that to be a response to me calling him a man, so I went ahead and said it myself. In my eyes, he's a man. He is doing what he can to better himself in life and his career, and is a very responsible person. But I will also acknowledge the fact that ANYONE at his age is still a boy, and at mine a girl.

My parents married right out of high school- 3 weeks after my mom's 18th, and have been together for more than 25 years. This is the case in all of their 8 siblings combined, as well. I know this doesn't mean it will be the case for our relationship, but seeing as I am Catholic and we do not believe in divorce, it will be.

If you see red flags and such, that is your opinion that you are entitled to.

bananapudding91 · August 2010

The college I am going to allows me a 2-year degree. And no, it is not an online college or trade school, etc.

Just clarifying.

I do know what I'm talking about.

GreenPepperBurger · August 2010

Okay. As someone who is relatively young on these boards (I'm 20), I'm going to say this: WAIT.

Go to college. Graduate. Get a degree (although I am curious as to how you can start college in January 2011 and graduate by April 2012? Even community colleges take two years, if I'm not mistaken). Encourage your boyfriend (because he is still your boyfriend, not your fiance) to go to college and get a degree as well. If he's not college material (and not everyone is), then please make sure he has a trade and can get a good job. You guys are SO young and I promise you that you will lose NOTHING by waiting.

jeanacorina · August 2010

Hello and welcome to the board.

Please wait until you're older. You have nothing to lose. If you don't like shacking up, then don't live together before you get married. You either think shacking up is fine and you do it without shame (I did), or you think it's wrong and you don't do it.

I think wishy-washy is lame.

bethsmiles · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finally-formal-hello-introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:832b3345-a6a6-4148-99e9-ee48451f568dPost:4fb4fb66-15bb-489f-8c75-430e1307d7f4">Re: FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to get a degree in Education, and plan on teaching 3rd grade. :)
That degree will take longer than a year and a half. A lot of my friends are education majors and none of them are getting it done that fast. And yes, Mutley, I anticipated the responses and it will not phase me, as regardless of the opinions of others on here, I am getting married to the man I love. Yes, I stated he is a boy.
But, only because I also anticipated that to be a response to me calling him a man, so I went ahead and said it myself. In my eyes, he's a man. He is doing what he can to better himself in life and his career, and is a very responsible person. But I will also acknowledge the fact that ANYONE at his age is still a boy, and at mine a girl. Really? Because my BF is 20 and I consider him a man. But he lives on his own, pays his own bills, and is in college. My parents married right out of high school- 3 weeks after my mom's 18th, and have been together for more than 25 years. So did my BF's parents and they fully admit that it does not work for MOST couples. This is the case in all of their 8 siblings combined, as well. I know this doesn't mean it will be the case for our relationship, but seeing as I am Catholic and we do not believe in divorce, it will be. That sentence did not make sense. Also, I do know that Catholics can get divorced. If you see red flags and such, that is your opinion that you are entitled to. :)
If posters here see red flags someone who is mature would think about those flags not just brush them off.
Posted by bananapudding91[/QUOTE]

you know the response you are going to get here. The general consensus will be that you should wait. If you think its wrong to "shack up" then 1) you shouldn't have done it in the first place 2) thats not a good reason to rush into marriage. 3) its ok to shack up for 2 more years?

ETA: I don't judge people who live together before getting married I am just responding to the OP stating that she thinks its wrong. I don't want to offend anyone.

CWill16 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finally-formal-hello-introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:832b3345-a6a6-4148-99e9-ee48451f568dPost:1aa66b36-3a48-48ed-9369-4f725b60a701">Re: FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:</a>:
[QUOTE]Like I said, I'm not really planning . I'm just looking at my options and trying to save up and get ideas! :) I'm no longer in high school, my boyfriend has been out of high school for a year and a half. No, we don't have very stable jobs at the moment. I have a decent job, and he's about to get a good job with an uncle of mine. Which is one reason our engagement will be so long, so we have time to gather up the finances to both get married and move out. :) I will begin college in January, and graduate either right before or after our wedding, if it is in April 2012. He wants to work and possibly go to college (it's his choice, not mine). We don't want to wait because we want it to be official and stop just "shacking up". Since I live in a small town and have a rather traditional family, we get a lot less respect because we live together without a marriage certificate, and it does matter to me. Not to mention the fact that he means everything to me and is my best friend. :) Hope that answers all of your questions, beth. :)
Posted by bananapudding91[/QUOTE]

I am also younger (20) and am waiting until after college to get married. I have no judgement about anyone who decides to live together before marriage even though that is not something I have chosen to do. Obviously you must feel living together is wrong. You have a lot of growing up to do and must be able to act upon your own beliefs and convictions, not those of others. If you believe what you are doing is okay you are obviously focused on what other people think, and if you are living with someone and it goes against your beliefs then you need to reevaluate. I really hope things pan out for you, but be honest with yourself.

**Mutley** · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finally-formal-hello-introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:832b3345-a6a6-4148-99e9-ee48451f568dPost:4fb4fb66-15bb-489f-8c75-430e1307d7f4">Re: FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to get a degree in Education, and plan on teaching 3rd grade. :) Posted by bananapudding91[/QUOTE]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finally-formal-hello-introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:832b3345-a6a6-4148-99e9-ee48451f568dPost:be02c92d-da8e-4299-92bf-489aa1a3cf2c">Re: FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:</a>:
[QUOTE]The college I am going to allows me a 2-year degree. And no, it is not an online college or trade school, etc. :) Just clarifying. I do know what I'm talking about. :)
Posted by bananapudding91[/QUOTE]

You might want to check out this <a href="http://www.tea.state.tx.us/index2.aspx?id=5352&menu_id=865&menu_id2=794" target="_blank">link</a>. It addresses the requirements for becoming a classroom teacher in Texas. Also, I would broaden your expectations about what grade you plan on teaching. From experience, you do not always get your ideal grade... or even your ideal teaching job.

bettyshaw · August 2010

To the OP, I'm young as well (20), and a lurker. My boyfriend would kill me if I said the word marriage right now! I think it's great that you're in love and eager to plan your future.
That said, I encourage you to listen to other posters. I can hardly believe I'm the same person I was at 18 - I'm only just now deciding where I want to spend my last two years in university. I believe that you're in love with your boyfriend, but I also know from experience that true love at 18 is not necessarily the case 5 years down the line, or even 1. I'm glad your parents' and other relatives' marriages have been so successful, but it doesn't mean you *have* to get married young.
I'm glad you're getting educated and I would also encourage your boyfriend to do the same, but you don't have to rush into life all at once! Get a secure job and make sure you plan financially for *marriage*, not just your wedding. Getting finances together for a lifetime takes a lot longer than the year or two you'll be saving up for a wedding.

StarGazingHiker · August 2010

Hi and welcome.

Few questions for you... this education degree you're getting.. is it a Bachelor's or an Associates? I have a friend who teaches in Texas and she had to get a Bachelor's as well as a credential. It took her about 5 years from starting to college to finishing her credential program... so it's awesome that you found a program that will allow you to do it so quickly! Anyways, good luck, education is fun! I loved teaching 3rd grade, it was definitely my favorite grade!

Next questions- what's the harm in waiting for a bit before getting married? Why the rush?? I understand being from a small town... the town I grew up in has a population of less that 2000 people. My advice... wait... just wait and enjoy being together. There is no rush to get married. As you both get older and experience life... you will change, he will change. You say he's the man you want to marry and if this is true, waiting and experiencing life won't change that! I'm definitely speaking from experience here....

I wish you both the best of luck and good luck with your education! Like I said, 3rd graders are a blast!

hetshup · August 2010

Are you not planning your wedding in the same way that someone who only has anal sex is still a virgin?

Just wait. I was 18 once, I cannot imagine my life if I had married that guy. I would be 26 and divorced. Remember, just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.

StarGazingHiker · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finally-formal-hello-introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:832b3345-a6a6-4148-99e9-ee48451f568dPost:e15b7d90-66ee-413a-925d-105eb25c9e31">Re: FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:</a>:
[QUOTE] Just wait. I was 18 once, I cannot imagine my life if I had married that guy. I would be 26 and divorced. Remember, just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

This.... exactly! Had I married my one true love (or so I thought at the time) at 18... this would be me exactly!

jeanacorina · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finally-formal-hello-introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:832b3345-a6a6-4148-99e9-ee48451f568dPost:387b4ddb-f43e-41d3-b137-488b62078959">Re: FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (: : You ... must be able to act upon your own beliefs and convictions, not those of others. If you believe what you are doing is okay you are obviously focused on what other people think, and if you are living with someone and it goes against your beliefs then you need to reevaluate.
Posted by CWill16[/QUOTE]

Exactly this!

Also, I was engaged at 19. I couldn't be happier with my life right now. And I did not marry the guy I was engaged to at 19. By all means, make some mistakes in life. But when it comes to marriage- be cautious and slow down. Even when you think you're ready, wait longer.

PaigeMcC · August 2010

I want to know where you're going to school that gives you the ability to teach third graders in only two years. I'm pretty sure someone isn't telling you the whole truth on this one...

Also, I'd tell you to wait but you're obviously not listening so there's no point wasting my breath.

desertsun · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_finally-formal-hello-introduction?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:832b3345-a6a6-4148-99e9-ee48451f568dPost:e15b7d90-66ee-413a-925d-105eb25c9e31">Re: FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:</a>:
[QUOTE]Are you not planning your wedding in the same way that someone who only has anal sex is still a virgin? Just wait. I was 18 once, I cannot imagine my life if I had married that guy. I would be 26 and divorced. Remember, just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD.
Posted by hetshup[/QUOTE]

Bwahahahaha! Priceless!

CWill16 · August 2010

I don't know anything about education majors and careers, but what about teacher's aids? Do they have four year degrees like regular teachers? When I went to school up until the 4th grade we had a teacher and an assistant teacher who was not a student teacher or anything. Could that be what she is talking about?

Enjoy college. You grow and learn alot at our age. It is important to make sure when you and your BF grow and change you are still compatible.

heyimbren · August 2010

I think you need to lurk longer if you posted all this and really expected different reactions.

In the end, you're obviously going to do whatever you want. But if you were really familiar with this board, you'd expect that:

1) you'll get the side-eye for any kind of "planning" when you're not even engaged;
2) getting married so young and swearing that you're a special snowflake.

So GL, I wish you the best.

noelle24 · August 2010

$10 on the Education degree being for a Teacher's Aid position. And if I lose that bet, I'll weep for the future of children in TX. And we wonder why kids of the world aspire to mediocrity and getting married right out of high school.... they are never taught anything else!

And OP, getting married just so you can live together (or have sex) is just silly. Ridiculously so.

**Mutley** · August 2010

If you check out the link I posted above, it clearly states that one must have a bachelor's degree and that Texas institutions do NOT offer a degree in education.

[QUOTE]Bachelor’s Degree - You must earn a bachelor’s degree from an accredited college or university. The only exemption from the degree requirement is for individuals seeking Career and Technical Education certification to teach certain courses. Texas institutions do not offer a degree in education. Instead, every future teacher must select an academic major of interest and, as described below, complete educator preparation courses.[/QUOTE]

bananapudding91 · August 2010

OK, before I read any more responses, I want to clarify something that DID make me sound completely idiotic:

I realize January 2011 to April 2012 is not 2 years. I was typing and thinking quickly because I was in a rush to get to work. I will be graduating in 2013. And yes, I am going to a 2-year college to get a degree in Education. And yes, it is possible because I know someone who graduated from that college and did so. And I've had a teacher who did it.

So there's my fix for my own stupid mistake.

bananapudding91 · August 2010

I expected all of these responses, it just simply does not affect me. I am introducing myself and explaining where I have come from and why I am here.

I appreciate all of the suggestions and GOOD advice I've been receiving (all of it being good advice). Most people don't believe in young marriages, and that's fine. I am not saying I am the exception or that I am a "special cookie" . I am simply saying that, yes, I am getting married to this man and because we don't believe in divorce, it won't happen.

I'm not getting married to simply be able to live together. We've lived together for almost 3 years, and I don't overly care what others think about it, but it does matter to me at the same time. It's difficult to explain. I'd continue to do it as long as he wanted even without a ring on my finger, but I think it makes it more meaningful. And no, I don't think it's wrong to just "shack up," it's just not my preference. If I'm going to spend my life with someone, I'd rather do so married to them.

And actually, yes, Texas does give degrees in Education. I know because I have talked to several colleges about it. But, you must major in a specific subject, as well. The college I am going to does, in fact, offer degrees in 2 years (sorry about the confusion with the dates; careless mistake) for teaching. Not a teacher's aid.

I know I may not be able to teach specifically 3rd grade. It's just what I'm aiming for. If I don't get that grade, big deal. I'm getting my degree in 2 years for a reason. My goal is to eventually teach various high school computer classes, and elementary is my stepping stone, even if it means years of night classes.

And, again, I'll apologize for saying I am "planning". Yes, I am searching my options. And yes, I am pricing and looking up the ins and outs. But anyone is allowed that right. Even if they're completely dreaming and will never get married. There's absolutely nothing wrong with research.

And I posted this here because I know he is not yet my fiance, he is my boyfriend. This is the Not Engaged Yet board, is it not?

I've been dreaming of what my wedding would be like since I could say my ABCs. There's nothing wrong with looking forward to and researching for the future.

If I was already buying stuff, now that'd be a problem. I just want to know how much I'm in for financially.

Thanks for the comments, ladies. You'll still see me around quite a bit. I don't mind having a different opinion from someone else. Regardless, as you can tell, I'm not going to wait to get married. It's not for everyone. I'm in no rush, we just know we are ready.

bananapudding91 · August 2010

Oh and just because someone lives on their own, pays their own bills, and is going to college doesn't make them more of a man than someone who does not. Sometimes people aren't gifted things that others are. My boyfriend comes from a difficult background, and is doing what he can to get a decent job and be able to move out. The economy sucks. It's not that easy to get a job.

So, he works where he can.

I respect him for trying. And regardless of what all someone has accomplished at 20, they're still not fully grown. I'm not fully grown, and I realize that. I'm still a girl. Someone at 20 is still a boy/girl. Money isn't a factor in maturity, it's a good thing to have, but it doesn't affect the mind just because you have more of it.

And, yes, Catholics can get divorced. But, take it from a Catholic. We do not believe in divorce. It is against our religion. In some church's you can even be excommunicated for getting divorced. I do not believe in it, therefore I will never get divorced. It's pretty simple.

You marry someone, it means "'til death do [you] part." I take that very literally.

And just because someone else sees red flags, and I brush them off does not make me immature. It means I have my own opinion, which I am entitled to.

Just because someone else has a different opinion does not mean I should change mine to fit theirs, and I won't. I don't see a problem with getting married young. People have done it for ages, and just because not ALL couples last, doesn't make it wrong.

Thanks again.

I appreciate the concern, but it does not sway my opinion. I'm glad you ladies look out for others, it's a good thing and I'm glad you care. (:

jeanacorina · August 2010

I am so waffling back and forth here. Sometimes, I think "hey, she seems like maybe she has a head on her shoulders" and then sometimes I'm like "woah she totally sounds like a kid who has a lot to learn." (which you SHOULD sound like, since you ARE).

I don't expect you to listen to a bunch of strangers on the internet who tell you that you should wait to get married for a few more years. You seem hard-headed (which is not always a bad thing, but sometimes it is... I would know). You shouldn't change your mind just because other people have a differing opinion (shacking up thing...), but you SHOULD be willing to hear them out and keep those thoughts in your back pocket so one day when you hit a bump in the road you can re-evaluate whether one opinion is actually more correct than the other. So, best of luck to you and everything.

I'm still completely confused about the shacking up and caring but not really caring but sort-of caring and wanting to get married. But you don't need to explain it. I don't think it's lack of explanation, I think it's naivete.

FINALLY- A Formal Hello and Introduction (:

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