What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?

jamcnprincess16 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-etiquette-wr-facebook-status-updates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1eb37af2-31ff-4e1e-88a4-f4b6de7eab98Post:9ad7f522-b126-4fe5-bcb2-64f93790dc2f">Re: What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't find random wedding FB updates any more annoying that I do updates on a person's pregnancy, vacation countdown posts, house buying, etc. Obviously, not everyone is invited to their delivery, trip to Jamaica or to stay the night at their new house. If your updates bug one of your FB friends, they can hide you so they don't see the updates. FB status updates would be pretty boring if everyone was just like, "I'm going to work today" to avoid hurting feelings or excluding someone.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

Agreed, well said!

Jesstastic · July 2010

I put random messages. You can't expenct to be invited to a wedding UNLESS you're close family. I have lots of friends who post everythign about their planning and I think it's exciting. When I got 12 response cards in the mail I posted that along with something else. Somedays I'll put 27 more to go! Or something like that after "is super tired of finals" I wouldn;t post 10 weeks, 47 days, 19 hours, and 22 minutes til the wedding but there's nothing wrong with talking about it. If they don't want to read it they don;t have to

Houghtons10 · July 2010

You should have a countdown starting 462 days out complete with updates of how stressed you are and how much your FI sucks. Oh, and don't forget to post your b-pics for the world to see!

This! It's exciting and it only happens once. I full force have my FB status say whatever I'm thinking. Wedding or not. And honestly, if you don't wanna read about it, then don't look. But all of my family and my FI's family is on FB and they want updates too. Those who really matter will read it and be excited for and with you. As for everyone else... Screw them. They don't matter. :-)

SheImp · July 2010

I've you used fb as a tool to get feed back from friends and family...I'll post every couple weeks or so about something reandom, especially as we are getting closer. Never had a problem with some one checking to see if htey are invited or anything. I do see it any more annoying then any other post!

good luck everyone!

lbsunde · July 2010

Ok, honestly... you're in love and who cares! I got married a month ago and was engaged for 11 months, and I was sooo excited about getting engaged and married that my status updates for the 11 months was all about my wedding. Sure, I know people made jokes sometimes, but I have never been happier so nothing could bring me down! If you don't want to be annoyed by the status, then don't look at it. It's that simple.

chiwawa · July 2010

I wouldn't go on and on about every little detail, but planning your wedding is what's going on in your life right now, and the whole point of social networking sites is to stay connected and let your friends know what you're up to. Personally, if it's a development I'm excited about, like when I booked the hotels for our honeymoon, I'll share. People will either be happy and excited for you, or they'll ignore you. I don't see the big deal with sharing a few details here and there, even if you can't invite everyone on your facebook. Your friends should be happy and excited for you because they love you, whether you're able to invite them or not.

smamersamers · July 2010

I really can't see too much wrong with doing a status update about big events happening. People on FB are updating what they had for lunch, I don't care, but they want me to know how good it was, etc. The people who care will love to hear about the fact that you finally found the perfect dress or that you are headed out to do some shopping with your bridesmaids.

In my case, much of my immediate and extended family is out of state, and I have friended them on FB so they fel they get to be involved in the wedidng even if they won't be able to make the trip to the actual wedding.

B2B39 · July 2010

Why is everyone so concerned about what everyone else will think? I am very excited and I will post comments about found my dj going dress shopping ect.... Those who don't care don't have to read it, those who do will. And really, you might hurt a FB friends feelings if they aren't invited? I don't get hurt when I don't get invited to things going on. What's the difference if its a wedding or a birthday party? I know who my friends are that are close enough to be invited and who is just someone I went to school with and its just nice to see what is happening with people. Just have fun with the planning and everything about getting married and starting a life with you one you love.

KBaker421 · July 2010

I update my FB from time to time. I don't think it's a big deal. I don't do it daily. But when something big happens, i announce it. Can't help that i'm excited

lpitochelli · July 2010

My FB is how I keep in touch with family (mine & his) and friends. Some of which I had lost contact with and I wouldn't have even been able to invite them to my wedding if it weren't for FB. I'm a constant poster. Everyone knows this about me. Everyone also knows I can't afford to invite 200 people to my backyard wedding. The friends who aren't getting invites are mostly the ones that I talk to however haven't actually seen in 20 years since high school. My friends have been great about giving me tips from their weddings, hooking me up with vendors they know, even an offer to grow flowers for me!!!

jesslv74 · July 2010

I haven't posted anything at all, mostly for the reasons that have already been given. My fiance and I have been engaged for YEARS and we're excited to FINALLY be getting married so people were expecting a wedding at some point, but I don't want anyone to be hurt by not getting an invite or to annoy people. I have a friend who I used to live across the street from and she is having a wedding 2 weeks after mine. She posts updates here and there and even that bugs me for some reason. I guess I feel a bit sad that I didn't get invited but I understand why...we're not close friends anymore. So I can see from that perspective how someone even closer to me might feel hurt (we're keeping it small-ish). A common friend of ours who we both went to high school with saw her annoncment and pretty much invited herself, saying "I hope I get an invite?" And when I put up a picutre of when my fiance and I first met from years ago, thsi same common friend asked when the wedding was and fished for an invite as well, as did a few others. We've been keeping it pretty hush-hush all around.

Sorry for my long-windedness...it's a trademark of mine, hehe. So after my roundabout ramblings I'd say to keep it to yourself or I like the idea of filters and putting up a website for those who are invited so they can see how everything is giong and get any important info.

nandrus · July 2010

People will surprise you no matter how much or little you post of FB. I simply changed my status from "In a relationship" to "Engaged" and a friend who lives on the other side of the country, who I've seen once in my adult life (we were pen-pals and friends as children) posted almost immediately that I was to inform her ASAP of the date and she would start saving today for her plane ticket. Ohh yeah, and she informed me that she'd be staying with my mom when she came.
Like I said... People will surprise you! Ha Ha!

jillybean2983 · July 2010

I would say, don't go overboard posting something every day or about every little detail... but a few times a month is fine. After all, the wedding planning process is an exciting time and its fun to put it out there and share your excitement if you found a great dress or whatever it is. If you have friends on there that are really that annoyed by seeing occasional posts about your engagement/wedding, my guess is they aren't a very close friend of yours anyway... and I'm pretty sure there's an option on FB to hide certain people from your news feed so they can always hide your posts if its that big of a bother to them. The whole purpose of status updates is to stay connected and see what your friends are up to... no one is forced to read news feeds if they aren't interested, so don't feel bad. As far as friends finding out they're not invited... well, through facebook or not they're probably going to find out somehow! Ultimately it's up to the bride and groom to decide how big of a reception they want to have and who you've stayed close enough friends with to invite... people should understand that. It might not be the best idea to post your guest list online (thats what the mail-out invites are for) but just posting the date on wedding buzz - not a big deal. But thats just my opinion

swelchphr · July 2010

I'm not blogging about every little thing. Besides changing my relationship status, I've done a few things like "we finally booked our venue" and posted pics from our first tasting. I've done it sparingly and just for the big stuff.

I knew someone who has daily posts about her wedding from "we just sent our invitations" (which I didn't get - it's ok because we're not close, but I don't need to hear that you sent it to everyone but me) to "I decided on red table cloths" (um - ok).

lziaks · July 2010

I think you can definitely post on facebook! This is what social media is all about. Of course you get the normal "over sharer" but you can hide their posts. I have a few friends also getting married and I love reading their updates.

There are people who want to know what you're up to. The people who dont....well they wont read it!

I just wouldn't go over the top but say you just bought your dress and you're excited...GO FOR IT! post away! I'd rather not make 40 phone calls anyway!

TaniaDave · July 2010

Post what you like when you want to.
If people get annoyed they will delete you.
If they don’t like it or get annoyed at your happiness or excitement then they will be doing you a favour by deleting you.

Why do you want people on your facebook that can’t be happy for you? And that can’t understand why you can’t invite EVERYONE you know???

QUALITY NOT QUANTITY of friends in life and on Facebook is what counts.

If you can’t be happy for me and share in my excitement then you dont need to see pictures and information about my life.

Im not invited to a wedding of a girl I have known since I was 3.
I live in a different city and she has very little money and a big family. She did invite my mom which I was happy about but only my mom alone.
They are starting off and the economy really affected their financial situation. I HAVE NO PROBLEM putting myself in other people’s shoes and RESPECTING them.

I have been doing her countdown with her on Facebook and sharing in her excitement.

Post away and be excited!!!!!
You get 1 opportunity in life to do this and be excited for your BIG day.

Not tooooo much detail though, you do want a little surprise for the guests attending *wink*

C*Mia · July 2010

It is a huge relief to read these comments! Every time I go onto facebook it seems all I read now is about peoples wedding planning, reminding to mail back RSVP's and whatnot.

Those who are married now only post about their entire pregnancy. I agree the wedding planning is fun and exciting but 90% of people don't care about how long its taking to work on centerpieces or that everyone ordered their BM dresses. That is what TK is for

Great post!!!

JloveB · July 2010

I do some updates...but I would never put up the day of the wedding, put up the venue, what type of cake and all the extra details...I did a blog for that...if someone wants to know my wedding they can read the blog...and even that isn't updated every day because I have a life outside of wedding stuff....I like planning but there is more than just planing that is important in life.

Cereese82 · July 2010

I created a private group for my wedding on FB. I only invited really close friends and family that are directly or indirectly involved in the wedding. Mainly, our parents and siblings, the bridal party and the family and friends who are vendors (I have an aunt that's a photographer and one that's a cake decorator.) That way I have one place to keep them all updated on the major stuff, run ideas past them and that sort of stuff.

Sexymess · July 2010

if people who arent invited dont like your updates they will unfriend you. if its happening in your life what else are you suppose do with the stupid update thing anyway unless you are updating about "your life" whats the difference between updating about your new baby? or you new job? or a break up? (which honestly its more annoying when my friends are all depressed and emo) even people who ARE NOT invited to my wedding should be happy for me... or why am I friends with them in the first place? Facebook is a place for adults and networking AND keeping in touch with people you care about (even though Farmville and Mofia crap has ruined it... as well as the highschoolers and FMIL's yeahhh I'm friends with mine...) I would hope people your networking with will realize not every person you ever met or slightly know will be invited to your wedding and that your updates are for your more closer personal friends and family as well as bringing a little happy news about your life.....

Sexymess · July 2010

plus my date is 10.10 10... .hard to keep it a secret even if I wanted to as it is only the coolest date ever

pokepoke27 · July 2010

Personally I don't see the problem with the occasional post about your wedding. I usually update my facebook status daily, and generally it's about something I've done that day. So for example, if I finally got off my butt and organised my christmas ornaments I might post "Wow! I actually organized my christmas ornaments today!!". What is the difference between that and "OMG I found my dress today!!" I don't see one. It's a big part of the wedding, and it's likely to be the biggest part of that particular day.
I'm wondering if all the PPs would sit there and look at that status and think "Oh my god, I can't belive that she would post something like that! Who cares anways? Seriously, that's just so AWish of her!" If they do, then there must be something wrong with them as the majority of my fb friends would go "Oh, that's nice" and move down to the next item on the page.
It might just be the way my friends and I are, but generally when my friends are really excited about something, I'm excited for them. Sure I don't really care if they want to go with the cream tablecloths or the ivory, but if they do something really big like put the deposit down on their venue or buy their dress then I think they should be allowed to post it on facebook.
Sure it's annoying if you post something about the minute details of your wedding every single day, but is it any worse than posting bible scriptures every day or getting 100 notifications from friends that their crops are ready and they found a lost kitten on their farm?

ShadowAP · July 2010

I don't understand why there should be an etiquette on this at all. The point of a FB status update is to update people about your life. Obviously, wedding planning is a big part of your life. Just like your zits, your job search, your cat's giant hairball, and your gym routine, if I care then I'll read it and if I don't then I'll move on.

Anyone who reads about your wedding in a FB post and then expects an invite is an idiot. When I meet people for the first time and they notice my ring, they'll ask if I'm getting married, where the wedding is going to be, etc. - I'm certainly not going to clam up and share no information because I'm worried that they'll be offended when they are subsequently not invited!

You should talk about your wedding as much as you would talk about any personal event in your life, because that's what it is - and that's all it is.

pokepoke27 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-etiquette-wr-facebook-status-updates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1eb37af2-31ff-4e1e-88a4-f4b6de7eab98Post:c09b9b4c-1ff1-4808-8a7b-2ef32a2d869f">Re: What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?</a>:
[QUOTE]if people who arent invited dont like your updates they will unfriend you. if its happening in your life what else are you suppose do with the stupid update thing anyway unless you are updating about "your life" whats the difference between updating about your new baby? or you new job? or a break up? (<strong>which honestly its more annoying when my friends are all depressed and emo</strong>) even people who ARE NOT invited to my wedding should be happy for me... or why am I friends with them in the first place? Facebook is a place for adults and networking AND keeping in touch with people you care about (even though Farmville and Mofia crap has ruined it... as well as the highschoolers and FMIL's yeahhh I'm friends with mine...) I would hope people your networking with will realize not every person you ever met or slightly know will be invited to your wedding and that your updates are for your more closer personal friends and family as well as bringing a little happy news about your life.....
Posted by Sexymess[/QUOTE]

Oh, and I might add on to this that I absolutely HATE those vague mysterious updates like "Oh, I guess it was too good to last...." that are designed to make people puzzle over your meaning and beg to know what's wrong? Those are way worse than the occasional "Wow, wedding's in 3 months, where has the past 6 gone?" type of post!

ShadowAP · July 2010

Also, I don't see the big deal about posting the date. Everyone in the world pretty much knows what my wedding date is - why would I hide it? Just because they know the date doesn't mean they expect to be invited. Some of this etiquette stuff makes no sense to me at all, and some of it is just downright insulting to your friends.

jesslv74 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-etiquette-wr-facebook-status-updates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1eb37af2-31ff-4e1e-88a4-f4b6de7eab98Post:5847a52b-c734-47b8-8cb1-741f55f159f5">Re: What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?</a>:
[QUOTE]Post what you like when you want to. If people get annoyed they will delete you. If they don’t like it or get annoyed at your happiness or excitement then they will be doing you a favour by deleting you. Why do you want people on your facebook that can’t be happy for you? And that can’t understand why you can’t invite EVERYONE you know??? QUALITY NOT QUANTITY of friends in life and on Facebook is what counts. If you can’t be happy for me and share in my excitement then you dont need to see pictures and information about my life. Im not invited to a wedding of a girl I have known since I was 3. I live in a different city and she has very little money and a big family. She did invite my mom which I was happy about but only my mom alone. They are starting off and the economy really affected their financial situation. I HAVE NO PROBLEM putting myself in other people’s shoes and RESPECTING them. I have been doing her countdown with her on Facebook and sharing in her excitement. Post away and be excited!!!!! You get 1 opportunity in life to do this and be excited for your BIG day. Not tooooo much detail though, you do want a little surprise for the guests attending *wink*
Posted by TaniaDave[/QUOTE]

Good perspective. My fiance and I are overall quiet people who keep to ourseleves and I also "littie suprises." :) I sometimes find it silly that I'm so anal about being secretive and in a way miss sharing my excitement and accomplishments with others and getting feedback and advice from family and friends. Right now only close family members and friends know, but I think I'll be expanding that soon

emma5w · July 2010

I have been randomly posting things - when we got engaged, when I found my dress, and when we reached the 100-days-to-go mark. Otherwise, I might vaguely hint at something, but unless you know about the wedding, you don't get it (like "EM has become a total pro a tying miniature neckties around wine bottles!" - total gibberish if you don't know what our favors are). But I have a friend whose friends gave her a countdown scrapbook/calendar, and she has been posting pictures of each page every day since day 90. THAT'S annoying. I think as long as it's done in moderation (just like everything else in the world), it's ok.

jesslv74 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_whats-etiquette-wr-facebook-status-updates?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1eb37af2-31ff-4e1e-88a4-f4b6de7eab98Post:4696854d-a3db-4595-8f13-7e18d7e1b852">Re: What's the etiquette on WR Facebook status updates?</a>:
[QUOTE]I created a private group for my wedding on FB. I only invited really close friends and family that are directly or indirectly involved in the wedding. Mainly, our parents and siblings, the bridal party and the family and friends who are vendors (I have an aunt that's a photographer and one that's a cake decorator.) That way I have one place to keep them all updated on the major stuff, run ideas past them and that sort of stuff.
Posted by Cereese82[/QUOTE]

Good idea!

staceyleax3 · July 2010

SO! I think (because i do it) its okay to update people with your wedding details. WHO CARES if not all them are invited.. i have 826 (i just looked) friends on facebook, and NO theyre not a bunch of bands or any of that junk, i higly doubt every one of them think theyre coming to my wedding. Yes you can start a whole different blog about it but honestly who has time to sit around and write a whole thing up rather than just posting a line or two on facebook about how your wedding is x days out and youre excited. or that you DID find that great honeymoon place. if you feel bad about not inviting people then tell them its an intimate wedding with family only. i think its cute (i have 3 friends who are engaged as am i) to see people updating about their wedding plans. Do not post pictures of your dress that you find or anything like that but youre engaged!!!!!! if no one else is excited about it add me on facebook and well be excited together!

101allie101 · July 2010

I post wedding updates all the time on facebook. People post all sorts of stuff that I really don't care about, so why can't I post whatever I feel like posting? I'm sure there's been times when my 200 and some FB friends have posted stuff that doesn't relate to me or about events I haven't been invited to, but who cares? I'm excited that I'm getting married and I want the world to know!!!

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