More help please ladies!

MarryingmyKnight · April 2011

I need help wording a invitation saying we are having a ceremony only. I want to send invites to my family informing them and friends that I know will come so I can have a head count but we will not be having a reception. We are thinking either cake and champagne in our room or we all just go to a resturant. I just have to find a resturant that is willing to allow a large group and an outside cake and allow each person to pay for their own food. I know it is rude but everyone that is coming wants to come and they know their will be no reception and they will be paying for their own dinner. The invitation will make that clear. I just need help saying it in a very nice lovely way.

ahhhitsshannyn · April 2011

If you are not having a reception, do not invite people. If people are insisting on coming then you do not send them an invitation.

I do not agree with having people travel and spend thousands of dollars to celebrate with you, and not host them correctly. If you are going to cake & champagne in your room, why don't you at least get some catering so you can really thank your guests? I know you can get El Pollo Loco for cheap, Fazolis, or if you want it a little nicer you can try Masterpiece. But please give them something.

missjets · April 2011

You cant invite people to your wedding dinner and then expect them to pay.

My invitations had no mention of dinner as it wasnt planned yet. My guests will receive an itinerary with dinner plans in the mail by next Friday...but we are paying for it.

I was going to do a meet and greet and thought of doing a buffet where everyone could pay for themselves...but ettiquite on the board taught me you cant host an event and not pay. I especially think that if you are asking people to travel to see your wedding they deserve a meal. There are some cheaper options, you could do an early wedding and brunch.

If you decide that you wont budge on this the only thing I would suggest is that you dont have dinner at all. Make no mention of it on the invite and please dont go with only certin people...your whole guest list should be treated the same.

Charity

aegrish · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:8278659a-ea69-49d5-9997-6b6f0da4f060">More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]I need help wording a invitation saying we are having a ceremony only. I want to send invites to my family informing them and friends that I know will come so I can have a head count but we will not be having a reception. We are thinking either cake and champagne in our room or we all just go to a resturant. I just have to find <strong>a resturant that is willing to allow a large group and an outside cake and allow each person to pay for their own food</strong>. I know it is rude but everyone that is coming wants to come and they know their will be no reception and they will be paying for their own dinner. The invitation will make that clear. I just need help saying it in a very nice lovely way.
Posted by MarryingmyKnight[/QUOTE]

Good luck with that. I tried finding that for our non-hosted rehersal dinner for the night before the wedding, and it doesn't exist. Only restaurant you could maybe pay separately and have everyone still sit together is a buffet...most sit down restaurants require 1 check per table or group, especially for large parties. For a DW, you really really REALLY should host your guests properly with a meal, be it at a buffet, sit down restaurant or heavy apps in your suite (it is a suite right, not a room?). Otherwise, knock down your guest list to those you can actually afford to host, and send marriage announcements after the wedding to guests that you were not able to invite.

aegrish · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:fcdb453a-9081-43df-ab15-f4ba8b3c370f">Re: More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]You cant invite people to your wedding dinner and then expect them to pay. My invitations had no mention of dinner as it wasnt planned yet. My guests will receive an itinerary with dinner plans in the mail by next Friday...but we are paying for it. I<strong> was going to do a meet and greet and thought of doing a buffet where everyone could pay for themselves...but ettiquite on the board taught me you cant host an event and not pay. </strong>I especially think that if you are asking people to travel to see your wedding they deserve a meal. There are some cheaper options, you could do an early wedding and brunch. If you decide that you wont budge on this the only thing I would suggest is that you dont have dinner at all. Make no mention of it on the invite and please dont go with only certin people...your whole guest list should be treated the same. Charity
Posted by missjets[/QUOTE]

Charity,
I am doing a sort of meet and greet that's not hosted at a buffet. I don't think that's poor etiquette at all. We're not requiring our guests or wedding party to come, and we listed the price of the buffet on the itinerary and said '"join us if you wish". We are doing the same for the post-wedding bruch the day after. I think guests will appreciate the opportunity to join us if the can or want to, but don't need to feel obligated. We did try to keep the price down too. I think you can do it without being rude, as long as guests are well aware ahead of time that it's non-hosted.

missjets · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:9aeadaa8-91ac-4ddb-9f6d-f4142e31ce03">Re: More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More help please ladies! : Charity, I am doing a sort of meet and greet that's not hosted at a buffet. I don't think that's poor etiquette at all. We're not requiring our guests or wedding party to come, and we listed the price of the buffet on the itinerary and said '"join us if you wish". We are doing the same for the post-wedding bruch the day after. I think guests will appreciate the opportunity to join us if the can or want to, but don't need to feel obligated. We did try to keep the price down too. I think you can do it without being rude, as long as guests are well aware ahead of time that it's non-hosted.
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

I dont think this is rude at all, in fact, I wanted to do the same thing...but the replies on my post were of the idea that if it's written down, I would be hosting. So I decided that I would just make time during the week to spend time with the 3 different groups in my guest list (my family, FI's family, and friends). I figured by doing it by word of mouth (Monday friends, Tuesday FI's family, Thursday my family) I would side step the "hosting" duties. No offense was intended, I quite like your idea...

Charity

ahhhitsshannyn · April 2011

Eh, it was probably me who said don't write it down. I think if I saw a "join us for dinner" it would be hosted. I would not be mad if it wasn't, but I would probably be surprised. With Aegrish's price listed, it makes it clear that it is not hosted. We did a non hosted meet and greet, but it was all word of mouth. But it could be just me who thinks this way.

wiwicaty · April 2011

missjets - don't listen to those freaks (don't mean to offend them)... you can have a non-hosted meet and greet event at a buffet.

*** edit - just read your clarification, take the above back (part of it

)

aegrish · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:09cbb4b7-5dba-4435-972e-ebeaff0354f3">Re: More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: More help please ladies! : I dont think this is rude at all, in fact, I wanted to do the same thing...but the replies on my post were of the idea that <strong>if it's written down, I would be hosting</strong>. So I decided that I would just make time during the week to spend time with the 3 different groups in my guest list (my family, FI's family, and friends). I figured by doing it by word of mouth (Monday friends, Tuesday FI's family, Thursday my family) I would side step the "hosting" duties. No offense was intended, I quite like your idea... Charity
Posted by missjets[/QUOTE]

I don't think so at all. Now if we were sending out separate invitations for the non-hosted events that would be different. No offense taken :) just wanted to let you know it can be done tactfully.

aegrish · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:8732321d-59d5-4a95-a3cf-55b519f8d4cf">Re: More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]missjets - don't listen to those freaks (don't mean to offend them)... you can have a non-hosted meet and greet event at a buffet.
Posted by wiwicaty[/QUOTE]

bahaha! Our family and wedding party said the buffet the day before and after the wedding is a great idea. We are paying for our wedding party's meals the night before (as a thank you), but our family is fine with us not hosting it. If guests aren't fine with us not hosting it, well they can eat wherever they chose. But for a good value and food selection, they may as well join us if they can.

aegrish · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:fa0fd466-5eee-499e-8bb5-1278e00279c1">Re: More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]Eh, it was probably me who said don't write it down. I think if I saw a "join us for dinner" it would be hosted. I would not be mad if it wasn't, but I would probably be surprised. With Aegrish's price listed, it makes it clear that it is not hosted. We did a non hosted meet and greet, but it was all word of mouth. But it could be just me who thinks this way.
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

sorry to hijak the thread, but I agree I think the price listed is key. There's no other clear and concise way to say this is a 'non-hosted' event politely...

ahhhitsshannyn · April 2011

I AM A FREAK!!!

aegrish · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:4c19076e-964a-4da1-90f4-08016e5f6c96">Re: More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]I AM A FREAK!!!
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

I think we all are!

Either way- OP please host only the guests you can afford to host- properly, for your reception!

MarryingmyKnight · April 2011

Wow! It is funny to me how many people are upset that I am having a cermoney with no reception and inviting people. No one will be paying thousands of dollars to come, trust me. I have told multiple people about the wedding and we aren't having a reception and they are okay with it and asked to come to ceremony. People aren't uptight as you think. It is a small amount of people anyways; his immediate family, my immediate family and a couple friends. Anyways I was just looking for advice on how to word it. I'll figure it out. Thank you again!

MisEsta · April 2011

You could have a lunch reception at Mandalay Bay for $19.99 per person plus tax, service charge, and facility fee.
You don't have to put a deposit down, and you just pay for the people that do show up.
So you could save for the next 7 months and everyone gets to eat

Olivea12 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:e4a30d62-0eff-4586-8373-f5873b6dfd80">Re: More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow! It is funny to me how many people are upset that I am having a cermoney with no reception and inviting people. No one will be paying thousands of dollars to come, trust me. I have told multiple people about the wedding and we aren't having a reception and they are okay with it and asked to come to ceremony. People aren't uptight as you think. It is a small amount of people anyways; his immediate family, my immediate family and a couple friends. Anyways I was just looking for advice on how to word it. I'll figure it out. Thank you again!
Posted by MarryingmyKnight[/QUOTE]

You're kidding yourself if you think it's okay to invite even a small number of people to a wedding and then expect them to pay for themselves. Your entire response is just one excuse after another. Bottom line is there is no polite way to word an invitation like that. If you're not willing to properly host your guests then do not mention anything on the invite.

vfriday · April 2011

If it is just family and close friends and everything is word of mouth I'm not sure you need to say anything at all. Maybe cake and champagne to follow instead of reception to follow. It is you & your FI wedding, so do what you like. Folks get riled up but not a one of us is invited to your wedding.

Good luck

ahhhitsshannyn · April 2011

If people have to pay for flights, a couple weekend nights in a hotel, taking time off work, a gift, and their food / entertainment, it can easily equal well over a thousand, trust me.

It does not really matter if they think it is okay, I would not be able to let my family or friends fork out thousands (or hundreds) and not even give them a proper thank you. Just do not invite people if you do not want/ can not afford a proper thank you.

MarryingmyKnight · April 2011

LOL! Thank you for your advice but I will be proceeding with MY wedding as planned. It is in fact my wedding and I will just go about it how I see fit. Thank you again ladies. See you in other chats!

ahhhitsshannyn · April 2011

Why ask if you do not want to hear our advice?? Really, whether you see it or not we are trying to help.

MarryingmyKnight · April 2011

vFriday I think I will just put that on cake and champagne to follow. I like the idea. Only sending invites to the people who said they were coming anyways but I want to send them something with the address and time. Then I guess I will send announcements to my other family. I might change my mind and do light refreshments in the suite but it depends on how big it is. It comes with our package so I will have to see; anyways thanks again!

MarryingmyKnight · April 2011

I appreciate your advice but you guys didn't really give advice you just said I couldn't do that. So I appreciate what you have to say and I will take advice from those that actually gave advice and respect the opinion of those that just told me how they felt. I appreciate it I do. Thank you!

MisEsta · April 2011

You could also order pizza for the suite and bring your own drinks.
Since our ceremony and lunch reception are early, we are having pizza and apps delivered from pizza hut around 6pm in our suite.
We'll be partying all night and everyone has the option to stay and have pizza and beer or they can go do their own thing.

direy25 · April 2011

Actually, telling you not to do it is, in fact, advice. Nobody had advice on how to word the invitation "in a very nice lovely way" because there isn't one. Just sayin.

MarryingmyKnight · April 2011

Thank you MisEsa. Direy25 telling me I can't do it is not advice that is your opinion. I appreciate it though. Advice is don't mention it on the invitation or say ceremony only not you can't do that. I appreciate your opinion though..Just saying.

lsvensson · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:e872da13-82e8-417c-8216-8770e9f51d5e">Re: More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]You could also order pizza for the suite and bring your own drinks. Since our ceremony and lunch reception are early, we are having pizza and apps delivered from pizza hut around 6pm in our suite. We'll be partying all night and everyone has the option to stay and have pizza and beer or they can go do their own thing.
Posted by MisEsta[/QUOTE]

<div>Not to threadjack, but...</div><div>
</div><div>MisEsta, where are you getting your pizza from? We're considering doing pizza for our Meet & greet event in the Vista Suite the night before the wedding, and with the reception as expensive at it is I'm not sure we can afford to do Masterpiece for 70+ people with that meal. Do you know a good, reasonable pizza place on the strip that would deliver to MB?</div>

smokeybailey · April 2011

Do NOT invite people to a non-hosted function. That is beyond rude. Be a good hostess to your guests and receive them. If you can't afford it then you best be eloping, waiting and saving or finding an alternative.

"HI, please come to my wedding! Spend money to get here and then to stay here and throw in a gift! OH! and bring cash for dinner because you are ON YOUR OWN! Love ya! Can't wait to see you!"

Rude, rude, rude.

If you want to elope and people just show up then they can host themselves but if you invite them by mouth, by email, by paper invite, by carrier pigeon, whatever, then you should host a reception. And I think cake and champagne is not really sufficient for a DW. Small wedding at home with cake and champagen at the house or at the venue, fine. DW-please, be a proper hostess.

Also, I am the one who said "don't write it down." What I specifically said is that one would not invite guests to a bachelorette party or some other event that is not hosted. You don't invite people somewhere and then expect them to foot the bill. We are doing an afterparty at a club and are buying 2 bottles for bottle service to get the party started but I am not sending an invite. I am using word of mouth (and maybe the website) to let people know that a event is happening and they can join in. Cover is covered. I'm also hosting a cabana on Sunday but not food and beverage. I'll put on the website that we will be there all day on Sunday and that shade and towels are on me. The rest? up to them.

It's not the writing down that is the problem. It's the INVITATION to join you. As long as it is worded as we'll be at dinner at this time if you want to stop by we'd love to say hi oh and by the way it's $29.99. Then you are fine but if you say, join us for dinner at the buffet at 6 pm...then you should host. I also think that anything that goes in your invitation by the mere fact that it is an invitation should be hosted. That's my thought.

smokeybailey · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_please-ladies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:998584e8-1ca6-4bce-b8ad-7a0906fdc241Post:ebf7db3a-5a28-496d-a721-b20a82350d47">Re: More help please ladies!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you MisEsa. Direy25 telling me I can't do it is not advice that is your opinion. I appreciate it though. Advice is don't mention it on the invitation or say ceremony only not you can't do that. I appreciate your opinion though..Just saying.
Posted by MarryingmyKnight[/QUOTE]

It's NOT opinion. It's etiquette. It's manners. It's well-documented that this is not cool. We are ADVISING you to reconsider your position and treat your guests well.

You can, of course, blow off the advice and say, I don't care. It's MY day and if I want to be rude, I will be. So there.

Or you can say, good advice. How can I do it?

If you still don't want to host your guests then I advise do NOT send invitations to your wedding.

MarryingmyKnight · April 2011

Thank you ma'am! I'm probably going to be rude. I told some friends/family that I was getting married in Vegas and they said they wanted to come. I advised them that there would be no reception and they still want to come. Since they want to attend I want to give them something so they know where and when. If someone has some advice on something I can give them other than an invitation that says that I am all ears. We live extremely close to Vegas and most are using it as a excuse to go back; so while it seems rude and it is a DW they choose to come. I thank everyone for their advice/opinions although I will probably be rude and proceed as I had planned. Thanks again for your opinion.

smokeybailey · April 2011

Knight,
Don't send out an invitation then. Let them break etiquette by crashing your elopement. Once you send out the official invite, you have invited them and should host them. Don't you WANT to host them? If not, skip the invites.

Sara191431 · April 2011

Haha, I knew this post was going to blow up when I saw the OP. Good times, good times:)

More help please ladies!

Re: More help please ladies!

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