Making vows private in large ceremony

ekimberl · April 2010

We are expecting about 200 guests. However, my fiance has major nerves about standing up in front of all those people. Since the vows are (in my opinion) the most important part of that day, and the sacred part of what makes the wedding a marriage, we'd like them to be just between the two of us to avoid nerves during that very important moment. Understanding that guests will have traveled across the country to witness our marriage and celebrate, is it terribly rude to turn the microphones off during the vows, making it just our moment? Thanks!

katieanne85 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_vows_making-vows-private-large-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:24Discussion:6d8ea36e-fb14-4123-8ea2-ea1f7a23d804Post:efe570cf-2eb3-4608-8cb4-c34d81f73d63">Making vows private in large ceremony</a>:
[QUOTE]We are expecting about 200 guests. However, my fiance has major nerves about standing up in front of all those people. Since the vows are (in my opinion) the most important part of that day, and the sacred part of what makes the wedding a marriage, we'd like them to be just between the two of us to avoid nerves during that very important moment. <strong>Understanding that guests will have traveled across the country to witness our marriage and celebrate, is it terribly rude to turn the microphones off during the vows, making it just our moment?</strong> Thanks!
Posted by ekimberl[/QUOTE]

they have travel across the country to witness your marriage, but you dont want them to witness the sacred part that makes the wedding a marriage? Thats kind of weird, I dont know about rude, but the vows are my favorite part of a wedding and I would be dissappointed.
If you want privacy, intamacy, or just not to have to stand in front of 200 people, dont invite 200 people. Its as easy as that. have a private ceremony and throw a giant party some other time, or an aniversery, or somethin.

redheadfsu · April 2010

it is rude.

I completely understand his feelings, but if you have a large wedding you have a large wedding. Sorry.

BostonGayGal · April 2010

Have you considered writing each other letters?

wishulthinking · May 2010

You could do somewhat generic vows like "I do" with microphones on and then have the officiant announce a moment of silence... then switch off the mics while peoples heads are bowed and get close and say vows you've written yourself. They'd need to be a little short and sweet cause you can't have a 5 minute moment of silence. Then the officiant can call everyone's attention back to the front as he pronounces you man and wife!

IMO you definately can't do all silent vows. That would be super weird sitting in the audience trying to sit silently while you guys get all smiley and weepy.

In the end though, it's your wedding.

kaciewilkerson · May 2010

Me and my soon-to-be husband feel they same way. We don't want to read our vows in front of so many people either. We're gonna say regular vows during the ceremony then in private we're gonna say our vows that we wrote in private after the ceremony.

You didn't write your vows to the guest. You wrote them for your soon-to-be spouse.

handfast4me · May 2010

This is precisely why DH and I had a private ceremony on a beach, just the two of us with no guests, and no attendants. No witnesses were required in the state we were married in. We were able to say things that we never would have said to one another if we'd had an audience. We planned on having a large party when we got back from the honeymoon, but just never got around to planning anything.

I agree with PP, that to have a private ceremony might be a good idea, then a larger reception/party is a good idea.

lrowe70 · June 2010

FI and I don't consider vows to be important, so we just found some off the internet that were cute and fun. What we do feel is important is making sure our guests are confortable and have a good time. In my opinion if there is something going on that the guests can't be a part of, that is rude and has no place at the wedding.

kisheyface1110 · August 2010

Considering I've been to 6 weddings this summer I agree that the vows have been my favorite part!! I would've felt like I was intruding on the wedding (even though I was an invited guest) if they turned off the mics. I went to one wedding and the groom said all his vows and then whispered a little something in the brides ear that we couldn't hear and that was cute, but I would be bothered if we didn't hear the whole ceremony including vows

Making vows private in large ceremony

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