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Wedding Reception Forum
Momzilla?
How can I nicely tell my mother to back off? We're only a little bit into our planning and all ready shes taking over. I keep telling her no, but its not going through. For the reception we want to go with plain settings to keep costs low, but she insists on table runners... etc etc.. I say no, i get a we'll see... really thats the lesser sort of issues that are multiplying... now my family has taken to verbally inviting people and not informing me. our venue holds 100 people, thats it. She wants to invite people who i dont have a clue who they are where i would rather have a small intimite party, we're gettign married not networking to schmooze the community. Shes really into that well they wont come but you may get a gift out of it (which i find a horrible reason to invite someone) and even the weddign planner told her that was a bad idea... help! how do i get my point across without getting more, 'well we'll talk about it later'! Ive already had to rescedual appointments so she can be there for ever detail (she cries if shes not invited) help!
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Re: Momzilla?
If she is not paying for the wedding, then she gets absolutely no say in it.
If she IS paying for some/all of the wedding, then she gets a say in how it goes. So either sit down with her and firmly lay out some guidelines, or (IMO the better idea) politely turn down her money and pay for it on your own. You may have to scale back if your budget decreases, but at least you get 100% control.
If she's paying, she gets to have it her way.
(Assuming you are paying for the wedding:)
"Mom, we simply cannot have more than 100 guests and have to limit the guest list to only close friends and family the FI and I actually know, NOT everyone you've ever met. Please don't talk about the wedding to anyone not already on the guests list, and don't expect to invite anyone we haven't pre-approved. For every person you invite, we have to take someone else off the list.
I want to share this time with you, but because I am paying for the wedding, then I expect to get to make decisions based on what we want. You had your chance at a wedding, this is mine. It's the only wedding I will ever have, and I want to look back on happy memories of sharing this time with you. I don't want to look back and remember being unhappy and stressed because you took over planning.
If you can you remember that and work with me, not against me, then I want you involved as much as possible. Can you do that for me?"
"Mom, this is not what I had in mind at all, and it's making me stressed and unhappy. I appreciate you wanting to do this for me, but I think maybe we should cancel the wedding, and just go to the JOP or elope, just me and FI."
Unless she is a total spiteful control freak, that is you ultimate trump card.