Who pays for what?

trs024 · May 2010

Does anyone know where I can get some kind of check list or something that tell me who pays for what? I know the general, brides family pays for wedding, and grooms pay for honeymoon. Right? Lol.

Thank you!

P.S. We are not asking for the money. Both of our families have offered to contribute, so it's a matter of figuring out who pays for what. Thanks!

jlmarks83 · May 2010

It's generally the following (Ladies...help me out on something I missed...

Wedding: Bride's Family
Rehearsal Dinner: Groom's Family
Bar Bill at Wedding: Traditionally Groom's Family
Honeymoon: Groom
Wedding Rings: Bride and Groom
Tuxes: Groom and Groomsmen
Bridesmaid Dresses: Bridesmaids
Gifts for WP: Bride and Groom

Those are the biggies. And that's tradition...but you can always change tradition.

charlsie26 · May 2010

You pay, you get the say. If you have the grooms family pitch in, then they get a say in how the money is spent. If you have an issue with that, then have a wedding you can afford to pay yourself.

Jenni.Adams · May 2010

I'm of the mind set that you should plan the wedding you and your FI can afford, if your old enough and mature enough to get married then your old and mature enough to pay for your wedding. If your family offers to contribute then accept that graciously but know that money equals a say in the planning. I happened to luck and out my parents are paying for my wedding without really wanting a say in it (but that's not the case with a lot of girls on here) and if they weren't paying then my FI and I would pay for it ourselves because its a party for us and no one should be expected to contribute except me and FI. I actually argued with my mom ever since I can remember saying that FI and I are both adults and we can pay for our own wedding and we would glady accept any help she had to offer but she inisits on paying for all of it and so I broke down and accepted it.

PP have stated what used to be tradionally paid for by each familes but that was also in the time when a bride went right from being under her fathers thumb to her husbands, hence the brides family paying for most of it.

Congrats on the wedding and happy planning

BTW Charlsie 26 I love your sig pic. You look so pretty!

Jenni83 · May 2010

There really is no rule for who pays for what,you plan a wedding that you can afford and if your family's offer to help then thats fine,but you really shouldnt ask ppl to help you pay.If your family has offered thats great and you can accept that but you cannot ask your fi's family to contribute if they dont want to.and just like pp said if people help you pay they may want to help you plan.thankfully my parents paid for my entire wedding but they let me pick what i wanted and do what i wanted,some ppl arent so lucky so if your parents do offer to help you may want to sit down and talk to them.
Congrats & Happy planning!

MairePoppy · May 2010

You and fi pay for your own wedding, unless either of your parents volunteer to help out. If you allow them to help pay then they can help plan, too, if they want.

Those old rules were for brides that went directly from their parents home into marriage. They had no money of their own, so the bride's parents payed for the wedding. And the weddings might have been simple punch and cake receptions, depending on what the parents could afford.

jeanna85 · May 2010

whoever offers to pay, otherwise you and FI. there's no "rules" about who HAS to pay.

LesPaul · May 2010

Those 'rules' are extremely antiquated. You and your FI should plan the wedding within your budget, and pay for everything yourselves. If you get offers from parents, accept graciously. However, they are in no way obligated to contribute; do not ask them to pay for anything.

trs024 · May 2010

Thank yall for the info. Both of our familile have offered to help pay, I just do not know how to pick who pays for what.

Amy_Justin · May 2010

I think you should sit down with each of your parents (separately) and ask them how much they are willing to contribute. Also ask them if there's any one thing they would like their money to go towards. Maybe your mom wants to buy your dress and your FI's parents want to pick up the bar tab. Then you can go from there. Just remember, whatever they are paying for, they will get a say in. If your dad is putting money towards the dinner, he has the right to help choose the entrees. If there is any one thing you are dead set on doing your way, I'd suggest paying that portion entirely on your own.

I'd caution you to not spend the money until you have it though. Many times parents have offered to pay XYZ at the beginning of the planning and haven't come through, leaving the couple stuck. I guess what I'm trying to say is to plan the wedding you can afford and don't commit to spending others' money until it's in your hand.

MISSCOURTNEY20 · May 2010

Yeah. Get off the "Who pays for what" bus and just sit down and see how much each family is willing to give. Why is who is paying for what so important to you?? That will turn into nothing but a big mess. Your family saying "We paid for the flowers." His saying "We paid for the photgrapher." What is the big deal???

aerinpegadrak · May 2010

Again, since they've offered, sit down with them and find out how they plan to contribute. My parents each offered a lump sum, and I made the decisions on how and where to spend it. Some prefer to pay for specific things and be involved in the process. Strangers on the internet can't answer these questions for you. Talk to your parents.

andy71781 · May 2010

Make a budget and think about your family's finances. Do not ask them for money. Talk to them about things that they want to contribute to but make sure that you are ultimately responsible for the total budget. Its your wedding and this is 2010.

Jenabenna · May 2010

I would suggest just getting the same amount from both to put towards everything. My parents are broke and his parents are traditional. We ended up paying for most everything and my parents saved like $2000 for the reception. HIs parents paid for the rehearsal dinner, and gave us $3000 or less for wedding expenses.

You just need to get a feel for how much you think they will give you and try to be fair. We had a fairly cheap wedding and were able to spread the expenses over the 20 months of planning. However it was our wedding so we paid for most everything because my husband knew there were certain things I could not live with out.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_pays-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:bc43a970-d02e-4564-bcac-a23baea80605Post:71f80d6a-0fe0-439e-b2e6-7a16699ce89a">Re: Who pays for what?</a>:
[QUOTE]It's generally the following (Ladies...help me out on something I missed... Wedding: Bride's Family Rehearsal Dinner: Groom's Family Bar Bill at Wedding: Traditionally Groom's Family Honeymoon: Groom Wedding Rings: Bride and Groom Tuxes: Groom and Groomsmen Bridesmaid Dresses: Bridesmaids Gifts for WP: Bride and Groom Those are the biggies. And that's tradition...but you can always change tradition.
Posted by jlmarks83[/QUOTE]

The groom's family also pays for the bride's flowers.

That said, we're paying for our own wedding.

espinosaortega · May 2010

yes the mismarymac has it right thats how my cousin did hers and i think its great they are going to help you i'm going to have help from my and my Fi's family theres nothing wrong with that i hope it all gets figured out and have a great wedding

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