Wedding Invitations & Paper

Reception Only Invite Wording

We are getting married this fall. We are having a smaller(120 people) ceremony(4pm) and dinner. this will be just family and close friends. We are doing a seperate invatation for the reception. for co-workers, friends, friends of families, etc. The time on this invitation will be 8pm. This invitation is a light, come have fun and celebrate with the bride and groom, type of invitation. I've been trying for months to find the right wording for the invation and i'm still drawing a blank. Everything i find is more for a destation wedding...any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!!
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Re: Reception Only Invite Wording

  • DItto PP.  You can not find the proper wording because it doesn't exist. What you're having is a tiered reception and it's totally rude.  Invite everyone to the entire event (ceremony, dinner, etc.) or not at all. By having a tiered reception you're telling guests they're not good enough to feed but they're good enough to bring you a gift.
     
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  • i've been to weddings that have done this exact same thing only i can not find the invites, of course!!

    One wedding i went to was on new years eve last year, and the recpetion only invite was worded something along the lines of "come ring in the new year with the bride and groom"



    120 people is small, my husband to be is the youngest of 6. So almost 70 of the 120 are his siblings are there families and kids families.

    There will be another 250-320 that come later on for the reception.

    Our wedding planner said it is done more times then it isn't these days.
  • and btw we are not going to give "reception only" people any information on where we are registered and we will put something along the lines of "your pressence is present enough"  on the invitation. we honestly just want to celebrate and have fun with these people!!!
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2011
    This is called a tiered reception.  It is one of the rudest possible things you can do for your wedding.

    No matter what you put, it comes off as "hey, so you aren't good enough to come to the real deal, you can come for sloppy seconds if you like, but don't be expecting any dinner or anything."  

    If you want to use your wedding as a method to embarrass yourself and insult people, this is one way to go.  Otherwise, you need to invite everyone to everything.
  • [QUOTE]i've been to weddings that have done this exact same thing only i can not find the invites, of course!!

    One wedding i went to was on new years eve last year, and the recpetion only invite was worded something along the lines of "come ring in the new year with the bride and groom"



    120 people is small, my husband to be is the youngest of 6. So almost 70 of the 120 are his siblings are there families and kids families.

    There will be another 250-320 that come later on for the reception.

    Our wedding planner said it is done more times then it isn't these days. [/QUOTE]

    Your wedding planner is stating a fact - not whether or not it's an appropriate action.  It's one of the rudest things that you can do to your guests. 

    Furthermore, 120 is NOT small.  

    [QUOTE]and btw we are not going to give "reception only" people any information on where we are registered and we will put something along the lines of "your pressence is present enough"  on the invitation. we honestly just want to celebrate and have fun with these people!!! [/QUOTE]

    You shouldn't be giving ANY of your guests any information on where you're registered in the invitations!  Stating anything about gifts in the invitation is poor form.  If you want to just party with them, invite them to the entire thing.  Based on what you stated, you really want presents from SOME but not all your guests???
  • Perhaps ask your wedding planner if she has kept some examples? Another idea is to provide some sort of appetizer or "late night snack" so you could be providing some food, drinks, dance and a great time. I think people can do what works for them and their own personal situation!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite-wording-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9950649b-eda7-4cf3-8744-fae47b589703Post:172e6ead-067f-4a70-9d8f-2b813b1942cb">Re: Reception Only Invite Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Perhaps ask your wedding planner if she has kept some examples? Another idea is to provide some sort of appetizer or "late night snack" so you could be providing some food, drinks, dance and a great time. <strong>I think people can do what works for them and their own personal situation!
    </strong>Posted by JKcarlen[/QUOTE]

    You can think that - but that doesn't change what is and isn't socially acceptable.

    Tiered receptions aren't appropriate.   You can phrase the invitation however you'd like - the intent is still to be rude to those you know and love.
  • OP, please listen to these posters.  What you are doing is wrong.  You cannot tell people to only come to the dance, and not the wedding or reception (the dinner IS your reception).  I'm wondering just what kind of a "wedding planner" you have.  
  • Oh my.
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  • OP: I agree with previous posters. Your wedding planner might say that these types of receptions are common, but they really are offensive to guests.

    You'll either need to invite everyone to the ENTIRE reception (dinner and dance) or you'll need to cut the guest list down so that you aren't having two separate groups.

    Also, you should not list any gift information (registry or otherwise) on your invites. 
  • Ok...First of all my gift registrey information, i meant our invitations come with a little business size card to put in the folder with the invitations and other goodies and we can put gift registery information on the card, if we so chose. Obv, i am not going to put directly on the invitation, where we register.

    Second, Randomly enough I got a "reception only" invitation to a girl from works sisters wedding today in the mail. Her invitation is worded "We are tying the knot, come have a shot!!"

    Although this is cute, I don't like the shot, or mention of any alcohol in the main wording of the invitation, but it is something to consider.

    Basicly, if you are not blood related family, you will not be at the ceremony. Again, I know that 120 sounds like a lot but with the size of families, it really is not. So it would be rude of anyone who isn't family to have there feelings hurt, because they were not singled out.

    Also,our ceremony site only holds 180 so inviting everyone is not possible, even if we wanted to, which we don't

    we will be providing lots for our later arriving guests!!!  we will have a cupcake and candy table, that will not be touched until they arrive, and we are also doing a late night snack. we haven't decided what yet, but there are lots of options from our wedding venue so there will be food provided as well.

    They will also each get a shot glass, with a free drink ticket in it!!!
  • Free drink "ticket"? Please tell me this isn't a cash bar. I'm sorry but this is getting worse and worse.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite-wording-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9950649b-eda7-4cf3-8744-fae47b589703Post:f746f59c-12f9-4347-a43f-47ebc92da862">Re: Reception Only Invite Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok...First of all my gift registrey information, i meant our invitations come with a little business size card to put in the folder with the invitations and other goodies and we can put gift registery information on the card, if we so chose. Obv, i am not going to put directly on the invitation, where we register<strong>.</strong> Second, Randomly enough I got a "reception only" invitation to a girl from works sisters wedding today in the mail. Her invitation is worded "We are tying the knot, come have a shot!!" Although this is cute, I don't like the shot, or mention of any alcohol in the main wording of the invitation, but it is something to consider. Basicly, if you are not blood related family, you will not be at the ceremony. Again, I know that 120 sounds like a lot but with the size of families, it really is not. So it would be rude of anyone who isn't family to have there feelings hurt, because they were not singled out. Also,our ceremony site only holds 180 so inviting everyone is not possible, even if we wanted to, which we don't we will be providing lots for our later arriving guests!!!  we will have a cupcake and candy table, that will not be touched until they arrive, and we are also doing a late night snack. we haven't decided what yet, but there are lots of options from our wedding venue so there will be food provided as well. They will also each get a shot glass, with a free drink ticket in it!!!
    Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

    1) It has nothing to do with WHERE in the mailing the registry information is found.  Registry information should never be sent in or with your wedding invitation.  Period.   It shouldn't be on a business card, it shouldn't be on the reception card, or an information card.  It just shouldn't be there at all.  If guests want to know where you're registered they'll figure it out.

    2) 120 IS NOT SMALL.  My husband's family is large.  He's one of two boys and has 23 first cousins, many of whom have children of their own.  That said, even with his large family and my large-ish family, we only had 165 people attend our wedding and reception.   You can cut back on that list.

    3) It doesn't matter that your ceremony venue only holds 180.  If that's the case, that should be your wedding guest list.

    4) Everyone invited to the reception should be invited to the ENTIRE event.  It's rude to split the list into some getting dinner and some are included in the cupcakes.

    5) Drink tickets are just not appropriate.
  • CAN I DO NOTHING RIGHT?!!?!?!?!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite-wording-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9950649b-eda7-4cf3-8744-fae47b589703Post:42775955-704c-468c-b6ed-a52d7c6d0742">Re: Reception Only Invite Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Free drink "ticket"? Please tell me this isn't a cash bar. I'm sorry but this is getting worse and worse.
    Posted by smartlypretty[/QUOTE]


    WOW. Just WOW.....
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite-wording-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9950649b-eda7-4cf3-8744-fae47b589703Post:f3caa5c3-841c-4ad3-8597-b7d0c1270839">Re: Reception Only Invite Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]CAN I DO NOTHING RIGHT?!!?!?!?!
    Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

    We are simply trying to point out that while you may have the best intentions, some things you are doing are not appropriate.  Sometimes it takes strangers to be the most honest.
  • Is it ok to put a small note in with the invitation that states: 

    'For more wedding/reception information please see our website'
    www.mrandmrs.com

    Doing this isn't a faux pas right?
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  • i just don't understand why the hundreds of invitations weve looked at all show the example of the small card printed with the bride and groom are registered at on it, if this is just so horrible. I don't really care if they know where we are registered or not, i just planned on doing it, because it seemed what should be done. if everyone suggests no registery information, that is one less thing for me to order, i am surely ok with that.

    as far as the reception invitations and the "tiered" wedding, there is no way for this to not happen. we only want our IMMEDAITE family at the ceremony, basicilly if we didn't grow up in the same hosue as you, you won't be at the ceremony. our honest intention is to invite everyone to a party. we are getting married and we'd like you to come celebrate with us!! no gifts, no stuffy uncomforatble dinner where you don't know anyone, none of that, just one large room with a dance floor, a dj and bar, to celebrate us!!!!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite-wording-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9950649b-eda7-4cf3-8744-fae47b589703Post:cfd3025b-9b3f-4693-8695-9ef83560d684">Re: Reception Only Invite Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]Is it ok to put a small note in with the invitation that states:  'For more wedding/reception information please see our website' <a href="http://www.mrandmrs.com" rel="nofollow">www.mrandmrs.com</a> Doing this isn't a faux pas right?
    Posted by jiujew[/QUOTE]


    Thanks for this idea, i may go with it!!! Appreciate it!!  :)
  • Just, don't do the tiered reception. Seriously. We are trying to help you here. I'm only have about 100 people at my wedding (entire thing until the end of the night). It's what I can afford. I'm not inviting other people after dinner because it's just wrong. And don't do the cash bar. Host what you can.
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  • Basically the 120 people is who we grew up with. With him being the youngest of 6, all 5 of his siblings have spouses, kids, kids spouses, and some have grandkids, the 120 is a budgeting a little high, we will probably only end up around 90-100


    and id like to make one thing clear, the intent to invite people to the recpetion is not at all based on finances. If I won the lottery right now, I still wouldn't invite them to my ceremony!!

    i respect the fact that you guys are trying to just be completely honest with me, and i know there are SOME people who wouldn't tell me if they thought what i was doing was wrong or tacky or rude, the thing that keeps crossing my mind, is the number of reception only invites i've received myself, on top of the suggestions from our wedding planner from other weddings she has seen done like this, and i've been asking around, not even to people i know, but people at work or people at the bridal stores or basically anyone that will listen!! everyones been to em, people have had em,  ive heard nothing negitive excpet for on here, and im a bit taken back at all this, 7 months into planning this.
  • It may be something your social circles do. But the practice is still rude. And that list of 120 is not immediate family. You've listed a lot of extended family in there.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite-wording-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9950649b-eda7-4cf3-8744-fae47b589703Post:b15a02e7-f751-4cd2-8359-26a2e9b69dd2">Re: Reception Only Invite Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]It may be something your social circles do. But the practice is still rude. And that list of 120 is not immediate family. You've listed a lot of extended family in there.
    Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

    WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME, HOW I AM RELATED TO THE PEOPLE I AM INVITING?!?!
    ILL BE HAPPY TO POST MY WEDDING INVITE LIST FOR YOU TO PROOF AND TELL ME
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite-wording-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9950649b-eda7-4cf3-8744-fae47b589703Post:3b409413-d49c-477f-9828-75ebbed4c1e5">Re: Reception Only Invite Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Reception Only Invite Wording : WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME, HOW I AM RELATED TO THE PEOPLE I AM INVITING?!?! ILL BE HAPPY TO POST MY WEDDING INVITE LIST FOR YOU TO PROOF AND TELL ME
    Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

    Oh for goodness sake.  You listed your extended family members and called them your immediate family.  Nieces and nephews are not immediate family.  Parents and siblings and their spouses are.

    You keep back peddling about what you post.  Even the Duggars don't have 120 immediate family members.  
  • So what you are saying is we should invite our siblings, and there spouses, but not there kids?!?!?!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_reception-only-invite-wording-4?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:9950649b-eda7-4cf3-8744-fae47b589703Post:dab94dd3-76f6-4aec-93cb-e8d8c40594f9">Re: Reception Only Invite Wording</a>:
    [QUOTE]So what you are saying is we should invite our siblings, and there spouses, but not there kids?!?!?!
    Posted by shanliann[/QUOTE]

    Adding their children makes it no longer immediate family.  And I still find it VERY hard to believe that your parents, your siblings, their spouses and their children add up to 120.

    Even if that's the case, adding the children is not immediate family unless the children are your children.
  • OUR LIST OF 120 DOES NOT INCLUDES, COUSINS, AUNTS, UNCLES, CO-WORKERS, FRIENDS, ETC.

    AND AS FAR AS IM CONCERNED MY SISTER AND HER FAMILY ARE MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY. WE ARE NOT HAVING AN ADULT ONLY CEREMONY SO THEY ARE IMMEDIATE FAMILY AND ARE INVITED.

  • You really don't need to shout
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  • OP - You need to calm down and just see what everyone is trying to tell you here.  You say one thing and try to defend it with a different statement that ultimately goes against what you were trying to defend in the first place.

    What you are doing is not ok, If i were to receive an invitation to a tiered reception I would feel hurt that I was not good enough to watch the two of you get married and also not good enough to share a meal with you at the reception.  I would simply RSVP no because of that teired style reception.  As someone had said earlier in the thread, it does take strangers to be honest sometimes.  Your friends and family may not have said that this is wrong because they do not want to hurt your feelings or step on your toes.

    The purpose of posting here is to get 100% honest answers from these girls, that's what these message boards are for.  Its when the OP's freak out and get on the defense that makes it worse.

    If you are going to do this , I do agree that you should include a piece of paper that has your wedding website on it for guests to get additional information.  We put that in our invitations as well so guests can get driving directions, accommodation information, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if you get alot of declined responses back because of this

    I also hope you are not doing a cash bar, this makes the entire situation that much worse.  Not only are you inviting guests to join you after the main course is over, but you are expecting them to pay for their own beverages and that is just very very rude.  If you are planning on a cash bar, i HIGHLY recommend trying to budget beer and wine only.  Having open beer and wine and possibly a signature drink is absolutely acceptable, a cash bar is not.

    You are ultimately going to do what your going to do but I do hope you take some of the advice in this thread.  Good luck with the rest of your planning.
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  • As far as alcohol, this is our plan.
    We will host keg beer, wine(although i don't think many will drink wine), a signature drink, and then each guest will get a free drink ticket, the reasoning for the drink ticket, is because our wedding favors are shot glasses, so we are going to put a drink ticket in each shot glass. I know drink tickets can sometimes be considered tacky, but i personally think its cute, partnered with the shot glass.
    So, it will not be nessacary for anyone attending to spend any of there own money, however they will have the option if they so chose. does this sound ok?

    I am not trying to yell or offend anyone, i am simply frustrated. On the board is the only place i've heard a single negitive thing about what you guys call a "tiered" wedding. I understand that my close friends and family would probably not be honest if they didn't agree with the way we were planning things, however as i mentioned earlier, i have questioned people, who are not friends or family, complete strangers at the bridal stores, other brides at the party stores and dress shop, girls and guys at work, whom i don't know or don't daily work with, and i've even posted on other boards, and heard nothing like the things i've heard on here. so it is not "my social circle" or anything of the sort.


    I also wanted to ask, on the enclosure i am going to put in the invitation, i am going to put something something about chekcing out our wedding website but we would like to put something about the block of rooms at the hotel, for those few people who aren't computer savvy....we don't want them to just call the hotel and book a room at full price! so my idea is something like,
     
    A block of rooms has been reserved at the hotel, for more information or to book a room you may visit the www.hotel.com or call the hotel directly at (000)000-0000

    you may also visit www.wedding.com for more information!

    what do you think?
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