How to have a no kid wedding, but still have a flower girl?

coheecm · August 2010

I really want a flower girl, and I've already confirmed who it is, but we kind of want a no kid wedding. Can I have a flower girl, and still ask guests to not bring there kids?

JanoBean75 · August 2010

Yes, you can.

waltzingmatilda13 · August 2010

Yes, children in the WP are an exception to the no-kids rule.

laurenclaire1386 · August 2010

I'll be the dissenting voice. I think it's rude to invite no children, and then have a flower girl. I'm an all or nothing on that one. No kids means no kids, not no kids except for this really cute one who will perform a completely unnecessary task in the name of wedding crap.

pirategal03 · August 2010

Although technically OK, I think it's a little strange. It basically says that you value the girl as a prop and that's about it. The only exception to this in my mind is if the flower girl is a younger sibling of you or your FI, because I think siblings should always be an exception to "no kids".

tiffersnc · August 2010

I agree with LC. I'm also an all-or-nothing gal when it comes to this. I think it's weird and if I had kids (which I don't), I'd give the side-eye to a couple who told me I couldn't bring my kids but still had little ones prancing around in their ceremony and at the reception. Just my opinion though. I think you CAN do it, but I don't think it's the best choice.

loop0406 · August 2010

We're having my niece be flower girl (she will be 11) and still having adults only ceremony/reception.

MissLeahM · August 2010

Isn't 11 a bit old to be a flower girl?

amandajean36 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kid-wedding-but-still-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2eb465e8-1108-40d3-9d00-7000d19c41c0Post:2183e2ec-a6a7-4858-81c8-0d99589ddcbd">Re: How to have a no kid wedding, but still have a flower girl?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll be the dissenting voice. I think it's rude to invite no children, and then have a flower girl. I'm an all or nothing on that one. No kids means no kids, not no kids except for this really cute one who will perform a completely unnecessary task in the name of wedding crap.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]
This.

So, to answer the OP's question - you can't.

coheecm · August 2010

My flower girl will be 6, so I guess I'll allow other kids since she's still young. I can see how it's rude to not allow other children at the wedding. Hopefully the kids I'm worried about will mature a little before my wedding.

banana468 · August 2010

I'm on the fence. I'm not an all or nothing person but I also see the issue if the FG is a random cute kid.

For example, if your FG was your only neice and your FI had no neices or nephews, it would make perfect sense IMO to say, "We're not inviting any kids except for our siblings' children."

When the FG is the child of a friend it's a bit funky when it looks like you're playing favorites. You're totally allowed to play favorites but anytime you do, feelings can get hurt.

Bottom line: address your invitations to only those you want to be there. If you want to go a step further then write out the response cards so the guest just checks __accepts or __declines after his name and no one can write in any other information.

Don't write anything about 'adults only' or 'no children please'. Those statements are considered rude - and in your case they would also be a lie.

coheecm · August 2010

Thanks for all the comments! I really appreciate the advice!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · August 2010

You can invite (or not) whomever you like. But I'm also of the opinion that it's weird to WANT a flower girl and not want other children. Do you like kids or not?

mandi921vh · August 2010

I plan to have a no kid wedding and only invite my FH and my siblings' children which as of now only consists of my sister's 7 year old stepson and 2 year old son who will be the ring bearer.

Adrini76 · August 2010

We have a few young kids in out families. We've decided they can come. However we also reserve the right to "request" they be removed if they start acting up, and be taken to the babysitter we're going to hire. While we are okay with them being there, but there will be no crying during the ceremony, nor limiting fun after. Period.

I wish we could say that we won't have them but it would cause more trouble then it's worth. Kudos on sticking to your guns. Seriously, do what you want.

ashdawn684 · August 2010

I have chosen to have a kid free wedding, although I am having a flower girl. I must mention that the flower girl is mine and my FH daughter who is 5. I dont find this tacky in anyway, she is my daughter. Now if yocall for a kid free wedding and the flower girl is your BFs cousins kid or something, I could see getting funny looks.

jnic0319 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kid-wedding-but-still-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2eb465e8-1108-40d3-9d00-7000d19c41c0Post:8a07f370-de3e-48ff-9a9b-7cb3c9f9858f">Re: How to have a no kid wedding, but still have a flower girl?</a>:
[QUOTE]Isn't 11 a bit old to be a flower girl?
Posted by MissLeahM[/QUOTE]

I agree with this, she really should be a jr. bridesmaid. I think 6/7 is about the oldest a flower girl should be.

jnic0319 · August 2010

Oh and to answer the OP I think you absolutely can. I am having a "no-kid" wedding with the exception of our flower girl (my niece), the children of WP members (which were invited but all chose not to bring them) and 1st cousins (which =1). Our budget/space did not allow for all of the guests children and that seemed to be a good line to draw. Some people may not like it, but too bad so sad, I can't accommodate 50 kids which is what it would be. I think you're fine, especially if the flower girl happens to be a family member (cousin, niece, etc,).

nikiandchris · August 2010

We ran into the same problem. We have a lot of friends with kids in the 4 and under range, but we didn't want a ton of kids at the reception. We are having a flower girl, FI's one and only niece (I have no nieces or nephews). She is 2 and 1/2 and will be taken home shortly after dinner by FSIL's parents.

Here's the way I justify it: the people who have kids are all friends, not family. I want to celebrate that day with them, not their kids who are indifferent to my existence (some of whom I've never met or have met maybe once or twice). There are 18 kids, and at my venue we pay the same price per head regardless of age. We've got budget and space constraints, so I'd much rather fill those seats with adults who are excited to celebrate with me and FI.

We didn't specifically say 'no kids' we just specifically left the kids off the invite. We're in the process of getting RSVP's back and so far no one has mistakenly (or purposely) added their kids on their RSVP. And I'd like to add that most of the couples who's kids weren't on the invite are more than happy to have an adult night out.

jnic0319 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kid-wedding-but-still-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2eb465e8-1108-40d3-9d00-7000d19c41c0Post:2e777bd2-7a5c-43cd-87d8-646ebb0a40c0">Re: How to have a no kid wedding, but still have a flower girl?</a>:
[QUOTE]We ran into the same problem. We have a lot of friends with kids in the 4 and under range, but we didn't want a ton of kids at the reception. We are having a flower girl, FI's one and only niece (I have no nieces or nephews). She is 2 and 1/2 and will be taken home shortly after dinner by FSIL's parents. Here's the way I justify it: the people who have kids are all friends, not family. I want to celebrate that day with them, not their kids who are indifferent to my existence (some of whom I've never met or have met maybe once or twice). There are 18 kids, and at my venue we pay the same price per head regardless of age. We've got budget and space constraints, so I'd much rather fill those seats with adults who are excited to celebrate with me and FI. We didn't specifically say 'no kids' we just specifically left the kids off the invite. We're in the process of getting RSVP's back and so far no one has mistakenly (or purposely) added their kids on their RSVP. <strong>And I'd like to add that most of the couples who's kids weren't on the invite are more than happy to have an adult night out.</strong>
Posted by nikiandchris[/QUOTE]

Yeah I'm finding the same thing. Although in our case the people who's children we have never met seem to be the ones complaning, while our WP and other closer friends are excited for a night out for mom and dad.

kathrynhabibti · August 2010

[QUOTE]<strong>I'm on the fence. I'm not an all or nothing person but I also see the issue if the FG is a random cute kid. For example, if your FG was your only neice and your FI had no neices or nephews, it would make perfect sense IMO to say, "We're not inviting any kids except for our siblings' children." When the FG is the child of a friend it's a bit funky when it looks like you're playing favorites. </strong>You're totally allowed to play favorites but anytime you do, feelings can get hurt. Bottom line: address your invitations to only those you want to be there. If you want to go a step further then write out the response cards so the guest just checks __accepts or __declines after his name and no one can write in any other information. Don't write anything about 'adults only' or 'no children please'. Those statements are considered rude - and in your case they would also be a lie.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]
Exactly, plus everything else you said. But in the case of a function like a flower girl, I do agree with what LC said.

Plus, I'd feel a bit bad for the flower girl being the only kid at the reception. I guess unless they're an only child and generally used to not having other kids around during a family gathering.... but that aside, I'd feel bad that they wouldn't have anyone else around their age to have fun at the reception with.

Artemis9999 · August 2010

Honestly it's your wedding so you can really do whatever you please. I was married once before and we opted for a no kids wedding and I still had flower girls and a ring bearer. Granted the ring bearer was my nephew so that made it a little different. But still if anyone minded they didn't say anything. I don't think it deterred anyone from attending...especially since most of our family lived at least 6 hours away so they looked at it more as a weekend get-away.

Calypso1977 · August 2010

i dont think its rude, i just think its odd as it sends a somewhat inconsistent message.

but i'm not a big fan of FG and RB's anyway. they are pure photo props.

Calypso1977 · August 2010

However we also reserve the right to "request" they be removed if they start acting up, and be taken to the babysitter we're going to hire.

that should go over real well.

coheecm · August 2010

I like kids that are disciplined. I'm really just worried about a couple cousins that are 5 and under. One just crys and throws a fit whenever she doesn't get what she wants or is unhappy, and rules the place. The parents don't do anything, and of course I have to invite them because they are my parents siblings, and I'm inviting all the other ones. The one I want to be my flower is my cousins daughter, will be 6, and is very well behaved and polite and would be perfect for this role. So, I've decided to just address the adults on the invitation, and if they ask about the kids, I will just say we are trying to keep the kid count low, and if they can't find a babysitter, it's fine to bring them.

vickiloew · August 2010

Due to budget and space issues, we also are not inviting everyone's kids. We are only inviting family members, WP and OOTers to bring their kids, which we will make clear on the invitations. Most of our friends who have kids will be thrilled to have an adults only night out to celebrate with us and have told us that already!

mica178 · August 2010

You can do it, I've seen it done, but I think it sends out a mixed message and leaves you vulnerable to hurt feelings from guests and relatives.

parker624 · August 2010

Ok, I want a clarification. When someone says its a kid-friendly wedding, which scenario do you mean?

1. Every guest who has a child that still lives at home gets to bring their child? (ie. my 2nd cousin gets to bring her 5 year old, or my parents' friend's daughter who is 2 can come to my wedding)

or,

2. Your immediate family's children are invited only (i.e. My first cousin's 4 year old or my brother's 1 year old)

I really see nothing wrong with limiting the children at your wedding to your immediate family, however you define that. I do think that scenario 1 would be odd and would make your guest list out of control.

wadingmoose · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_kid-wedding-but-still-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2eb465e8-1108-40d3-9d00-7000d19c41c0Post:35c329a4-541b-475d-bef6-8011de48bee5">How to have a no kid wedding, but still have a flower girl?</a>:
[QUOTE]I really want a flower girl, and I've already confirmed who it is, but we kind of want a no kid wedding. Can I have a flower girl, and still ask guests to not bring there kids?
Posted by coheecm[/QUOTE]

I always find it amusing when people think children are perfectly fine as props, but other than that, don't want them at the wedding.

How to have a no kid wedding, but still have a flower girl?

Re: How to have a no kid wedding, but still have a flower girl?

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