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And how do I respond to that?

Jessa617 Jessa617 member
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in April 2013 Weddings
I just got a message from my fiance's cousin on facebook that said she can't wait for the wedding and her girls are so excited as they have never seen a real bride before and they are all looking forward to it. Here's the problem.... I addressed the invitation to just the adults. They do live OOT but both of their families are here. I saw her SIL at a baby shower last weekend and sge asked about kids. I said I'd prefer not because there are so many kids in the family and if one brings a kid others might be upset that they left their kids home and could have brought them etc.She told me she'd talk to her SIL andlet her know her mom could watch tthe kids and such. Well now I have tgis message and I have no clue how to respond. Can I just cancel the wedding and elope? At this point it's all I want to do.
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Re: And how do I respond to that?

  • Jessa617 Jessa617 member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sorry for the typos. My phone doesn't have autocorrect.
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  • tiny specktiny speck member
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    If you really can't or don't want to accommodate the kids, just respond and say you're sorry but the invitation is just for the parents. If you're firm about it, it might mean they decide not to come at all, so you should be prepared for that, but really, just apologize for the misunderstanding and if they decline say, sorry we'll miss you.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    So is this an adults only wedding?  Can FI or a FIL call this cousin and explain that?
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  • Jessa617 Jessa617 member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    It's not so much that I can't accommodate them those two, but I can't accommodate ALL children and I would hate people to think I was rude because I let one family bring kids but not others. There will be two newborns but no toddlers or young kids aside from these two daughters. My FMIL would be very upset if I said sorry, no kids and she knows I'm having an adult reception. I'm more worried about other parents' feelings.
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  • tiny specktiny speck member
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    Really, you just need to stop worrying about offending people and own up to your decision to having no kids. There's nothing wrong with that, it's a choice you can make. Of course nursing infants are an exception to no kids, so don't think people will come and see a baby there and think "why is that kid allowed but mine wasn't."

    Stick with your decision. If it means people get upset and decline, that's something you need to just deal with too. I don't mean to sound harsh, but there's really no way around this.
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  • orangehillsorangehills
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    Ditto Tiny Speck. I had to tell my own brother his kids aren't invited. Your FI cousin was the one being rude writing that email. She was probably trying to be passive agressive to get her kids invited. Don't fall for it, don't let her bring her kids. Just write back and say oh! I'm so sorry, I thought you knew- but we aren't having kids at the wedding. I hope we will still see you though! It's up to her to figure out what to do with her kids at that point! Good luck!
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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    My OOT cousin sent me a message asking if we were having kids at the wedding, I told him the only kids that will be attending are the ones standing up in the wedding. He was cool with it.

    You just need to be firm and put your foot down and say that unfortunately you cannot accomodate the girls, but you cannot wait to celebrate with you - or something like that.
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  • Jessa617 Jessa617 member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    The only problem with that is my FMIL told me they had to bring the kids and she already told them it was ok. I feel like I can't take it back. The one thing I hate about myself: being a pushover. I have trouble telling people "no", especially after someone already said "yes".
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  • orangehillsorangehills
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_april-2013-weddings_and-how-do-i-respond-to-that?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:820178d7-4f43-4671-bcab-c5c2c01eef1eDiscussion:e1d64282-5b58-4a4d-ac19-5616ec1240b3Post:7d752017-c93c-4722-bdf8-9016a5f716b1">Re: And how do I respond to that?</a>:
    [QUOTE]The only problem with that is my FMIL told me they had to bring the kids and she already told them it was ok. I feel like I can't take it back. The one thing I hate about myself: being a pushover. I have trouble telling people "no", especially after someone already said "yes".
    Posted by Jessalyn2013[/QUOTE]

     If you let your FMIL dictate what's okay at your wedding, she will do that the rest of your life! Stand up for yourself! Or, at least have FI do it. Just tell them, I'm so sorry for the confusion- FMIL didn't realize, but we aren't having kids, yadda yadda. You can do it!
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  • vk2204vk2204 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    I agree with Orange. What if she told others that they can bring kids as well and just never mentioned it to you?
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