freaking out---i wanna cry

britt686 · January 2012

i dont know what to do, my mom is giving me issues about paying for anthing--my fiancees parents are paying 15000 dollars and my dad is paying for all vendors---however i still need about another 15000 dollars-- i cant take ot a loan and neither can he...we are alredy in enough debt-- andi am currently not working considering i started school full time in november--i am mad at my mom fo rputting me in this situation...ui shouldnt be stressing out this much and my mom should try to help(i understand she is having hard times with money right now) but this is the most disappointing thing i possibly have had her do-- where do i go from here? what do you guys advise me to do?? i am afraid if i confront my mom we will get into a fight and not talk and i dont want that...i think alot of it stems from her and my FI no liking each other..

elidellio · January 2012

First thing, step back and take a breath!!! Second, it sounds like you need to look at where you can cut your budget down. You already have $15,000, your father paying for vendors and you need $15,000 more? If you don't mind my asking, what do you need $30,000 for on top of vendors?

[Deleted User] · January 2012

I'm confused. What situation is she putting you in? This might come off harsh, but she's in no way obligated to pay for your wedding. I'd find a way to cut costs, and fast.

brittandjp · January 2012

Maybe she can't pay for things? Perhaps she's in some sort of situation you aren't aware of? You should plan a wedding that you and your FI can afford. Granted, it's always nice to have help from family members, but you shouldn't expect them to pay for things. It's rude and inconsiderate, yet you claim this is the most disappointing thing you've ever had to do?! Sounds a bit backwards.

You kind of sound like a brat to be completely honest. $30K for a wedding is a lot of money. Why would you plan that expensive of a wedding if you couldn't afford it in the first place? You should have sat down and thought out your budget before you ever started the planning process.

Again, I'm sorry, but this post just sounds ridiculous. I don't have any advice for you

JCWhitey · January 2012

Hrm... the subject, the typos... I'm calling troll on this one.

ETA- And I say that because you posted almost the exact same post a while back, but in that post Mom was offering $7,000, not $15,000. It seems weird that she would increase what she's giving you when A) she hasn't given you anything yet and

you keep changing the circumstances a bit. Stick with one story, it'll help your cause.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_venting-alot-but-heres-another-one

adrienne0925 · January 2012

My advice would be to cut things back if at all possible. Is it too late to remove these people of your Mom's off the guest list? That would be where I start!

If worst comes to worst, then you need to cut some of these vendors and lose your deposits...what makes more sense? Losing a few hundred dollars or having to come up with 15k?

All this depends on the situation (which I don't know the whole story), but that is where I would start...

cmac3504 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_freaking-out-wanna-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:15b9098b-3414-4296-aa54-ac73b9642529Post:552252bb-ad10-43f4-9f84-636237a76c94">Re: freaking out---i wanna cry</a>:
[QUOTE]My advice would be to cut things back if at all possible. Is it too late to remove these people of your Mom's off the guest list? That would be where I start! If worst comes to worst, then you need to cut some of these vendors and lose your deposits...what makes more sense? Losing a few hundred dollars or having to come up with 15k? All this depends on the situation (which I don't know the whole story), but that is where I would start...
Posted by adrienne0925[/QUOTE]

This. Regardless of how you got into this situation, you are already in debt so you can't expect to have the wedding you had been planning with the assumption that your mom was going to give you X $. Are you going on a HM? Are you staying in a fancy hotel the weekend of the wedding? I know for a fact that there are so many ways to cut down on your expenses. I can understand your frustration, and we all love to vent on here so you are more than welcome to (!), but you must know by now plenty of ways to make the cost of your wedding fit a $15K budget, minus vendors! You should definitely consider yourself lucky for getting that much for your wedding.... We definitely didn't.

femmepink · January 2012

I totally disagree with you. You really shouldn't have had a wedding out of your means. Times have changed and NO ONE is expected to pay for your wedding.

adrienne0925 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_freaking-out-wanna-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:15b9098b-3414-4296-aa54-ac73b9642529Post:22f5731e-1253-45ef-aba6-3f40f6b89690">Re: freaking out---i wanna cry</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally disagree with you. You really shouldn't have had a wedding out of your means. Times have changed and NO ONE is expected to pay for your wedding.
Posted by femmepink[/QUOTE]

I agree totally! My parents are giving us $5k and I am SOOO grateful for that! I would never imagine them having to pay for the whole thing. It's just not as common these days..

amh04 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_freaking-out-wanna-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:15b9098b-3414-4296-aa54-ac73b9642529Post:5db6d72a-2787-41d4-be4f-63c2ae573c26">Re: freaking out---i wanna cry</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe she can't pay for things? Perhaps she's in some sort of situation you aren't aware of? You should plan a wedding that you and your FI can afford. Granted, it's always nice to have help from family members, but you shouldn't expect them to pay for things. It's rude and inconsiderate, yet you claim this is the most disappointing thing you've ever had to do?! Sounds a bit backwards. You kind of sound like a brat to be completely honest. $30K for a wedding is a lot of money. Why would you plan that expensive of a wedding if you couldn't afford it in the first place? You should have sat down and thought out your budget before you ever started the planning process. Again, I'm sorry, but this post just sounds ridiculous. I don't have any advice for you
Posted by brittandjp[/QUOTE]

This exactly. Obviously you need to reevaluate your priorites. $30k for a wedding is a ton of money. I couldn't even imagine what could possibly be done with that much money. You need to sit down and really think about what you said, the attitude you have right now makes me really think that you are too immature to even think about getting married.
If I am wrong. Then you obviously need to cut your costs, consider what you want at the wedding vs what you actually need.

Honeybumble · January 2012

*lurking from another board* It is possible that OP is a troll, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. I went through a similar thing when my mom offered me money for the wedding and then reneged a few months ago. FI and I switched gears, changed things around, REMOVED HER guests/coworkers, etc, moved the wedding location 200 miles away (to a sentimental location that WE chose), and made it a luncheon to cut costs. Our food/drink budget is 5K and we're paying everything else out of pocket. It can be done. I know my mom wants to help, but I planned a wedding I can afford, and when/if she comes around, her help will be appreciated. This is the attitude you need to have. If I were you, and I hadn't sent out any invitations yet, I would make some major changes to the guests list, and possibly the venue. If you want to save the money yourself, you could also postpone the wedding.

jml1981 · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_freaking-out-wanna-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:15b9098b-3414-4296-aa54-ac73b9642529Post:480d96f9-40fd-4470-b500-385d46a8156f">Re: freaking out---i wanna cry</a>:
[QUOTE]*lurking from another board* It is possible that OP is a troll, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. I went through a similar thing when my mom offered me money for the wedding and then reneged a few months ago. FI and I switched gears, changed things around, REMOVED HER guests/coworkers, etc, moved the wedding location 200 miles away (to a sentimental location that WE chose), and made it a luncheon to cut costs. Our food/drink budget is 5K and we're paying everything else out of pocket. It can be done. I know my mom wants to help, but I planned a wedding I can afford, and when/if she comes around, her help will be appreciated. This is the attitude you need to have. If I were you, and I hadn't sent out any invitations yet, I would make some major changes to the guests list, and possibly the venue. If you want to save the money yourself, you could also postpone the wedding.
Posted by Honeybumble[/QUOTE]

I agree with this, but I also agree with JCWhitey too - 2 months ago she was saying her mom promised $7000 and reneged. That would have been the time to switch gears. NOW 2 months before the wedding it's $15k and she didn't see it coming? Why would you think she would have the money to give you $15k if she couldn't afford $7k 2 months ago?

SMH.

brittandjp · January 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_freaking-out-wanna-cry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:15b9098b-3414-4296-aa54-ac73b9642529Post:e0f0aeb9-8558-4340-beaf-15f9b9c68cf4">Re: freaking out---i wanna cry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: freaking out---i wanna cry : I agree with this, but I also agree with JCWhitey too - 2 months ago she was saying her mom promised $7000 and reneged. That would have been the time to switch gears. NOW 2 months before the wedding it's $15k and she didn't see it coming? Why would you think she would have the money to give you $15k if she couldn't afford $7k 2 months ago? SMH.
Posted by jml1981[/QUOTE]

That's right! I totally forgot about this! I originally thought troll, but had recognized the name so thought maybe I was wrong. I'm back to my original though, definitely a troll.

cmac3504 · January 2012

I'm sorry, I must be oblivious.. but WTH is a troll????

JCWhitey · January 2012

A troll is someone who posts something ridiculous just to get a rise out of people. I.E. someone posting they need money when they've already been given $30K plus vendors for a wedding they personally could not afford. It happens a lot on other boards... like on the Etiquette board trolls ALWAYS go there to post ridiculous things just to freak other posters out. It's usually pretty comical!

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