RSVPs

abw0601 · March 2012

Can someone please explain to me why, without being rude please, we can't send bills to those people that RSVPed "Accepted" and then "decided" they didn't feel like coming? Seriously! We turned out head count in this past Friday and several of my FI's family has decided they don't think they want to use a vacation day from work or rearrange their schedules. All of them had sent the RSVPs by the end of January! It's March! Hello? Anyone? I'm irritated, but his mom is pissed. I'm letting her handle things. She's awesome!

monkeysip · March 2012

Just make sure to send them an itemized bill.

1. Their dinner plate and any per person charge for the bar

2. A percentage of the centerpiece you purchased for their table

3. The cost of any programs or favors you put out for them

4. The cost for any transportation

5. A pain and suffering charge for having to deal with an RSVP change.

Habs2Hart · March 2012

I think (or hope) that the OP is just venting her frustration, not actually wondering why.

We had like 8 no shows, which was a whole table, so I was a bit miffed when they didn't show. I could have saved some money (and space), but like others have said, it's the risk you take when throwing a party.

abw0601 · March 2012

RSVP date was last Friday, March 16, 2012. They sent them in January. They've "decided" they dont' feel like making the drive. I think that's inconsiderate personally.

ErinG93 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82bab4aa-7ad8-49c1-b7cc-d3e8e92d14f9Post:6ba8be77-1c93-4f8b-84f1-184be3ce7331">Re: RSVPs</a>:
[QUOTE]RSVP date was last Friday, March 16, 2012. They sent them in January. They've "decided" they dont' feel like making the drive. I think that's inconsiderate personally.
Posted by abw0601[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Would you rather they make the drive and sit bored, unhappy, etc. at your wedding? I wouldn't want people attending my wedding if they didn't want to be there. Like PP's have said, it's the risk you run when throwing a party.

</div>

abw0601 · March 2012

We had to have our numbers to the venue by Saturday. I made the RSVP no later than the 15th and the mothers did the calls on the 16th. Turned in the head count on the 17th and yesterday 6 of his family members are talking about not coming. We pinched on everything except the food just about. That's where we "spent". If they don't come, we're out almost $300. That's almost all of the tips (total tips are $400 because "gratuity" was 20% everywhere).

abw0601 · March 2012

I guess I thought that was the whole point of the RSVP system. That way you "know" who is and isn't coming. Even my Aunt from Germany sent her RSVP! It's such a downer. I feel the worst for my FI, he'll have almost no family there if they don't show up.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82bab4aa-7ad8-49c1-b7cc-d3e8e92d14f9Post:064b7765-e7f5-4de7-b54c-43bdec661aa3">RSVPs</a>:
[QUOTE]Can someone please explain to me why, without being rude please, we can't send bills to those people that RSVPed "Accepted" and then "decided" they didn't feel like coming? Seriously! We turned out head count in this past Friday and several of my FI's family has decided they don't think they want to use a vacation day from work or rearrange their schedules. All of them had sent the RSVPs by the end of January! It's March! Hello? Anyone? I'm irritated, but his mom is pissed. I'm letting her handle things. She's awesome!
Posted by abw0601[/QUOTE]

Um, because it's rude? A lot of stuff can come up in two months. Sheesh.

MrsKathyC · March 2012

It would be nice, wouldn't it? I had 11 people not show up. 3 of them were due to a family emergency, so they're exempt.

1 couple emailed me on a Tuesday that they wouldn't be attending my Sunday wedding because the wife wasn't feeling well. Really? You know that far in advance that you wont be feeling well? Here's your invoice.

The others simply didn't show. I've never gotten a reason why from any of them. Invoices are in the mail!

MiksChick23 · March 2012

I can understand your frustration, but things happen. My FI and I RSVP's yes to a wedding a while back and due to an unexpected expense, we could not afford to drive down and get a hotel for the wedding. We still sent a gift, which I'm hoping more than covered what they had paid for our spot.

If its a large group of people, I do agree that they should have more tactfully handled it. Most people know that head counts are turned in, they should have let you know prior to your RSVP date to change their response. Unfortunately, you can't get that money back, but if it is a large number, maybe your venue will work with you since its only been a couple days since you turned in your numbers.

MrsKathyC · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:82bab4aa-7ad8-49c1-b7cc-d3e8e92d14f9Post:6ba54b05-ffb3-4e63-9993-b6d0d8d0492c">Re: RSVPs</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: RSVPs : Please tell me you are not serious.
Posted by EaglesBride2012[/QUOTE]

Of course not! If it had been an option, those invoices would have gone out Looonnngg ago!

ErinG93 · March 2012

Did you really expect 100% of your guest list to RSVP "yes?" That's really unrealistic. It seems like you're more concerned that you will have paid for food for six extra people.

AdeleDazeem · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82bab4aa-7ad8-49c1-b7cc-d3e8e92d14f9Post:9fe65a53-26d3-4b91-94bb-9b4fef01cb19">Re: RSVPs</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay so your RSVP date was close to your wedding date. I still don't understand why people had invitations in their hands in January and were able to return the RSVP in that same month for a March 30th wedding. ETA: The longer someone has before the wedding, the more likely they will RSVP "incorrectly" because they won't actually know if they are going to make it or not. I'd hope all of my guests would know 8 weeks ahead of time if they could attend, but some people just don't or can't for various reasons.
Posted by yaga13[/QUOTE]

ding, ding.

Why do people send out invitations so freaking early? This is what happens!

We have a wedding invitation sitting at home for an end of June wedding. I rolled my eyes so hard when that came in.

Megbo2012 · March 2012

More food for you and H.

Maggie0829 · March 2012

**banging head repeatedly on desk till craziness of post is obliterated from my memory**

abw0601 · March 2012

We put on the invites the 15th. We figured those we hadn't received (which were one on his side and two on mine out of 50) we'd call on Friday. I didn't know not to have the date so close. All this wedding stuff has been making my head spin. A couple of them were suppose to be staying in OUR house, so they have no "can't afford a hotel" expense. I had a friend tell me on Thursday who had accepted that they couldn't make it due to a funeral. Wow! Yeah, that kind of stuff is perfectly understandable. We invited "etiquette" people over friends we would have rather had there. Now sever of the "etiquette" people are fudging the RSVP etiquette because they don't want to make the drive. Bummer, depending on how my FI takes things (because it's his family) yeah, they might get a bill.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · March 2012

We had like 50 no-shows, because of a blizzard. Those bastards should have made the trip anyway. Um, hello? Weddings are expensive and my party was totes more important than their safety.

abw0601 · March 2012

We sent invites early because so many of his family live so far away. We thought it would give them time to work out if they wanted to come or not. I think I mailed them around the 15th of January.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82bab4aa-7ad8-49c1-b7cc-d3e8e92d14f9Post:2e997f28-34d9-4d07-b60f-d69b8e2970b1">Re: RSVPs</a>:
[QUOTE]We put on the invites the 15th. We figured those we hadn't received (which were one on his side and two on mine out of 50) we'd call on Friday. I didn't know not to have the date so close. All this wedding stuff has been making my head spin. A couple of them were suppose to be staying in OUR house, so they have no "can't afford a hotel" expense. I had a friend tell me on Thursday who had accepted that they couldn't make it due to a funeral. Wow! Yeah, that kind of stuff is perfectly understandable. We invited "etiquette" people over friends we would have rather had there. Now sever of the "etiquette" people are fudging the RSVP etiquette because they don't want to make the drive. <strong> Bummer, depending on how my FI takes things (because it's his family) yeah, they might get a bill.</strong>
Posted by abw0601[/QUOTE]

No, no, no.

ErinG93 · March 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rsvps-19?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:82bab4aa-7ad8-49c1-b7cc-d3e8e92d14f9Post:2e997f28-34d9-4d07-b60f-d69b8e2970b1">Re: RSVPs</a>:
[QUOTE]We put on the invites the 15th. We figured those we hadn't received (which were one on his side and two on mine out of 50) we'd call on Friday. I didn't know not to have the date so close. All this wedding stuff has been making my head spin. A couple of them were suppose to be staying in OUR house, so they have no "can't afford a hotel" expense. I had a friend tell me on Thursday who had accepted that they couldn't make it due to a funeral. Wow! Yeah, that kind of stuff is perfectly understandable. We invited "etiquette" people over friends we would have rather had there. Now sever of the "etiquette" people are fudging the RSVP etiquette because they don't want to make the drive. Bummer, depending on how my FI takes things (because it's his family) <strong>yeah, they might get a bill.</strong>
Posted by abw0601[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>For real? Like, seriously?

</div>

abw0601 · March 2012

Save the dates...yeah, didn't think that was for a wedding like our's. I thought those were for destination weddings...like if we had been able to afford Sanibel Island like we really wanted. Yeah, we won't send bills. I think I'm just irritated....really irritated. I have a hard time with people not using common sense and by the time you're 50, you should know to RSVP to your only nephew's wedding if you can actually make it!

abw0601 · March 2012

Strike that...only RSVP to your only nephew's wedding if you actually want to go!

AdeleDazeem · March 2012

You don't send invitations early for this very reason. Sorry - but two wrongs don't make you send bills.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · March 2012

Just because your FI's family is rude, it doesn't give you an excuse to act like foot stomping little brat. Sheesh.

abw0601 · March 2012

Not foot stomping bridal brat...just sick of his family treating him like crap! His father...who is off the scales a ridiculous excuse of human existence had been enough trouble. I just thought, until last night, at least his mother's side of the family was coming through for him. FI has overcome so much adversity in his life, I just want him happy and not so disregarded by his family.

abw0601 · March 2012

Yes, very true. I would hate for us to feel horrible about something then. I'd feel so bad for him. Our only concern at this point was that his father stays sober long enough to come and go.

abw0601 · March 2012

Yes, come sober and leave sober. After all the abuse FFIL his put on me, my FI, his sister and my FMIL, I can't figure out for the life of me why FI wants him there. He'll be so shunned. Everyone there knows what he's done.

shadowkat08 · March 2012

There's probably more story here, but I don't get it.

If these people are so difficult to deal with and have been "treating him like crap!", then why go through the trouble to invite them. From one of your earlier posts you said that there were people you'd rather invite instead of his family.

Personally I'd rather spend our big day celebrating with friends rather than dealing with family drama.

But that ship has sailed. And MilkDuds is right, at least you found out before the wedding.

baystateapple · March 2012

Sure, send them a bill. Then they'll see how completely petty you are. I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for payment though.

We had about 10 people not show up. Frustrating, but it happens. Roll with the punches and enjoy your wedding, and stop getting caught up in the pettiness.

abw0601 · March 2012

I'll only say what he's done to me and mine. I won't put the rest of that on so much as a whisper in the wind. His first visit to our home several years ago, he threw all of my sons things out of the shower when he used the shower and left them on the floor when he was done. His second visit, he got drunk and broke a bottle of "wtf ever he was drinking" against my great-great grandfather's antique desk. He ruined the finish and half of the wood on the side. His third visit he told me how to raise a son; of which he has no experience! When he tried to invite himself down again, I told my FI that he was no longer permitted in our home or on the property. I was done. He wants to see him, FI needs to visit him for a change. FI did...spent the whole week of his birthday, canceled plans with our son he had promised, and spent father's day up there with "dear old dad" and that old fart sat drunk 95% of his waking hours and ignored FI most of FI's trip there. It was total b.s.. I was so angry he could do that to his own son! Much less such a good one. So, when we told him he wasn't invited to the rehearsal dinner because it was wedding party only, he told FI to grow a pair and leave me. I was jealous of their relationship and he shouldn't be stuck with me. He needed to go find some place to live in Miami or something. (FFIL lives in North Carolina, by the way.) FI stood up to him and told him he's been a drunk his whole life and after 35 years, he was due to be there for FI. FFIL said the past is the past, oh well! Yeah, had my fill of that guy. And that's just the "just" of it!

Chelseaclayy · March 2012

You absoloutely can not expect everyone that you invited to attend. Yes, you can be disappointed that they RSVPd and then decided to not attend. But to get this worked up over it is a little cray cray

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