Strip Club as bachelor/bachelorette party

mymissingpuzzlepiece · October 2011

First, let me say that I think this is tacky and unnecessary (I happen to also not like strip clubs in any occasion)... they just gross me out. When people, bring up that their SO went to one before their wedding, I'm like... really? Why? Or even that they went to one themselves.

Why is it okay to go to one for your bachelor/bachelorette party when it isn't appropriate on any average day? In my opinion, 1 month, 1 week, 1 day before your wedding isn't any different than when you first started dating or when you first got engaged. If you wouldn't get a lapdance before you decided to get married, why would you get one now?

How do you ladies feel about this? I got a very negative response about this from the girls on the New Jersey board. Am I out of line here?

jorja86 · October 2011

I wouldn't care if BF's bachelor party included a strip club. But, I don't care if BF goes to a strip club on an average Friday night either. We've gone together, and I've been to one without him. I think it's a pretty individual thing...if you're uncomfortable with it, obviously it would be disrespectful of your FI to go to one knowing that. That being said, I'm not really a fan of the lap dance...I think physical contact crosses a line. I also think it sucks when a guy is peer pressured into doing the strip club thing, either at his own bachelor party or a buddies. Some people genuinely just don't like them. At my cousins' bachelorette party, one group went home before the strip club, and one group stayed out.

IrishDreamer · October 2011

I personally don't like strip clubs, I think they are gross and don't see why you would pay money for that kind of thing. *shrugs* That being said, I've been to a few (dragged by a BFF on her birthday), and I know BF has in the past. He doesn't like them either.

I couldn't care less if he goes to one, because I know he wouldn't get a lap dance, or actually pay money for anything other than maybe a drink or admission. If he went because of another friend's bachelor party, it doesn't bother me.

We have had discussions about it, and I told him that I would prefer if he didn't go to one for HIS bachelor party, and he said he has no desire to pay money for something he can get at home, and that he has exactly what he wants here, so why go looking at others??

His friends would probably try to pressure him into it, but they know I have a bad temper, and if BF and I specifically said NO to something, they respect both of us enough to not go.

In the end, it really comes down to you and SO having a conversation about what the two of you see as respectful and okay. Just make sure your on the same page.

Swazzle · October 2011

I've never been to one personally, I know FI has years ago. He doesn't go now, or ever since we've been together, not because of anything I've said but because he's just not into them.

I don't think I'd tell FI he couldn't go to one but I will say I don't really understand the point when he has me at home.

peekaboo2011 · October 2011

Eh, they really don't bother me. I've never been to one, but I think there are plans to go this year...and BFF and I have talked about going to see Thunder From Down Under...mmmmmm Australian men.

If my future someday FI wanted to go to a strip club with his friends for his bach, I really wouldn't mind. Because at the end of the day he's coming home to me. I would be PISSED if someone pressured him into going though. Like, seriously, whoever did it better run, because I'm coming after you.

elannis · October 2011

I agree pretty much with everything OP said and that I think they are gross and I would be upset if BF felt the need to go there. Luckily, he's not into them either and would be much more likely to go camping if he got to choose his party. And I think his friends respect me enough to not drag him there if they know that I'm uncomfortable with it.

CASK85 · October 2011

I never saw a huge problem with going to a strip club for special occasions. It becomes a problem for me if it is a regular habit (like Barney on How I Met Your Mother). Of course I could be biased since I just went to see the Thunder From Down Under for my Bachelorette party. FYI - it was a ton of fun

DanieKA · October 2011

I've been multiple times (What? Do I sound pervy! Never a dude's place, just ladies) before BF and I met and I've been since we've been together. It's not a regular thing. I'm not sure why they don't bother me and they never have. In fact, I actually always leave places like that with a confidence boost! I just feel good about my life after leaving a strip club.

I do draw a line though, and BF and I have discussed that I am uncomfortable with any kind of "private" activity. No private dance in a back room, and definitely no private dancer at a house or hotel room. It's one thing to enjoy the show on the main floor and be out where everyone and security cameras (haha) can see you. Really, no one whips out their d!ck and starts getting head out by the stages. But I really become uncomfortable and would have a problem where there is any sort of privacy and I really think shady things go down when guys hire a girl or two to come to a private house party or a hotel room. NO WAY.

As long as it doesn't become a habit, and he's always up front and honest with me, I don't mind at all if he visits a strip club every once in a while (a couple times a year). And chances are, I'll be there with him

tuarceatha · October 2011

Ugh. I haaate strip clubs.

I'm a total prude when it comes to this activity, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

FI is fairly prude himself, and does not want to go to one for his bachelor party. He went to one as the best man for his brother and had a horrible time. Just thinking about him being there makes me sick to my stomach. I'm very glad he and I are on the same page about this.

If both people in the relationship are okay with the other person going, then that's their thing, but don't pressure me or him to go do it with you.

Lil B Mama · October 2011

On it's own, the traditional bachelor party strip club thing doesn't bother me...too much. I've heard of some pretty shady things going on at friends of friends parties, so much so that my friend wanted to hire a private investigator to follow her fiance around at his! I've never been to a strip club for ladies, but maybe I should try that sometime, lol
I'm happy that my BF doesn't like them, he told me he wont be going to one for his bachelor party....but all his friend's upcoming bachelor parties will be there. I think if it's a part of your regular routine, then go, enjoy it. If you never go to them, I don't see why you would just because you're about to get married.

DanieKA · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_strip-club-bachelorbachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:835289ac-d260-4aaa-aacf-08f58850d930Post:0476faa4-eb15-4b4d-ad81-920782661c46">Re: Strip Club as bachelor/bachelorette party</a>:
[QUOTE]Danie your post made me feel a bit better! I used to be uncomfortable with strip clubs, and BF went occasionally before we met. Then, some girlfriends randomly had a party and hired a male stripper. It was hilarous and awkward and we had a great time. A few years later, for a friend's bachelorette, we called up the same guy. Then, last year, we needed someone for yet another B party, and we specifically requested to not have this man. Who shows up at the door??? He must be the only male stripper in Columbus. Another group of friends and I wound up at a female strip club for a bachlorette dinner. Again, we had so much fun. It took a lot of the mystery out of it for me, and I saw it as more of fun entertainment than something super sexual (I realize I may be the only person who feels that way). If BF wanted to go frequently, I could see getting bothered. Occasional visits when he's out with the boys is fine by me.
Posted by polo1425[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>There is definitely something to just going and taking the mystery and fear out of it. You really get a clear picture that, even in the swankiest, best of clubs, not all the girls are hot, with perfect bodies and fake boobs going after your man for money (or other things). Sure, some fit the stereotype, but such is life. You can also find that girl in any office building. Or any gym. Or anywhere.</div><div>
</div><div>In Response to <a style="text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#1f1f1f;" href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_strip-club-bachelorbachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:835289ac-d260-4aaa-aacf-08f58850d930Post:dda07fd1-0f07-4b97-884c-e4edb0ef3ffe">Re: Strip Club as bachelor/bachelorette party</a>:
[QUOTE]Ugh. I haaate strip clubs. I'm a total prude when it comes to this activity, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. FI is fairly prude himself, and does not want to go to one for his bachelor party. He went to one as the best man for his brother and had a horrible time. Just thinking about him being there makes me sick to my stomach. I'm very glad he and I are on the same page about this.<strong> If both people in the relationship are okay with the other person going, then that's their thing, but don't pressure me or him to go do it with you. </strong>
Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]</div><div>
</div><div>But I totally get where jenjenniferf is coming from. If I know you don't like steak, I'm not going to invite you to a dinner party and force you to eat steak. And I'd expect the same. If I had a friend who was against strip clubs, I would never force them to go. But I'd also expect them not to judge me or my BF that we choose to go. </div><div>
</div><div>Different stroke for different folks.

</div>

TigerlilySabre · October 2011

I've never had any desire to go to a strip club and I'm glad that no one I've dated was into them. My bf is decidedly not into them and would probably be offended if I suggested that he should go. He's actually among the minority of guys who dislike porn. If I want to do something a bit sexy, I'd much rather go to a lingerie/erotica shop. I have done that with friends every so often since college. I would find that to be more funny/fun, plus anything I would get could be enjoyed with him later.

That said, I have nothing against what other people choose to do. I do think that if the partners disagree on this issue (one is uncomfortable but the other insists on going or gets resentful) then they probably should not be getting married! I do think that it is awesome that some ladies on here choose to go, I'm all for female sexual empowerment.

ravenray · October 2011

I really, really hate them.

I am insecure, I'll admit it. The idea of FI looking at any other naked woman upsets me, a lot. (But not that all girls who don't like it are insecure, I just know it contributes ) Luckily he really isn't in to them and his BFF isn't either so I know he won't get pressured into them. Of course I also think porn is cheating so to me Strip clubs are just as bad. Some people are totally ok with their SO's going and that is totally fine, I would just never want that.

Sometimes I feel like girls are pressured into being ok with it, to be the "cool" FI or GF and I don't like that. If you are uncomfortable with it, say something. I don't think a break in your trust is worth it for your FI.

But of course that is just my opinion, whatever works for you and your SO's relationship.

bsidebella · October 2011

I don't care. I really don't. Personally, I would never go to one for my bachelorette party (though two of my friends are trying to pressure me into it - one wants to see ladies, the other wants to see dudes), simply because I have no interest in it. Although I do think pole dancing, when done well, is really cool.

FI and I have had this talk. I told him flat out I didn't care what he did for his bachelor party, as long as he looked but didn't touch. He'll let his boys drag him to one, but he really isn't the type to suggest it.

By the way, I know you're not supposed to plan your own bachelor/bachelorette party, but are you allowed to drop strong hints?

sparkles88 · October 2011

I'm very neutral on the topic of strip clubs. I went to a strip club once as a celebration for a coworker. I've also been to a few male review shows that are similar to Thunder From Down Under. BF has never been to a strip club. I wouldn't care if he went, provided it wasn't a regular thing.

Random story: BF works a side job for a moving company on the weekends and frequently gets tipped. He worked a job where a couple was getting divorced and the man tipped him with a bunch of coupons for free admission to a local strip club. BF said, "Suddenly it started to make more sense as to why they were getting divorced."

jemmini6 · October 2011

I've been to a male strip club before and it just wasn't my thing. FI has been to a couple (female clubs, obvoisly) when he was in the Air Force, but it was usually for someone else's birthday. Neither of us see the point in wasting money on something like that, but I definitely don't care if he goes for his bachelor party (he won't because his BM doesn't like them either) or if someone wanted him to go for theirs.

I would be concerned if he wanted to go, and wanted to go often. But for bachelor parties, birthdays, or just a random guys night out, I don't care. I trust FI, and if he were to ever cheat on me, it sure as hell wouldn't be with a stripper either. LOL. (of course, I trust FI to never cheat on me, ever, but stippers are the lowest end of my concern there).

On a side note, my bachelorette party is this weekend and we are doing a lapdance class. So FI won't need to go to a strip club anyways :-p

bsidebella · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_strip-club-bachelorbachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:835289ac-d260-4aaa-aacf-08f58850d930Post:e1bcf144-c27e-4378-a862-d8b494d44d2d">Re: Strip Club as bachelor/bachelorette party</a>:
[QUOTE]On a side note, my bachelorette party is this weekend and we are doing a lapdance class. So FI won't need to go to a strip club anyways :-p
Posted by jemmini6[/QUOTE]

That is AWESOME!!! I brought up the idea of doing a burlesque dance class for my bachelorette party and I got shot down by nearly every one of my girlfriends =/

PaigeMcC · October 2011

I've been to strip clubs. FBD might have...iunno.

It really doesn't matter to me. A strip club is what you make of it. If you're going for a laugh and a drink that's cool. If you're going for no-touch sexy time. That's cool. Just don't make it a habit and play safe.

jemmini6 · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_strip-club-bachelorbachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:835289ac-d260-4aaa-aacf-08f58850d930Post:b7c454f8-a3cf-4d05-8771-9682267a42e5">Re: Strip Club as bachelor/bachelorette party</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Strip Club as bachelor/bachelorette party : That is AWESOME!!! I brought up the idea of doing a burlesque dance class for my bachelorette party and I got shot down by nearly every one of my girlfriends =/
Posted by bsidebella[/QUOTE]

Yeah, my sister actually brought it up and everyone was surprisingly on board with it. There's a place by her called Pink Fitness and they actually do pole dancing classes too. She did one a while back and said it was really fun, but was a damn good workout too and she was really sore the next day. That's why the recommend just the lap dance class for bachelorette parties, it's not as strenuous. LOL. Plus I don't have a pole in my house, so that wouldn't do FI and good ;-)

mymissingpuzzlepiece · October 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_strip-club-bachelorbachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:835289ac-d260-4aaa-aacf-08f58850d930Post:3d099e0f-ae60-4e50-bd8a-059f25491142">Re: Strip Club as bachelor/bachelorette party</a>:
[QUOTE]I really, really hate them. I am insecure, I'll admit it. The idea of FI looking at any other naked woman upsets me, a lot. (But not that all girls who don't like it are insecure, I just know it contributes ) Luckily he really isn't in to them and his BFF isn't either so I know he won't get pressured into them. Of course I also think porn is cheating so to me Strip clubs are just as bad. Some people are totally ok with their SO's going and that is totally fine, I would just never want that. <strong>Sometimes I feel like girls are pressured into being ok with it, to be the "cool" FI or GF and I don't like that. If you are uncomfortable with it, say something. I don't think a break in your trust is worth it for your FI. But of course that is just my opinion, whatever works for you and your SO's relationship. </strong>
Posted by ravenray[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is exactly how I feel. </div><div>
</div><div>But I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't get why the bachelor or bachelorette party is different than any other day. FI and I don't want to have bachelor/bachelorette parties, we just want to spend an extra special day together.

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