FMIL's dress choice

millkn2 · May 2011

I am not really sure there is much I change do. But my FMIL is thinking about wearing a n ivory dress my our wedding. My wedding dress is ivory. When she told me, I just sat there very quietly. My FI said he would talk to her about it, but I feel like it might be rude of him to do so. Any suggestions? Thanks!

Calypso1977 · May 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmils-dress-choice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:40f894b6-35a8-41f8-aff1-d8155b1d484fPost:f7b7ebb8-9292-4fa6-a4d7-3edfee6987a5">FMIL's dress choice</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not really sure there is much I change do. But my FMIL is thinking about wearing a n ivory dress my our wedding. My wedding dress is ivory. When she told me, I just sat there very quietly. My FI said he would talk to her about it, but I feel like it might be rude of him to do so. Any suggestions? Thanks!
Posted by millkn2[/QUOTE]

let it go. she is the one who will look stupid, not you.

ajroark · May 2011

I agree with Calypso. There's really not much you can do. I would hope that she realizes what a bad decision that is before the wedding, but if not, it will only reflect poorly on her.

dragonwagon · May 2011

I agree with the others as well. She will look stupid, and people will see how tactless it was for her to do such a thing. I hope your day is so wonderfully happy that you don't even realize she wore ivory!

Carlos27 · May 2011

I agree with the PP's - you can't do much, but hopefully she will realize that wearing ivory woud be a very wrong choice and one that is hurtful to you.

Maybe it would be good for your FI to take her aside and perhaps tell her that his favorite color for her is......and he would really love to see her in it on your wedding day...maybe that would work.

Best of luck.

millkn2 · May 2011

Thanks everyone for your advice! I am just going to take some deep breaths and move on!

DramaGeek · May 2011

I think it would be ok for your Fi to say to his mom that you're wearing ivory and he'd hate for her to blend with you, and since she looks so lovely in X color maybe she should consider wearing that. But if he's not comfortable, or if you're afraid it will come back on you somehow, then letting it go is probably for the best.

TheCranberry · May 2011

I think it's fine for him to ask her to wear a different color as long as he does it nicely. She either doesn't realize it's a faux pas, in which case hopefully she'll gracefully decide to wear another color, or knows it's a faux pas and doesn't give a crap, in which case she'll tell him and look like a jerk.

If she insists on wearing ivory, you can take your deep breaths and move on, but I don't think it's rude for him to at least bring it up. She may not know of the tradition or may not realize you care.

Ghoti · May 2011

It's customary for the Mother of the Groom to wear shades of white. You'll be fine, no one will mistake her for you.

ggirl2001 · May 2011

ditto what Ghoti said. I think there is a saying floating around out there that says something along the lines the job of the mother of the groom is to wear beige and be quiet or something? Just googled it. The saying is "show up, shut up, and wear beige". Maybe she's taken it to heart or maybe she is making a joke?

Karen's MOH · May 2011

I don't see anything wrong with your FI saying maybe ivory isn't the best idea. I know my mom would want me to tell her if it was something that a bunch of people at the wedding would be gossiping about, you know? If she still says she really wants to wear it, then let it go, but reallly, I don't think it's so wrong for him to say something.

I also think we will start to see more people wearing white/ivory to weddings, b/c of Pippa. Am I the only one?

firsttimersluck · May 2011

hahhaa I guess I'm going to be the black sheep here. My FMIL wants to wear either an extremely light ivory dress or a super light silver dress. My FI talked to her (I think it actually offended him more than me) and we were more upset that she specifically asked us what colors and kinds of dresses so we told her golds/yellows/blues, and I sent her about 10 different links of dresses all with different (but someone matching my mom) styles and colors.

And then she was like "this one or this one"
we were like.. um.. really? I think she is finally let go of those two dresses, but it was annoying, so I TOTALLY get you not being happy about it.

If after a few breaths it still bothers her, have your fi ask her what she is wearing because your mom will be wearing this color and according to all the books the moms should somewhat match each other and these are our colors etc...
That's what my fi did

Savanna111911 · May 2011

I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with your fi talking to her if he does it tactfully.

lyndausvi · May 2011

I think she is making a faux pas.. But there is actually nothing you can do about it.

In the end it's not really going to be a big deal.

Calypso1977 · May 2011

i have never seen a MOG in ivory/beige. ever.

not sure how someone cant know its a faux pas, especially someone from an older generation.

sdavi084 · May 2011

Sigh. I feel like when moms/FMILs do this, they know exactly what they're doing and want to do so for the attention. Depending on your relationship, maybe get your FI to say something or if just shrug it off. Everyone else here is right, the guests will know she's in the wrong and she's tacky.

courtney1188 · May 2011

I think that if your FI privately wants to mention to her that he knows your dress is ivory, and that you haven't said anything about it but he doesn't feel it's appropriate for her to wear, that would be fine. I just wouldn't say anything to her yourself, and FI should make it clear that this is coming from him, not you.

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