to change or not to change?

JenO24 · July 2010

I know theres already been a lot of postings and responses on here about changing your last name, but heres my dilema...

My FI would like for me to take his name, but isn't going to make me. I love my current last name because the name ends with me. I know I could drop my current given middle name and move my last name for a middle name...but I have a really nice strong last name. I'm really wishy-washy about the whole idea. I have no other issues w/ changing my name it's just I lost my dad almost 9 years ago and he didnt have any other children but me - thus the "name ends w/ me". I've considered hyphenating my current last name and new last name, but it will be really long and I don't see many people doing that. I just don't know what to do...I'm at a complete loss.

What are everyones thoughts?
All opinions are welcomed

danieliza1127 · July 2010

Would your children have your last name or your husband's? Because it seems like if they would have your husband's last name, then the name ends with you no matter what, so what's the point in keeping it? Just what popped into my head, I'm not against keeping a maiden name. I think it's up to each couple to decide for themselves.

sparklingdiamond · July 2010

I am planning on kind of keeping my last name. I am going to just have two middle names. I don't want to hyphenate it because its too long. So I will just have my first name, two middle names, and my last name. It's rare when I would ever have to write out that entire thing anyways. :-) And I really love my current middle and last name and don't want to give either of them up.

JenO24 · July 2010

Daniel - thats a great point...I never thought about that

Spark - thats what I initially thought of doing but I dont know if all 4 names would even fit on my license, lol

trix1223 · July 2010

Are children in your future? What will their surnames be? And I'm not meaning to be insensitive, but if your children have your FI's last name, then the name ends with you whether you change your name or not.

I changed my name. My sister did not. My brother's wife did take his name. It was what each of us felt comfortable with. My DD took her husband's name. My DIL took my son's surname. Again, it was what they were comfortable with. I'll be surprised if my youngest DD changes her name if she gets married.

I think you need to decide what feels best to you., both now, and what will feel right to you in the future. GL

skyler1108 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_change-not-change?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:77f2487a-64a8-4aec-8543-c8e7874739d2Post:9fe06f1d-a31e-469e-b74d-e36e22ef6d44">Re: to change or not to change?</a>:
[QUOTE]Would your children have your last name or your husband's? Because it seems like if they would have your husband's last name, then the name ends with you no matter what, so what's the point in keeping it? Just what popped into my head, I'm not against keeping a maiden name. I think it's up to each couple to decide for themselves.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

danieliza1127 makes a good point. If your kids take your husband's last name your name will end with you either way. However, if you would like to keep your last name as a way to honor your father that's great as long as you are ok with having a different last name then your kids. If you do not want to have kids then this point is moot.

Pirata13 · July 2010

I am very attached to my last name also, my current last name will be my new middle name.

danieliza1127 · July 2010

I also wouldn't want to have a different last name than my kids.

trix1223 · July 2010

It's a funny thing: even if you keep your name, once you have children, you often become Mrs. husband'slastname anyway. My sister, who is Ms. Maidenname was called Mrs. Husband'slastname by her kids' friends and parents. And she was fine with that. Professionally she is still Dr. Surname (she just completed her Dr. woot!) but personally, she's understanding when people goof.

I teach preschool, and when I have a parent who has kept her maiden name or hyphenates her name, I always ask what she would like the children to call her when she comes in to read or volunteer. 9 times out of 10 she says "Mrs. Husband'slastname is fine."

Like I said, it's a very personal decision. And one that often changes once children enter the picture. Good luck!

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I love you trix! You are so smart.

I teach preschool as well and was a little uneasy about that when I first started teaching. I finally got up the nerve to just ask the Mom about it. She just wanted me to call her by her first name, which was fine with me.

jemmini6 · July 2010

Do you have any male cousins with your same last name? If so, the name isn't necessarily ending, just with your fathers direct line. I am one of 3 girls and we are all taking our spouses last names, so technically, my dad doesn't have anyone to carry his name.

JenO24 · July 2010

Jemm-There's no one else w/ our last name...just me and my Mom. Who will probably be remarrying within the next year or two...so our name will be totally gone.

Thank you everyone for your advice...I have a lot to think about!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · July 2010

I wouldn't mind having a different last name than my kids (and I will). With divorce and remarriage, it's not uncommon. My mom and I have different last names.

Just know that you don't HAVE to do anything right away. A girl on etiquette said that for her parents' 25th anniversary her mother is finally changing her last name!

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