Monday Wedding / Very Not Punctual MIL

viva465 · March 2013

Hi, My fiance and I want to have a Monday wedding for a few reasons.

One, we save a lot of money with the venue doing it on a weekday. We also will save money on the catering end of it.

Second, we met at work and many of our co workers will be able to attend our wedding due to the fact that it will be easier for our employer to do clever scheduling.

We are inviting a LOT of out of town guests and my reasoning is that if we send save the date cards 6 months a head of time they technically have enough time to ask off and get a flight regardless of the the date. They also get a long weekend and get to attend the rehearsal ceremony.

Were we to have a Saturday wedding, we would have a Friday night rehearsal and Thursday fly in for the out of town guests. So to me its the same deal.

My mother keeps insisting its a bad idea because we will have a lot of "No's" on the local end of it as far as guests are concerned. However, if we are having an evening wedding I think all the 8-5'ers will be able to get off work early or just ask off the entire day...because hopefully they saved the date.

Any thoughts?

Second issue, my future MIL is almost incapable of being on time to anything. We arent talking 10 minutes late. She is almost an hour late for anything and what is a delicate way of handling this? My family is already annoyed with this and I will be so so mad if she is late and holds up the wedding.

J+A 2013 · March 2013

Personally, I think a Monday wedding is a terrible idea. Your OOT guests don't need to go to the rehearsal unless they are IN the wedding. I'd be really unhappy with having to take 2 days off work (Monday and Tuesday) for someone's wedding. I likely would not attend. ALL of our guests are OOT, and we're having a Saturday night wedding and a late rehearsal on Friday so that the only ones that need to take off any time at work is FI and I (since we're planning on getting into town early that day).

As for your FMIL - likely she'll be getting ready with other people (her daughters, the WP, etc?) so she will be on the schedule of the hair dresser and/or make up artist. Also, it's common to get pictures done before the ceremony (family pictures if you don't want to do a first look), so you'll just have to tell her, "family/first look/WP pictures take place from 3-4 pm before the ceremony at X location." It's also common if couples are providing transportation for the WP that parents are also included - so that's another option for you. Basically, she'll have to be on someone else's schedule, which will hopefully prevent her running late. And if she IS running late, she'll miss the picture taking, not the ceremony.

vanityink · March 2013

1) If the wedding were late enough, I'd go after work. to take the day off, you'd have to be one of my BFFs right now, I don't have much vacation time. I now several people who don't get paid vacation at all and would thus be unable to take a Monday off unless they were really close to you. That's just a choice you have to make when scheduling.

2) I'd say either you need to make sure someone is with her to make her be on time, or just start the wedding without her. Personally, I'd just warn her that we're starting at X sharp, wait 10 minutes after that, and then if she's still not there, start the wedding. It's her fault if she misses it. Then again, I have a very low tolerance for people who are chronically late...

krizzo17 · March 2013

I can take a day off work, but I don't get paid. This coming weekend I "get" a 4 day weekend for Easter - I am not excited. So don't assume your guests will be excited to take a day off of work to travel to your wedding. If you weren't my sister, I wouldn't be there. However, a Monday wedding is your choice, and you are free to have one.

As far as your MIL being on time, make a specific decision now with your fiance as to whether the ceremony will start on time, if you will wait until a specific time to start, or if you will wait until whatever time she arrives. However, remember that if you wait for her, you are being rude to all of the other guests who made time in their day (and many took time off of work, presumably) to be there on time. Let her know this in advance, then stick to your plans.

Viczaesar · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_monday-wedding-very-not-punctual-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df81010e-d8e3-4a7e-a6eb-1bbef4cf528ePost:c1587887-d098-4bb8-8998-c8905a5f0391">Monday Wedding / Very Not Punctual MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi, My fiance and I want to have a Monday wedding for a few reasons. One, we save a lot of money with the venue doing it on a weekday. We also will save money on the catering end of it. Second, we met at work and many of our co workers will be able to attend our wedding due to the fact that it will be easier for our employer to do clever scheduling. We are inviting a LOT of out of town guests and my reasoning is that if we send save the date cards 6 months a head of time they technically have enough time to ask off and get a flight regardless of the the date. They also get a long weekend and get to attend the rehearsal ceremony. Were we to have a Saturday wedding, we would have a Friday night rehearsal and Thursday fly in for the out of town guests. So to me its the same deal. My mother keeps insisting its a bad idea because we will have a lot of "No's" on the local end of it as far as guests are concerned. However, if we are having an evening wedding I think all the 8-5'ers will be able to get off work early or just ask off the entire day...because hopefully they saved the date. Any thoughts? Second issue, my future MIL is almost incapable of being on time to anything. We arent talking 10 minutes late. She is almost an hour late for anything and what is a delicate way of handling this? My family is already annoyed with this and I will be so so mad if she is late and holds up the wedding.
Posted by viva465[/QUOTE]
I wouldn't go to an out of town wedding on a Monday, and I wouldn't take off work in order to go to an in-town Monday wedding. You're being really inconvenient for your guests and basically saving money yourself at the expense of your guests' wallets. STDs are not subpoenas. If you don't have a problem with getting a lot of Nos and you won't guilt said Nos about not coming, then go right ahead, but frankly I'm on your MIL's side. Also, you don't get to decide when your out of town guests arrive. Even if I went to an out-of-town Monday wedding there's no way I would be flying in the previous Thursday.

banana468 · March 2013

Monday is not convenient. If I was an OOT guest and your wedding was Sat, I'd leave Fri for the wedding and return home Sun. Assuming you're not out if the country, I'd lose 1/2 to a full day max. Your plan tells guests to fly on a weekend and back on Tuesday. This is at least an additional day that they need to take. If I'm local, Monday afternoon / evening is just a pain. I can get a sitter easier on a weekend than a weekday and I'm going to be up early for work making me less likely to want to stay up and party. I'd be leaving by 9 so I could be home, in bed and ready for work the next day. You can still have the wedding on Mon but I think you need to plan for a significantly lower attendance and not a crazy party atmosphere. As for your MIL, try to get her to the venue early for photos. In the meantime, don't start an event when DH's walks in. She gets away with this because other people let her.

Hummingbird125 · March 2013

I'm sure many of the regs on this board will be able to respond to all of your questions/concerns, but for me (as a guest) a Monday wedding would be a lot more diffucult to attend than a Saturday wedding, especially if I was from out of town. I would probably have to fly in on Sunday evening, and fly home on Tuesday morning, which would mean taking off 2 days of work. Unless we were really good friends or close family, I wouldn't want to have to use two of my vacation days for a wedding.

For a Saturday wedding - I wouldn't fly in on Thursday, I would fly in either Friday or early Saturday morning, meaning I'd I might not have to take off of work at all (or I could at least work a half day if needed).

As far as weekday weddings, of course it's nice to give your guests as much notice as necessary, but just because they know when it will be doesn't mean it will be feasable for them to take off a day or two of work for your wedding.

aurianna · March 2013

Monday is not the sames for OOT as Saturday
Because the rehearsal dinner is not required, I know I've flown to more than one Saturday wedding Saturday morning or Friday night and have not had to take off work.

Unless you are immediate family, I would not go OOT for a Monday wedding, period. Because I'd have to take at least part of Tuesday off too. And I don't really want to wake up early on a work day if I've been up partying at a wedding.

Having it on Monday is not "wrong". But you will get lots and lots of OOT no's. Which is fine. But be prepared. Do not be offended by them. Be very gracious.

It will also be difficult for in town people because they will still have to take work off early, drive in traffic, possibly get home, freshen up, meet up with their SO, fight traffic again, etc.

Monday weddings are very, very inconvenient for people. You will have a lot of straight-out no's and a lot of people who skip the ceremony and go straight to the reception.

If it is what works for you, go for it. Just be prepared.

As far as the tardiness problem... nothing you can do. Adults know they are supposed to be on time. Trying to remind someone of that obvious fact is rude. If your MIL is late to your wedding, she just won't get escorted down the aisle and it's her fault. Nothing you can do.

STARMOON44 · March 2013

If you invited me to a nonholiday weekend Monday wedding, I'd assume you didn't really care if I came, you just wanted a gift. I'd decline, and probably cool off on the friendship.

StPaul0102 · March 2013

I understand your reasoning, especially the budget part because I know that would save a ton of money. But, that said, I would have to be pretty darn close to someone to be willing to take a day off for their wedding if I lived in the same town as them. Having 6 months notice wouldn't necessarily help since I'm just crabby about having to use my vacation time (I like to hoard it as much as possible).

Something else to consider is what kind of evening wedding you want. If you're looking for rinking and dancing I think you'll be disappointed because a lot of guests will want to go home immediately after dinner so they don't have to miss another day of work on Tuesday (or since they might be tired from working all day Monday if they didn't take it off). But, if you just want a simple ceremony and dinner reception, I think a Monday wedding would probably be fine.

TKzilla · March 2013

OP, I'm not sure if you asking about the logistics of having a Monday wedding or not. But if you are, be prepared for a lot of people to decline. That is a decision for you and your FI, though.

As for the MIL, my best suggestion is to ask her to arrive a little earlier than necessary. Have an emergency buffer, if you will. So if you want her at the ceremony site at 10am, ask her to come at 9:30. Is it silly for you to have to do this? Absolutely, but IMHO it's forgivable for this kind of deal. If she shows up too late to be escorted to her seat, that's her tough luck. This is something I think you can try to plan ahead for, though.

vanityink · March 2013

Yeah, just another point to not having to lose two days for a Saturday wedding, my wedding is Saturday with the rehearsal Friday. The vast bulk of our OOT guests aren't going to the rehearsal and thus are coming in Friday night or Saturday morning (and this is for a mid-afternoon wedding, not an evening one). My brother, who is going to the rehearsal, is basically flying in just in time for that Friday from across the country because he can't take too much time off. Thursday and Friday aren't a given for a Saturday wedding.

J+A 2013 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_monday-wedding-very-not-punctual-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:df81010e-d8e3-4a7e-a6eb-1bbef4cf528ePost:1bad80dc-5e94-452a-af1f-951374f06d61">Re: Monday Wedding / Very Not Punctual MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, just another point to not having to lose two days for a Saturday wedding, my wedding is Saturday with the rehearsal Friday. The vast bulk of our OOT guests aren't going to the rehearsal and thus are coming in Friday night or Saturday morning (and this is for a mid-afternoon wedding, not an evening one). My brother, who is going to the rehearsal, is basically flying in just in time for that Friday from across the country because he can't take too much time off.<strong> Thursday and Friday aren't a given for a Saturday wedding.</strong>
Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

<div>Exactly. If anyone is in the town we're getting married in on Thursday night, they'd be even earlier than FI and I! And for those not in the WP, they won't even have anything to do with us Friday night. Even the WP isn't really required to be there, I just wanted to host a casual dinner so having a rehearsal is just a good excuse. I think FI's cousin said something about taking Friday off, and I just don't know what he's expecting from us. Luckily it's a college town with plenty of bars.</div>

athomfor · March 2013

I would not attend a Monday wedding regardless of how much notice the STD gave. I don't have that much vacation time. It's terribly inconvient for guests.

A Sunday wedding should be lower cost than a Saturday wedding.

viva465 · March 2013

WOW! Retract the claws ladies I am just throwing out possible scenarios not mandating travel dates. These out of town people are the family members who are frothing at the bit to attend. Thanks for the MIL advice though.

It is a small wedding and only people I genuinely care about are attending.

orangehills · March 2013

As for your MIL, if the pictures need to start at 4 and she needs to be there, tell her she needs to be there at 3. That way, if she is late, she'll technically be on time. If she actually comes on time she'll just be early! I have to do this with my FI all the time, otherwise he'd be late a lot too, and it works!

[Deleted User] · March 2013

Do what you'd like but expect a lot of "no" rsvps, even from those you "genuinely care about." We're doing a Sunday for budget reasons and even there we had a much higher decline rate, even from friends who are extremely near and dear to us. Some of them just couldn't take off on Monday to fly back. With a Sunday, at least, all of our locals are still attending because they don't have to take any time from work. We understood this might happen and are ok with the consequences. However, don't get upset when you get a lot more people not attending than you expected, regardless of what they say now or how excited and close they are.

zantster · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_monday-wedding-very-not-punctual-mil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:df81010e-d8e3-4a7e-a6eb-1bbef4cf528ePost:3cff63ad-15f2-4552-80aa-31a58d341f4e">Re: Monday Wedding / Very Not Punctual MIL</a>:
[QUOTE]WOW! Retract the claws ladies I am just throwing out possible scenarios not mandating travel dates. These out of town people are the family members who are frothing at the bit to attend. Thanks for the MIL advice though. It is a small wedding and only people I genuinely care about are attending.
Posted by viva465[/QUOTE]

Your original posting referred to <strong>many</strong> coworkers and <strong>a lot </strong>of OOT guests. So it's only natural that PPs would think you were not having a small wedding on Monday. If that is the case then I guess that's between you and the few people who will be attending. If it's less than 25 people who are immediate family and BFFs with no evening reception then you could probably pull it off. Otherwise, if you are sending out a lot of invites and STDs to coworkers and OOT guests who you don't expect to come it would definitely seem gift grabby and insincere and could cause some ill feelings. It would be better to do a Sunday afternoon wedding with brunch or cake and punch to save money.

winelover123 · March 2013

As long as you're prepared for a lot of no's, the date of your wedding is your choice. If you want more a party atmosphere, though, try for a Friday evening (assuming that most of your guest list work M-F). Also check with your VIPs on the date.

For FMIL, PPs have good advice. I'd tell her the time and talk with your FI about whether you'd hold up the ceremony and wait for her if she's late. Or is there anyone she can carpool with - that would probably help make sure that she's on time.

Knottie_22382452 · March 2013

If I were to go to an evening wedding on a weekday it would need to be a Friday wedding because I don't get paid leave number 1 and number two it would give me the weekend to get back on schedule. To have a wedding on a Monday, think of your OOT guests. They would also need to probably take Tuesday off work and then Wednesday would be a drag because of jet lag. I would seriously re think your decision on a Monday wedding.

Knottie_22382102 · March 2013

If you were my sibling or incredibly close cousin or friend (only), I would consider the expense of a few vacation days , 2 flights wedding, 2-3 nights hotel hotel, and babysitting if I had a kid.

If it was on a Saturday and you were in 5 hours driving distance, I would consider it more since I wouldn't have to pay for 2 flights and stay as many days or take time off from work.

If it was within 2 hours drive, on a Saturday....I would come.

If it were local, on a Monday night. I would come

If my daughter or family member was considering the schedules of her coworker before family, I'd be annoyed and offended.

If FMIL is always late, I'd make someone in charge of getting her there on time and I'd tell her she was needed for something like 2 hours earlier. If she stays local, though, it shouldnt be an issue

hockeywithadiamond · March 2013

A good friend of my FI had his wedding on a week night. We were both extremely frustrated with this. He had to take off the day before to attend the rehearsal and the day off. We both work jobs where we can't "just request time off." It's all or nothing and that was a horrible paycheck for us.

I ended up not going because I had class that day until 5:30 for a 6pm wedding and an 8am class the next morning. It was pretty crummy.

You shouldn't expect guests to loose that much money for your day just so you can save some. Cut your guest list, go with simple food, do a Saturday lunch wedding, if you want to save money.

OwningAHome1981 · March 2013

I'm ditto that Monday is a terrible day for a wedding.

You can save a lot of money even having it on a Friday night or Sunday afternoon. When we looked for ours, it was amazing how much cheaper Fri and Sunday were as compared with Saturday.

Even a Sunday night is better than a Monday night.

lizap77 · March 2013

If your mother is saying no... then I would say she's probably right. She knows your family, knows that they really want to come, but also knows that having a Monday wedding is a PITA. She may have already talked to some important family members about it and gotten negative feedback from them about Monday, but doesn't want to tell you in and hurt your feelings. Your mom says you shouldn't do it, a bunch of strangers say you shouldn't do it... please look at other options.
What about Sunday at lunch time? That would also be less expensive than a Saturday, in towners wouldn't have to take time off, and out of town could still possibly hop a flight home Sunday night.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2013

Have you considered getting married during an off-peak time in your area to help save money? Many venues give decent discounts for weddings during off-peak months, which depending on your area could be November through April.

Also, rather than having the wedding on a Monday, perhaps Friday would be better for your guests and still allow for a discount?

If I was an OOT guest, I would decline a Monday wedding unless it was over a holiday weekend. If I was a local guest, I would attend the ceremony as long as I could get home from work, change, and make it to the ceremony in time- I would probably not leave work early.

Peledreamsofrain · March 2013

A better approach to money saving would be to book during 'off-season' for weddings. They slash the prices even more than just 'off-days'. Our venue was half the price it would have been just one week earlier because it was in October rather than September.

Tapping the pockets of all your guests to save yourself cash in any form is tacky. That is why dollar dances, moneytrees, wedding funds, etc are frowned up. There are people who have Monday weddings for legit reasons (such as religion, or venue won't offer another date), but they all understand that attendance WILL be lower.

freebread03 · March 2013

Attending a Monday wedding would be extremely difficult for me, even if it was in-town. It is so much easier to take off a Friday even-Mondays are some of the busiest days for many at work, with Fridays often being much slower. I think you should be prepared for a higher number of declines because of the inconvenience.

Also, nobody was rude to you OP, so stating that ladies should "retract their claws" comes off as very defensive and makes you seem unwilling to take the well thought out and articulated advice offered in these posts.

AddieCake · March 2013

I would not attend a Monday wedding b/c that sets the tone for my week. If I am tired on Tuesday from being out Monday night, I am tired all week long because I feel like I can't catch up. We don't even go out for dinner or to movies, etc early in the week for that reason.

cbrown828 · March 2013

I have a wonderful leave package through my employer, and I would not attend a Monday wedding. You are not "giving" anyone a 3-day weekend. The idea that every guests looks at an OOT wedding as a "getaway" is so bizzare to me. Travel is tiring, busy, and those who have children will feel it even more.

SummerGrl15 · March 2013

I have to agree, that a Monday wedding is not a terrible idea. I know someone that got married on a Thursday (I did not go) and I was told that a lot of people did not come and the ones that did, ended up leaving very early (as in right after dinner). Also, a lot of people only went to the reception because they could not (or did not want to) leave work early.

A Monday wedding may save money, but at that rate, you may not have many guests anyway.

zitiqueen · March 2013

Why don't you just tell us what you want to hear?

Monday Wedding / Very Not Punctual MIL

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