Guest put off by "no kids"

naenae27 · August 2010

Recently a long time friend and I along with a couple other girlfriends had dinner. I was sharing details of our upcoming wedding. I shared with them that our venue will only accommodate a certain number to be comfortable. We have a large guest list of adults and we do not want to cut important adults off the list so that others may bring their children. My friend was very offended and responded in a way that was very embarrassing. She said "even MY kids?", "MY kids are not invited to your wedding?'...and went on to point at me and say "well YOU are telling them they are not invited to your wedding, NOT ME!". I feel horrible, but am not willing to take people off my list. I know I need to stand my ground, but can someone give me advice on what to say to her? I also recently found out she is disappointed she was not asked to be in the wedding (although we only have 2 people standing up for us). What is good etiquette?

Aimee8314 · August 2010

Holy cow - thank goodness she's not in the WP. she sounds like a nutjob.
I wouldn't address it at all unless it comes up again. You told her no kids - you'll send the invite without her kids names on them and then if she asks again or responds with their names you'll have to remind her that there are no children invited. And she will probably not come.

red1115 · August 2010

Deep breath! I never understood why some people seem to think another person's wedding is all about them!?! You are under no obligation to included anyone in your wedding party or on your guest list. That said, Its always nice when you can accomodate - but you are under no obligation.

Your friend will just have to get over herself. I'm sure her children are wonderful angels, but some things are "adults only" and if your wedding is one of those events, then so be it. If she is so immature that she can't handle not being in the wedding party or breaking the news to her own children that they are not invited, then you'll probably have a peaceful wedding, as she'll probably be a no-show.

Good luck sweetie & don't let others stress you out too much!

AmoroAgain · August 2010

Well hey! She's being pretty rude and tacky there herself! She's just being ridiculous. You don't have to say anything to her at all.

banana468 · August 2010

I'd say, "I understand if this surprises you but I'm not telling your children that they're not invited. Think of this as a great time to start telling your children that they can't come to everything their mom and dad go to."

It's her freakin' job as a parent to well...parent. That includes the dirty work of having to say no every now and then.

srkropf · August 2010

There's not a whole lot you can say that will make her feel better, grow a brain, or act her age-- her problem not yours. Simple address the invitations appropriately, and people who want to celebrate your day will come and people who are 2 year olds trapped in grown bodies will stew at home-- not to mention going to a wedding is kind of a date night-- so I would take advantage of the sans kids.

M&R7111 · August 2010

I still don't understand why people assume their kids are invited EVERYWHERE.
I guess it's hard to understand why the "apple of their eyes" just are not wanted by everyone.

She needs to get over it and find a sitter, or decline the invite to the wedding.

HRF2679 · August 2010

Your wedding, your choice. She will just have to deal with it, or choose not to go.

I wonder if she is bent out of shape becuase of not being asked to be in your wedding, so now she is going to question every choice you make about your wedding.

Sounds like she would make a perfect guestbook attendant. Give that girl a job to focus on.

Goldlie11 · August 2010

Like others said, address the envelopes properly. If she still tries RSVP for them, then call her and let her know that the children are not invited.

marisah83 · August 2010

Does your friend not ever have any "grown up" time? Heaven forbid she leave her children at home for once! If it bothers her that much, she won't come, and honestly it sounds like you don't really need her there if she is going to cause that much drama.

[Deleted User] · August 2010

she sounds like a terrible mother. i wouldn't like someone like that in my life.

tldh · August 2010

I would have looked her in the eye and just said, "No problem" to her saying that you were going to be the one to tell her kids. I would have also followed through and told them that it was for grown ups only and not sugar coated it.

TheCranberry · August 2010

That whole "you have to tell my kids" thing is so weird. As if their hearts would be broken.

Do kids even like to go to weddings? I went to a few when I was little, and I was always ready to go long before my parents were.

Belle2Be · August 2010

If shes a long time friend, it sounds like you hurt her feelings. I'd talk to her and let her know that you aren't inviting any kids that way you can invite all the adults you can. Of course I'm not really sure how children would make it so you can't have all the adults, but I'm assuming your venue counts children as adults?

naenae27 · August 2010

Thanks everyone for all the responses She is a long time friend and I have been there to watch her kids grow up. I do think her feelings are hurt, but don't appreciate her trying to get her needs met through me. Enough said. As far as the no kids thing. I'd love to have kids, but it is a matter of seating at the venue. It is not the money either, but rather how many the ballroom will comfortably seat and unfortunately, a kids butt is the same as an adults butt in a chair. No other alternatives.

Thanks for the support.

emill040 · August 2010

totally agree the invite with just her and her husbands name on it should be sufficient. Although with my sisters wedding someone actually called us and said, " Hey I was calling to see if my kids were invited I noticed they were not on the invitation." I wanted to say...exactly! Why do some idiots not get that only the names on the inner envelope are invited???? frustration beyond belief. Now that I am plannin my wedding Im fearful my fiances family wont understand that concept either!

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