Mom issues

debdebdol · March 2010

This is supposed to be one of the biggest moments of my life. And even more so for the mother of the bride, except for my situation. It saddens me that my mom is not excited or helping one bit with the wedding plans. I try to include her but she doesn't seem interested. The only time she cares is when I ask someone else to go with me to a bridal show, and then it's all about her and she become the victim. How dare I take someone else when she is my mother.

I shouldn't be surprised because my mother and I have never had a close or good relationship. We do not had a good relationshveip because the choices that she has made life, which I will not go into detail but I had to grow up fast because she was never there.

I guess I just want to know that I am not the only one in this same situation. It's a hard situation to be in.

stina93446 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mom-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e72a5caf-eab9-440a-9ea4-a1a782b85886Post:55fb27be-f328-45c2-b0c7-313bf4154562">Mom issues</a>:
[QUOTE]This is supposed to be one of the biggest moments of my life. And even more so for the mother of the bride, except for my situation. It saddens me that my mom is not excited or helping one bit with the wedding plans. I try to include her but she doesn't seem interested. The only time she cares is when I ask someone else to go with me to a bridal show, and then it's all about her and she become the victim. How dare I take someone else when she is my mother. I shouldn't be surprised because my mother and I have never had a close or good relationship. We do not had a good relationshveip because the choices that she has made life, which I will not go into detail but I had to grow up fast because she was never there. I guess I just want to know that I am not the only one in this same situation. It's a hard situation to be in.
Posted by debdebdol[/QUOTE]
She is not going to change, even for your wedding. She is who she is and you knew what she was like before you got engaged.

BTW, even though she's your mom, if she doesn't want to help, she doesn't have to. She's not your FI.

mbcdefg · March 2010

Sorry you have to deal with this.

Does she support your relationship with your FI, and your marriage? If so, I would just try to focus on that and forget about the rest. Remember that the planning, and even the wedding itself, isn't the same as your marriage. Some people are just not "into" wedding planning, or supporting anyone else's ideas but their own, but it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care about you.

If you feel that she's not supportive of your marriage as a whole, maybe it's time to talk to her. Or perhaps talk to a counselor or a religious leader, if it's really upsetting you, so you can learn how to put it behind you.

bablingbrooke · March 2010

She sounds like a pretty manipulative lady. Invite her, and then when she says no and you invite someone else, let her cry. Then ignore. I know it's disappointing but nothing you can do will change her.

Simply Fated · March 2010

Well, next time include her in the bridal show. If she doesn't want to go, she doesn't have to. She doesn't have to help you with the wedding, you aren't marrying her.
If she was always like this and you were never close to her... you getting married isn't going to make her magically want to get close to you. If she was never there before, why would she be there for you now?

It is sad your mom doesn't seem happier for you... but I'm sure it's not your fualt or anything. This is something she needs to deal with and you should concentrate on being happy.

SarahPLiz · March 2010

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but it is not going to be the biggest moment in her life, andit certainly won't trump her own wedding or your birth. I promise.

Not everyone likes to plan parties. If you want to include her, then ask her. If she says no, then you can go alone or take whoever you want. I suggest taking your FI, since its his wedding to plan as well. She can't fault you for that one.

suz62984 · March 2010

My mom wasn't greatly excited either. She is a tom-boy and even borrowed her sister's blue dress to get married in. I took her by a dress shop on a spur of the moment trip and she got really into it. I think it surprised her how much she enjoyed doing wedding stuff. Now I can't get her to slow down.

Just include your mom where you can and if she declines things she won't be able to complain about them later. Some moms just don't like to deal with wedding stuff. The important thing is that you and your FI have fun and enjoy the planning. This is your day after all.

trix1223 · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_mom-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e72a5caf-eab9-440a-9ea4-a1a782b85886Post:55fb27be-f328-45c2-b0c7-313bf4154562">Mom issues</a>:
[QUOTE]This is supposed to be one of the biggest moments of my life. And even more so for the mother of the bride, except for my situation. It saddens me that my mom is not excited or helping one bit with the wedding plans. I try to include her but she doesn't seem interested. The only time she cares is when I ask someone else to go with me to a bridal show, and then it's all about her and she become the victim. How dare I take someone else when she is my mother. I shouldn't be surprised because my mother and I have never had a close or good relationship. We do not had a good relationshveip because the choices that she has made life, which I will not go into detail but I had to grow up fast because she was never there. I guess I just want to know that I am not the only one in this same situation. It's a hard situation to be in.
Posted by debdebdol[/QUOTE]

Oh sweetie. I have a fabulous relationship with my children. II was MOB 7 months ago. I was MOG 3 years ago. And both times, they were wonderful days that I'll cherish forever with beautiful memories.

BUT they were NOT the biggest day of my life. They weren't even the second biggest days of my life, nor the third.

It's the biggest day of YOUR life. But please don't put that burden on your mom. And weddings just magnify situations that already are. If you don't have a great relationship, a wedding isn't going to magically make it better. In fact, it may just make it even more tenuous.

It's your wedding. Be thrilled. Be happy. Because it will be the biggest day of your life. So enjoy it. But don't expect anyone, not even your mom, to be as thrilled about it as you are.

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