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Be honest for a minute

lalarochellelalarochelle member
10 Comments
in African American Weddings
Is/DId anyone have strong emotions to the whole becoming Mrs./changing your name, changing your life moments?  I'm 6 weeks out and to be clear- way happy to be getting married, love my fiance, want to be a wife, etc...but it's really hitting me that "who I've been" for the past 30 years is changing.

I've been "on my own" since college, successful as a single black woman, had some damn good times on my own,  proud of my last name (me and the FI have alread decided to use it as future children's middle name), but sad to see it go,

I'm definately excited about this new stage, but I guess I'm just a little sad at seeing it all "go away" at the same timeUndecided
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Re: Be honest for a minute

  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I am! I'm glad to plan and ready to move on but  I love my name (not changing it) and I've accomplished so much on my own.  I feel you on the "go away" part, but I'm praying about accepting the blessing with an open heart
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  • msapril0730msapril0730 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I felt the same way. For a long time I was stuck on keeping my name but my DH wasn't feeling it at all. So in the end I kept my whole name and just hyphenated my last name
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  • missrekaeaglemissrekaeagle
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I was somewhat emotional about changing my name, but I kept my entire maiden name and added my married name. I didn't hyphenate it so I didn't feel like I lost part of myself, just added a little something extra.
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  • island07b2bisland07b2b member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Oh I balked at first. I really wanted to hypenate my last name. I have talked with my FH many times about doing that but he is insistent that I take his last name.   He feels that in marriage we are one and that everything we will do, we will  do as one.  Thus, our household should carry one name.  He isn't insistent on me taking his last name from a macho male standpoint rather his standpoint is all about the oneness and sanctity of marriage.  I really thought deep and hard about that perspective and realized that completely taking his last name was something I needed to do.  So now I am just fine with changing my last name. I just wish I didn't have so much to change.  Ugh!



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  • BrideofTonyPBrideofTonyP
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Be honest for a minute:
    [QUOTE]Oh I balked at first. I really wanted to hypenate my last name. I have talked with my FH many times about doing that but he is insistent that I take his last name.   He feels that in marriage we are one and that everything we will do, we will  do as one.  Posted by island07b2b[/QUOTE]


    THIS!!! I am still working through it though, but I completely understand why he wants his wife to have his name.  I think it's so hard for me to let my name go because I'm an "encore bride". I gave it up once before although I know I can't let past mistakes dictate how I handle my present blessing and my FH definitely is a blessing!

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  • vfridayvfriday
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am scheduled to change my name on Wednesday.  I thought long and hard and prayed about it.  Even posted on here.  I decided that it was important to me to use my given last name.  So I will change my middle to my last name and take on DH last name.  I plan on using my first, middle, last.  Our future children will also have my last name as their middle names.
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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
     I decided against changing my name only because I've published under my maiden name which is already hyphenated. Our children will bear both of our names. FI wasn't having it at first but I explained my POV that changing your name comes from a tradition where the man was expected to bring a woman into a house where he was the sole provider, if we don't follow all of the other traditions I didn't see the point of following just that one. He still isn't happy about it but compromise is the name of the marriage game :)
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  • tychandlertychandler member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I am changing my last name legally, but I'm not changing it professionally.  I established my name in my career and I plan to keep building it.  I don't even use my legal first name for work, so my check and what I am called  has always been different.  My FI algrees that I should continue to use my  name professionally.  I do think it is important to do it legally, I want to have the same last name as my children. 
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  • happe2getherhappe2gether member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have mixed feelings but for a different reason.  I believe I will be hyphenating my name and adding his because my current last name is my children's last name.  I've kept my ex's last name all these years because of my children.  So I think for school purposes with the kids, I will hyphenate but in everyday life I will carry his last name.  Not sure how that will work but that is the plan for now.
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  • lil01lil01
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm still struggling with this decision. My choices are to just drop my last name & use hubby's OR replace my middle name with my maiden name & have hubby's last name. Everytime I think I made up my mind, I start second guessing. That's why I am dragging my feet to go down to the SS office.
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  • lil01lil01
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Oh...to answer the question, yes I am still unsure about the name change thing, but I'll get it together....hopefully soon! But I don't feel like I'm losing my identity at all. I just got a little upgrade...lol.
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  • FabbiegirlFabbiegirl member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    During my first engagement, I struggled with it.  Now, I see why.  lol.  I did not want to be with him.  HA!

    For this one, I did not.  I guess what makes this different is that FI wants to change his name too.  We are in discussions about what our last name should be.  He wants to be different from his dad and grandfather  because he doesn't like the way they represented the name (bad seeds).  So, we will both go through the name change process.  Although I must say, I am so happy with this man, I am ready to change my name to boo boo the fool if I have to.  Ok, not really.
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  • bbrown185bbrown185
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I really am to the point that as of right now, I am not taking DF last name.  I don't know, I just went through a whole hell of a lot to get where I am in life by myself and don't feel that I should have to give a way just because I am signing a marriage certificate.  I love Dustin very much, but when you have paid your way through college, bought your own house and car, on top of being a single mother who still gets her daughter to dance and gymnastics and stays on the PTA, you have a really hard time relinquishing what has become your identity to become an accessory...

    I am glad to hear that others have that feeling too because I have ben beating myself up about it. 

    Do you guys feel selfish? I do
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  • PrettyCW5PrettyCW5
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I've been juggling the idea for a long time. Even before I was engaged and before FI and I were together. I always thought that I would keep my name or hyphenate it. Now that FI and I are about to be one I'm considering dropping my last name all together and taking his. It doesn't hurt that our last names are very similar. lol  It does make the transition better for me. (lol at least in my mind it does)
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