Poll: How did you choose your MOH & FG?

I-am-me · December 2009

I'm a little stuck on choosing people for these two roles. I haven't ruled out skipping these roles altogether, but I'd rather have them if I manage to choose. I have 5 BMs (1 is Jr), 3 of whom are in the running for MOH (2 best friends & sis). For FG, I also have quite a few little girl cousins, but I'm not very close to most of them. My top choice will be 9 and I'm not sure if that's a little too old. Also not sure if she's too shy, so I'm thinking of asking our grandma what she thinks before I ask her to be FG. Anyway, here is the poll:

(1) How did you choose your MOH, if you had one? Who you're closest to? Who you can most depend on? Who you talk to the most? Is it weird that these aren't all the same person? LOL.

(2) How did you choose your FG?
(2b) How old was your FG?

Thanks!

lyndausvi · December 2009

I picked my sister. It was an easy pick and none of my friends would even get hurt because of it.

I did not have a FG. They are not required, so unless one jumps out at your, I would just not have one.

mbcdefg · December 2009

I picked my sister as MOH, because she's my sister. My other BM has been my friend for over 10 years. If the one girl wasn't my sister ... I would've either picked the person I was closest to; or if it were equal, I would've just had two Maids of Honor or two Bridesmaids and not chosen between them.

I don't see a problem with having two Maids of Honor, but if it comes down to having three Maids of Honor and two regular bridesmaids then I would personally just not designate a MOH and call them all Bridesmaids. Having three MOHs seems a bit pointless to me.

I don't have a flower girl or ring bearer because we're not especially close to any of the small kids in our families. Plus there are too many of them, and I would rather not include just one or two (because there would be a fight between both the kids and all the parents) or include them all (because multiple children = chaos to me). So it's easier that we just don't have any kids in our wedding, period.

Again, if you don't have a standout choice, just skip it altogether. Don't pick someone just so you can say that you have a flower girl. At least half of the recent weddings I've attended have not had kids in the wedding.

SarahPLiz · December 2009

1- I have 2 MsOH and no BM. My MsOH are my sisters. I have too many friends to choose from and we all feel to old to be BMs anyway (has been discussed prior to my engagement)

2- My FG is one of my good friend's daughter. She will be 3 at the time of our wedding. I have 2 step-nieces that I could have asked, but I am actually closer to my friend's daughter. The RB is my Godson, and if he had declined, it would have been my friend's son. I have 4 step-nephews and also wouldn't want to choose between them, so it was easier to go with friends.

Note however, that FI only has 5 family members in the US. If he had a larger family, then I'd have an issue picking between them.

rainedrop6 · December 2009

(1) How did you choose your MOH, if you had one? I chose my sister because all the above, I'm closest to her, can always depend on her, and I talk to her the most. I never even considered anyone else.

(2) How did you choose your FG? There are no children in our family that we are close to accept our only niece and nephew. So it was any easy decision for us.

(2b) How old was your FG? In March, our FG will be almost 4 and our RB will be 2.

I-am-me · December 2009

Thanks, it's amazing how fast the replies come in! Thanks lynda & mbc, I do know that flower girls aren't required, I was just wondering what other people have done. Unfortunately, my "standout choice," who is my best friend's daughter, will only be 2 years old at the wedding. That's too young, isn't it?
My 9-yr-old cousin is a close second choice, as long as she wants to do it. Do you think she'll feel too old for the role, especially considering I have a 12-yr-old Jr BM?

I-am-me · December 2009

Wow Raine, your RB will only be 2? (I hadn't seen your post yet when I wrote my reply). See, my first choice for FG will be 2 but people keep telling me that's too young. She'll have just turned 2. If she ends up sceaming/crying, I wouldn't want her mom (a BM) or her grandma have to step out of the ceremony. How would you handle that?

SarahPLiz · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_poll-did-choose-moh-fg?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c90aa81-0913-4bf9-9dac-2c6b7efca14cPost:f7d2bf71-8607-467b-ba4f-4d8fb1d7e554">Re: Poll: How did you choose your MOH & FG?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow Raine, your RB will only be 2? (I hadn't seen your post yet when I wrote my reply). See, my first choice for FG will be 2 but people keep telling me that's too young. She'll have just turned 2. If she ends up sceaming/crying, I wouldn't want her mom (a BM) or her grandma have to step out of the ceremony. How would you handle that?
Posted by I-am-me[/QUOTE]

Kids willbe kids. If you want kids in your wedding, you have to realize that this might happen. My RB has a sensory processing disorder and is on the autism spectrum. He will be 5, but often freaks out if there are too many people or loud noises. He is learning to cope and deal, and will probably make a lot of progress in the next year, but I understand that he may not be able to bring the rings to the front of the ceremony. Oh well. If he doesn't feel like he can do it, then he doesn't have to.
Same for our 3 year old FG. If she runs up the aisle to her mom instead of the front, then so be it. If she throws a fit and won't go down the aisle, then she can sit with her parents.
If you have kids in the wedding, then you just have to be flexible and not take it personally if they decide to do something else than walk down the aisle and look cute. FWIW, the best part of some of the weddings I have been to is the unpredicatble nature of chiildren, and the comedy that can ensue.

emilyinchile · December 2009

I can't explain why I picked my MOH. She's not the one I've been friends with longest, although she is the only one I've lived with (college roommate) and is the one who knows FI best (he lived with us for a month). But I just knew I wanted her as MOH. If you don't feel the same way about someone, I'd have all BMs and no MOH. Ditto for FG, if no one is an obvious choice, just skip it.

anna.oskar · December 2009

I had 2 sisters and 1 best friend stand up with me. My best friend was MOH to avoid fighting between my sisters.

I am generally against having children in weddings, but my 7 year old niece (who I am very very close to) really wanted to be a FG and I couldn't think of any reason not to have her.

If I didn't have a child that I was close to, I would not have had a FG at all.

rainedrop6 · December 2009

We actually just asked him to be our RB about 2 weeks ago (we asked FG back in May) because we wanted enough time to see how well he was doing developmentally and see if it's something that would work with his personality. He is very outgoing and loves attention. I'm glad we waited just in case he wasn't ready.

Our FG and RB are cousins so our original plan was to have them walk together because he's comfortable with her and they spend a lot of time together normally. I figured if they walked together it wouldn't be quite as scary for either of them. But just a few days ago we learned that our FG is sort of in a possessive stage and may be annoyed sharing the spotlight with him, especially if it messes up her petals. She has been practicing at home with artifical petals I gave her and FSIL said she is super excited and takes her duties very seriously. She even joked that she hopes we have a really short aisle or a million petals because FG makes sure every square inch of the aisle is covered.

If walking with RB would just ruin her petal dropping experience we will have RB walk before her and his Dad (GM) will already be at the front of the aisle. They are coming to town a few days early so we'll have them practice both ways and see how it goes. We'll just hope for the best.

jeannigirl · December 2009

My daughter will be my MOH and the reason I choose her because she is the closest person in my life and has been my strongest advocate.

My BM is a friend who has been there through some really tought moments for the past 4 years or so. My FG is my 51/2 year old granddaughter who is my pride and joy and my heart.

You choose those who have been with you through the good, the had and they ugly. Someone who you knew when the chips were down they would be ther by your side encouraging and supporting you.

Don't think about it so much. GL

ButtonsPepper · December 2009

(1) How did you choose your MOH, if you had one? I was my sisters, and my sister is mine. I have 5 other BM's... and I wouldn't have picked between my friends. If I didn't have my sister it just would have been all BM's, no MOH.

(2) How did you choose your FG? I don't have a FG.... but I am having 2 ring bearers because they are my sisters kids, and I'm very close with them. One is my godson. I love them both and really glad they will be a part of it.

(2b) How old was your FG? well RB, and they are 4 and 2.5 (we aren't counting on either of them actually doing the job, but if they do, GREAT.

signingjulie · December 2009

My choices were easy - my MOH is my oldest friend (we've known each other since we were 4) and we pretty much asked each other at the same time (her wedding is a few months after mine). So that was cool. The FG is FI's 8 year old niece and she actually asked us who our FG will be. She was really the only contender (her 12 y/o sister is a jr. BM and FI's other niece is a newborn). No other kids invited to the wedding.

MyNameIsNot · December 2009

1) My sister is my best friend, so MOH was easy for me. For you, choose your closest friend. If you can't identify that person, count yourself lucky to have several best friends, and don't have one.

2) We aren't close to any little girls, so we didn't have one.

hayleymajayley · December 2009

I have 5 BMs, one is my unofficial MOH, I didn't want my sister (who is a BM) to get offended that she's not my MOH but we really aren't very close. So I just say they're all my "Special Ladies" haha.

We have no FG or RB. We aren't big fans of kids, and we never even thought of it.

pooh8402 · December 2009

(1) How did you choose your MOH, if you had one? Who you're closest to? Who you can most depend on? Who you talk to the most? Is it weird that these aren't all the same person? LOL. I chose both of my sisters. the 3 of us are very close and it was an easy decision. the middle sister did the same thing for her wedding, and the youngest will do the same if/when she gets married.

(2) How did you choose your FG? don't have one. have a junior BM though, who is FI's niece.
(2b) How old was your FG? the junior BM is 9, which is why she's not a FG.

megk8oz · December 2009

1) I picked my younger sister. I have an older sister as well, and my mother actually tried guilting me into picking her instead "because she'll never get another chance to be MOH". But I have a very unstable relationship with my older sister, growing up with her was very hard ... and honestly, dependability aside, my younger sister is the only girl in my life that understands what it was like. So we may not always see eye-to-eye or get along, but we have that bond and nothing can break it.

2) FG-yeah, I personally think child attendants are pointless. Yes, I'm having an RB ... but FI pretty much ambushed me on it, and since then, I've been very hands-off on the matter. I just went through my RD, and I still don't see the point.

quotequeen · December 2009

I think 9 is too old for flower girl. It's a young girl's job, and a 9 year old would look pretty silly, IMO, and might feel embarrassed.

MOH was easy for me because I don't have any sisters and only one really close friend. I picked my cousin who will be 3 as my flower girl because I think she will be the cutest, and our ring bearer (DF's nephew) will also be 3 (he is the oldest boy in our families).

lilcassers · December 2009

These aren't "roles" or "jobs". These are people in your life who you adore, and thats how you choose.

I have 5 close friends and love them for all different reasons. I probably won't have a MOH, just all BM.

emilykathleen511 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_poll-did-choose-moh-fg?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:0c90aa81-0913-4bf9-9dac-2c6b7efca14cPost:667ff091-4cfc-473c-904d-714963a9a1cb">Poll: How did you choose your MOH & FG?</a>:
[QUOTE](1) How did you choose your MOH, if you had one? Who you're closest to? Who you can most depend on? Who you talk to the most? Is it weird that these aren't all the same person? LOL. [/QUOTE]
I have four sisters and my oldest friend standing up for me. I kind of wish now that they were all just bridesmaids because I'm actually closer to my sisters than to my friend, but she loves weddings and such, so I think she's happy about it. I just worry that she will feel obligated or something when she gets married and I don't want her to feel that way.
[QUOTE](2) How did you choose your FG? (2b) How old was your FG? Thanks![/QUOTE]
I have two nieces and two nephews. One niece and nephew are too young, so they will be in the program as "little cuties" and the older two will be the ring bearer (4 years old) and flower girl (almost 8 years old). Like this:

Little Cuties
Flower Girl, Emma M.....Niece of the Bride
Ring Bearer, Carter L....Nephew of the Bride
Ava M............................Niece of the Bride
Ashton L........................Nephew of the Bride

LarissaAnn · December 2009

I chose sister as my MOH. We're very close and I knew she'd expect it and want it. I just didn't see another option, no one else would make sense to me.

I didn't have a flower girl.

mags0607 · December 2009

I have 6 friends standing with me. (I have no siblings). My oldest friend is my MOH, because I couldn't imagine anyone else with that honor. She is like family to me, and I was her MOH even though she has two sisters.

We aren't having children in the wedding. Our goddaughter will only be 18 months, and that's too young. So no other children are close to us.

FWIW the last wedding I was in the RB ( who is a bad kid) ran down the aisle before he was supposed to with a woman's jacket (don't know where he got it from) screaming "I am Batman" the whole way down. It made it interesting and made me vow not to have kids in my wedding.

isufans4ever · December 2009

My MOH is all of those things that you mentioned...she is my best friend from Elementart School...I don't have any sisters

I have 2 flower girls....they will both be 3...they are both family friends and I didn't hesitate that they would be too shy...they are close to me and that is why I chose them

like_fireworks · December 2009

I have 2 best friends that I have known since I was 12.Rather than start a fight, I made both of them my maids of honor, and gave them equal share in helping with the planning process.

My flower girl will be 4. I chose her over the other little girls I knew because I thought her personality was the most outgoing and she would be the least shy walking down the aisle in front of a lot of people.

banana468 · December 2009

My MOH is my friend who has seen me through ALL the ups and downs of my adult life so asking her was a no brainer. We had no flower girl and my other two dear friends were BMs.

aneresRN · December 2009

At first I had no clue who to make my MOH. It was between my 18 year old sister who I knew would be thrilled at the title, or my best friend who I've grown up with and was just her MOH a couple months ago. I decided it was silly to stress about and just made my friend my matron of honor and my sister my maid of honor.

Since we don't have any young children in either of our families, we don't have a FG.

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