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Catholic Mom and a Non-Catholic Wedding....
Please help! I am in SUCH a dilemma! My mother (and her side of the family) are very strict Catholics. It would break her heart if I wasn't married in the eyes of the church. My fiancée on the other hand is a Catholic, but does not practice and does not want to be married, in a church, but rather outside on a lake... He wouldn't mind a ceremony done by a priest, but the church won't allow ceremonies outside. This has been the cause of stress and arguing and NOTHING is settled. (Wedding is two years away).
I would really love some opinions on how to resolve this. I had the idea of doing a small church ceremony with just family, those who it matters to, the week before the large wedding on the lake. Kind of like doing the church and legal ceremonies separate. I figure this could satisfy all the people that I love and care about.
Any thoughts or suggestions?
Thanks for the help!!
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Re: Catholic Mom and a Non-Catholic Wedding....
Unless you're in Europe, the church and legal ceremonies aren't separate.
This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.
Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
As far as having two ceremonies, you really need to consult with your priest to find out if that is feasible. I believe that a legal marriage document is required by the church. So once you have the church ceremony, you will be legally married also.
So when my DD came and said they didn't want their wedding in our church, I took, quite literally 15 seconds and then said, Okay so what are the plans? Because we are part of a mainline Protestant denomination, we didn't have the issues that you'll have a Catholic.
They had a Christian wedding officiated by our recently retired minister in a gorgeous outdoor setting.
Now: I agree with pp. If you're old enough to get married, you're old enough to say to your mom "Mom, I respect that you had a different picture of my wedding. But this is what matters to us. I'm sorry if you're disappointed, but I hope you'll respect our decision and support us."
And just to add~you get one wedding ceremony. You can't really have one wedding and then another a week later because you'll already be married. What you'll be having is a "vow renewal" which is just silly after one week.
Be a big girl. Talk to your mom. This is a decision for you and your FI to make youselves. It's not your mom's call.
And I second that if you get married in the church, you are married already, so none of this get married in the church and married on the lake the next week. You and FI choose what will make you happy, and people choose not to come because they disagree with your choice, then so be it. THEY are the ones missing out.
"This is what we have decided" worked for us - didn't make all of our parents happy at the time but they respected that we were grown-ups who made a grown-up decision because we were ready to do so and willing to take on all responsibilities. We went on to earn their respect in all the decisions we made in the years after the wedding, which was much more important.
It worked just fine when my son told me his plans, too.
Start thinking of yourself and your future husband as "we" - you'll be amazed how much stronger you feel! Good luck.
Could you get married on the lake, and have a blessing put on the union... its one wedding but you have the spiritual/religious thrown in there too... maybe explain your situation to a priest and even go along with pre cana... IDK , now I'm rambling...
I am Catholic and my fiance is not. We are having an outdoor wedding preformed by a non-demoninational Christian reverand. The ceremony will have Catholic aspects though. We are exchanging a sign of peace (the shake-hands portion of mass), we are including traditional music, and a family friend will be saying a prayer.
On getting married in the church, you should only do that if that is what you want. Marriage in the church is a sacrament and shouldn't be taken lightly. There is alot more involved in it than just picking a priest and setting a date and time. Do you plan to practice your faith later in life? Do you want to baptize your children and raise them in the faith? (rhetorically speaking, you don't need to answer those questions) Just things to think about...
In the end it's up to you and your FI to make the decision though and while it may dissapoint mom....well she's a big girl and made her own decisions regarding her wedding once, so you might just have to avoid wedding talk beyond telling her your decision to minimize the drama.