Hello,
I'm a lurker who has come out of hiding. I originally discovered TK when I was checking out my friends' wedding websites and I really like that there's a board for women who aren't engaged but are moving in that direction.
About me: I'm a 21 year old law student. SO and I have been together for 1 year & 8 months. We met at our church when I was 15 and he was 18. I had a huge crush on him, but he never asked me out so I moved on and dated other guys. Fast forward 4 years we had been fb chatting and texting a bit and one night he invited me to a party and we've been together ever since.
Right now we're discussing moving in together in September when his lease ends on his place. I know September is still a long way off, but I like to plan. My mom has had a series of unsuccesful relationships so I feel like I overthink everything because I'm worried that I'll end up like her.
Anyway, I'm conflicted about moviing in together because ideally I'd like to be engaged before we live together. However, I want him to propose in his own time and I don't want either of us to view Spetember as a deadline for a proposal. On the other hand I'm worried about the stigma of living together before being engaged and that we might get comfortable and put off getting married.
Any thoughts or advice from anyone who has similar experiences would be much appreciated. Thanks!
Re: Intro, kinda long
I wouldn't let the "stigma" of it affect you; people are going to agree and disagree with you on lots of decisions. But it's your life and your decision to make between the two of you.
But if you personally don't want to live together before engagement, then don't ignore your own preferences for someone else. But you can't expect him to propose before september just so you can move in together then either.
And the only reason marriage was put off for us for so long is because we started dating/living together when I was 19 (him 23), we were both still in college, and very very broke. Now that we have a hint of stability, he proposed faster than a mothatruckah ;P
So in conclusion, worry about what makes you happy and works for your relationship, and ignore what others may say. They're not the ones living your lives, and most people are judgemental jerks anyway.
We both know we want to live together before we get married because we both feel that that's how you truly get to know someone and make sure that you are right for each other. Luckily I'm able to talk to him about these things without him freaking out or feeling pressured. We both agree that we're going to get married, we just want to make sure that we're both ready and it's the right time for us. He's also asked me about ring preferences and hinted at certain things so I may be worrying about something that will resolve itself
Other than the people I love judging me slightly for my choice... I am SUPER happy living with my BF. He is a great roommate, and he smells nice. Sometimes I wish I had waited for the wedding night to move in together and share a home, but that wish is not really founded in anything, for me. Its great to know how we function in such a small space.
My OTHER big fear was sharing a bathroom with him, for a half a million reasons. So far none of those fears have surfaced. e.g. Its one bathroom-What if we BOTH get food poisoning????
My BF has already had one broken engagement and is "in no hurry" to get engaged again. That being said, we just moved in together this past weekend. My mother is worried this will slow down an engagement or that it may never come. Honestly, since we moved in, BF is even more affectionate and vocal about his love for me, so I have no complaints. I would have liked to have gotten engaged first too, but I understand that after his previous experience, he wants to make sure we are secure as a couple first. But we frequently talk about future stuff like owning a home and small people (well, we talk AROUND that one, but I know he wants kids eventually). Everything he has done shows me he is commited to this relationship, and I know I'm in the right place for me right now. I hope whatever choice you make makes you and your BF happy.
April 2013 September Siggy Challenge
Red Horse Barn, Huntington Beach, CA
Married Bio
You should also discuss finances and housework before moving in together so you know what to expect. Basically communication is the key.