Wedding Etiquette Forum

So frustrated with one of my BM... advice?

I was so excited about my bachelorette and now it's turned into a whole mess.  My MOH is planning a big Vegas bachelorette party weekend.  Originally, I was planning on carpooling with 2 of my BMs (they live together) for the trip.  However, my MOH called me up a few weeks ago and surprised me by telling me that my BP would be flying me out instead, which honestly is a lot easier for me since it would have been about an hour and a half drive just to get to my 2 BM's house and then another 4 hours from there.  She was really sweet about it even though I started to protest and insisted that they wanted to fly me out and that she would be waiting there with open arms (she has to fly in from another city and would meet me there so we'd get a few hours of one on one time since we don't get to see each other very often before the other BMs arrive that evening).  Long story short, I get a text today from one of my BMs asking me about me flying etc and that my MOH never asked them about pitching in for my ticket.  This annoyed me first of all because I had nothing to do with this, but I could totally understand her being upset if my MOH really didn't run this by anyone.  So I call my MOH and ask her about it and she said that in fact she had written everyone two separate emails about pitching in for my flight, everyone ignored her, and since prices are going up almost daily that she just decided to go ahead and buy it.  The worst part is that this BM STILL hasn't written her back (even to complain about it) and only decided to text me about how she was never asked!  WTF????  I'm thinking I should just stay out of this, but now I'm feeling bad because I know this particular BM is saving up for her own wedding and is spending a lot for me (OOT wedding in my hometown, her dress, etc).  What do I do?
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Re: So frustrated with one of my BM... advice?

  • Stay out of it.  They are adults who are more than capable of handling this issue.
  • You should stay out of it but use it as a lesson ... email (texting, IM, FB, etc.) sucks to communicate essential information, especially where someone's money is concerned. 

    Hitting "send" on that email did not excuse your MOH from having a real-time conversation about the topic.  It is water under the bridge, but if this is how she operates, you may want to be prepared for future misunderstandings among the bridal party as the wedding approaches.

    Good luck!

  • Stay out of it but if your MOH ordered the tickets without the go ahead from everyone, she is responsible for paying it, not them.
    imageBabyFruit Ticker
  • as PP said, stay out of it. Your MOH should pay for it if she purchased the ticket ASSUMING everyone else would pitch in without getting the 'yes' from each BM. I understand why she did it (rising ticket sales) but as PP said, if the $ was that big of a concern, she should've had an actual conversation with each one if she wasn't getting a response. either way, keep yourself out of it. If BM keeps texting you on it, politely tell her that you were unaware of the situation and it is between her and MOH. good luck!
  • I would really like to know how the email she sent out read.  It sucks that the BM's never replied to the emails.  At the same time if everyone ignored her requests I think it sends a sign that they are not on board with the plans.   It makes you wonder what other things the MOH expects the BMs to cover that they can't afford.

    It was pretty presumptuous that she thought that everyone ignoring her emails = go ahead and buy the tickets.

    As much as I would want to stay out of it, I would more than likely offer the MOH money to cover some of the costs of going to Vegas.   Then I would hope there are not any other surprises this MOH is giving your other BMs.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • So, does your MOH expect the bridesmaids to pay her back?  It sounds to me like she was okay with footing the cost herself, but told the Bride that everyone chipped in to make it seem less awkward.  

    But I agree, if the MOH DOES expect the bridesmaids to pay her back, and they never actually agreed to it, then that's kind of messed up.
    DSC_9275
  • In order to keep the peace between the group for the bachelorette weekend and beyond it might be nice if the MOH apologizes for assuming this BM was chipping in (along with saying she will cover the cost). Your other BMs might take sides and an early apology could diffuse the situation. She could also ask this BM what is best/most effective way to communicate (email, text, phone) going forward. This may uncover the best way they can communicate and/or be a subtle hint to the BM that she needs to pay attention and be responsive to her email. Assuming she is the type to get subtle hints.
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  • It's a crappy situation and I feel for you. If it were me I would pay for my own ticket. A weekend trip to vegas is alot to expect your bridal party to fully cover you for (especially since they have their own finances to worry about ). I would feel bad if my MOH got stuck paying for my ticket (on top of covering other expenses). I know money is probably tight for you right now but for the sake of diffusing the situation and avoiding hostility between your bridesmaids and your MOH paying your own way is probably the easiest solution. If they are angry at each other than the bachelerette weekend is going to feel really awkward and not fun.
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