Adoption Fundraising Okay?

[Deleted User] · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:e1d5fa3a-cea4-4ec9-ba31-f47c75b7d3a1">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's in very, very poor taste. That being said, I would like to see adoption become easier and more affordable. I'll also agree that ceh's comparison is utterly ridiculous. A life-saving procedure is hardly in the same league as electing to adopt. And the "you never think it's going to happen to you" comment is absurd. Adoption doesn't "just happen" to anyone.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

And to piggy back off of this point, I don't think that having children is a right. It's a choice. I think the better comparison would be having a fundraiser for a boob job.

kateguess22 · April 2012

I have no idea what the proper etiquette is. I've never heard of this. But to be honest I just find it really weird and odd. Having said that, if I knew the couple personally I might understand the situation better and not be as judgmental about it.

mkrupar · April 2012

Hai Daff!! I haven't been around and haven't seen you in forever.

Cew will you donate to my bewb job? It's totally something I HAVE to have. it's not fair that all those well endowed bitches got their tits for free.

baystateapple · April 2012

You can have some of mine, MK.

I know someone online who is doing this right now. Apparently they're quite popular. I'm pretty sure I couldn't do it. The idea of asking friends and family (let alone internet strangers) for money squicks me out.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

mk! I've been wondering where the heck you are. Good to see you around.

Cew, I think the boob job analogy is much more appropriate. It's a want, not a need.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:a36f4888-1a15-467a-84f7-b64a6f9c035a">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hai Daff!! I haven't been around and haven't seen you in forever. Cew will you donate to my bewb job? It's totally something I HAVE to have. it's not fair that all those well endowed bitches got their tits for free.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

Yes, but only if you promise that your boobs will go on to cure world hunger. Or hotdog fingers.

kateguess22 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:80f72afe-bab9-4d5f-8be7-91cba4d2ec71">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]mk! I've been wondering where the heck you are. Good to see you around. :) Cew, I think the boob job analogy is much more appropriate. It's a want, not a need.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

Interesting! The perspective parents WANT to adopt but the child NEEDS a permanent family who cares for them. The breast implants don't have the same needs. So I'm not sure about the comparison.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:08206ae1-157a-40a6-b9b1-7a119e912665">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : Interesting! The perspective parents WANT to adopt but the child NEEDS a permanent family who cares for them. The breast implants don't have the same needs. So I'm not sure about the comparison.
Posted by kateguess22[/QUOTE]

I don't know. I think my boobs are pretty dependent on me. If they didn't have me, they'd probably be a shriveled up mess.

kateguess22 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:e459d36b-c941-4118-a960-937fbff36ef3">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : I don't know. I think my boobs are pretty dependent on me. If they didn't have me, they'd probably be a shriveled up mess.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

LOL Well....

mkrupar · April 2012

All that silicone needs somewhere to go.

Bay I truly have more than I can handle.

Cew my breasts are currently on a hunger strike for that very reason. They're starved and shriveled right now.

Daff I was thinking about you. I read FFF a couple hours late and wanted to jump in on the children thing. I made the mistake of saying you hate kids once, but that was before I truly knew you. I wish I could have pointed that out from my perspective. You handled it well though.

baystateapple · April 2012

Hahaha, MK, so do I! I'd gladly trade in some of mine for B or C cups. It would make clothes shopping easier.

DelBride2012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:7a5fc1b4-394a-4b23-95fa-063578b8df78">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]As someone who was left childless after infertility, I do sympathize.....but that doesn't make it right. I find these fundraisers for IVF and adoption distasteful. Don't expect other people to fund your reproductive choices. I do think infertility treatments should be covered by insurance. We have to pay for maternity care and well-child visits.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
It doesn't really make sense, in my mind, to lump IVF and adoption together. Adoption isn't really a "reproductive" choice.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:7bc4ffec-2eeb-4e4a-95eb-1b24c799ec40">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : It doesn't really make sense, in my mind, to lump IVF and adoption together. Adoption isn't really a "reproductive" choice.
Posted by DelBride2012[/QUOTE]

Are you serious? How is it not a choice? It's absolutely similar to IVF.

mkrupar · April 2012

Yeah, it's not like if you can't get pregnant you're automatically assigned a child. It's a choice to adopt, just like it's a choice to go with IVF.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:dddd7343-9ea0-4f2e-90b2-a0fc999935ee">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]Daff I was thinking about you. I read FFF a couple hours late and wanted to jump in on the children thing. I made the mistake of saying you hate kids once, but that was before I truly knew you. I wish I could have pointed that out from my perspective. You handled it well though.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]
Aw, thanks. I wasn't sure I handled it all that great, but I was pretty mad.

DelBride2012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:bccb32ab-b4af-4215-8a29-70fab990ea3b">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : Are you serious? How is it not a choice? It's absolutely similar to IVF.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]
It's a choice to bring the child into your home, but the choice to reproduce was made by other people, therefore not a "reproductive" choice.

mkrupar · April 2012

That's why I wanted to jump in with a third perspective. If it's just you saying you don't hate kids and others just saying you do hate kids the conversation goes round and round with no resolution.

And my job is keeping me crazy busy so that's why I haven't been around. We should try and get together sometime soon. I think there was chatter about a GTG in April.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

Thanks. I appreciate the sentiment.

I'm mostly free as a bird in April, except Friday the 13th. Would like to get together, definitely.

I hope your job mellows out a bit, it's nice when you're here.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:c1906575-f5ba-4a4f-af06-06beaab3f4b8">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : It's a choice to bring the child into your home, but the choice to reproduce was made by other people, therefore not a "reproductive" choice.
Posted by DelBride2012[/QUOTE]

Ah. Okay.

baystateapple · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:c1906575-f5ba-4a4f-af06-06beaab3f4b8">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : It's a choice to bring the child into your home, but the choice to reproduce was made by other people, therefore not a "reproductive" choice.
Posted by DelBride2012[/QUOTE]
I really feel like you're splitting hairs here. Yes, the "reproductive choice" has already been made. But it is still a choice that involves a child and people soliticing their friends and family for money. And I really don't think that makes it okay.

Do I think the adoption system needs to be overhauled? Yes. Do I think it costs an absolutely ridiculous amount of money to adopt, and that is unfair? Yes. Do I think that's an excuse to cajole your friends into funding your life choices? No.

Loopyseven · April 2012

Well said Bay. Very well said.

Megbo2012 · April 2012

I think adoption is a great thing. But just because there are children without a home, the responsibility isn't on other couples to just take them in. It's their choice to do so. And it's not a choice that someone else should have to pay for. Medical bills for having a baby are expensive too. Maybe when FI and I decide to have a baby (if all goes well) we will host a fundraiser to help pay off our medical bills. After we host our own shower, of course.

ceh789 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:e1d5fa3a-cea4-4ec9-ba31-f47c75b7d3a1">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'll also agree that ceh's comparison is utterly ridiculous. A life-saving procedure is hardly in the same league as electing to adopt.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]
I disagree - person A wants to adopt and didn't save up enough money so throws a fundraiser. Person B wants to get off dialysis/treat their cancer and didn't purchase adequate health insurance before they got sick so throws a fundraiser. To me, same thing - both people failed to plan for contingencies.

strlzfan11 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:2dd82958-5f19-4789-8132-3819aeecdf33">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : I really feel like you're splitting hairs here. Yes, the "reproductive choice" has already been made. But it is still a choice that involves a child and people soliticing their friends and family for money. And I really don't think that makes it okay. Do I think the adoption system needs to be overhauled? Yes. Do I think it costs an absolutely ridiculous amount of money to adopt, and that is unfair? Yes. Do I think that's an excuse to cajole your friends into funding your life choices? No.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

I agree, and this comes from someone whose grandparents adopted not one but three kids because they were unable to have children of their own. I asked my grandmother once if she'd had the option to do IVF, etc. would she have, and she told me she didn't know. They never once asked anyone for money to help them with their adoptions.

[Deleted User] · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:f954a2df-8449-4402-97c1-a64cc59fa63d">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : I disagree - person A wants to adopt and didn't save up enough money so throws a fundraiser. Person B wants to get off dialysis/treat their cancer and didn't purchase adequate health insurance before they got sick so throws a fundraiser. To me, same thing - both people failed to plan for contingencies.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

Why are we assuming that the fundraiser is due to lack of insurance? Even with insurance, I imagine that someone can rack up significant debt when they have a serious health issue.

And again. The dialysis is life saving. Getting to be a parent is not.

baystateapple · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:f954a2df-8449-4402-97c1-a64cc59fa63d">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : I disagree - person A wants to adopt and didn't save up enough money so throws a fundraiser. Person B wants to get off dialysis/treat their cancer and didn't purchase adequate health insurance before they got sick so throws a fundraiser. To me, same thing - both people failed to plan for contingencies.
Posted by ceh789[/QUOTE]

Person A does not have to adopt.
Person B needs dialysis to survive.

This is where I see the difference.

DelBride2012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:2dd82958-5f19-4789-8132-3819aeecdf33">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : I really feel like you're splitting hairs here. Yes, the "reproductive choice" has already been made. But it is still a choice that involves a child and people soliticing their friends and family for money. And I really don't think that makes it okay. Do I think the adoption system needs to be overhauled? Yes. Do I think it costs an absolutely ridiculous amount of money to adopt, and that is unfair? Yes. Do I think that's an excuse to cajole your friends into funding your life choices? No.
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]
Splitting hairs? Maybe. I see it as nuance, not pointless differentiation. Unlike IVF, the child's here (or on its way) at that point and needs a family. <div>
</div><div>Many church groups in the U.S., particularly ones who take issue with certain birth control choices, would support the choice to adopt financially and socially. (Not my stance, but I think we all know there are groups that do). Church fundraising seems pretty inoffensive for this purpose to me. My family didn't fundraise because it was something my parents could afford, but if someone asked for that plate to be passed an extra time for them, we'd give happily. </div>

DelBride2012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:de67bd1c-bd37-4a1b-ac69-3c4919525346">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think adoption is a great thing. But just because there are children without a home, the responsibility isn't on other couples to just take them in. It's their choice to do so. <strong>And it's not a choice that someone else should have to pay for.</strong> Medical bills for having a baby are expensive too. Maybe when FI and I decide to have a baby (if all goes well) we will host a fundraiser to help pay off our medical bills. After we host our own shower, of course.
Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]
Well no one is suggesting they're sending their friends and family a bill for their share of the adoption. In the original thread, it was a church fundraiser.

Megbo2012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:0c6bc642-13af-4717-9883-215866e88885">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : Splitting hairs? Maybe. I see it as nuance, not pointless differentiation. Unlike IVF, the child's here (or on its way) at that point and needs a family. Many church groups in the U.S., particularly ones who take issue with certain birth control choices, would support the choice to adopt financially and socially. (Not my stance, but I think we all know there are groups that do). Church fundraising seems pretty inoffensive for this purpose to me. My family didn't fundraise because it was something my parents could afford, but if someone asked for that plate to be passed an extra time for them, we'd give happily.
Posted by DelBride2012[/QUOTE]

But it is not someone's responsibility to adopt. Saying that would also be saying that fertile couples should only adopt.

Megbo2012 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adoption-fundraising-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50b375e1-4ac8-4b10-92a9-15598aab3c20Post:7fb87940-5f3b-4324-a6ab-bb0996e1c543">Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay? : Well no one is suggesting they're sending their friends and family a bill for their share of the adoption. In the original thread, it was a church fundraiser.
Posted by DelBride2012[/QUOTE]

Fundraisers are asking for money, no?

Adoption Fundraising Okay?

Re: Adoption Fundraising Okay?

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