Accepts/Declines question

JoyMatt424 · October 2010

I've seen in multiple places having

___ accepts with pleasure
___ declines with regret

My family says thats rude because you're "putting words in peoples mouths", is it rude? I do NOT want to be rude as I'm making my own invites, I was simply taking from what I've seen on sample invites. What did/are you ladies going to put for the rsvp card wording?

aerinpegadrak · October 2010

Yeah, they're right. Someone could very well be declining with pleasure, or accepting with regret. You can just do "accepts" and "declines", or if you think that doesn't take up enough space, "will attend" and "will not attend."

ckonidak · October 2010

Honestly, I'm kind of surprised with this... I never thought the wording there was rude, but I can see what PP is saying. I dont know if I agree enough that I'd change my invites though. That wording is standard, so I think it's really up to you and what you're comfortable with. Simply saying "will attend" or "will not attend" sounds fine as well. Best of luck!

JoyMatt424 · October 2010

Ok, I'm glad you could verify this for me, I'm going to change my wording. Hoepfully no one would be accepting with regret anyways, lol

SaraAndrew2010 · October 2010

What you have is pretty standard wording. I don't think it is rude, although some people might find it a little stuffy.

ETA: Also, you're not really putting words into people mouths. Etiquette-wise, it is perfectly acceptable for guests to reply on their own stationary instead of using the supplied reply cards. If guests are uncomfortable with the sentiments of declining with regret or accepting with pleasure, they can write their own reply with whatever words they would like

portialoveschris · October 2010

If someone told you to your face that they weren't coming to your wedding, and you liked them enough to invite them, I'm sure they wouldn't just say "No. I don't want to come." They would say "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to be able to make it."

"Sorry" is a synonym for "regret." Technically, it's not rude, just formal.

You could play with your theme or time of year. I put:

Accept: Be there with jingle bells on!

Decline: Be with you in spirit.

Good luck!

JoyMatt424 · October 2010

portia -- that's really cute! Yeah I guess if people are that uncomfortable they don't have to use my stationary. I guess I am looking for something a little better than the usual, without being rude or too out there -- I like portia's idea though, although my weddings in June people might get confused.. ha

girl2bewed · October 2010

As as guest I dont think its rude at all to see that wording on an invite. I do get aerin's point, that someone could be accepting with regret or declining with pleasure, but I highly doubt they would be offended at all with the wording.

banana468 · October 2010

I'm going to echo your parents. It's presumptuous to think that you know how your guests feel. You don't know if they're attending with regret or declining with pleasure either. So while it's a minor detail, it is actually rude to put "with pleasure" or "with regret" on your response cards. Stick to the verbs only.

flirtatiousgrk · October 2010

i dont think anyone ever thinks about the wording, nevertheless think its rude.

i wrote the same thing for my invitations b/c i thought it sounded appropriate.

i didnt like _will attend_will not attend....
i thought that sounded like a backyard bbq invitations.

i wanted my invtations to sound formal and i used the same as you did.
dont worry what your family says.

aliciadiane · October 2010

I used Wouldn't miss it for the world
Will be there in spirit

shericamarie · October 2010

we are using

name

_ will be there

_ will be square

not exactly formal, but it worked with our fun invitations

aleighk1 · October 2010

I think that's cute shericamarie!

Accepts/Declines question

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