This is going to be a novel. I appologize, but I really don't know what to do.
CN: DH's parents are "embarrassed" about various parts of our wedding and won't let it die. We cannot carry on a normal conversation, and DH is getting ready to drive 2 hours to their house to "end it."
DH's parents are making us very upset. They keep complaining about the wedding, and we can't even have a conversation without it returning to how upset they are and them hanging up on DH. I haven't even attempted to talk to them.
Their first problem was with my dad's band. They keep saying it was too loud, and no one could talk. If I had thought it was too loud when I got there, I would have asked them to turn it down. It's a live band in a closed space, and a certain volume is to be expected. They didn't rock out during dinner; they played Sinatra and stuff. They said they asked my parents to "turn it down" several times. (If you know how to "turn down" a live acoustic 10 piece band, please let me know. Cuz I sure as hell don't know how.) So they're pissed at my parents for "ignoring them." I told DH to tell them to talk to my parents if they had a problem, because I'm not being a go between for their bitch sessions.
Second problem is that they think we were late. We kinda were - by 5 minutes. I even gave them a day of schedule that said we had a cocktail time. It wasn't even an hour; it was a half hour! But they're ignoring that and keep insisting we were late and are rude. Also, since DH's grandparents were sick and couldn't come, we drove to their house 20 minutes away to visit and get our picture taken with them. Upon FMIL's insistence. Maybe this is why we were 5 minutes late?
Another reason we're rude is that we weren't there BEFORE our guests to greet them as they came into the reception. WTF? How were we going to get there before the guests when we were the last ones out the church doors? Were we supposed to Apparate? How many people really do that? Maybe back in 1974 when the reception was in the church basement like them, but not many today. We did a receiving line at the church. We tried to mingle as best we could at the reception. People, including DH's aunts and uncles, left before we even finished dinner and didn't come to the church. How the hell were were supposed to greet them? And all FILs say is that they left because the music was too loud. UGGHHHHH! It's not our fault they didn't come to see the wedding, WHICH IS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE DAY, and therefore weren't there for the receiving line.
FIL criticized my dad directly to me. My dad and I have a rocky relationship and an even rockier past. But he did a very sweet thing and actually sang to me while we did our father-daughter dance. I thought it was very lovely and a wonderful gesture. FIL told me how he couldn't believe my dad did that with our relationship and that it was fake. Who is he to say something like that? I may not always like my dad, but I love him.
The list goes on. I can't even remember all the reasons we're rude. And that they're embarrassed. And that we're bad people. But DH has tried to explain everything to them very patiently. Every time, they hang up the phone. He even wrote out a letter (that I told him not to send or it would be WWIII) and tried to read it to them. They just interrupt and argue and then hang up. I haven't spoken to them since FIL said what he did. My parents think FIL's hate them (which they kinda do) because of all this and several other things that went on (like MIL not coming to the rehearsal dinner SHE planned, IL's not coming to the rehearsal, IL's leaving the reception 2 hours before it was over and taking all the favors before guests got them)
DH can't have a conversation with them without them bringing it up and escalating. So now, he wants to drive 2 hours out there tonight to talk to them. I know it's going to be a shouting match and he'll get upset and try to drive home pissed off. Which is bad. But they won't even talk to us about visiting for Christmas. I know it's my fault for letting them, but they are seriously upsetting me. I can't even think about our wedding day without it being marred by all this fighting. I had such a great time, and I really think most other people did too. But now I just can't shake the feeling that people are upset and just not telling us. Or that they didn't have a good time. I know I'm being irrational. I just don't know what to do to fix this.
I'm sorry that was so long.
