Would love some advice...

Re: Would love some advice...

• StephBeanWed61502 member

  

  November 2012

  You and your FI should sit down together and figure out what you are both willing and interested in doing to further the planning of this wedding, then make your plans accordingly.  If you don't feel excited about or interested in planning a 170 person shindig with lawn games and such, don't plan it.  Stop worrying about what you thought you wanted when you were five, and start figuring out what you want to do now, as an adult.

  
  

  Seriously.  What did you want to do as a career when you were five?  Are you doing that?  Do you regret not following through with whatever cockamamie career plan your five year old self came up with?  I don't get why women are under the delusion that our weddings need to be whatever we thought of when we were little kids.  That's an absurd way to make life decisions.  

  my to-read shelf:
  

  Report0 Reply
• AngelaReneeClaire member

  

  November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_would-love-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:302eb12b-b6c5-4ee9-9259-fe40367cdd87Post:814dd708-8c7a-431c-9446-9a5bff215c6d">Re: Would love some advice...</a>:
  [QUOTE]You and your FI should sit down together and figure out what you are both willing and interested in doing to further the planning of this wedding, then make your plans accordingly.  If you don't feel excited about or interested in planning a 170 person shindig with lawn games and such, don't plan it.  Stop worrying about what you thought you wanted when you were five, and start figuring out what you want to do now, as an adult. Seriously.  What did you want to do as a career when you were five?  Are you doing that?  Do you regret not following through with whatever cockamamie career plan your five year old self came up with?  I don't get why women are under the delusion that our weddings need to be whatever we thought of when we were little kids.  That's an absurd way to make life decisions.  
  Posted by StephBeanWed61502[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>Thank you for that. I needed a reminder! I agree with you, just because I said so when I was five, doesn't mean I have to do it. The difference is, I still thought I'd like something like that even a month or so after I became engaged. So I'm just a little hesatant to throw it out the window, just because I've become stressed. Or if I truly would enjoy something more intimate. I've never done this before, you see. ;) And I don't plan on getting married again!</div>

  Report0 Reply
• dtbluv member

  

  November 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_would-love-some-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:302eb12b-b6c5-4ee9-9259-fe40367cdd87Post:9d6be37b-b80c-4561-ad61-bff0dd0cb508">Re: Would love some advice...</a>:
  [QUOTE]What does your FI want? It's his day too. See where you can compromise. Say he wants the big 170 person wedding and you want the 50 person wedding. Maybe compromise at 100 people and a more casual reception. If you have awhile, think about it and talk to your FI.
  Posted by laurelrenee1[/QUOTE]
  
  
  This!  And don't feel pressured by anyone/thing (wedding magazines, parents, whatever) to do anything you really don't want to do.  
  Also, there's an article on OffBeatBride about being a more shy/introverted bride that I liked.
  <a href="http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people" rel="nofollow">http://offbeatbride.com/2009/03/weddings-for-shy-people</a>
  
  And, if your schedule allows it, can you take a couple weeks off active wedding planning?  Not looking at magazines or pinterest or talking about it might take it off the forefront of your mind so maybe your subconscious can process what it really wants.

  Report0 Reply
• GardenMaven

  

  November 2012

  OP- I'm an introvert who is also easily overwhelmed.  I am actually planning a "big" wedding with 176 people invited.  I didn't have any wedding fantasies when I was a little girl.  I used to pretend I was in college or living in the very distant past.  I was a strange kid.  Lol 

  
  

  I feel comfortable with what we have planned in part because I was in my sister's wedding and it was about 200 people.  The fact that I survived that AND had a good time helped me know I could handle it for my own wedding.  Most of the people on our guest list are family as well, and I couldn't imagine not having them there.  Knowing how I am, my mom actually said to me, "Are you having a big wedding because you think you are supposed to, or because you want to?"  It at least gave me another chance to think about it, and it IS what I want.  (It should be noted that everytime I ask FI his opinion, he just says, "whatever you want is fine".  I do know from experience that if he REALLY has an opinion it makes its way out, but normally he is pretty carefree.)

  
  

  I agree with dtbluv.  Take some time off from everything wedding.  If you are like me and you overthink everything, it might help to step back from it for a while.  And small is just as great as big!  I know someone who just got married and they had 24 guests in all.  It was perfect, just what the B&G wanted, and everyone had a great time.  

  

  Report0 Reply
• courtski2004 member

  

  November 2012

  I remember times during planning when I felt like I wanted to just run off and elope or have a destination wedding. Sometimes it is good to just take a step back and leave planning on the back burner for a week or so just to have some stress free time for yourself with FI. 

  Report0 Reply
• AngelaReneeClaire member

  

  November 2012

  Thank you all for the helpful advice. I am planning on taking a step a back from it all. Also, I talked to my FI and he said whatever makes me most excited. He's wonderful. 

  
  

  We have a cooking class together tonight! I'm looking forward to it and I plan to avoid thinking about the wedding.

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• MyNameIsNot member

  

  November 2012

  I think you've gotten some good ideas and have the right idea so far.  I just want to add that you shouldn't feel terrible or think it's a terrible thing to feel apathetic or less than overjoyed when planning your wedding.  Some people love planning events, but other people just don't enjoy it.  Don't feel like something is wrong with you or that you are apathetic about your marriage just because you aren't excited about planning the wedding itself.  

  
  

  Unless you're planning something very soon, you have plenty of time to take a step back from the planning.  If you want to put it aside and tell yourself you'll get back to it after the holidays, that's fine.  

  Report0 Reply